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because I like it
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"If I were you I'd go and call the R.S.M. a rude name-he'll get you fifteen days inside and probably a disabled soldier's pension."
London Express Berylog
THEY DREAD BEING
MADE MUGS
the Americans had a theme song just now they would probably choose the music of the famous banana song and chant: "Yes, we have no idols; we have no, idola today."
If the gods appeared on carth and promised to grant them one wish they would be inclined to ask that the rest of the world would take a jump in the river.
The rise of the U.S.A. to being the greatest Power Eas
CONCLUDING ARTICLE OF THE SERIES
REPORT ON AMERICA
by BEVERLEY BAXTER MP
been too sudden. The mellow- cause he did not defy Hitler at Ing process of time has been Munich, Mr. Attlee's Govern- denied to them, and the firement has pretty well completed base of tradition is not there.
It is not yet two centuries since they fought their war of inde- pondence, and less than a cen- tury since they fought their civil war to maintain unity and give freedom to the slaves,
TREK GOES ON
MERICA has not yet passed
A the melting pot stage, despite
her immense achievements in reaching natianhood. Nor has the great trek ended, although the covered wagons now have rubber wheels and an internal combustion engine, and some times wings.
The lure of the West still draws the adventurous, just as the lure of New York draws the talented, the ambitious and the beautiful.
it.
Sitting On The Fence
By..
Nathaniel
Sometimes lotters evidently
intended for the editor of correspondence
mo.
tho
column rench
The last one opened was from woman complaining that her husband blows down her neck wiren who's taking tho out of the oven.
dinner
-7ELL, dear, although:
I have many other matters that need attention I suppose I must drop everything to consider your problem.
Gubbins
man who has beamirched my father's name. - .
GOLFING ENGLISHMAN (entering): What about a spot of golf?
EXAMPLE NO. 2 COMEDY BOUDOM SCENE
FIFI: Zo you ink I am ver nize, hein?
CLAUDE: You are adorable, maddening, Intoxicating. Fin, lot this night Just
First of all I may surprise Fin you by suggesting that you are this
fortunate than
more
majority of women.
one little night... bo the ours. Just you and I... Fis
GOLFING ENGLISHMAN (entering): What about a spot
Most of them these days com- of gaff? plain of lack of attention and many have to enduro long evenings of grumbling, or even complete silence,
EXAMPLE NO. 3 RUSSIAN TRAGEDY
STEPHAN STINKOWSKI:
Therefore, think that a man who has the galety and evurage, to blow down your. neck at such a moment, and in such dificult times, might be Peter Pushkin has shot him- regarded, að an asset in your self, Ivan Ivanoff has drowned himself, Dmitri Dmitriko has home,
Tome test
:
gassed himself, Anna Avanother has poisoned herself, Gigli Gigli- vitch has stabbed himself. No- body understands the Five-Year Plan. (Pointing a revolver at his head) There is only one
American felations, The sur- vival of the United Nations as the modern expression of Wood-
Or course, I know it must row Wilson's League of Nations
your temper. I dare say way out.... is nt stake. The Americans are Arm believers in cutting their your dingers are bilstered try- losses and there is a growing ing to hold on to hot dishes in (entoring): What about a spot feeling that UNO is nothing but exasperating and unusual chr-
talking shop in which every cumstances.
ས
speech ts propagandist and
minor delegates try to achieve personal notoriety.
We in Britain share those
But please don't kill such a rare spirit with a thoughtless, angry word.
GOLFING ENGLISHMAN
of goff?
Progress report
Sif there were not enough
views to some extent, and un- Try counting up to ten, and ready, Dr Grant Fairbanks, of University of Tinois, doubtedly there must be a re-it he is still blowing when you the construction and redressing of have finished, say "Oh, hello, USA, has invented a machine
this diplomatic shop window. dear. Take this dish into the But its abolition would be a dining room, will you?"
mankind's
for international co- operation. I am certain that Mr. Churchill would take this view, and if he spoke as the political head of the British nation he gency visit.
We urged
the could breathe an entirely new Prime Minister in Parliament to spirit into the whole venture. do so, and Mr. Churchill was' ready to go.
THE HOPE
Admittedly the Tory leader Gone aro the days when
would have stolen the headlines Americans proclaimed the ore and the flashlights, but in the THAT is the end of my Ame- of the common man and re- end his presence joiced. Now they are sick to enhanced Mr Attlee's prestige troduction of Churchill's 'name death of the common man in and brought a new enthusiasm seems unnecessarily controver politics. They are discovering in to the Anglo-American entente. aint, I did it only because I pro
fact that mediocrity in itself is not complete quality
Ц leadership.
