HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
Composer: "How much do you think I ought to get for this song" Critic (without hesitation): "Six months."
"Sonie muitos. have four wheels. four doors, four cylinders, and "four brakes 1"
Now, if the drivers only had foresight!"
リ
Lady:Are you sure that this. orchid will bloom every 100 years 7
Florist: Yes, but if it doesn't do so, I will take it back without conditions."
Small Child: "Daddy, can Į have a dime?"
Daddy: "I haven't got a dime." Small Child: "Then can I have one of those smalt dollar bills?"
An Irishman applying for a posi- tion with a transit company em phatically stated that he wanted to be a motorman beenuse he heard that electricity always goes through the conductor.
1.
"Why have you been sitting in your car all the afternoon ?”
"I'm waiting for two gentlemen "q "Who are they
"The one who owns the car in front of me and the one who owns the car in back."
Sea-Captain (introducing friend to his elderly aunt): "This is my friend Barker; he lives in the Can- ary Islands."
How interesting," murmured the antic. Gathering all her wits, she added, "Then, of course, you sing."
A small-part actor used to haunt his agent's office, saying. Any thin' doin' for me to-day. Ted?" And Ted would respond: "Sorry, Charlie; nothin' doin'."..
As the weeks went on words he- came superfluous. Charlie would look in, lift his eyebrows inquiring ly, and Ted would shake his head. This went on for weeks, Then one He day Charlie broke silence." strode in, saying: "Oh, by the
Ted, don't book me for any during the next fortnight. I've decided to take an 'oliday."
Teacher: Agnos, can you give. me another name for 'elf'1"
Agnes: "No'm."
Teacher: "Yes, dear, that is right."
Nephew: "To-day I have seen machine that can do the work of three men."
"That's not much if all Uncle: men work like you."
The hardest thing to find these days Would be a father, we surmise, Who often hears his family ex
claim--
"Sure, Dad, we're all glad to
economize!"
11
Not long ago ū *man ERW an nrciele in a mail order catalogue that he decided to buy. This man possesses quite a stack of shekels and anybody would be glad to sell him and charge it. He wrote the mail-order house thus: "Send arti le. If good, will send cheque."
In due time he received the fol lowing: Send cheque. If good,
will send article."
The musician net."the village choir on their way to practice, ladth with music rolls.
What are you going to sing "
he, naked them.
"Bach," replied the choirmaster. We always sing him!"
difficult 7"
But don't you find Bach a little
E was at first," said the choir. master; but we smartened 'im up and now 'e goes just fine!"
P
A visitor in the village was great. ly interested in all that he saw. In particular he noticed that one of the inhabitants of the place was treated with marked respect by the others.
I
I observe," remarked the visi tor," that you all treat that man with marked deference."
"Yes," was the answer, "he's one of the carly settlers,"
Early settlers?" asked
the other. Why, he can't be above "That may be true," replied the old man, "but he pays all his bills promptly on the first of every
30!"
mouth."
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
18
12
14
15 16
B 19 10 11
12
14
15
16
17
19
20 121
20
124
26
27
28
129 130
31
22
33 34
35
138
39
40 MI
42
43
45
147
12:46
149**
50
51
52
53
154
55
56
Horizontal,
1.-Benda. 7.-Thorns, 13-Exciting emotion. 14.Sole right to make. 15. Symbol for argent. 16.-Thieves
18.-Toward. 19.-Home (abbr.).
21.-Cord.
92-Equality.
23-Large tuba. 25.-Finish.
26.-Stiffly proper: 27.-Revised. 29.-Hardens.
31-Turn to right. 32. To stitch edge. 33.-Beasts of burden. 36. To ridicule. 29.-Persian poet. 40. Golfer's mound. 42.--Joint. 43-Musician (abbr). 44-6at for portrait. 18. To scrub.
47-In before. “L."
48.-To thrive.
50.-Negative.
51.--Grain.
53.-Chooser.
17.--A metal. 20.-Marks of infamy.
-Chief of cabinet. 24To guide. 20.-Lords.
28.-Long fish. 30.-Article.
33-Funny actors.
34.-Token.
35.-Backless chairs.
38. Further down.
37.-Deters through fear.
38.-Ta cover with 'relief work. 41.-A warm. /
44-In Britain, haby-carriage?
45. To eliminate.
48.-A vegetable.
18.Corded cloth.
52.-Prefix: again.
51.-Symbol for calcium.
This puzzle took 23 minutes to solve: See how long it will take
you to solve it.
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
56.Turn to vapor.
1475
BELE KOB PA
58. To go by again.
Vertical,
T-To be famished.
2. Mending string. 3-Conjunction. 4.-Lubricant.
5.-Secret scheme.
6. Leserned speed. 7-Disburses. 6.--To prel, 9.-Pronoun.
11. To involve.
12--Gales.
ازة
ZEE ZEL BE CELE LULE SATE BE
PIER LEX
ROCES DOBY
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS. SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 30, 1929.
