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H

THE HONGKONG TELEGRAPE, WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 18, 1950.

WOLF AT THE DOOR

THE BIG FIGHT (CONTINUED)

IN CLEN'S

LAP

TARGET PRACTICE

"FUN'S FUN- BUT IF ANY OF YOU GEEZERS START USING KNIVES.........

LOOK OUT!

MARGATE MEDLEY

Torid Copyright. By derangement with Dolly Herald,

Sitting on

TERE is Dr Gubbins, notorious Fleet Street

and quack

phoney psychiatrist, answering "Truc" or "False" to popu- lar beliefs for the benefit of imbecile patients who have asked his advice.

Birthmarks are the result of an capectant mother being startled by animals or birds,

Fence.....

NATHANIEL GUBBINS

home gulping the lion's share of the family meat ration.

Well, I'm Trying to sland, dear.

under-

the

Do stop talking

Without it you get nowhere-

Y

BLAT

(IT RHYMES WITH GLUT!

OU will not find the if he has Blat and can bribe the man who has the materials word "Blat" in any with some extra service in re- Russian dictionary turn.

Russian - English

Not even in Boyanus and Miller's Dictionary which 18 some regulation laid down published in Moscow.

the party or the Slafe.

legal, involves the evasion of

In almost every cate, Blat 19

But Blat fit rhymes with "olu") is what it takes in the Soviet Union today. It even takes Blat to buy a copy of the dictionary. For like mimost all books, copies are scarce,

'Squeeze'

by

has led to the spontaneous growth of a widespread net

el bribe and squeeze which dhes not confine itself to Mos-

If you have Blat with the cow, but flourishes even in hend saleswoman in the State- such remote republice as KITg- wwned bookshop selling the izla and Kazakhstan, dietionary, she may be pre-

the

pared to put a copy aside for Pravda complalas · that you when the next delivery party committee In Makcevka had been shutting is eyes to comes in,

what was going on at the loent Better still, perhaps you Puteprovod Cement Factory have Bint with one of the direc- All it cared about was that the ters of the State Publishing factory had been fulfiling is Trust responsible for the pub plan.

lication of the dictionary. Then

he will x it for you to get The rannagement was making

one.

But

have

you

no direct Bint with any of the people Intely concerned with the allocation of

dictionaries, then the next best thing is to have Blat with some- one who bas

Your Bint, of course, consists in rendering this person a service. Aku-May be your

everybody.

Yes, Mrs Brown-Smith?

scraper in a week.

And the Scotsman

begorrah, bedad,

private deals in cement, Gays

RUSSIA What of The People?...3

by SEFTON DELMER

finde group has a

canters Pravda.

But

the

said. "Ah, which can supply something he protected the director

bejabers, cannot get from his. that's nothin at all, at all, at ali

No. I'm sorTY, entoirely." WAS the Irishman who cald that. Of coursC.

committee

against

It

criticism.

Clearly thint director hnd Or perhaps you know one of the pilots of the Moscow Blat, but not quite enough

who Frague air service,

can stave off the reports of Prav bring something from Pragueda.

to

Which shows that while you

Of course,--Mrs Brown-Smith,

✩ ✩

which your friend badly wants. (You would need considerable Blat with the plot though for must have Blat to live in Rus

Si today, you must also have his).

prudence.

Anyhow, this service

which

you render your friend will in- duce him to render a 'service

or director

Tanks,

now...

IC-

Instead of walking a mile you. You never take no interest in False. As the country is full spend the rest of the evening by my work.

They were passing Westmin- and half-mad dog- the fire, grunting like a hog. I'm doing my best, dear, of hideous

No, The only

took an ster Abbey at the time. part of your

time you gies who startle everybody but By bedtime no their owners,

children body is working normally. No interest in my work was when I mean Edinburgh Castle, so they most would be bom with doggies' wonder you Cet a cold or a told you about the stationmaster must have been in Edinburgh to the saleswoman

And the American which will cause them in their REPORTS of travellers

cently arrived from Rus- room after all. faces all over them if this were

salt, 'How long did it take tour to be forthcoming with

sin, Soviet refugees and re- true,

build that?" And the Irishman the dictionary for you.

patriated German prisoners, Och, All answered,

dinna

Soviet ken." No. 1 mean the Scots- That is Blat. In English we make it clear that the

stil men said, Och, Ah dinna ken. would probably call it "pull." Union's main problem la

"Guns or Butter." Unfortunate- It warna there jast

A shock can turn hair white I hope you get something worse. in a night.

True.

If you

don't believe

me wall till the 9 o'clock news

next Budget Day,

A

them

How should I know? You said you found gleging in the luggage room.

So I did. At 9.19 p.m. exact-

fever.

As I hate you so much alreatly

find

the refreshment

waitress,

What 'appened?

Home is the

railman

ly.

after that.

Yes, I do.

Well, what?

what was And I sec. stationmaster doing at 9.207

Phoning for a relief engine,

the

A

to

CCORDING

divorce Judge, the only toples of a rallwayman's conversation which

A high forehead is a sign of he got home were football pools intelligence.

Falso. Some of the biggest fools in the world, including:

| myself, have high 'foreheads.

Some of the

smartest men in

the world have low foreheads, long arms and walk

big cars.

like apes.

K this reminds you big mous-

of a linesian with

lache you are right,

Fish nourishes the brain. True.

bit If you are a weak in the head go on a fsh

und work.

Had a nice day, dear?

All right.

Dune your football pools?

Yes,

that talking about

What's the matter

What shall we talk about?

The 7.15.

We was diet immediately and send me last night. your ration card including all with it now? meat and bacon coupons.

Late ngulit.

Go on?

