1937-01-06 — Page 18

THE HONGKONG TELEGRAPH, WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 6, 1987.

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Why

Women

BRIGHT-EYED woman, whose sparkle was rather more. of eagerness than. of intelligence, approached me at a party one afternoon and said, "why do you hate women, Mr. Thurber?"

I quickly adjusted my fixed grin and denied that I hated

FULL-CIRCLE- women: I said I did not hate

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HATE

Not a very serious article, but within the bounds of human experience

-by

JAMES.

THURBER

The wife does not look. She says with quiet coldness. “What is that you have in your hand?"

What he has in his hand turns out to be an insurance polley and an old bankbook---- and the snapshots.

I

NOTHER reason

hate women in that in almost every

case where thore la a sign reading "Please have exact change ready," a woman never has anything smaller than a pound note.

She gives pound notes to bus conductors and other persons who deal in pennies and six- pences.

un-

of all her smiles) and reiterates Recently, in Bermuda, I saw that the snapshots are in the a woman hand the conductor upper right-hand drawer of the on the little railway there a desk. He simply didn't look, note of such huge denomina- that's all.

tion that I was utterly familiar with it. I was sitting to see exactly THE husband we too far away

that he looked; he what it was, but I had the knows that he prodded and dug feeling that it was a hundred and excavated in that drawer pound note.

But the question remained with me, and I discovered when I went to bed that night that --famous American I had been subconsciously list-

humorist: but he ing a number of reasons why 1 do hate women. It might be says this goes for all

and that the snapshots simply The conductor merely ignored Interesting at least, it will

are not there. The wife tells it and stood there waiting-the other countries too help pass the time-to set down

him to go look again, and he fare was just one shilling. these reasons, just as they she reserves for spoiled children will find them. The husband Eventually, scrabbling around Stubbs Road | came up out of my sub or

the one she reserves for goes back and looks, again-the in her handbag, the woman drunken workmen, and tells hins guests' can hear him growling found a shilling.

The episode gives men the he knows perfectly well where and cursing and rattling papers, they are.

Then he shouts out from the feeling that some monstrous It turns out, after a lot of next room, "They are not in this triviality is threatening the POTTS.--George Hution Potts, aged At first blush you might think give and take, the slightly bitter drawer, just as I told you, whole structure of civilisation. It is difficult to analyse this 72, at Swatow, on Monday, 4th that a perverse and merely edge of which is covered by Ruth!"

forced laughs, that the snap- The wife quietly excuses her feeling, but there it is. January, 1937. The funeral will churlish reason for hating wo shots are in the upper right self and leaves the guests and

place.

the Colonial men, but it is not. Cemetery, Hongkong,

A that depresses the to-day. Friends are requested to meet al the Rute of the Protestant Cemetery, Happy Valley, at 5.15

Lake

__1.m

DEATIL

The

at

IN IN the first place, I hate

women because they always know where things are.

NOTHER

spectacle

hand drawer of a certain desk, goes into the room where her Naturally, every man enjoys and the husband goes out of the husband stands, hot, miserable, having a woman around the room to get them. He comes and defiant and with a certain male and makes him fear wo- house who knows where his back in three minutes with the nameless fear in his heart. He men, and therefore hate them, shirt studs and his brief case news that the snapshots are not has pulled the desk drawer out is that of a woman looking un- are, and things like that, but in the upper right-hand drawer so far that it is about to fall on other woman up and down, to he detests having ik wonum of the certain desk.

the floor, and he points at the see what she is wearing.

The cold, flat look that comes the drawer

Hongkong Telegraph. around who knows where every Without stirring from her bitter triumph (still mixed with into a woman's eyes when she of no importance at all, such as, husband with A faint smile that nameles fear). "Look for does this, the swift coarsening

(the one that annoys him most yourself!" he snarls.

WEDNESDAY, January 6, 1937.

say, the snapshots her husband took three years ago at Brigh- ton. She could put her fingers on them in a moment. with that quiet air of superior know ledge which makes a man feel

that he is out of touch with all

the things that count in life,

OUR UNIVERSITY Hongkong education in gen- eral, and the University in particular, will be the losers by the impending retirement of Sir William Hornell, who for a shots, unless they are snapshots A man's interest in old snap- period of twelve years has of himself in action with a gun, directed the destinies of the a fishing rod, or a tennis racket,

EMPEROR AND GLADIATOR

the head of all

by

Salten

Colony's main centre of learn-languishes in about two hours. ing, Socially, also, the Vice-A woman's interest in old snap-ONE y Pactus, Chancellor will be greatly miss-shots, particularly of groups of the gladiators, said ed by reason of his geniality of people, never languishes; it is to young Bassianus:

Felix always there, as the years roll "Listen! Tomorrow disposition and his charming on, as strong and vivid as if the Emperor will personality. During his asso- was right at the start. ciation with the University, Sir

"Nelther the one nor the other," repiled Pactus. "Commodus will appear in the arena to-morrow as

swordsman like thyself."

of her countenance, and the immediate evaporation from it of all humane quality make the male shudder. He is likely to go to his stuterocim or his den or his private office and lock himself in for hours.

