HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
"Why do you always address the letter carrier as profesor?"
"It's a sort of honorary title. I'm taking a course by mail.”
Two talky fellows walked along
While on their way from town, And all their conversation was:
Do things burn up or down 7
"Neighbour. "How many controls are on your radio set
Owner: Three: my mother-in- law, my wife, and my daughter."
Jazz: "Why are all the bands playing "
Razz It is a demonstration in the interests of noise suppression !" But men are vain and cannot quit
Without another try; They cannot rest on laurels great Though they be perched on high,
Mrs. Mosquito: "Where is your daughter ?"
Mr Housefly: "She just went to the front door for a screen test,"
The "captain woued. a tiny lass
Who weighed but ninety-two; * And now she's skipper and first
mate
While he is just the crew.
"Let me through the fire lines, officer. I'm a reporter."
That makes no difference. You can read all about the details in to-morrow's newspapers."
"Six. feet in his boots!" exclaim- ed Mra Flatt.
"Yes," said Mr. Flatt. "Nonsense! Why, they might as well tell me that the man had six heads in his hat!"
A sailor sailed the
Reven sens, A bright young chap was he: He won promotion right and left
Because of industry. From port to port he won the day,
He rose with every trip. Until he got the topmost job
As skipper of the ship.
Mrs. Brindle: "Now, Mary, I want, you to be careful. This is. ane very old table linen-been in the family for more than 200 years, and
Mary: "Ah Sure, ma'am," you needn't worry.. I 'won't tell any one, and it looks as good as new, 20yway.
"
i
Junior: "Mama, is there any- thing about the house that you want me to do?"
Mamma (aside): "Well! well! Is Christmas that close "
Motorist: "I'm afraid I have killed your cat. But don't worry, I shall replace the animal."
Cottager: "But will you be able to catch the mide all right
Mrs. Brown: "I don't like these photographs. They don't, do me justice."
Photographer: "Justice. What you want, madam, is mercy!"
い
"Can you direct me to an easy path for climbing the hills? en- quired a lady visitor.
"I can," a native replied, indi eating a nearby slepe, udding "all the donkeys go that way."
11
Tramp: "Have you a přece of rake, lady, to give a poor man who hasn't had a bite for two days 1"
Cake? Isn't brend good enough for you
"Ordinarily, yes, ena'am, but this is my birthday."
T
Parson: "How did you get that black eye, Mrs. Higgins'
Well, sir, me Jr. Higgins:
usband one out of prison on 'is birthday.'
"Yes"
"And I wished 'im many 'appy returns!"
A tradesman advertised for a smart young lady for his counter. "Have you any references?" he ask- ed of an applicant.
"Yes, sir, a lot of 'em."
"Then why didn't you bring them with you ?*** graphs, sir.. None of 'em does me "They're just like ay photo-
justice!"
The village chair boys had de- cided to form a cricket team, and appointed their junior meraber honorary secretary,
In due course the youngster pealed to the curate for support.
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, MONDAY, FEBRUARY 3, 1930.
י
1
BEING HANDLED.
GLUYAS WILLIAMS
WISHES MOTHER'S FRIENDS WOULDN'T ALWAYS WANT TO HOLD HIM IN THEIR LAPS LIKE THIS.
AND JIGGLING '
HIM UP AND DOWN HOW HE HATES TO BE BOUNCED AROUND LIKE THIS.
"
DO THEY EVER CON- SULT HIM ABOUT IT? OH NO, THEY DON'T CARE WHETHER HE WANTS TO BE HELD OR NOT.
IF HE'S GOING TO GET OUT OF HER
LAP HE'LL HAVE TO USE STRATEGY -- PRETEND HE DOESN'T MIND.
Copyright, 1930 by The Bell Syndicats, Inc.)
WHAT JAPANESE
LIKE TO READ.
(Cuntinued from Page 1-),
In the field of general foreign Foreign News.
preparation for and the proceedings of the Five Power Conference ou naval limitations in London. The ordinary man in the street in Japan, however, is willing to admit he spreads little more than the headlines.
