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HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
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THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, MONDAY, DECEMBER 23, 1929.
SNAPSHOTS OF A MAN CUTTING BREAD
SAYS SURE, HE'LL
CUT THE BREAD
FOR THE TOAST.
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
STAR
FINAL
SHOWINGS
TO-DAY
AT
5.30
&
9.20
QUEEN'S
THE
BRLAIDWAY MELODY
"Alabaster 1" asked a young woman as the museum guida ap- proached a statue.
"No," he replied, with a slight lifting of the brows, "Yeaus."
Robbie: "But why do you" reject me. Is there another fel low?"
Bessie: Possibly. Did you think you were the last of the species?"
"My memory is excellent!" ex. plained the old lady. "But there are three things I can never 're- member: I can't remember, naties, I can't remember fares, and can't remember--I forget what the third thing is!"
She: "Did you see in the paper how some people were poisoned through eating chocolates 1
H" fancy I did, but what "about it
was
Vicar: "I was grieved to hear your husband has gone at last."
Mrs. Anggs:"Yes, 'e 'as, sir,.an' only hope 'e's gone where I know e ain't."
"Didn't he once say he would never speak to you again !"
"Yes: but a few days afterwards he saw I had a cold, and. he couldn't resist the temptation to tell me a sure cure.'
The general knowledge class had been discussing forms of govern ment. The weary teacher at length propounded the question:-
Well, Simpson, what is the dif- ference between a King and a Pre- sident 1"
"Please, air, a King is the son at his father, but i President isn't."
A Scotsman, having heard of the Nothing except that I thinking-how very safe we wonderful results obtained by be
are!"
Aunty was entertaining her two nephews. Putting out two pirçes of cake, one much larger than the other she said:-
"Now I want to see which of
you has the better manners.'
ing able to rejuvenate, decided to have a'course of nakey-gland ex- tract.
He had to make a long railway journey, and at the station book. ing-office he asked for a-single ticket.
When asked if he would take a return ticket, the Scotsman repli
child."
"Oh Jimmy has!" said Johnny,ed: "No: I may come back as a as he grabbed the big piece.
A doctor who had been called in to see a patient strongly impressed upon him the necessity of drinking the water with his whisky. "Other- wise," he said, "you must not take -it at all."
But how shall I get the hat water plaintively inquired the patient. My wife won't let me have it for this whisky"
to
"Well, tell her you want shave," answered the doctor, as he took his departure.
The next day the doctor called again, and when the wife opened the door he asked how the patient
WAR.
In her draped and darkened tent the amateur palmist was telling fortunes for the charity bazaar.
"Ah," she said, with slow im pressiveness to the fair maiden who impatiently awaited her fate, I ace by your hand that you are going to be married."
"How wonderful" breathed the élient, with a blush and a gigglo. "And," went on the wise one, a note of acerbity creeping into her voice, "I see the happy one is to bo Mr. Binks.”
"But, surely," demurred the maid, “you cannot read that from the lines in my hand?"
I'm awfully worried," doctor,"
"Lines!" exclaimed the sibyl, was the reply "I'm afraid he's with sudden scorn. "You are wear- gone raving mad. He shaves everying the ring I returned to ten minutes."
Birks three weeks ago."
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
12
3
12
16
07
$99 20
B
18 19
10
27
102
36
37
130
34
38 39
40·
45
146
47.
148 49
55
52
56
130
Horizontal.
A simian.
4.- Above.
-Swift.
11. Goods with raised pattern.
13.-Deleted.
15.-Conjunction.
18-Delusive reasoning.
18. Pronoun.
10. While.
21-Head covering.
22-Article of food.
24. Small particle.
96.French for Christmas.
28. Opposed to "to."
20. Luke warm.
31-Horse's gait.
33-Latia for and
31.-To pack.
38. To cense.
35.Army corps (abbr.).
40.-Girl's name..
42-Simultaneous discharge
guns.
45. Short sleep.'"
47. To spill.
40.-College officer.
50.-A gridiron.
52-Girl's name.
51-Article.
55.-Comparative ending.
58.-A continent.
69.-Within.
01.-Ways.
62,--Décrase.