You should stuff a cold and starve a fever.

Faise. You probably have a cold through stuffing too much food down your throat as it is.

You get up late, bolt the baby's eggs, burning as you go. All the way up to town you can feel a little fire burning in your stomach and serves you right. The tea, the new bread, your wife's butter ration, the mar malade, and your starving baby's eggs are all fighting inside you and producing acid. It is Na- ture's punishment for being a Pls.

д

1

Held up by a shunting engine,

Fancy,

You must know what 'appened

The D.20 broke down,

Party exit

"If leave taking from a party is awkward,” writes American Mra Agnes eliquette expert,

Hogers Allen. "walt for a pause and start a little story. As you tell it rie from your chair, Come to the clinnx atanding by Then my good. your hostess. bye and leave at once."

I certainly has been a won- derful party, Mrs Smith-

Brown.

I'm sure you're welcome, Mra Brown-Smith,

Just before I go I'd like to: You didn't even ask where it tell you a very funny story was held up.

heard only last week.

Oh, goody. Listen folks. Mrs Well, where was it held up? Brown-Smith is going to tell us

Outside the signal-box.

Oh, what a shame.

Why a shame?

Well, I don't know, dear. thought perhaps it was wrong place or something,

The 85 was late, too.

the

That shunting engine again? Don't be silly. I don't shunt

A1 12.45 you go out for cocktail to bore holes through the seething mass of undigested food inside you so that you can at that time.

and room for more. You woll

I'm sorry, deur.

lunch, four-or-ve-course mainly of irled foods, lining it, then? your stomach with indigestible cooking fata

At four p.m. you throw fea and toast into your tortured in side; and at seven p.m. you as is.

NANCY

Valves.

What was

a very funny story. We can hardly wait, Mrs Brown-Smith. Well, It seems there were three travelling salesmen.

There weTC three travelling

1 salesmen, fotka,

No. I'm wrong. They weren't travelling salesmen at all. They But one were something else. of them was an American, one a Scotsman, and one an Irish-

man.

Do listen, folks. This is going 10 kill everybody.

Well, the three of them were in Dublin, or was it Edinburgh? for a moment. I just forget Maybe It was London, But Oh, I sec, Valves.

anyway, the American said that we could You don't know what a valve in the United States

build n skyscraper in a week.

Breaking into the Lineup

JERRY, ALAN, TONY,

SAM, LEO, LOU,

TOM, ED, PAT

SID---I NEED

ONE MORE

CRASH

ARE YA HOIT?

Yes, Mrs Brownr."

the

OC-

Old-boy network ly for the commen people the

high-ups in the Kremlin have

chosen guri.

Now they are trying to make up for the shortages caused by this decision.

own

Well. that's the end of the story and I really must be go-TF you have not got Blat in

Of course it sounds ing now.

the great Soviet democracy, beller If you can do cents properly; and I think I've you will have a hard life la-

deed. got something wrong. I think the

Scotsman

should have

now Up to

of the many For here the Socialist plan sald "11 washa there last has been realised. Die means workers in the collective farms distribution have had their own little bit of nicht." Nicht, as you may know, cf production and is Scottish for night.

and exchange have passed un- land which they cultivate when We understand, Mrs Brownder the control of the State, their work for the colicctive la Sitth. Thanks a lot for a swell and that

They means the old-boy done.

grow their story,

network of bureaucrats and vegetables, keep their own chile- And, of course, the whole party priviligentsia.

kens, and a cow and a pig point about it is that it's true.

two. That makes it much funnier, It is Blat that helps the fac- Mrs Brown-Smith,

Some of this they sell,. usual- Do come ory managers to earn bonuses again.

for fulfilling their production ly at prices a good deal higher

food those in the State certainly will, Mrs Smith-plan, and bigger ones still for than Brown.

Blat will enable a zhops. It is the farm execeding it.

around blt of Blat. And tell 111 some more of skilled worker to get those

cute little stories, Mrs the strict works discipline regu- Brown-Smith.

tations which prevent a worker leaving one factory for another.

-(London Express Service)

POCKET CARTOON

by OSBERT LANCASTER

"After all, nusac, it's not my fault if my duodenal facke

news value!"'

NO--- I'M

OKAY

By Ernie Bushmillor

HOW ABOUT JOINING MY

FOOTBALL

TEAM ?

The

or

wives'

But now it is to be stopped. The collectives are being en- larged by putting two, three, or Co factory manager .even four collectives together. only fulfit his quota if he gels and making them into one, The his materials on time and lois farm workers' cwn land is to of them. He can only get them be forfeited in the process.

And so

SUMMING UP

Low, therefore, are the com- European Russia, on the othe mon people of the Soviet hand have seen their standard depresed to nens Unlon feeling today, five years of ving after the war-Are they disap- Aslatie levels. pointed that the hardships of

The Utopian ideals which "twenties that roused them in the

the thirtles

have.

wur are continuing, and new encrifices are being de- and even manded in the name of peace? been degraded to tired ellches. one These cliches are hammered

To get the true answer must divide the Soviet Union in by loudspeakers blaring

In two. For the Eastern, Asia

נוס

the market square,

But they have lost their elan

onc with

and their appeal.

All that the people in the

19

peoples of the U.S.S.It. the postwar outlook is hope for the future.

crisk

which

Big industries are being built West have to keep them going In their areas-albelt by slave is a sense of permanent labour. Airways, railways, and and err.rgency-against their there is no magle Bint. canals are home

-fLondon Express Service) people of

opening up lands. The

"DON'T ITCH IT

Flich 17

SHAMPOO

Han's Mestralt

SQLEMENTS. NAN KANG CO, UNION BIG MP

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