As be is unlikely to have a in his hands, you will clath
at once established rounds for common sympathy.
have
you
which
nane
will turn a normally person into o gibbering idiot within a few minutes,
Оде
day it occurred to the doctor
that the human brain is a monitor controlling speech depending entirely on a back system which ro "A fellow feeling makes us feed
the spoken word in the wondrous kind," and no doubt cords
cals so they have time will spend a
laughing, brain tearful evening kissing each to think up a following word which will make sense. In this other's blisters,
Uke sentences тупаку simple "The cat ate the rat" are form ed; also the mere involved. sentences uttered by scientists. As this feed back takes 10 more than one-thousandth of a it then occurred to second, the doctor that if he retarded the process something interest- ing would Happen.
would have I rican Report, and if the in- A spot of goff
"The BLOMO
golfing Engilshiruan inevitable to. modern abroat drama. Ho iurns up in. any kind of play at the oddest
with morrents, usually irrelevant remarks."-/ of the drama.
EXAMPLE NO. 1 MELODRAMA
BOTTLE eridio
Nothing is more important in foundly believe that not only for the world today than the close Anglo-American relations but understanding and the develop human liberty itself need the ing partnership of the American vitality and Inspiration of his So in their impatience they and British people.
We never spielt. dealt with the have scan the horizon for someone to should
It
One last word. To those who U.S.A. on any other level. rise above the grey averageness of political leadership in the blunder to take the American I would ask them to believe that VILLAIN: So we meet again? was a psychological and political decry the U.S.A. at every turn someone whose Loan and Marshall Aid. We an American is warmed by the democracies,
crystallise
all your influence with tape recorder and a play back and chilled by the Not words would
the should not have lined up in the same sun longings and resolution of the mendicants' queue.
same winter as ourselves; and the duke, nor all the heroles of amplifier and Invited his victim speak. At first, it was all when ho la pricked he bleeds. your precious lover, handsome, to free world, someone whose voice would ring, across the seas and
If Mr Churchill became Prime But his kindness and courage Jack Caraway, can save you right. The play back spoke the inflame the spirit of Christendom Minister, either as the head of can no more be denied than his from my arms.
K Conservative Or Coalition sensitiveness. to great deeds.
Government, the smouldering
Vavasour? Vera de Vere
So he got a microphone,
¿
almost simultaneously. You shall be words my bride, age, even it I have Then the doctor slowed down
the mechanism
the -and- to carry you to the altar.
amplifier repeated the speaker's To the Americans there is Ares of the fres world would The English Speaking Leader-
onc-twenty-fifth of A such a
V. de V. V.: Never shall I words man. His name is leap into an exultant flame. The ship of the world is the hope of
than normal, Winston Churchill. Not even taunts and counter-taunts, the humanity. Each one of us, what-be your Bride, Jasper foulkes, second later
scope of influence, the five years spent in Oppost- sneors and doubts as well as the ever the
tion have dimmed his radiance clash of political ideology would should consider our words be. Were you the last man on the bawling him out with his pre-
at
to the Americans.
The critics of America see little in
but her story making and the worship money, and claim that material- ism is the only real faith there despite a dozen religions, What they fail to see and acknowledge
vast is the
aren of human happiness and opportunity which was created for millions of Europe's downtrodden and discouraged people,
The United States today stand before the bar of history as one of the greatest of all human nchlovements. Only the little mind or the soured spirit could fall to acknowledge that
In my opinion Mr Attlee was wrong not to take Churchill to Washington on his recent emer-
catise.
Our
earth
would shnd
Rezervade
and you offered me all vlous remark while he was wealth in the world, I struggling with the next.
rather suffer ten thou-
result was ed interest- torments thousand deaths than marry a ing that the report in Time,
be consumed like autumn leaves fore we injure that mightyho in the blaze.
Nor would Churchill's in- (World Copyright fluence be confined to Anglo- London Express Service.)
The man who cures
hates to be
to be called VET
men and
women
THE who look after Brl-
But the very swiftness of thetain's sick animals are an- Republic's development has left
about. being called
title of "veterinary
THE CHAPMAN PINCHER COLUMN
and die
the cat
ten
The
Kays.
"The spcaker is, slowly driven towards the gibbering stage. His words won't come, .he stammers, repeats, screams
in agonised frustration.”
Some potatoes grown in iron-
Although we have often pro rich soil, contain so much of the duced this effect in Parliament metal that they are bound to without mechanical aids, Dr blacken, Dr Erle Bate-Smith told Fairbanks' gadget would be of me, when I toured his first-rate the utmost "value" at ; pubile Food Research Station.
