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H
THE HONGKONG TELEGRAPE, WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 18, 1950.
WOLF AT THE DOOR
THE BIG FIGHT (CONTINUED)
IN CLEN'S
LAP
TARGET PRACTICE
"FUN'S FUN- BUT IF ANY OF YOU GEEZERS START USING KNIVES.........
LOOK OUT!
MARGATE MEDLEY
Torid Copyright. By derangement with Dolly Herald,
Sitting on
TERE is Dr Gubbins, notorious Fleet Street
and quack
phoney psychiatrist, answering "Truc" or "False" to popu- lar beliefs for the benefit of imbecile patients who have asked his advice.
Birthmarks are the result of an capectant mother being startled by animals or birds,
Fence.....
NATHANIEL GUBBINS
home gulping the lion's share of the family meat ration.
Well, I'm Trying to sland, dear.
under-
the
Do stop talking
Without it you get nowhere-
Y
BLAT
(IT RHYMES WITH GLUT!
OU will not find the if he has Blat and can bribe the man who has the materials word "Blat" in any with some extra service in re- Russian dictionary turn.
Russian - English
Not even in Boyanus and Miller's Dictionary which 18 some regulation laid down published in Moscow.
the party or the Slafe.
legal, involves the evasion of
In almost every cate, Blat 19
But Blat fit rhymes with "olu") is what it takes in the Soviet Union today. It even takes Blat to buy a copy of the dictionary. For like mimost all books, copies are scarce,
'Squeeze'
by
has led to the spontaneous growth of a widespread net
el bribe and squeeze which dhes not confine itself to Mos-
If you have Blat with the cow, but flourishes even in hend saleswoman in the State- such remote republice as KITg- wwned bookshop selling the izla and Kazakhstan, dietionary, she may be pre-
the
pared to put a copy aside for Pravda complalas · that you when the next delivery party committee In Makcevka had been shutting is eyes to comes in,
what was going on at the loent Better still, perhaps you Puteprovod Cement Factory have Bint with one of the direc- All it cared about was that the ters of the State Publishing factory had been fulfiling is Trust responsible for the pub plan.
lication of the dictionary. Then
he will x it for you to get The rannagement was making
one.
But
have
you
no direct Bint with any of the people Intely concerned with the allocation of
dictionaries, then the next best thing is to have Blat with some- one who bas
Your Bint, of course, consists in rendering this person a service. Aku-May be your
everybody.
Yes, Mrs Brown-Smith?
scraper in a week.
And the Scotsman
begorrah, bedad,
private deals in cement, Gays
RUSSIA What of The People?...3
by SEFTON DELMER
finde group has a
canters Pravda.
But
the
said. "Ah, which can supply something he protected the director
bejabers, cannot get from his. that's nothin at all, at all, at ali
No. I'm sorTY, entoirely." WAS the Irishman who cald that. Of coursC.
committee
against
It
criticism.
Clearly thint director hnd Or perhaps you know one of the pilots of the Moscow Blat, but not quite enough
who Frague air service,
can stave off the reports of Prav bring something from Pragueda.
to
Which shows that while you
Of course,--Mrs Brown-Smith,
✩ ✩
which your friend badly wants. (You would need considerable Blat with the plot though for must have Blat to live in Rus
Si today, you must also have his).
prudence.
Anyhow, this service
which
you render your friend will in- duce him to render a 'service
or director
Tanks,
now...
IC-
Instead of walking a mile you. You never take no interest in False. As the country is full spend the rest of the evening by my work.
They were passing Westmin- and half-mad dog- the fire, grunting like a hog. I'm doing my best, dear, of hideous
No, The only
took an ster Abbey at the time. part of your
time you gies who startle everybody but By bedtime no their owners,
children body is working normally. No interest in my work was when I mean Edinburgh Castle, so they most would be bom with doggies' wonder you Cet a cold or a told you about the stationmaster must have been in Edinburgh to the saleswoman
And the American which will cause them in their REPORTS of travellers
cently arrived from Rus- room after all. faces all over them if this were
salt, 'How long did it take tour to be forthcoming with
sin, Soviet refugees and re- true,
build that?" And the Irishman the dictionary for you.
patriated German prisoners, Och, All answered,
dinna
Soviet ken." No. 1 mean the Scots- That is Blat. In English we make it clear that the
stil men said, Och, Ah dinna ken. would probably call it "pull." Union's main problem la
"Guns or Butter." Unfortunate- It warna there jast
A shock can turn hair white I hope you get something worse. in a night.
True.
If you
don't believe
me wall till the 9 o'clock news
next Budget Day,
A
them
How should I know? You said you found gleging in the luggage room.
So I did. At 9.19 p.m. exact-
fever.
As I hate you so much alreatly
find
the refreshment
waitress,
What 'appened?
Home is the
railman
ly.
after that.
Yes, I do.
Well, what?
what was And I sec. stationmaster doing at 9.207
Phoning for a relief engine,
the
A
to
CCORDING
divorce Judge, the only toples of a rallwayman's conversation which
A high forehead is a sign of he got home were football pools intelligence.
Falso. Some of the biggest fools in the world, including:
| myself, have high 'foreheads.
Some of the
smartest men in
the world have low foreheads, long arms and walk
big cars.
like apes.
K this reminds you big mous-
of a linesian with
lache you are right,
Fish nourishes the brain. True.
bit If you are a weak in the head go on a fsh
und work.
Had a nice day, dear?
All right.
Dune your football pools?
Yes,
that talking about
What's the matter
What shall we talk about?
The 7.15.
We was diet immediately and send me last night. your ration card including all with it now? meat and bacon coupons.
Late ngulit.
Go on?
