1938-04-08 — Page 6

THE HONGKONG TELEGRAPH, FRIDAY, APRIL 8, 1988

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FRIDAY, APHIL 8, 1938.

GUESS WHAT I'VE GOT

PACIFIC

-Gurney in Melbourne Hcrate

Russians Have No

Bananas

HAVE just been drink- ing a champagne cock- tail to the health of Miss Waugh.

By

Patrick Balfour

it drove him to hit Mr. H. R.

Why they should trust even the Post Office, I cannot tell you. Anyway, no Frenchman will ever trust a Government that trics to get money out of him. Why They Don't Think

It Funny

character--the masculine ten-

PUNISHMENT TO FIT THE CRIME

Miss Waugh is the Without wishing to criticise, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. much less to antagonise the Evelyn Waugh. She is three authorities whose duty it is to days old, and she is roaring. Knickerbocker. Not that Mr. LAST week 1 emphasised an- enforce the laws and punish Do not misunderstand me.. H. R. Knickerbocker is a high- other aspect of the French their infraction, it is submitted I mean the phrase literally. brow. Far from it. But Mr. deney to spend money on females that the ever-present desire for

They say that when children H. R. Knickerbocker had been rather than on such alternative economy which should be cul- roar from birth it is a sure sign telling Mr. Waugh that in his

of character. In that case, if (Mr. Knickerbocker's) opinion stimulants as alcohol.

This week I saw a man who tivated by every department of there is anything in heredity, ho (Mr. Waugh) was the second

to the exhibition of administration, might encourage all Mr. Waugh's children will best writer

in England. The had been the suggestion of certain minor roar from birth.

best, he added, was Mr. Aldons British art in Paris.

The French, it appears, are reforms in Hongkong.

Huxley,

much interested in the drawings MR. WAUGH is sensitive about

Mr. Waugh was roused to of Rowlandson, the English Consider the situation in the the shortness of his stature. fury. Many English writers, caricaturist. They are, how- Colony's prisons. They are very He needn't be. He makes up in he maintained, were better than ever, unable much crowded. This newspaper personality what he lacks in he. But Mr. Aldous Huxley was majority of them funny, because to think the was able to reveal yesterday inches.

in no way comparable.

Rowlandson's favourite object that Stanley Prison, that home! He is the only writer I know So Mr. Waugh and Mr. of satire was drunkenness. for the wayward, now houses who is as witty in conversation Knickerbocker hit each other upwards of 2,080 male prisoners. as he is on paper. His wit is once or twice and then sat down A week ago it held 2,500. It abrupt, laconie, ruthless. and ordered more drinks.

He is a man of extreme pre- Londoners Sit Rapt was built to accommodate only 1,500. It cost. something like cinema, the sun, Bohemians," judices. He dislikes dogs, the $4,500,000 and the administra-Abyssinians, machines and dirty tive cost, including the feeding linen. He likes red port, white of prisoners, was estimated at claret, classical architecture, well over $1,000,000 for 1987. fox-hunting, Armenians, P. G. Prison food alone cost a quarter Wodehouse, and music-halls. of a million, according to the They Had Words

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COPIES OF

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"SOUTH CHINA MORNING POST"

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year.

same

To a Frenchman who drinks wine as a matter of course, but is otherwise highly abstemious, drunkenness is so rare as to be in no way funny. Russians Laugh The spectacle of a drunken BELIEVE that Russia is sub- Frenchman in the streets. of

stantially the same country Paris gives rise to the as she always was. The prin- combination of pity and alarm cipal change is anagrammatic, as the spectacle of a lunatic at Russia may now be the U.S.S.I., large. The more familiar spec- but has this transposition of tacle of a drunken Englishman letters changed the Russian in Piccadilly gives rise, almost About Authors character? Russians are still invariably, to tolerant mirth. As that under the present over HITHERTO Mr. Waugh's talent vastly incompetetent, indolent, a nation we are certainly drunk- has been stimulated prin- fatalistic, humorous and charmer (and certainly more solvent) [crowded conditions these items

cipally by doing things he dis- ing. They still regard them- than the French. of upkeep are going to be con- liked.

