HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS. THURSDAY, JANUARY 16, 1930.
THE WORLD AT ITS WORST
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
"I want a mirror."
"A hand mirror 1"
"No, one for my face."
She: "Why do you call your dog Tonic He. Because ho'i a mix- | ture of bark, steal and whine."
Tacher "In what condition was the patriarch Job at the ead of his life?"
Tominy: "Denù."
Proud Host: The radio sounds as if the artist were in the next room!"
Gacet: "Grrrrrr: Let's look!"
Modern Youth: "You look like a sensible girls, let's get married.
Modern Maid: "Nothing doing. I'm na sensible'as I look."
Porter: "This train goes to Mug- ford and points cust."
Old Lady: "Well, I want a train, that gets to Downtown, and don't care which way it points."
"Come along now." ordered the policeman, handcufing the pri- soner's wrist to his own.
"Of course I will. ald dear." said the culprit jovially"... "I'in very much attached to you."
She: How far can your ances try be traced
He: "Well, when my grandfather resigned his position as eashier off a bank they traced him as far as China, but he got away."
"What would you like to be when you grow up, Johnny 1"
"I think i be soldier." "You might get killed." "Who by "
"By the enemy, of course." "Well, then I guess I had better be the enemy.
She: "They haven't found a name for that baby in the flat up stairs yet.
He: The one that cries so?" "Y"
"Well, I don't know why they haven't. The
neighbours. have alled it, everything they could
think of."
|
|
"Would you have loved me just as much without my money. 1''
Just as much, my darling."
"He comes of a very good fami ly.”
"Yes, nad he seems to have come a very long way."'`
"You've saved my life and I'd give you 85, but, unfortunately, I have only a 810 bill."
"Never minu-jump in the river again."
Tom: What makes your daugh- ter such a chatterbox 7"
Tim: I think both she and her, mother were vaccinated with a gramophong needle.",
Countryman (looking at a well- known picture): Vandyck, by Himself. What a silly thing to put. Anyone could see that there 14 no one with him."
Draper (remonstrating with 'na. sistant for unpleasantness to a customer) "Miss Jones, you must remember customer is always right,”
Miss Jones: Well, sir, she said that you were an old shark."
Miss Gusher: "I've just come from Mrs. Newpop's. I just can't imagine a more charming picture than a young mother putting her anby, to sleep. It's just sweet!"
Mrs. Malaprop: "That's so, spe- cially if she's singin' a pretty alibi to it."
וי
He was a stout man, and his feet were big in proportion. He wore, stout bouts, too,, with broad toes. When he went into the boot shop to buy another pair, he found he had some diffenlly in getting what he wanted. A dozen pairs were shown him.
So, no! Square toes-must have square toes. he insisted.
lut, sir, everybody is wearing shoes with pointed toes. They are tashionable this season."
THE FIRST SNOWFALL.
WHEN YOU GET YOUR SLEDS
OUT FULL OF HOPE BUT FIND THAT
THEY BITE RIGHT THROUGH
TO THE GROUND.
12-13
(Copyright, 1929, by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.)
SPORT
BIG COLLEGE MEET IN
HARVARD POOL.
The National Collegiate Athletic Association of America will hold its annual swimming diampionship meet in the new Harvard Univers- ity swimming pool on March 28 Announcement to that
"I'm sorry," said the stout man, and 0.
as he prepared to leave the shop,ffect was recently made by William "I'm very sorry to have troubled you, I'm sure. But, you see, I'm J. Bingham, director of athletics
WILLIAMS
AND ATHLETICS.
NAVY OPEN RUGGER SEASON 'WELL.
TWO AMATEUR PLAYERS SUSPENDED.
still wearing my last season's feet at Harvard. Mr. Bingham invited frat half, for the visitors display were held in private, but at the
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
:
[2 13
14
15
6
* 18 19
12
15
16
17
₤19 120
#24
25
29
134
38 39 40
18
126
15
30
35
36
MI
42
45
146 147
49
50
5
52
150
154
55
1 56 57
6)
162
65
Horizontal
14. Galloper.
17.--Bait.
