1915-03-06 — Page 9

THE HONGKONG TELEGRAPH.

THE CHIEF QUAINT.

CHURCH SERVICES.

A CHAT WITH MR.

SALISBURY.

A Humorist on Exchange

Problems.

The Telegraph had a little chat | with Mr. R. B. Salisbury, leader of "The Quaints," this morning, and found him quite a cheery little person, in spite of the fact, that he led off the conversation with the quory, “Don't you know that a humorist is the most un- funny person in the world ?" And, looking as if he really need- ed sympathy, he added, "You ought to cheer me up, as u malter of fact.

4

The Chief Quaint then lat as into the secret why so many hu- morista appoit, in ordinary life, to be auch serious. minded folk. Į "They dotcot a rival in everybody they meet," he drily oberved, "and as a consequence they foar they might lose their jobs,

Why did I arrive at the co- olusion, that I was a humorist ? Well, it seems to me that come folk are born humorists, some are mede humorists and othora ya it thrust upon them. They told me" I was funny, and

had to do it. 1 can't get anybody else, tu

do

1

St. John's Cathedral, Hongkong.-

3rd Sunday in Lent, 7th Mar.. 1915: Holy Communion (8.5" a.m.) Matins (11 a.m.) Re- sponses: Ferial. Venite: Elvey. Psalms: of the 7th morning. Benedicite : Elliot in G. "Jubilate Ousoley, in G. Holy Communion (12 noon), Hymns: 266, 317, N.B.-Psalm 35, versos 1, 9, 17, 18, 23; 24 În unison, Psalm 36, verses 5, 6, 11, 12 in unison. Eventong (5.44 pm) Respouson: „Ferial. Psalms: Gose, Magnificat:. Barnby (13th ovoning). Nunc Dimittis: Havorgal (7th Even- ing). Hymns: 261, 89, 90. Psalm 51:

Felton. Organ Recital on Monday, March 15th, at 5.30 p.m.

St. Peter's West Point.-8 a.m;

Holy Communion, 11 a.m. Morning Prayor. Freacher, the Archidancon of Hongkong. Sub-

·ject, “The value of the Bible. Union Church; Kennedy Road-

11 a.m. Hymns,5,582,230, Psalm 23. Communion at 12. 6 p.m. Hymns 10, 73, 35, 34, 371. Preacher, Rev. J.Kirk Macona-

chio.

St. Andrew's Church, Kowloon.- 3rd. Sanday in Lent, Holy Communion at 8 am., and 11 a.m. 7th March, 1915. Morning Prayer 11 am. Responses, Farial. Venite, Russoll Day III. Psalms, As Sot. Deum, St. Jude Jubilate, Ousley Hymns, 162, 305, 440. Kyrio, Mendelssohn. National Anthem, Evening. Prayer 6 p.m. Hymn, 24. Ro- sponses, Forial. Psalme, Gess, Magnificat, Barnby. Dimittis, Wickes 10th. Even. Nunc

Hymns, 155, 172, 165. (1st. 42 last 2 Verses). Vesper Hymn. National Anthem,

SECOND EXTRA

HONGKONG, SATURDAY, MARCH 6, 1915,

TO-DAY'S

LATEST WAR TELEGRAMS.

GERMAN GUARDS CAPTURED,

SUBMARINE IN THE CHANNEL HIT BY

FRENCH DESTROYER.

W

AN ALL ROUND CAPTURE OF TRENCHES IN

THE WEST.

[Router's Service to Tho “ Tolograph."}

Word from Field Marshat Sir John French.

March 5, 7.35 p.m.

Field Marshal Sir John French, in a bulletin issued to-night, says that the result of the artillery exchanges has been consistently satisfactory. There have been daily minor enterprises on our initiative.

: ་

A British aeroplane, flying behind the German lines, twice attacked German machines and forced them to desound. French Destroyer Hits German Submarine.

March 6, 2.55 8.m. Rentor's correspondent states that an official communication reports that a Franch destroyer shelled a Gorman submarine of the U2 type in the Channel, on Taursday. Three shells hit the submar.

ine, which dived, leaving no traces. 1***

at least should have to pay them so much money to do it that it wouldn't be worth while."

Talking of his wanderings, Mr Salisbury said the thing that most struck him in the East was the cheary time baak clerks had. They Bra the humorists of the East. They have me on exchange coming in and they have me on exchange going out.

"Talking of banks," he added, "I was at a Bank to supper lust night after the show, and I might say, "I know a bank where wild thyme grows."

