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Sitting on the Fence

ELL," said the Sweep,

"ow do you

think

things arc gittin

nlong now?"

"Not so dusty." I said,

"Not so dusty at all," said

the

Sweep. "I so we've even got a bit of praise from Amerlen, which makes anleg change?"

"Very nice."-

"Though you don't want to git a swelled cad about that."

"I aint pot a swelled cad about it," "Them there little old Americans

enn call you a brother one and n basket the next."

"They can un all"

week

Though it's nice to know we've made them appy for a few days it

nothink elso."

"That's right,"

"What, you ought to feel appy about." said the Sweep, "is this cre tickin orf the TUC ave given them there little old Communists."

"Ear, car," I said,

"Because I can't see you lastin long 1 Oly Joe Stalin goi control of the Government."

"Nor can 1," I said.

"I see a little old Ungarian' is in the cooler for eight months for tryin to be funny about the Ungarian Communist Government."

"Go on?" I said.

"Just a man doin a little bit of typin like yourself," said the Sweep.

"Well," I said.

by NATHANIEL GUBBINS

"Very well, old man. First of all think it's pretty well known that the Russians are mechanical idiots."

"I didn't happen to know. It, old man."

"Well, almost everybody but you happens to know it, old man.”

"Such as, who, old man?" "Such as all the experts, old man, and all the people who rend their opinions in the newspapera."

IN AND OUT OF

PARLIAMENT

By Ernest Thurtle, M.P.

ABOUR might well say to Me-Ivor Thomas, who

left the party last monthssemble your tone,

But-why did you kick me downstairs?"

It is one thing to differ with old colleagues and vart company with them. It is quite another to spit upon them (metophorically) in the net of parting.

It was Me Thomas's, speech which,

angered Labour M.P.s the other night

*

shocked and

HOST Labour people, including Mr Herbert, Morrison

himself, are agreed that each case of nationhuisa.... tion of fridustry must be considered on la hibrlis, and. steel may be a more dubious proposition than others.

Ivor Thomas thinks it is, and parts company with the Labour Party on the issue. In so doing he is ox- crcising his right of private judgment,,di Korean

* *

YET this decision provides him with no justification

whatever for the wholesale condemnation, of the Labour Government, its works and Its leadership, in. which he indulged.

Its thoroughness in this respect seemed to me to be positively

If Thomassent

really thought these things the parting." should obviously have come much sooner.

By staying on, and indeed assisting in work which he now condemns so bitterly, he convicts himself of insincerity and, as I see it, offends against the com- mon decencies of politics.

which

is

some intellectual bond, rather hard to fled among the tough sea-front cats down here.

weeke

Mr G.'s niso pretty broadminded about furniture. During the I've worked really hard on the chairs, I doubt if any one of them is now worth fourpence in the second-hand market,

QUOTATION

"You're getting very blood-Bursty, the dropping old man."

"We're at war, old man," "Not yet, old man."

on

From Mr Churchill's specch

of the word British from the British Commonwealth of Nations in the House of Commons:

"I wonder myself that the word 'Commonwealth' should satisfy the "I mean for the sake of argement, requirements of Socialist statesman- td man"

"All right old man."

ship.

THE RT, HON. OSBERT PEAKE Conservative. M.P. for North

A

| Leeds, is giving up his chairmanship of the Pubile Accounts Committed. He has presided over this in- wordant body since 1943. It is an nherous tank. faking un

Food dent of time, and imagine Peake. as pm Donosition front-bencher, now wants to devote more time to the cut-and-thrust of parliamentary debate, in which he fa ao bungling amateur.

CCORDING to custom, the chair-

of the Public Accounts Com- mittee la occupied by a member who has been Financial Secretary to the Treasury.

Penke, who is now 50, held this office for four years, and before that was Under-Secretary

at the Home Office. He has been in Par- latent 10 years.