05 City in Italy.
€8.-Plural ending. 67.--Article.
1.- Fuss.
Vertical,
-Buecancer.
席
14.-Station. 17.-Plunder. 20.-Soaks.
3.-Belonging to.
21.-B.
25-Small particle,
27.--Land divisions. 30.-Puts on."
143 144
22-Tailless amphibian.
-Least tame. 37.Defendant's answer. 36.--Wrath.
20. A vegetable. 41.-Opening.. 43.-To disappear. 44.--Upon. 46.-Jumbled type 48--Arrogance. Bi-Appointment. 53-High cards. 67.-Chess pieces.
58.-Part of "to be."
of
60.-Born.
6-Stake marking flying courec.
3-Type measure.
4-One of the U. S.
4-Primers,
-Part of circumference.
8-Recompenses.
B.Exists.
10.Coy.
62-Abraham's birthplace. 04.---Pronoun.
1961
FIVE MINUTES LATER EMERGES FROM PANTRY TO SAY HE'S FOUND THE BREAD," NOW WHERE'S THE KNIFE?
RETURNS TO PANTRY AND SETS TO WORK. WHISTLING CHEERILY.
SLICES CRUST OFF NEATLY AND BEGINS ON NEXT PIECE, STOPS WHISTLING,
fitt
GETS INTO TROUBLE IMMEDIATELY, PIECE CRUMBLING HALF- WAY.
GIYAS WILLIAMS
TWO MORE SLICES GO WRONG. CALLS ISNT THERE A SHARP KNIFE IN THE HOUSE,KE CAN'T DO A THING WITH THIS.
DECIDES HE'S TRY- ING TO SLICE IT TOO THIN, AND SAWS OFF A RAGGED PIECE ABOUT THREE INCHES THICK.
SAYS WELL MAYBE SHE'D BETTER FINISH UP WIFE DEFTLY.CUTS TEN NEAT THIN SLICES
(Copyright, 1929, by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.)
PICTURES AND PLAYS.
the
„Among others; prophets have now London's latest theatre-the Dowells are Coming," was produced taken to the films. An evident wish" minion-which was opened recently at the Children's Theatre, neat is different from any other that has | Bow-street.. Because the authoress to warn humanity of perils in the
ever been, erected in London. It was Sybil Thorndike's daughter, the future unless it alters its ideas stands in central position at the 134 scats usually filled by children about war is instinct in High the junction with New Oxford crowded with adults, critics, actors.
and of Tottenham Court-rend, near from
Beighbourhood were Treason." The date of predica street and it stretches back over and all sorts of grown-up friends. Irmant feared clash between Fedwhat was once the Meux's brewery Little Ann's play is, of course, erated Europe and America-is site where, in fact, many years ago crude, but for a child of twelve she (in 1814) the huge beer vat collaps has a remarkable sense of humour. „1010, but ché central conflict is rent and eight people were drowned She has noticed that grown-up y between the Peace Lengur and in porter. This theatre is unusual, people quarrel when they are mar the Militarists. The outbreak is partly because it is of great size ried. She has seen obviously that finally averted by the murder of the largely because of the comfort it perhaps noticed in soine friends' and sents nearly 3,500 people, but adults like showing off, and she has President of Europe before the affords to everyone in every part of houses that the servants are en- microphone as he is about to broad- the house. irrespective of price.couraged to tell polite lies. Several cast a declaration of war, a murder of the balcony, the seats are up From the stalls to the top-most part executed dramatically enough by holstered in comfort, with space to the President of the Peace League, move and pass *In every part As a whole, the story is not par and decent retiring-rooms, and there are large refreshment rooms ticularly real in its effect, but it those who can only afford to pay does not fail to be interesting little for their seats are not re- Directed by Maurice Elvery, it is minded of their poverty by a hare n British film of better ambitionsard and a garret. In planning than most others hitherto. There is also, the theatre is different from a ready fascination about these any other. There is space to move. pictures of the future, because they The stage itself is one of the largest stimulate speculation. Here tele in London. It is a hundred feet vision, the Channel Tunnel, helicop depth and forty feet in width, ters, and the like have made almost and it has been equipped so that the incredible advances within a space most elaborate scenic effects may be of ten years. Very little advance obtained.. has been made in anti-naise 'pro- paganda, however, and a city street, with its hovering aeroplanes" and motors, makes a noise like a cattle
This puzzle took 23 minutes to solve. See how long it will take you to solve it.
