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TAKING A GODSON
DAN WATERS
One June Sunday evening, in 1995, I attended a ceremony at a restaurant in Tonnochy Road, Wanchai, at which a childless couple (the wife has a daughter by a previous marriage) adopted (kai zi), Chinese style, a 28-year-old ‘godson'. The first ceremony of this kind that I went to took place in a private home, when a girl of 19, for whom the foster mother had great affection, was adopted. Presents brought to the foster parent's house on that occasion, by her real parents in 1966, included a live chicken.
Among traditional Chinese it is important for a couple to have a son to offer sacrifices, to worship the departed and to carry on the family line. Without a son, one cannot die in peace. If you do not have one you can adopt one. Not infrequently, if two families want to strengthen the friendship existing between them, then one couple may kai an offspring from the other family. On such occasions, Chinese speak of yuan fen (緣分), meaning ‘predestined connections”.
Ancient custom had it that there was no distinction between an adopted and a natural son. An adopted boy could not be disinherited except for offences which would apply to a natural son. On the death of his foster parents an adopted son mourned as for the death of his natural parents, although J. Dyer Ball, in Things Chinese (1903), says the adopted son need only go into ‘half mourning'. Ball also maintains that five per cent of Chinese families adopt children, 70 per cent of whom are male. A large number of Hong Kong Chinese families adopt children today.
Although these adoptions are supposed to be permanent, come what may, I myself know of cases where relationships have been severed. For example, because of the alleged misconduct of the foster child.
But back to the case study in Wanchai. At that gathering in the restaurant there were four standard, Chinese, round tables, meaning that approximately 48 people, comprising relatives and friends, attended. A ‘good day' had been chosen according to the Chinese almanac. The ceremony of ‘adopting' commenced with a speech by godmother (kai neung ah).