Captain Crookshank anel Mr Ralph Asheton have the necessary Penke'? qualification for taking place, and presumably, one of them will step into the breach.

14.

Με EMBERS were sorry to learn' of "If all these exclusions and In- the resignation of Hubert Benu-

Ry hibitions are to be enforced it would mont

Deputy Chairman'

of

"What I was trying to conver old man, is that only an látot coulisem only logical to adopt some com- Ways and Means, an office in line

Russia carrying on with pletely loose and meaningless term for the Speakership.

such as was suggested some years imagine most of her cities destroyed."

by

amusing came дп go, ironically,

Nathaniel

M. P. Gubbins, Labour Journalist, Mr

out the pictured the world efter Morley

I'm not, accustomed to being "It must have been something I happened to miss in the news called an idiot, old man."

As Russia is a papers, old man:: closed book, perhaps you can tell "Nobody was calling you an idiot, me how the experts know so much?" od man."

"In

that case, I must be getting

Beaumont, who Is now 65, first

to Parliament in

· In '1939 (De for Ba

Batey

nud

the war being divided into groups- He became deputy cholman ut population group No. 6, population the beginning of the present Par- llament. Latterly he has been muchį group No. 7.

handicapped by indifferent. health. That, at any rate, would achieve

The holder of the office: la for "Well, old man, it's pretty well

what appears to be the ideal of the the time being above the ordinary known that their mechanical trans- deaf, old man."

Socialist Government In respect of political battle, but his duties are port is always breaking down. And

"I thought this was going to be the British Empire of committing very exacting, and in a period of I think it's fairly obvious that they a friendly argument, old man." nobody to anything at any time in much legislation are a test of mental have never invented anything new."

and physical powers of endurance. any way."

"It may be obvious to you, old man, but as I have never visited any of Russia's secret factories I'm afraid I wouldn't know."

"Neither have 1, old man, but if they're so clever at inventing things in their secret factories, perhaps you can tell me why they slavishly copy Only better educated, him bein British and American aircraft de

̄elonezi

in doctor."

"I ACE."

"Because you mustn't laugh at Oly Joe or any of is disciples," sald the Sweep, "It's worse than keepin your nt on in church,"

"Fancy," I said,

"Little old Itler was the same," said the Sweep. "Nobody could laugh if Im and git away, with it."

"Too true," I' said.

"Which is the first sign that you've gorn balmy."

"As I've never been a Rusilan aircraft. I wouldn't know if it's a slavish copy, old man, though I pre- summe there is such a thing as learning from others."

"Granted, old man, but, in war the one who wins is the one who thinks of things "first,”...:

tor

"I rather hoped so, old man. Per. haps we'd better drop it, old man."

"Perhaps we had, ok man Good) night, old man.”

"Good night, old man."

Lottie's column

OTTIE..._the_devil_cat_writes:

I simply must tell you of the perfectly marvellous time I've had alone for a week with Mr G., the rest of the family being away.

Secrets For Sale

By JACK MEEHAN

A German prisoner of war, from BERLIN-Like to build your slon tanks spotted around. Leipzig-

own atomic bomb?:

fuso passed along a morsel- about Well, take a few cartons of Russian atom 'experiments beyond Grilled turbot for lunch one day, cigarettes and stroll along Kur- the Urals. fried sole the next, and nearly al-

Also the top of the morning.

course,

All the Information, of ways soft herring roes for supper, fuerstendamm, fabulous street

rallk every of ruins, the Park Avonus of: has a price, and cigarettes are stili negotiable in this divided city, prewar Berlin.

With: two official currencies, and most monies of the world circulating:

legally.