He knows the Empire is seeking s. 10-10-7 mtia, but he is not exactly sure what the ratio is about or exactly why his country wants it.
news interest has centered in the
This is how his letter ended: "Aul we should be very pleased, sir, if you would allow us the use of the bats which the choir men say you have in the belfry."
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
t2
3
4
15
8
14
15
7
19
121
23
124
33 34
31
39
143
47
43
5)
155
Horizontal
1.-Steeples.
7.-Channel.
13. Country of America
14.--Renter.
15. Conjunction.
16.-Thick broth. 18-Exclamation.
19. To fit out.
91.-Aspects
Cat. 23-Aromatic plant. 25.-Seine.
28.-At this place. 27.-Bed covers. 29.-Loses freshness. 31.-Prefix: new. 32.-Age.
33.-Embarrassen.
30.-Fight.
30.-Seed containers,
40.-Jutting rock.
45. To appear.
43.-Before.
41.-Fashion
47.-Article.
44.-Small quantity..
50.-To act.
48.-Revived.
51.-To-contradict.
63.-Musical studies. 55.--Declares.
56.-Those who rant.
Vertical.
1.--Disdains.
2.-Outcast.
3.--Within.
5.-Biblical country.
4. To knock,
0.-Glosy fabric (pl.).
7.-Inclines.
8.Parts of body.
9.-To employ,
10.Exists.
11. To stick 12.-Years away.
க
13
10
1 12
100
26
37 38
མ་ བ
17. Mound.
149
50
Explosive shell. -Delayed.
H.-Judges.
1:
26-Kind of deer (plural). 28.-Part of shoe.
30.-Afternoon party.
33.-Weapons,
34.-Insect.
35.-Rocks.
30.-Beer maker. 37-Conductor.
33.-To ornament with raised
work.
41.--Toem.
44. To allot. 45.-Bristle.
48.-Wheel track..
49.-Excavated. 52.-Musical note. $4.-Prefir: down.
This puzzle took 22 minutes to solve. Son how long it will take you to solve it.
SATURDAY'S SOLUTION.
1557
3 LOW
UNE BOLL
RE
BOFAVOE BILYARXİ
LEXPOT PONDER
Japanese newspapers as a whole are small and can print only a limited volume of news. Foreign newa often is omitted when the paper is tight." The news value of any foreign telegram is its in- terest. If the Japanese editor figures it will interest his readers he prints it, if not, he is very likely to omit it. Morning editions of the big Tokyo and Osaka dailies run from 12 to 10. pages on an average, with 50 per cent, or more advertising. It is obvious that no great space is available for foreign | telegrams. The newspapera ali buy the full United Press foreign ser- (Continued on next Column)
Bv GLUYAS WILI
WELL, HE MIGHT AS WELL LET THEM KNOW HOW HE FEELS ABOUT IT
THEN SUDDENLY THROW HIMSELF TO ONE SIDE OF COURSE SHE'LL CATCH HIM.
OH, THAT WAS A MISTAKE! SHE'S TRYING TO SOOTHE HIM WITH A RIDE- A-COCK-HORSE-
BUT, JUST AS HE THOUGHT, IT GAVE HER SUCH A SCARE, SHE COULDN'T GET HIM BACK TO HIS CRIB QUICK ENOUGH
4
ANDpecialist, ahow that, contrary to the popular belief, chocolate is the best for obesity. Experiments by
EAT SWEETS
GROW THIN.
CHOCOLATE CURE FOR WEAK HEARTS.
Eat more chocolate and grow thin. That is the latest advice of the doctors,
|·
the German specialist, Dr. Fred- rich Bowser, also reveal that choco- late, effects a permanent cure of weak hearts, neurasthenia, neural- gio and 'nerves.'