SATURDAY'S SOLUTION.
1524
25
AREA PRIDE VAD 24VDE PIE LE PROTE LOVE
OUS CAPER TE
DOVE SEV282 D' 10925 PN 10
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SHORE
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DABEI BADND
pen.
Little Ann Casson, aged twelve, took her first bow as an authoress when her little play, "The Cam-
with an effect remarkable in so quaint ideas of this kind are used
young an authoress. She blushed when called upon for a speech, and boxes of chocolates. merely hugged her hauquets and her
A
plained recently, "I am tired of Mr. Arnold Bennett, who com the English theatre, having written four plays which it is impossible have to get on the English stage," is to Manchester, A copy of his play, new play produced in which at present is unnamed, will be sent to Mr. Sidney Young, man- aging director of the Rusholme Re- pertory Theatre, Manchester, who produced Mr. Bennett's play Flora." Unless it presents insur- mountable difficulties, it will be produced as Rusholme.
THE WOMAN'S CORNER.
FROM A HOUSEWIFE'S DIARY.
the sides, put a good sprinking-of four round the edge of the top of the cake. This will stop the icing from running over the edge be fore you have time to stop it, and
Cold, ten is the best medium for If you are icing a cake and do getting your curtains up to the not want the reing to run down desired shade of eeru. Strain the ten and add it gradually to the starch water until the correct shade is reached. Stir woll to remove any streakiness, Now immerse the washed curtains, leave for twenty 80 prevent an untidy appearance. minutes or so, lifting and stirring them occasionally. Squeeze them aut, but do not twist them, and hang them fairly wet to dry. You will find your curtains will dry a pretty ceru tint that will last through many washings.
STUFFED CABBAGE.
Stuffed cabbage, served with left- over mest and boiled rice, in French style, is a delicious dish. A loose-leaved head of cabbage is cooked for fifteen minutes in boil. ing, salted water.
ORANGE CREAM.
Full advantage should be taken when 'oranges are in sea- son as they are full of valuable vitamins. Here is a novel way of using them, Take 8 table- spoonfuls of sugar and dissolve in the juice of 2 oranges, and 2 tablespoonfuls of grated or- ange peel. Beat the yolk of 2 eggs, add to the sugar mixture, wthen 1 cup of thick cream.
Use a double boiler for cook- ing and stir constantly until it begins to thickra. After chil ling serve with whipped cream.
CLEANING TAN SHOES.
This is the season for tan shoes, and often they become badly stain- ed through country walking or bad weather.
As soon as they are taken pff, all mud or dust should be wiped away with a clean cloth. Get some warm water, to which a little
For the filling of the "an uanges," take two cupfuls of roast meat, finely chopped, and mix with one A very successful method for household ammonia has been að. cupful of boiled rice, two beaten cleaning ivory ornaments is the ded, wring out a soft cloth, rub eggs, one tablespoonful of butter, following: Stained parts should be it on a bar of soap and thorough- and, seasoning to taste.
rubbed with lemon juice; then with Cook the mixture gently for a whiting mixed with lemon juice to ly wash the stained parts of the few minutes, then place a tables, the consistency of cream: When shoes. poonful of it on a cooked cabbage quito dry, rub off with a soft cloth add a bit of of butter, and roll up and polish. like a sausage.
A
Wipe with another wet cloth, pat
on ahoo trees and dry in the air.
Stand the sausages on end in a Before darning your stockings When they are quite dry, polish buttered dish, and, when filled, hold the skein of new wool over with shoe cream, rubbing well into, cover the whole with leaves of cab.a. saucepan of boiling water until
bage, and pour two tablespoonfuls is is thoroughly damp, and hang the cleaned parts.
of sour cream over this. Cookit, up to dry. It will then be The process can be repeated" it
The GATE CRASHER
GLENN TRYC
KING
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Sensation
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