Have you say other reason

At first he didn't like 'the sleeping There you can shop arbund among the shadowy ngures which lurk in thinking the Russians are bound to on his bed because I'm rather rest-

Kurfurstendamm trades in, sin Jose old man?”·

maga - lesa, but 1-kicked up such a row rubbled back alleys and slither be-

the dim Nights filtering for a living. There are black njar- It certainly ia”

"Well, old man, I suppose you nrim outside his door that he had to let tween "So you'd better be careful" said have heard of a little thing called me in every night. I got him up through the curtained windows of ket meals of delicacies from both cach morning at seven sharp to get the swank black market pleasure sides of the Iron Curtain, gambling, the Sweep..

the atomic bomb?"

the breakfast.' "All right," I said,

"Considerin ow you used to come the acid about little old Itler," said the Sweep, "I reckon you was lucky we didn't lose the last war."

"I reckon was. "Cor stone the crows," sold the Sweep, you don't watch your stop you'll bo pickin onkum for '; Inughin at little old Omer."

"Quite likely," I said,

"Se before them Communist spies git you," said the Sweep. "you'd beller ave one for the road."

"Thanic you," I 'anid. ***

the

"I think I've read about it some-

Ho iz also pretty broadminded that where, old man. I also read

experts don't regard it as a about boy friends, though I must since my say they've cooled off decisive weapon."

operation.

But they couldn't resist Mr G.'s had quite a party cooking, so we one evening, with grilled herrings all round and warm milk to wash it clawn.

"It was pretty decisive in Japan,

man."

"There didn't happen to by any opposition in Japan at the time, old man."

yell, old man, let's put it this way Support one bomber gut through to Moscow with on atomic

The skin orf your nose." saki bomb and destroyed everything and the Sweep.

The skin orf your.”

3

World strategists

S all very well to say Russia's bound to lose another war, old" man, but one ought to provide chap- ter und verse before making a state ment like that,"

NANCY

High Voltage

SLUGGO ---CAN YOU FIX THIS TOASTER 7 THE TOAST DOESN'T)

POR UP

SURE

everybody there; old man.”

"Yes, old man.”.

"And suppose "another got through 10 Lentigrad and did the same thing."

palaces.

luxurious Paris fabrics, smuggled across 100 miles of Russian terri- houses us naturals for spying,ml tory, and goudy palaces of plaanire

There arc

today

If you can't get a plan reputedly outlining each step in making atom

you can bombs, the chances are

Sources which can't be named pick up blueprints of a purported.

still talk in hushed tones of a' glam- lop-secret British battleship or n

woman' 'who) "en- chart mapping alleged Russian plans orous unnamed

listed beauties from three or four to invade Rumania.

nations to ply Russian officers for There's anything for sale in the secrets during Intimate moments Kurfurstendamm, and the street

pleturer circulating is overrun with sples.

showing leering Russians. passionately embracing beauteous, Although many sonsational Thinly-clad women, reputedly agents phonies are peddled by the aspirity in the unnamed woman's employ." agents, Kurfuerstendamm's

This woman is said still to be traffic in "secrets" has not gone un- operating in Berlin

not come other power squabbling oe higher for her talents, no

prepared to say.

It said,

however, that she is a woman, her loyalty availabl for old, who learned to trade beauty for secrets-long before the last war while working in nn Egyptian house of assignation United Press.

.

illest

Of course, it's rather annoying noticed by the legitimate agents of

four food Germany's when one's friends eat one's

Agents occasionally have struct and then bolt for the door. And cuplers. even worse when they slap one's face when one tries to detain them for pay dirt in the sircet's lush cham- pagne salons and bomb-wrecked a game of ping-pong.

back alleys..

man just back from "And suppose a dozen others gvt

Ruulda When once. they've lost interest in the Russian zone can tip the West through to another dozen

have orn powers on new types of tus- cities and killed everybody in thim," you it's all over, unless you

"Yes, old man.”

But there all men are the same.

HAVE YOU FINISHED YET ?

YEP

A business

By: Ernie Bushmiler

NOW. TH TOASTER

· BALD SPOTS.

POPS UP AND

TH' TOAST:

STAYS

THERE

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to you.

USING

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DANDRUFF:-REMOVES NAVAL BHAMPOQ) paki

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