Chocolate has a rich lime con- of foods that are rich in lime, Cocon teat and sufferers should eat pleaty contains 5.7 per cent. of lime, almonds 8.81 per cent.. walnuta 8.59 "Investigations conducted by
per cent., coconut 4.32 pår cent.. German hrart specialist for 23and vanilla the remarkable figure
said
of 27.4 per cent. Horky Street
years
a
a
"Other limecontaining foods that should also be taken by stout people. and sufferers from nervous disorders vice, however, and demand the most include brown sugar candy (146 per thorough coverage on big news (cent. of lime) beetroot (6 per cent.) events, such as the Five Power Con- cream and milk. ference,
Commercial and economic news isly dependent on an adequate lime "Sound steady nerves are direct- handled in Japanese newspapers must as in those of the United content in the brain. Irritability, States. Its reader-interest, how restlessness, and twitching nerves ever, is much less because of the are due to too low a lime content.
in the brain. fact only a very small percentage
"People who have a strong bins of the people have money to invest or with which to speculate. The big for savouries and who seldom touch break in prices on American ex- aweets or milk (as a beverage) will changes late in 1920 was not con- often be found to have weak nerves sidered an especially big story by and short tempers. Bad hearts and Japanese editors, largely because bad tempers often go together. they know most of their readers "Vegetarians are quiet, well-con- knew very little about the New trolled people, mainly because they York Stock Exchange and likely eat a large quantity of nuts and cared less.
drink a good deal of milk."
THE WOMAN'S CORNER.
HAVE YOU HAIR TROUBLES?
BY A HAIR SPECIALIST.]
'People seldom realise that the hair is a plant, and that, like every other plant, it needs plenty of sunshine and fresh air to stimu late its growth and protect it from decay. Primitive rices enjoy be nutiful and thick hair because they are not sufficiently civilised to wear
bats.
..
Since fashion does not permit us to walk about with our heads uncovered, our hats must be light and porous, so as to admit the air. The rim must not be tight, or press upon the scalp. A tight rim in- terferes with the circulation of the blodd, prevents the feeding of the hair, and causes baldness.
Regular brushing and combing stimulate the circulation of blood.
in the scalp, help, to remove dead scales, and improve the vigour of the hair.
A shampoo serves to keep the hair clean and frea from dandruff, Its frequency depends on circumst- abcca Shampooing like brushing, removes loose bair, dead dry series and stale oil, stimulates the scalp, und is a means of preserving as vell as restoring hair after,. tem- porary falling out.
4
There are some instances when a a month sufficce, shampoo once but in cases where the head is ex- posed to dust, a shampoo once a week is not excessive, and where scales form, a shampoo every other day is necessary.
We shall not need hair tonics if we attend to the hygiene of the scaip.
VOGUE OF THE TINTED
CEILING.
Let me commend to your thought- ful attention that much-neglected surface in your room-the ceiling.
Your have settled on the colour for the walls; you have chosen the curtain material; your floor, after much discussion, will be covered as you wish, but when some one mentions the ceiling you answer, "Oh, the usual white, I suppose. Your decorater only too willingly obeys, and your room becomes just -" "pleasant and it came to Dear
to being a masterpiece.
The skin of the bead is kept moist A lack of by an oily secretion. this secretion causes the head to become dry and scaly. If the head
There are several reasons for the comparative seglect of the coiling these days. We rarely notice it, for it is above our heads, and we take it as a necessary "top" to the room. Indeed, what is there to look *abi
A broad white matt surface, pos sibly with a pendant light fitting in the middle, which you were fore- ed to buy from the previous oc- cupant at an exorbitant price, and some very inferior moulding which was designed by some jerry-builder who had never simplicity.