selves as a huge and faintly Death A Social Crime siderably swelled. The

tragic joke. state of affairs exists in the there is noting to

He went to Spitzbergen, where

In Monte Carlo I like the story of the banquet eat except women's prison at Laichikok, pemmican. Ho ate pommican given to Mr. Eden in Moscow, for N Russia, as I was saying, built to detain 100, where 200 until it made him sick, then

which no expense had been death is a commonplace. In inmates are at present. What nearly died of not eating pem- spared.

Monte Carlo death is a faux-pas. is the warning to be taken from mican.

A certain prominent Soviet Death from the most natural of these facts? That with prison

official, on entering the banquet causes in a social crime in Monte Not content, with disliking ing-hall, stopped short in as- Carlo. capacity already heavily taxed, Abyssinia once, he went there tonishment, his eyes filled with

This week I saw a lady of my the population constantly on the three times. He is about to tears, and, he exclaimed, with acquaintance who had just re- increase and crime not noticeably publish his fourth book about involuntary sentiment, "Bana- abating, the community must how much he disliked it.

nns! Why, I haven't presently be faced with such a His dislike of highbrows, at bananas since the Revolution !" state of affairs that only by re-least, is still unshaken. Once

Money From The Long Icasing

have prisoners who served part of their sentences spent

from

same

scen

Stocking

turned from Monte Carlo. There she met another lady, who greet- ed her with the most unfor- givable remark that one lady can make to another.

"THE VERY IDEA"

SHPRING'S HERE. MADAME

--Dy Eddle Kelly, Passion-flower

SPRING cleaning time is

here, girls.

The first thing to remem- ber about spring cleaning is that thoroughness is what is needed.

We have just finished our first.session.

Take scrubbing floors, for instance.

· You start off with a bucket of water, a scrubbing-brushi and some soap.

After you've scrubbed a couple of yards of floor you find that you've left the bucket behind.

You then go back over the soapy floor, slip on your back, bang your head on the bucket and knock k over.

The best way to scrub floors is to let the house-boy do it and go out and have a noggin or two of beer.

Then when you have finished you' can come back and start sweeping the chimney. The

boy is almost certain to come in useful again with this operation, as someone is definitely. needed

to clean up the soot from the sitting-room carpet while you go out for another noggin or two. Then there's putting clean paper on the kitchen cupboard shelves. It's remarkable the number of in- teresting things you find to rend In those old coples of the "Telegraph" when you're cutting them up to put on the shelves.

About half an hour to coch shelf is good

You good going.

can take ten minutes off then for another noggin

or two.

We don't like window cleaning much. We found that the easiest Way to clean windows was to throw buckets of water at them and then polish them with our Pomeranian.

The dog used to yelp a hit, but it was really a good idea, as by this simple procedure you can polish the windows and clean the dog at the same time.

A woman would never think of a simple time-saver like that. We are now going out for a noggin

or two.

NAVY'S PART IN DEFENCE

By HECTOR C. BYWATER It is widely assumed that the Navy- is incapable of taking part in the defence of this country against air attack. That may have been true a few years ago, but is not so to-day. With the growth of the air menace, the Navy's first task was to protect itself. Over

period the 'pro- along cess was hampered by shortage of funds. The deficiencies in naval anti-aircraft equipment revealed dur- ing the Mediterranean crisis of 1035 were due entirely to economy.

Since those days, extraordinary progress has been made, and. It can now be stated that the Navy is not worrying about air attack. Not only do new ships bristle with high-angle guns of various calibres, but

the accuracy of these guns has been greatly increased by the introduction of improved fire-control methods.

New principles of ship construction have also been adopted to minimise the effect of bomb hits. In modern battleships and cruisers the armour is distributed to protect the vitals from bombs, and all important con- trols are splinter and bullet proofed. ANTI-AIRCRAFT FLEET Every modern vessel of the Navy, from the capital ship down to the destroyer and the sloop, is now able to hit back with telling effect at hostile aircraft. This is also true of the older units, which have been modernised and rearmed.