1.-Rested.
4.-Upon:
6.-Wild.
11.City in Portugal.",
13.--Hard covering.
15.--Above.
10-Without goal. 13.Thus.
10-Plural ending. 91.-Membrane.
-Part of lock.
24.-Clubs.
26-Hauled.
28-To observe.
-Selected portion. 31-Agch.
33-Comparative ending.
34.--To govern.
30. To break.
38. To act.
40. To cheat.
42-Fancy. 45.-To imitate. 47.-To percolate.
49. To venture.
60-Climbing plant. -
59. To seal with wax.
54.-Behold!.
35.-Within.
56.-Servants,
39.-Pronoun.
81. To remove from office.
63.-Self-satisfied, person.
65.-Ata
06.-Negative.
67-Doomed to death.
Vertical.
1.-French coin.
-To petition. 3.-Toward. |:
4.-Pertaining to the ear. t.-Wanderer, 6.Antennae. 7.-Abstract being, ́8.—Reckless.
10. One who renta. 19.-Egyptian god.
20. To agitate.
23.-While.
24.To exist.
110
3.-Short remainder.
27-Magic rod.
30.-Greek island. 32-Carnelian.
93,--Chosen.
37. To ring. 38.-Man's name.
39. Believed.
41.-Ship bottom. 43.To awaken. 44.Pronoun.
46.--Half an em.
45. To smooth feathers, 51:-Black.
53.-Latin: therefore.
51. To employ.
58. Therefore.
60.--Pun
02.-3.1419.
64. Supposing that.
This puzzle took 20 minutes to solve. See how long it will take you to solve it.
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
BO 1945
VOINT BRIAR BETTOR ZICHE I AR133 ELIDET ZOO AMANA BY VALID DONE DENODIG GOTER
1039
MIDAS-HERRED! URAL DOUBT DO RIX CROSS AS POINT
SOLEDTRIPEI
The Royal Navy, in their open- Requested by the English Foot. ing Rugby match of the season, ball Asociation to inquire into the gained a capital victory over Da- incidents which occurred at Red. von, at Torquay, winning by
bill during the Football Associn. ation Amateur Cup-tie between Red. goal and two tries (11 points) to hill and Sutton United when A. Hance and W. W. Tribe, of Sutton, a goal (5 points). Fine tackling were ordered off the field, the com by Devon alone prevented the Navy mission of the Surrey F.A. met at from running up a big lead in the Croydon recently to carry out their investigations. The proceedings the National Collegiate Associa ed the greater skill both in passing close Mr. Bell, the chairman, in re. tion, through Prof. Frederick H.
and in individual dashes. The only Leuhring, the director of athletics
scord before the interval fell to thesponse to an inquiry by a press re at the University of Minnesota, Navy, Lee getting over for an un-
presentative, stated that Tribe had to hold the championships at Har-converted try. The Navy attacked Hance for four weeks.
been suspended for six weeks and vard this sensori. A year ago they strongly practically throughout the were held at the University. of second half, and though Devon tri- Washington, in St. Louis, Profes ed hard their defence was forced sor Leuhring, also chairman of the
to give way on two more occasions committee of the National Colle-
First Havers obtained a try and aiate Association, which has the re- then Leo erossed, Laddingea "con- sponsibility for the svinming verting in one instance. Just be championships, accepted the invita fore the finish Devon broke Away and Richards got over, Stualus placing a goal.,
tion.
The championship meet will dedi- cate the Harward pool, which ia located in the new indoor athletic building at Cambridge, presently under construction, which is to cost $1,225,000. The swimming pool will be completed in February, though the rest of the athletic building 'will not be 'finished until June.
(Continuel na next Column.)