Colour Harmony, Suppose, for instance, you have a room whose walls have been dis- tempered in a tone of blue; unless you have been very fortunate or exceptionally clever, whatever the. colour of the woodwork, the room will be very cold indeed with is washed with soar too often, this white ceiling. It will be staring. secretion is removed, and the scalp and against your will you will be above you. Get in your decorator, becomes scurfy. If the head is dry conscious of that blank surface it is well to rub a little vaseline and, whether be likes it or not, or olive oil into the roots of the make him colour the ceiling a soft warm yellow or eau-de-nil áccord- hair.
ing to the other colours you have, There is no standard treatment for in the room. the hair, Fremature loss of hair may Now see the difference there is. to You will have drawn the room to- be due to hereditary causes, diseases, such as influenza, typhus, gether into a composite whole, you anæmia, or to general'debility. It will have warmed the atmosphere may also be due to a purely skin without the help of fires of radia affection. Each case must, he protors, and you will never
notice perly diagnosed, and the con your ceiling again except to ad- plaint then treated according to in-mire its sunny appearance or the dications.
misty quality of the green.
CD. 296
EREBOS SALT
TABLE
CEREBO SALT
Who likes
A
N old proverb 'runs "The Table requires
more than a white cloth.” This is certainly the first essential, the last-a salt cellar full of fine, free "runalng—
Cerebos
SALT
Interne La Sives a Joba 1 Malekima
NEST
MIL
|_ CHOCOLATE
luscious milk
chocolate?Creamy
milk chocolate Cro-.
quettes, each dainty piece
in a separate wrapping, kept
fresh and clean and cool. Made
by Nestlé's, in several sizes
NESTLÉ'S
MILK CHOCOLATE
CROQUETTES
Nestlé's Napolitains are made of the same delicions chocolate-just as convenient.
TO-DAY'S WIRELESS
PROGRAMME.
BROADCAST BY Z.B.W.. ON
350 METRES.
11 to 11.30 a.m.-Commercial news, 12.30 to 1.30 p.m.-Demonstration
programmme.
1.41 p.m.-Weather report.
5
to 6 p.m.--Programme of Colum
bia records supplied by Messrs. Anderson,
Poem"
(J. Sibelius), Sir Henry J. Wood. Conducting the New Queen's
"Finlandia, Tone
|
Carmen-Intermezzo, Act 4” and "Les Millions D'Arlequin- Berenade," Circolo Mandolinis- tico Giuseppe Verdi of Leghorn. "Mignonette" and "Say That You Love Me," J. H. Squire, Celeste Octet.
6 to 7 p.m.-Chinese programme. 748 p.m.-Evening weather report. 9p.m.-Pagliacci (Leoncavallo) The Complete Opera in 3 sets. (Columbia records supplied by Messrs. Anderson.) Principal, Chorus and Orchestra of the Britih National Opera Co.
THE CAST.
Nedda (Columbine, Act 2)-- Hall Orchestra.
Miran Licette. Casse Noisette," Suite-Overture Canio (Panchinella, Act 2)
Frank Mullings. Miniature (Tschaikowsky) and ¡Casse Noisette," Suite Tonlo (Taddeo, Act 2)
Harold Williams, Peppe (Harlequis, Act 2)
Heddle Nash. Silvio (With Chorus of Villagers
and Peasants) Dennis Noble, 10.30 p.m.-Close down.
Wireless
ور
March, The B.B.C. Symphony Orchestra. "Casse Niosette" Suite-(a) Danse Chinoise; (b) Danso Russe, Trepak and Casse Noisette Suite (a) Dense De La Fee Dragee; (b) Danse De Marli- tous, The B.B.C. Wireless Sym- phony Orchestra.
"Mercenary Mary More FASTHMA
יו,
Mary"Friedlander and Con- rad) and "Mercenary Mary- Tie A String Around Your Finger," June, Soprano.. "Mercenary Mary--I'm A Little Bit Fonder of You" (Irving Cascar) and "Mercenary Mary They Still Look Good To Me," New Hearn sori Chorus; "Joliity Farm" (Lesie Sarony) And it Bunkey-Doodle-I-Doh," Leslie Sarony. "Love. Your Spell Is Everywhere" and "Pagan Love Song," Lay- ton and Johnstone....
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HIMROD'S
Asthma Cure