Having provided for its own de- fence against the air threat, the Navy took measures for the protection of merchant shipping. Here, again, the progress made in two years has been. astonishing.

I have already described the Jurge fect of anti-aircraft ships now being built up, mainly with a view to keeping air raiders at a distance from convoys. This special flest however, only part of the immense organisation created to ensure the material safety of food and row supplies in wor; an organisation in which all three fighting Services are co-operating with the shipping, port and transport authorities.

WARNING PATROLS Regarding the possibility of air raids on London and other centres, the Navy does not propose to be a passive spectator. It would provide sca patrols to give warning of up- proaching

the.

"You must," she said, "have on their punishment,

been lovely when you were can room be made for the daily Morcover, it is questionable MEANWHILE the French are young." contingent sent up

the whether the punishment in many finances.

in panic again, about their courts,

The Frenchman's My friend replied with polite: cases is a corrective, What is chief trouble is that he can nover

acerbity. Afterwards, be- There are two possible cures the use of sending a banishee to trust another Frenchman. Espe- ing a woman not naturally given for this situation. Either new prison when he returns again cially where money is concerned. to acerbity, she was stricken by facilities must be provided to and again to the Colony? Ap-

conscience. A few days later Have you ever tried to buy she sought out the lady, to in- take the overflow from the parently he is quite satisfied to stamp in a French country post vite her to tea. The hotel porter prisons; or fewer prison aen-spend a few months at Stanley office? If you try to gratify was mysteriously evasive about tences should be passed. Or on each occasion. His stay is this modest need you will un- her whereabouts, improvement might be made made too comfortable here. doubtedly have to wait anything Enquiring further she elicited possible by action on both these As for the petty offenders of Frenchmen transact lengthy mitted the

up to half-an-hour while a queue the fact that the lady had com- suggestions. If, for instance, clothes thieves, gamblers and business at the counter in front solecism-she had died in Monte crowning social short-term prisoners could be their like, a fine or alternatively of you.

Carlo. "put away" in a prison camp. a few cute of the rod would pro-

They are all sending money to By order of the proprietor her where they could do a little bably discourage their mis-other Frenchmen, not in the corpse had been aninggled out by farming and Eve simply in huts, demeanors much more effective simple way that you or I would a service staircase at dead of caring for themselves as far as ly than detention. They might do, by a chequo on a bank, but night, in the company of its possible, and under guard, of be warned, too, that repetition by postal or telegraphic money maid, and carried to a waiting course, the congestion would be of offences would mean stiffer orders paid for by cash from the acroplane which took it away relieved immediately. Stanley punishment. There is nothing.

stocking,

from Monte Carlo at dawn, prison-in spite of the 200 lock-like a spanking for the douching of money, up to hundreds of emerging at dawn into the I have seen quite large sums And the galety of visitors, less cells-is still a safe place to of the self-esteem and daring pounds at a time, change, hands streets after the loss of their lodge a dangerous criminal. But which so often go with petty in France by postal or tele substance in the Casino, remain tree thieves and, narcotic law crime, especially if it is admin- graphic, money orders, because ed unclouded by the unthinkable offenders, gamblers and such istered before an appreciative if Frenchmen won't trust the spectacle of a funeral in Monteles Carrier with a total capiete 'riff-raff are not worth the money apprehensive audience.

banks.

·Cario

and

the

aircraft, difference in time between from this ree and those from coast

ce

watchers

sen

might be small, every minute gained would be of value.

Daylight ralders flying over the would be liable to come under fre from naval vessels, white the growing atrength of the

of the Fleet Air Arm will give the Navy powers of long-distance retallation

retaliation which, n. potential aggressor is not like to Ignoro. No other, navy, in, Europe has the same power of launchlam.

· oversea air 'offensives. By 1941 WS should, possess six modern and Jour

of 650 aircraft.

C