You should stuff a cold and starve a fever.
Faise. You probably have a cold through stuffing too much food down your throat as it is.
You get up late, bolt the baby's eggs, burning as you go. All the way up to town you can feel a little fire burning in your stomach and serves you right. The tea, the new bread, your wife's butter ration, the mar malade, and your starving baby's eggs are all fighting inside you and producing acid. It is Na- ture's punishment for being a Pls.
д
1
Held up by a shunting engine,
Fancy,
You must know what 'appened
The D.20 broke down,
Party exit
"If leave taking from a party is awkward,” writes American Mra Agnes eliquette expert,
Hogers Allen. "walt for a pause and start a little story. As you tell it rie from your chair, Come to the clinnx atanding by Then my good. your hostess. bye and leave at once."
I certainly has been a won- derful party, Mrs Smith-
Brown.
I'm sure you're welcome, Mra Brown-Smith,
Just before I go I'd like to: You didn't even ask where it tell you a very funny story was held up.
heard only last week.
Oh, goody. Listen folks. Mrs Well, where was it held up? Brown-Smith is going to tell us
Outside the signal-box.
Oh, what a shame.
Why a shame?
Well, I don't know, dear. thought perhaps it was wrong place or something,
The 85 was late, too.
the
That shunting engine again? Don't be silly. I don't shunt
A1 12.45 you go out for cocktail to bore holes through the seething mass of undigested food inside you so that you can at that time.
and room for more. You woll
I'm sorry, deur.
lunch, four-or-ve-course mainly of irled foods, lining it, then? your stomach with indigestible cooking fata
At four p.m. you throw fea and toast into your tortured in side; and at seven p.m. you as is.
NANCY
Valves.
What was
a very funny story. We can hardly wait, Mrs Brown-Smith. Well, It seems there were three travelling salesmen.
There weTC three travelling
1 salesmen, fotka,
No. I'm wrong. They weren't travelling salesmen at all. They But one were something else. of them was an American, one a Scotsman, and one an Irish-
man.
Do listen, folks. This is going 10 kill everybody.
Well, the three of them were in Dublin, or was it Edinburgh? for a moment. I just forget Maybe It was London, But Oh, I sec, Valves.
anyway, the American said that we could You don't know what a valve in the United States
build n skyscraper in a week.
Breaking into the Lineup
JERRY, ALAN, TONY,
SAM, LEO, LOU,
TOM, ED, PAT
SID---I NEED
ONE MORE
CRASH
ARE YA HOIT?
Yes, Mrs Brownr."
the
OC-
Old-boy network ly for the commen people the
high-ups in the Kremlin have
chosen guri.
Now they are trying to make up for the shortages caused by this decision.
own
Well. that's the end of the story and I really must be go-TF you have not got Blat in
Of course it sounds ing now.
the great Soviet democracy, beller If you can do cents properly; and I think I've you will have a hard life la-
deed. got something wrong. I think the
Scotsman
should have
now Up to
of the many For here the Socialist plan sald "11 washa there last has been realised. Die means workers in the collective farms distribution have had their own little bit of nicht." Nicht, as you may know, cf production and is Scottish for night.
and exchange have passed un- land which they cultivate when We understand, Mrs Brownder the control of the State, their work for the colicctive la Sitth. Thanks a lot for a swell and that
They means the old-boy done.
grow their story,
network of bureaucrats and vegetables, keep their own chile- And, of course, the whole party priviligentsia.
kens, and a cow and a pig point about it is that it's true.
two. That makes it much funnier, It is Blat that helps the fac- Mrs Brown-Smith,
Some of this they sell,. usual- Do come ory managers to earn bonuses again.
for fulfilling their production ly at prices a good deal higher
food those in the State certainly will, Mrs Smith-plan, and bigger ones still for than Brown.
Blat will enable a zhops. It is the farm execeding it.
around blt of Blat. And tell 111 some more of skilled worker to get those
cute little stories, Mrs the strict works discipline regu- Brown-Smith.
tations which prevent a worker leaving one factory for another.
-(London Express Service)
POCKET CARTOON
by OSBERT LANCASTER
"After all, nusac, it's not my fault if my duodenal facke
news value!"'
NO--- I'M
OKAY
By Ernie Bushmillor
HOW ABOUT JOINING MY
FOOTBALL
TEAM ?
The
or
wives'
But now it is to be stopped. The collectives are being en- larged by putting two, three, or Co factory manager .even four collectives together. only fulfit his quota if he gels and making them into one, The his materials on time and lois farm workers' cwn land is to of them. He can only get them be forfeited in the process.
And so
SUMMING UP
Low, therefore, are the com- European Russia, on the othe mon people of the Soviet hand have seen their standard depresed to nens Unlon feeling today, five years of ving after the war-Are they disap- Aslatie levels. pointed that the hardships of
The Utopian ideals which "twenties that roused them in the
the thirtles
have.
wur are continuing, and new encrifices are being de- and even manded in the name of peace? been degraded to tired ellches. one These cliches are hammered
To get the true answer must divide the Soviet Union in by loudspeakers blaring
In two. For the Eastern, Asia
נוס
the market square,
But they have lost their elan
onc with
and their appeal.
All that the people in the
19
peoples of the U.S.S.It. the postwar outlook is hope for the future.
crisk
which
Big industries are being built West have to keep them going In their areas-albelt by slave is a sense of permanent labour. Airways, railways, and and err.rgency-against their there is no magle Bint. canals are home
-fLondon Express Service) people of
opening up lands. The
"DON'T ITCH IT
Flich 17
SHAMPOO
Han's Mestralt
SQLEMENTS. NAN KANG CO, UNION BIG MP