I know one man who sur- prised that look in his wife's eyes and never afterward would let her come near him. If she started toward him, he would dodge behind a table or a sofa, as if he were engaging in some That And he unholy game of tag.

look, I believe, is one reason But the Emperor

menacingly.

became

nover gladiator." similed.

2

a

the

I (TO quit hiding be-

was looking at him men disappear, and turn up in

Tahiti or the Arctic or "What

white Navy. fence with thee!"

Bassianus thereupon inquired: chest he has," thought Bassianus, "and; She remembers the snapshots "Am I to go to the palace, or will the such soft shoulders and weak arms?"

And he smiled.

hind the generalisa- William has seen it grow in when people come to call, and Emperor.comd to us. In the school?" |

The signal was given by a blast of tion of "the male") hate women strength and in influence, de- just as the husband,

having

tubas.

because they almost never get spite untoward factors which mixed drinks for everybody, sits

Commodus sprang forward and

anything exactly right. made some hasty thrusts, of the have greatly added to his cares down to sip his own, she will

They say, "I have been faith- sword. and anxieties. In latter years say. "George, wish you would

Bassinus stood his ground without ful to thee, Cynara, after my even raising his weapon, and the fashion," instead of "in my particularly, the University's go and get those snapshots we

blows glanced off his shield.

fashion." financial problems have weighed took at Brighton and show

them to the Murphys,' heavily. Never adequately endowed, and always struggling where the snapshots are; all he The husband doesn't know against odds, the University's knows is that Harry Murphy dimculties have been accentuat doesn't want to see them; Harry ed latterly by the effects of the Murphy wants to talk just as he decline in the sterling value of himself wants to talk. the dollar. In the circumstance,

"Like myself?" "Why yes....or like Emilius, or The Emperor will be Marcus...... exactly like a real swordsman to- art morrow, and will show off his before the entire public."

Bassianus laughed.

But Grace Murphy says that, art foolish."

a few

The Emperor sprong to one side and tried to attack Bassianus in the They will tell you to take the flank. The young gladiutor turned 2.57 train, on a day that the almost imperceptibly, and wherever 2.57 does not run, or, if it does "It's very foolish of thee to laugh." Commodius's sword quivered, it struck run, does not stop at the station Bassianus's shield with ย metallic remarked Pactus.

attacked where you are supposed to get "Oh, I'm not afraid!" replied them. Bassianus thrust out his sword off.

sound. Then Commodus young gladiator, and his dark eyes and the Emperor's blade slid past it. Many men, separated from a shone with excitement.

"He has learnt this method of at-woman by this particular form Thou are not afraid, because thou tack from Partus," thought Bassianus of imprecision, have never show-

Не to himself.

advance of ment has progressed so well as she is crazy to see the pictures; then he brightened up again.

sword on the Emperor's golden EO embitters a man as to end it has. This is due in targe for one thing, the wife, who has "If I deal him my Tracian double shield, passed over it and, in a flash, up in Brighton when he was

Lauched Caesar's body quite

lightly, measure to Sir William's untir-brought the subject up, wants cut the Emperor's sword will fly on touched

four places supposed to get off at Haywards ing labours and administrative Mrs. Murphy to see the photo to the sand..... Nobody knows the almost caressingly, in

Thracian double-cut but myself..... with his sword, on the neck, under Heath. of a certain costume that the I learnt it from old Narcissus....no the shoulder, on the chest and at I hate women because they abilities, to say nothing of his wife wore at Brighton in 1933.

counterfenced the knee. Commodus felt the cold throw cricket balls (or plates or talent as an educationist. The

1. has

sicel on his bare skin and was afraid; vases) with the wrong foot ad- University, even under the best

HE husband finally "It's not a question of thy Thracian Bassianus smiled kindly at him.

vanced. I marvel that more of Truts down his trunk's not a question of thy Thracian of conditions, has peculiar pro-and snarls, "Well, where are been able to stand up against thee."

them have not broken their overcome thee, none having, as yet,

Emperor backs. they, then?".