Bat potatoes with moderate
the people distrustful of their BTY own judgment in politics, and "vets." They want the full among the farmers of three will be about 10,000 to one iron-content only blacken if they especially in world affates.
As we would say in England geon" whenever they
about by they dread being made a mug. talked
In the end this is not healthy, clients or mentioned for it breeds a lack of trust in print. their political lenders,
NO IDOLS
sur- countries.
are
When asked by an
against.
earnest Half the women in the most
are cooled in an iron pot...
their
The scientists are hoping to in veterinary-college student how civilised countries in the world and a way of growing potatoes he encouraged his clients to ad- bear their children with no more never blacken. Meanwhile, their so free from iron that they will dress him, the old man said: relief from pain than is usual tip to housewives is: cook your Officials of the "vets' union," "Well, some call me vet, a few in the darkest Jungle. Their potatoes in an aluminium pan. the National Veterinary Medical, call me Mister, but most of more fortunate sisters aro saved Association, say "the word 'vel' them just call mo 'Wullie.'" Is: too vulgar to be applied to a
and lowers learned profession, our prestige."
IF you asked any. American to name a great President ho would probably answer "Abra- ham Lincoln," There have been no idols since his time. Teddy Some "vels" are objecting so Roosevelt was popular but Fran- strongly that whenever firms use lin D. Roosevelt is still spoken the word "vet" in their adver- of by his detractors in terma tisements they write complaining which scour the bottom of the about it. wells of vilification.
This lo a serious weakness in the American character, A na tion which does not bellevo in grent -men, is not likely to pro- duco them.
ABOUT BIRTH
---the worst of the pain for perhaps
a tenth of the time.
a
WHO BUTTS?
hens there is a social ladder ★ JUST as in every flock of ranging from the recognised top
FROM "Eternal Eve® a 300- • A girl of eight has become page book by Dr. Harvey mother. So has a woman of 63.
• A Caesarcan operation is now rest as Graham, giving an exciting run-
bird to a fowl regarded by the the lowest thing that
ning commentary on the fight by no more dangerous than an clucks, so among cows there are doctors and midwives which has operation for appendicitis,
made childbirth so safe that now Dog-food, manufacturers re- cently claimed in an advertise only one mother in 1,000, risks ment that their product is re- her life through having a baby, commended by "leading vela." I take these quoteste They were immediately asked to change it to "leading veterinary surgeons."
The argument that the pain of childbirth is essential for the
CO., LTD. aned to politics. The American, All this is just pompous hum- full development of mother-lové
Telegramis
· An, attractive hours, 3 Réception Jooms, a 'Bedroomm, wralialto -- for
rungs of respectability.
Social supremacy. In the fowl-; Obstetricians and gynaecolo gists play a large part in bring- run is alguided by who pecks ing about the saving of infant whom. In a herd of cows it is a case of who butts whom, selen- Lives. But the part played by thats report after four years' close midwives is more impertant, otudy of bovine behaviour,
IT'S THE IRON
Nor in this lack of faith con-
When two cows who do not Imow each other meet they begin despite hi rive to supreme bug in my view. The word "vet" has been revived recently. So far
a butting duel The winner es- power, still believes that great is not an unduly familiar term its exponents have falled to con- accor
groat
A DOMESTIC mystery which tablishes her social superiority composers, great like "doc" for doctor, or "gurge conductors and great painters for surgeon. It is in general use vince any woman who has over
has puzzled housewives for for all time, and with it the right to buit the loner without arp only to be found in the Old | becatiso it is more convenient bomo a child.
centurica-why even the best retaliation. World.
than the full tle, which is hard to pronounce properly.
- ● We are fast reaching a stage potatoes sometimes turn "black
Butting contests between twins In politics, unfortunately, ba In now losing his old bellef that.
members of the Where the chances of any mother when they are bolled-has been always ended in a draw, the Pomporta Britain breeds statesmen while veterinary profession, I recom- dying of a childbirth Infection cleared up by Cambridge scien- splenists report. Such a social tista. They have proved that the stalemate was never observed King's Building (2nd Floor) 9 Connaught Rd, Hong Kongville Chamberlaid began the an old Ecetilives who had America broeda politicians. [mend the rentiatic approach of
blackening is due to traces of among lead cluwely related coWN. iron.
-{Lenton Express · Pervice);" [process. of, qisillusionment: be built up a ferriño reputation • Published by Zeinemann
VA
For
dinners, and might cause con- siderable amüsement in the House of Commons if used on occasions. Sholl WO suitable say
Sit
· when
Waldron Smithers is asking questions?
-London. Express Service}
Ves got a fasting, Mobel, thay, if you and me don't dat somethina:about the distribution of ever lond We're going to have our oven