'Hare is a little story which

interest

," said Mr. Salie- you,'

may

Admiralty Promotions.

Marou 5, 5.15 p.m.

Vice Admiral Sir John Rushworth Jellicos and the Hon. Sir! Hadworth Moux have been promoted to the rank of adiniral.

Field Marshal French Decorated. Renter's correspondent with the British Headquarters in France reports an interesting ceremony, when Casri Delacroix presented to Field Marshal Sir John Freach the Medaille Militaire. Field Marshal French is the first Englishman to receive this decoration...

لوام

Left Without Notice,

General Delacroix spoke of "the sincera appreciation of the "A Chinese boy employed by Mr. Murray, of the Asiatic Petroleumcencu nation of the magnificent work the Field Marshal is doing, Company, was to-day sentenced the great courage and endurance of the army, and the absolute to three months' imprisonment confidence of the French people that victory is assured. and four hours' stocks for laroony

and leaving without notice.

Sir John French said the British army was fully alive to the

glorious heroism of the French, sad he shared the coaf lence in

complete victory.

General Delacroix aubsequently pressated Generals Willcocks, Allenby and Pultoney with the Grand Cross of the Legion of Honour, with complimentary expresions to oach.

77

A Company of German Guards Captured.

Marca 6, 2.15 am.

Wasted at Singapore. At the Police Court, this morn~ bury. "Passing through Caloutta, ing, a week's remand was granted I was a guest of the Middlesex in connection with the application Regiment, and apropos of that, under the Fugitives Act for the when the Regiment was going return to Singapore of Loo Way- up they tolographed to a Babu hing, alias Lo Wai-tiog, charged the trench we captured on the Belgian dunes were repulsed.

A Paris evening communique states: Twelve German attacks on for a thousand rations for the with breach of trust in regard to

Our counter-attacks north of Arras were most successful; we Middlesex, The answer came $9,784, the monies of the Yeo back: "Male sex I know, female Num San firm, of Singapore. The captured a mitrailleuss company on Thursday evening. We drove sex I know, middle-Ber I don't defendant was arrested in which have been in the enemy's possession for two days, taking back the attacking Germans to-day, and recaptured advanced lines know; please send sample." Hongkong boarding house, where,

Speaking of his experiences up it is alleged, he has been spending numerous prisoners. Rheims was bombarded all day. and down the world, the leader quite a lot of money.. of "The Quainte” said :-"The only real humorist I ever met in

my

M

life wasa man named Fiaberty, take her up into the mists. It is who waseditor of a paper in Johan-all vory fanny to the stranger, nesburg. One morning I mot And, after all, I don't see why bim. It was his birthday, and I the Upper Handred should be congratulated him on it. He, with so frightfully keen on living a very serious face, which would on the Peak, because, have easily ourivalled Alfred far as I can sce, they can't live Lester's, Baid 'My dear Salisbury, there and keep their starch. Part 'Lives of great men all re- of the morning ritual, besides the

mind us

bath oto, seems to be that they have to hang themselves out to

We should sell our shares

in time, 'And, departing leave be-

'hind us. *Other beggars in the slimo. I think that is humour." Asked for his impressions of Hongkong, Mr. Salisbury said he could sum it up by a parody on Tit Willow, something like the following:-

dry.

80"

In Champagne we made marzed progress in the region of Perthes, On Thursday evening we surrounded and captured a company of Guards.

We carried a trench north-west of Paribes to-day, and captured six hundred yards of trenches, two hundred yards deep, north-east of Mesnil, also several trepiches in the ravines north-west of Beaúšejõur.

the villago of Vauqusis

We made important progress in Argonne, in the western part of

We repulsed an attack at Bois-le-Praire and north-west of Pont- -Mousson.

We captured a trench at Hartmanns-Weilerkopf, Alance,

French Reports (Havas Telegram),

March 3.

After recounting his experi-.. ences in bis, profession, Mr. Salig-

French Government Stock now stands at Fr. 70, 17 bary wound ap the little chat

Yesterday there was lively fighting which turned to our ad- shortly giving up the stage, on the whole front of the Rheims sector, continuing to make pro- somewhat as follows: "Iam vantage from the sea to the Aisne. We easily repulsed all attacka as I'm making each lots of greae between Sonain and Beausejour. money on exchange. In Singa- To-day's communique reports that we hold in Champagne all pore they told me to buy over the first line of German trenches from north-west of Perthes to north eigns. I did so, and when I of Beausejour, We progressed at several points beyond this line. Where is the place where you came here I found they had gone It is officially announced that a British collier has rammed

never have any cash? Hong down. Now I have got rid of German submarine. kong, Hongkong, Hongkong, them—because I had so very few The Russian offensive has been continued between the Niemen On nothing a weak to make a and now they tell me to buy and the Vistula. The Germans are retiring quickly in the Prasnysz douco of a aplaeh? Hong- them because they are going up! region. All Austrian attacks in the Carpathians have been repulsed kong, Hongkong, Hongkong. I don't know what point it is that with heavy losses to the enemy, while the Turkish attacks have also Tiffine, dinuere and lowera eludes me, unless it be the decimal been repelled.