OLYMPIC BOAT RACES. Delegates to the North American Yacht Racing Union recently ap proved the executive committee's recommendation that gacht racing during the 1932 Olympics at Los classes of boats. The union anno- Angeles, be restricted to four
unced that Olympic competition would be for six and eight-meter and international star class boats Harvard will have a soating ea- and in a monotype class, that is, pacity for 3500 persons at the swim-boats sailed by one man. Decision ming championships. It will not on all Olympic matters pertaining be represented in the champion to yacht racing, had been turned ships by a team, but it probably over to the North American Union will sponsor an informal team in by the American Olympic Commit- the 1930-31 college year.
toe.
THE WOMAN'S CORNER.
WINTER CLEAN YOUR FELT HATS.
It is surprising how soon felt bats become soiled during the damp, rainy days of winter. But there is no-reason why they should be worn in a soiled condition, as they may be cleaned at home quite simply and with every degree of
success.
HOT-WATER BOTTLE
COMFORT.
Spartans are admirable in their place and season, but not in Bri- tish bedrooms in winter-time. There are many situations in life when the glow of virtue, will. take the chill off a Spartan resolve, but it takes a hot-bottle to "do anything really effective with a chilly bed in a chilly room.
Hot-water bottles have no firmer friends than doctors. You know that comfortable feeling of well- being which begins to pervade the body when it is brought into can' tact with a judiciously warmed.bot- ile 7
Doctors have their own name for the physical reaction to the bottle which brings it about. They call the condition hyperxmia or dila- tion of the blood vessels.
j
EYEBROW BEAUTY,
Bas
Artificial shapes in eyebrows are now going out of date, and the natural line is again in vogue. That is to say, they are allowed to grow in a natural way, indeed even encouraged to be thick
By dilation of the blood vessels in the neighbourhood to which the
Eyebrows need attention if they heat is applied, a better supply of are to be kept in good condition. blood is brought to the part con-
When the face is washed, care cerned, Hence the glow. The hot- must be taken that they are water bottle, in somewhat the same thoroughly rinsed, and no trace of fashion, brings comfort to many soap left upon them.
The more rheumatism-racked victims..
they are rubbed during the drying, heat penetrates beneath the skin the better for the roots. and reaches the joint. The flow of
An eyebrow brush is a useful ad” of the elements which are causing it helps to stimulate them far bet should be used night and morning; the pain.
The
Coloured felt hats are best clean. blood at the point is accelerated, I dition to the toilet table, and
ed with cominon salt. The salt should be warmed in the oven on a tin tray,.and rubbed well into the bat by means of a piece of fan- nel.
and this acceleration releases some
to those parts which are very soil If-the-felt-is-very-soiled, -it-may- ed
be necessary to repeat the opera- When dealing with black hats, tion with a fresh supply of salt.it is an excellent plan to sponge The process is completed by brush finally with a little dilute am- ing and shaking the hat until all moniu. trace of the salt is removed...
Dark Coloure,
Black or dark felt hats. should
In the case of beige or very light- coloured felt, the cleaning should be performed with hot, dry powder- ed fullers earth. The hat is
be treated with warm bran, which sprinkled with the powder and
is obtainable from the corn mer-rubbed lightly with a clean, soft chant. The bran is applied in the handkerchief.
ter than simple rubbing with the finger tips.
An-ccasional cut-in beneficial, but it must not be too frequent, just about once every three or four weeks, and is really only necessary when they are too thin.
The smell of fish often lingers on chine and cutlery even after the most careful washing up. To avoid any risk of this add a teaspoonful.. or mustard to the washing-up
trace of the fish.
ing taken to pay special attintion move the powder with a soft water, This entirely kills "any |(Continued at foot of next column), 1 bristled brush.
C.C. ENT
TABLE
EREBOS SALE
CEREBOS
UST a detail, but
what a difference
it makes to one's en- joyment of the meal.
Cerebos
SALT
By Jake D, Holkhana & Chu Hans Kans
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