THE MINUTE THAT SEEMS A YEAR
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
"WHEN YOU'VE BEEN RINGING AND RINGING FOR THE ELEVATOR, AND JUST AS IT ARRIVES, WITH THE MAN WEARING HIS "WHAT'S-YOUR-HURRY`` EXPRESSION, YOU REMEMBER THAT YOU LEFT
YOUR BRIEF-CASE IN THE OFFICE, AND
HAVE TO GO BACK FOR IT.
(Copyright, 1929, by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.)
QUYAS WELLNE
SPORT AND ATHLETICS.
their
new A
their countries.
on
This is
but
DISTURBING THE PEACE. A Football League of Nations is urgently needed to compose the differences often breaking out into open warfare—which are constantly arising between the footballers of Britain and other countries. This is emphasised by a new "war" which has just broken out between the English Football Association and certain French newspapers. The Association, which since the
FRENCH CHAMPION BEATEN.
W15
"FOREIGNERS" IN INTER- NATIONAL FOOTBALL.
Fred Shaw, of Shipley, gained Whether English Soccer clubs
tories of his boxing enreer at the one of the most noteworthy vic- releedsc should
Scottish,
Free Trade Hall, Manchester when Welsh, and Irish players for international matches days
he accured a points verdict over when they are playing im-
Lucien Lalleau, the military cham- pion of France. Lälleau immense- parlantt League games is no
ly strong and tempestuous, fought problem, strictly
every round at top speed and to it has been created afresh, and in an acute form, by the announce
wards the end of the fight he re- ment that after this season the Ar-
started rounds of racing across the ring at his opponent. Shaw met senal will refuse to give permisor
him with the greatest coolness, and to their "foreigners to appead
after a contest that was essentially that will probably be welcomed by war has been in the habit of sund- he was given the referee's award. one between a boxer and a fighter, every other English club, but in ing a
team each year to play Jack Ellis, of Todmorden, knocked Wales and Ireland particularly it i will be received with dismay. against France and Belgium, has out Tom Dexter, of: Sheffield, in the
Yet a definite pronouncement of decided this year
1
to substitute ninth round of a fight scheduled the sort was bound to be made for
these games against Ger for fifteen. In a ten rounds' fight sooner or later, for there are so many and Austria. French players, Ted Maguire, of Longsight, beat many, Scots, Welshmen, and Trish have become accustomed to regard Dan Kelly, "of Salford, on men in English football of to-day their football lesson from an Eng-points Jack Brown, who that clubs are often put in a posilish team as an annual right, and described by Mr. Jack Smith, as tion of extreme difficulty when some the French Press has taken up the Manchester's first champion, was of their prominent men are selected cudgels in n bitter attack on the accorded a very warm reception to appear in the big games of the English ruling body. The French when he appeared in two short ex- season. There is always grumbling Association say they will insist on hibition bouts. Mr. Smith read a and dissatisfaction when release to the matches being continued. The telegram from the New York State an individual is declined, but the Paris Soir alleges that the action Commission, offering to give Brown larger side of the question is that of the English Association is part a chance to defend his fly-weight the League programme is of infi- of an offensive against the Inter- title. nitely more importance to every
national Football Federation-s club than all the internationals which is supposed to, but does not, that can be arranged. The real control the game internationally,
Lack of proper control of inter-long trail of resentment. Drawn national "Soccer" games has been swords have been used on more than responsible for much bad feeling one recent occasion by the Contin morg, the players and spectators ental police to protect English in various countries during recent teams as they left the field. English jen ra. International play kas teams have been involved during steadily degenerated, and matches at the Olympic Games which are intended to promote international good fellowship and sportsman- ship-frequently produce ugly inci- dents which leave behind them a
hardship arrives when a club that has had a very lean time, and that perhaps has relegation staring it in the face, is called upon to field a weak side when the gaining of points is a matter of urgency.
SALFORD RUGBY TRANSFER.
Llewellyn Williams, the Salford Rugby League club's Welsh inter- national fullback, has been placed on the transfer list at his own re- quest.
(Continued on next Column.)
the past year in unpleasant incid- ents in Hungary. the Argentine, and in France. Belgium, Spain, and Italy. Matches between Con- tinental countries are also often. attended by disorder on the field and among the spectators.
MAINLY FOR THE MEN.
Women are & greater source of English art dealers are frankly annoyance to men than men are to puzzled why an American should
pay. 8205,000 for a painting which | women. This, at least, is the con-
three years ago sold in London for. clusion of Professor Huleey Cason, $8,500. Some weeks ago it was an- the American psychologist, who hasnounced that the Ehrich Galleries made a study of more than 600 sub-had sold Romney's "Master Ten- sometime called Romney's jects of both sexes with the object "Blue Boy" in the United States
Dant,"
Let me have men about me that
cre fat.
Yond Camins has a lean and hungry, look,
Such men are danger ous-Shakespeare.. (Julius
Gutar.)
there by
D
IN
MONTE BLUE
BRASS KNUCKLES
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY AT 2.30. 5.30 & 9.20.
ALICE DAY
IN
PHYLLIS OF THE FOLLIES
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY Continuous 1.15 to 11.15.
STAR BORLÄ
SAMOAN DANCERS
Charming native girls, in native dress. fascinating and irresistible.