galore What does it mat point. Anyhow, there is some. ter? You can always get thing about Hongkong finance which I don't understand, and, from all enquiries I have made, which nobody else does, either.

more,

A pencil, a chit and a "Thank

God that's paid for"-Hong Then there is the humour of kong, Hongkong, Hongkong. the Ponk," he remarked. Com pare the air of the lady who owns season with the outlook on life of the other lady who only makes a monthly ticket, and then compare it with that of the casual person with only a daily ticket to

|

** The Czar has entertained Goneral Pan to lunch.†

STOP PRESS,

'London, March 5, 2.30 p.m."

The Press Bordau announces that destroyera off Davar, to a money-changer I got $10.50 ofEcore and men were captured. The first time I took a $10 noto yesterday afternoon, sank the German submatins US. The

for it. I thought the man had The Admiralty confirms that examination of the Thordis shows gone mud, or else that I had dis- the vessel rammed, and in all probability sank, a German sub- covered the only place in the world marine, where they give you money for nothing. But when it comes to

March 5, 4.40 p.m.

trying to buy things with it, it Fleet was sighted off Bourgas, making for the Bisphorus, ían't nearly so simple as it looks,”

Router's correspondent at Paris has reported that the Russian

THE EMPEROR OF

ALMAIN.

The Emperor of Almain, Went rocking out to fight. The thunder of his legions Was beard across the night. There stood a chatter'd nation Upon his road to France, But "Pob!" says he, "What's

--treaties ?"

And order'd the advance.

The Belgian be says, "Easy !" And holds him up a spall. "Treachery!" aries the Emperor, This people is from hell. You cannot treat this people ** As men of common measure, Who smite the friendly German: A-taking of his plessure.

You cannot fight this people How can you fight with clowns? But you can burn their houses And eack their ancient towns; And you can shoot their old men, And do their women shame. For facing of an Emperor And spoiling of his game.

And if you meet civilians, Don't let your natural ire Inflame you. Set them forward Upon the line of fire,

Toen they're in this dilemma, That if they shoot they kill Their own, and if they don't shout

work my Imperial Will !''

I

Now when he got thro' Belgium And enter'd pleasant France, He found, an English army Opposing his advance. The Emperor of Almain He swore like one possest. Says he, "Remember Louvain, And rid me of this pest.

*Whate'er you do with French-

men,

The English you shall play, For they should be my beachuen Instead of in my way. If they had half the culture

That other Saxone have They'd know that God has pur-

pos'd Germanis rule the wave,"

We fought him up to Paris And pusht him back again; Above the Banks of Aisne. He dug himself in trenches

And there he got the toothache As common people may, And bad to see his Germana Ba slain instead of slay.

But he saw likely plunder, A great church made of dresme In stone, a thing of wonder, The fair-wrought Church of

Rheims;

| At which he plugg'd and batter'd

Till all in fire and smoke"

It shoot the sky, and shatter'd The roof sagg'd in and broke.

}

The world cried out upon him, Bat culture soon miscarries When a man has the toothache And cannot get to Paris.

He fired the church because he And when a man is worried His wits are not at call.

thought

It was a hospital,

And so it was, for in it

His wounded soldiers lay Till honest Frenchmen bore them Out of the shrapnel's way. The Germans went on shelling, With glasses on the fan, And one another's telling, "See bow those beggara ran"

And so he eased his toothache, The Emperor of Almain; And proud should be his doctora, Bheims, Dinant and Louvain. But he must get a many Before his war is done,

CORRESPONDENCE.

[The opinions expressed by the correspondents are not necess=

WAR ITEMS

arily those of the "Hongkong Australian Prisoners la Germiany.

Telegraph."}

“A COMPLAINT,

Sydney, Jan. 11.-Indignation has ben aroused here by the suggestion of the American Am. bassador in Berlin that Anatra- (To the Editor of the Hongkonglian prisoners could secure better treatment than English prisoners by obtaining proof of birthplace." Australiana claim that there is no differential unity in the Empire as against the enemy and they desire no distication between home and Dominion Britons...