"Well, let him

I marvel that women; who Bassianus.

it is remarkable that develop she wants to see the pictures:| Basslanus reflected for It while, steps, tapped with the point of his ed up in her life again. Nothing

blems of its own. As the Vice- Chancellor has stated, it is an isolated institution. and even The wife, deponding on her though its degrees are recogn-mood, gives him either the look ised at Home it lacks definite

cver

come,"

*

*

*

From this moment the

cried

left off glaring at his opponent; his furious expression gave place to a

his eyes.

Suddenly Bassianus remembered the man in disguise.

fans. "His sword will By Into safle. He began to implore him with co-ordinate so well with langu

Pactus grew angry. "Foolish ass! Remember, it is the Emperor!"

"Certainly....and will not harm

"What if I thrust my sword through

But the Emperor looked at him beseechingly,

orous motion, look uglier, and sillier than ย goose stepper when they attempt any form of violent activity.

I

contact with the big centres of tion. More money is needed, hum....but his sword will roll in the this boy's chest thought he British education. There are but, thus far, as H. E. the

sand. .thou canst take my word for

HAD a lot of other problems also connected with Governor stated at Monday's

notes jotted down "In that case, the Emperor will "One moment, Caesar...."Bassl- the human material which it Congregation, ΠΟ Hongkong have thee crucified an hour later.... anus whispered hurriedly. It seem-about why I hate women, but I handles; these make the task of "Lord Nuffield" has yet appear thou canst take my word for it!ed to him disgraceful and ridiculous seem to have lost them all, ex- the staff more than usually diffi-ed on the scene. Lord Lugard, cult.. But the idea on which the who has always taken the keen- University was founded the est interest in the University,

answered Pactus scornfully,

Bassianus laughed no more.

*

*

EK

by

this

to let himself be worsted

cept one. floundering fellow.

"He will reward me," he thought, That one is to the effect that and looked into the Emperor's dis- I hate women because, while desirability of educating Chinese thinks that that portion of the through the narrow passage leading will very greatly reward me!".

On the following day, as he passed heartened and entreating eyes. "He they never lose old snapshots or students in their own environ-Boxer Indemnity Fund which to the arena. a man in disguise Once again he hesitated, not want-anything of that sort, they in- ment rather than in totally for has been entrusted to the Uni-stepped up to him and whispered in ing to be too ignominiously defeated variably lose one glove. I be eign surroundings--was a sound versities China Committee his car: "Kill the Emperor, and in the presence of the people who had lieve that I have never gone one. It has proved its worth, might be better expended in thou shall receive two hundred so often admired his art. They might anywhere with any woman in But its efficacy has been lessened endowing a chair in the Hong-go where thou wouldst!""

thousand, sesterces and freedom to turn down their thumbs if they

bungler. my whole life who did not lose thought him too great a by reason of cramping influences kong University, in addition to

The young

fencer

was startled; he The Emperor almost fell over back-one glove..

019 I have searched for single which have dogged the institu- grants for post-graduate study groped in the dark for the sinister wards as Bassianus, standing Brm tion almost from the start. The in England, than in the creation figure, but it had freed self from him a rock, resisted his attack.

gloves under tables in crowded "Now, Caesar," he whispered, and Government has now decided to of a Professorship in Chinese at and fled. appoint committee to enquire Cambridge or Oxford. But that Bassianus shook his head and held out his sword for Commodus to restaurants and under the feet a light, theatres. I have spent some into the finances of the Univer-is only one aspect of the pro-stepped out through the low entrance strike. And as the blow fell, Basel of people in darkened movie

into the daylight.

anus sprang side with A bigger and more sity and to determine whether blem.

The shouts of the crowd greeted his threw himself on to his shoulders. ing for a woman's glove. It dancing feigning to slip, and part of every day or night hunt- any changes in staffing, salary adequate endowment of the cars like the sound of distant thunder. "He will reward me," he thought.

He stood facing the Emperor, whom scales or organisation are desir University is the primary need,

He smiled up at the Emperor, who there were no other reason in able. Overshadowing all other We commend the necessity he saw for the first time at such close bent over and glared at him the world for hating women, ..

Infuriatedly as he thrust bis sword that one would be enough, fasues is that of finance, which, therefore to those whose wealth quarters.

"Quite a little fellow," thought | into his throat. of course, bears directly on the would make the needed assis Bassianus, "as delicately built as my Young, Bassianus just heard the In fact, you can leave all the general efficiency of the institu-tance relatively easy.

brother Antonlus. Poor Antonius can

others out.

rear of the rejoicing multitude.