Big bushy-haired boys, bubbling over with elemental vitality and infectious enjoyment.
* Somehow they give one the feeling of glorious intoxication...and...an acute, desire to
throw oneself into the rhythm and simply go
mad."-Peking & Tientsin Times,
THEATRE ROYAL Monday and Tuesday, December 2 & 3, 9.15 p.m.
<
1
Booking at Moutrie's.." (Admission: $3, $2 & 81.)
RADIO
SETS & ACCESSORIES
OF
TIONS
LATEST PRODUCTIONS
INSPECTION CORDIALLY INVITED
THE WING ON CO., LTD.
DRESS HINTS. AS **SERMON." FASHION HISTORY MADE IN
а
CHURCH.
Eat women must not wear stripes. Dark
favour women should colours like yellow, orange, and brown.
Fair women beware of pale pink.
This advice was not given at a dress exhibition. It formed part of **"sermon " delivered appro- priately, in the Church of St. An- drew-by-the Wardrobe, in Queen Victoria-street, in the City of Lon- don, by Miss N. Leathes,
Miss Leathes has made a study of dress in Paris, London, and New York, and she employed as her "lext," "The Artistic Value of Clothes."
Main Theme.
Her address was given during the lunch hour, and it was the first necasion in the history of London on which a woman has stood up in a city church and delivered a sermon "on dress to a gathering" of girl workers.
Beware of the skinny men i of discovering which is the more but not to be confused with Gains-
It has been discovered that only difficult to live with. Mrs. H. W. borough's "Blue Boy," for 8295,000 two per cent. of the murderers in to an unnamed American. Now it New York in the past fifteen Nevinson, wife of the author, was
Her main theme was to impress is revealed that in 1928 the picture
on her hearers that the average asked to say what, in her opinion, was sold in London for 88,500 by years liave been fat men, and that, would be the view of the majority Mr. Walter Burns who inherited the most ghastly crimes are almost to dress herself artistically.
weman does not take enough trouble of women of Professor Cason's con- it from his mother, a sister of the invariably committed clusion, "Men are always complain- late Mr. J. P. Morgan. Mr. those who are devoid of vitamina. said. Wonen do not take enough **The great trouble is this," she ing that they cannot live with wo- Burns sold the picture after the One of the most famous murderers care to find what best suits them. men," said Mra. Nevinson. "On National Gallery ruled that it was in the world, Charles Peace, was They wear clothes because they are the other hand, it has to be remem- not of suficient "national import described by a counsel who once de- in the fashion, not because they are bered that they cannot live without ance" to be exempt from death fended him as a small, spare man, they suit her type. them. Therefore, men and women daties." "Master Tennant" is a clean shaven, with a very promin-I think no one can say short have to live together and endure comparatively unknown Romney eat chin, which he could so distort skirts are really beautiful," she each other. Men complain that portrait in blue of the young son as to make himself unrecognisable added, "but they are most useful women nag, and this may be true; of Mr. Willian Tennant. Romney The police description of bin is and most hygienic." but men can say harder things in accured 8250 for the study. A sued at the time was: "Thin' and a few words than women say in all member of London's most promin- slightly built, ft, 4in. high, grey their nagging, Men often say ent art gallery said the price paid (nearly white) hair, beard, and things to women that are so bitter for this picture was "nost aur whiskers." Crippen was spare of that women can never forget them prising"" It merely shows," he chest, narrow of shoulder, meagre as long as they live. I think the eaid, "that the ordinary standards in height and devoid of muscle palm must go to the men for giving of art values which we recognize with protuding eyeballs which gave this form of annoyance, which is in this country absolutely go by the his fans a meaningless stare. often much worse than annoyance, board in America. I would not Ecotland-yard was asked about the When all the forms of annoyance have said the picture was worth Cassius type, but no encourage are considered, however, I suppose more than ten or fifteen" thousand ment was given to the New York men and women are about fifty- "dollars at the outside." Rich theory. "My experience is," said room. Admiral Davis, who was fifty. If men and women would Americans," he concluded, "often a high official, "that murderers aged 83 years, had latterly suffered agree on this and get along with collect pictures at high prices behave few characteristics to distin- from attacks of giddiness resulting 1 Palu for visiting byrne on cause the Postraron of the Tedna guten them from the ordinary men from Fear trouble, for which he both sides, the world would be bet thing which distinguishes 'one mil you meet in the, street, train or had been receiving medical atten- ter off."
lionaire from another."
tion.
omnibus."
A verdict of accidental death was recorded at an inquest' at Bexhill (Sussex) recently on Admiral Edward H. M. Davis, who fell fron an open bedroom window ng his home, Ratliedinond, Bexhill, into on arca forty feet below. Evidence showed that Admiral Davis had been fixing wedges to prevent the windows rattling in his son's bed-
TO-DAY TO TUESDAY
100%
ALL
TALKING
RONALD COLMAN
IN AND AS
BULLDOG DRUMMOND
HONG KONGS GREATEST
TALKIE
ADDED ATTRACTION
Hear UKELELE IKE
SING
AT THE
QUEEN'S
At 280, 6.10. 1.15 % 9.20.