Telegraph.)

Sir After seeing the results of the Races and the Prize List of the Bongkong Horticultural Society for the recent Flower Show, it seems to me that there if very little chance of success for the small owner in one case or for the small cultivator in the other.

This is not a case of "our grapes: " as I had no pony enter ed in the Races, nor did lezhibit at the Flower Show,

I am not prepared to say that the reason for my not doing so in both cases, may not be due to preconceived ideas on the point,

What is the use of competing, or trying to compete, against the long parse?

A pony, qua pony, is more useful for ordinary purposes any- where rather than on the race- course and a flower is never ao attactive as in the garden in which it was grown,

Yours etc.,

VERANDAH

Hongkong, March 6, 1915.

HOME FOJTBALL.

English Cup-Second Rouad.

Holy War Flasco,

Paris, Jan. 30. The newspa pere publish the following tales. gram from fome:-"Advicss from Salonica state that the Porte a very perturbed at the complete failure of the Holy War. In Per- sia the head of the Musulman

clergy has published a fetra in opposition to that of the Sultan, in Arabia the Mussulmana, are becoming aroused and are taking

arms against the Tarke, and at Mecca enthusiasm for the Holy War is totally absent;

Treatment of Prisoners la France.

Paris, Jan. 10-The French Government, having vainly en deavoured to obtiin amelioration of the lot of the French prisoners in Germany, has now decided to place the German prisoners in France on exactly the same foot ing aa regarde pay, food, and tobacco as that accorded t the French prisoners in Germany, and will maintain this atlitade until conditions in Germany alter.

“The Final War."

Rome, Jan. 29,-According to a telegram from Petrograd to the Agenzia #Italians, M. Sazonoff, speaking at a sitting of the Bad- get Commission, declared that The following are the results of th relations between the Allies the second round of the English were perfect." The Allies were Oup, played on the ground of the not making wer for private first named club on January 30-interests or territorial gains, but to annihilate the monstrous Teutonic dream of universal domination. The present war, which was coating so much, must be the last war and must at any price be continued to the end. No prematara pesos was possible.

The Lelosters.pd Private R. Collier, of the Sher w. od Forasters, who is in hospital

Chelsea

The Arsenal

1

0

Norwich City

Tottenham Hotspur

Queen's Park Rangers Leeds City

Newcastle United Swansen Town Sheffield Wednesday Wolverhampton Wand're Falbam Southampton Brighton Birmingham

Everton Bristol City

Bradford City... Middlesbrough

Manchester City Aston Villa... Olduain Robiala

Hull City

Notham; too Town

x Blm Wanderera

Millall

Biry Bradford.

Sheffield United Liverpool

Burnley'

Sou brod United

After extra time.

Coming Marriage."

1.

at Nottingham, tells the following cry: The amy is full of daredevils who are never happy

ual as they are risking their liven in some extravagant way. Two men of the Leinster Regiment had

an argument about each other's running powere. To settle the dispute they had a baudred yarda aprint cutside the frenches under German fire all the time. "Both bad some narrow escapes, but got Othrough witheat a scratch. They wanted to do it over again, but

1.

O* ON EO QOHN OG OF OF OP OD 210 000 found and fund

A morrisge has boon arranged and will take place on April 3rd, at Colombo, between Harold Berningham Winter, of Singapore and Olombo, and Mabel Vonst ance, youngest daughter of Mr. and Mire, Alfred Sheffield, of Singapore (late of Hongkong), From "Singsongs of the War" The boneymcos will be spent in

Mauries Howlett.

England,

And even might have heartache It be possesses one,

an officer stopped them."

"Germany's Finances. Although Herr Kuhn, the retir- ing Secretary of Sate for the German Imperial Treasury, has been in office nearly three years, during which he has been con- nected with the great capital levy made in connection with the Army Bill of 1013, not very much is krown about him in Germany. His is a somewhat colourleen per sonality, and in the Reichstag ha himself said on one cerasion that

A

the authorship of the Army Bill might be equally a cribed to the Socialist party or to him. Dr. Belferich, bis successor, seema to be a man of very different calibre. He is only 42 years of age, but ha ia a recognised authority on financial and economic questionm. He was in the Colonial Depart ment of the Foreign Office in the days before Germany had crested a separate Colonial Office, and he has been the right hand of the groot fiooncier, H.vr Arthur von Gwinner in euch matters, ag the Enghdad Lailway, Dr. Helfferich in oleo a director of another Ger. man-owned railway in the East, the Austalian.