HUMOUR: ANCIENT "AND MODERN.
"Janitor, you could cool our} apartment nicely if you would run ice water through the radiators."
"Can't be done, ma'am." "What did you have in them last winter "
Author (during rehearsal to al most inaudible actor): "Louder, londer. "I can't hear a word.'
Actor (bellowing his next line at the top of his voice): "Don't talk so loudly. They'll hear what we
Bar"
They were discussing diet, and the talk became" facetious.
"I've eaten beef all my life, and now I'm as strong as an os!" said be.
That's funny," replied "I've eaten fish all my life I can't swim a stroke.”
A man who had shaved off his beard confided to a friend that his wife had left him..
"When she saw me without my beard," he explained, "she said, 'Now I know why I never liked you!"
A man was confronted in a dark alley by a desperate fellow.
"Hand over your money, or I'll blow your brains out." was the demand.
"Blow away."" was the culm re- ply.. "You can live in London without brains, but you must have money."
Little Botty (reading advertise- she.ment): "Mummy, why do board- andinghouse proprietors object
children"
i
50
"I don't know, and I can't be
They were riding along a beauti-bothered with such things now. Go". ful stretch of country highway. Rad see what baby is crying about, She was driving, and suddenly: people in the street, make Cyril tell Gerald to stop shooting peas espied repair mer climbing the
and Dick stop quarrelling, and telegraph poles.
tell Tommy that if he doesn't stop blowing that trumpet I shall take it away from him!".
"Why, Harry, just look at those men she exelnimed. Do they think I never drove a car before
Little Bobby was eximiaing brush.
"Is this a camel's-hair brush, dad ?" he asked.
"Yes, my boy, that's a camel's hair brush."
"Good gracious! It must take him an awful long time to brush himself."
".
An old woman was always all- ing. Her various" diseases were to. her the most interesting topic in the world, and apparently she thought they interested others also, for she talked of nothing else."
One day a visitor found her eat- ing a hearty meal and, naturally, asked her how she was. She sigh "Ah," said the tourist, tentative-ed and answered -- ly. you must have bad many exciting adventures during your torty Fears at sea."
"No, nothin'n talk of, sir," replied the old salt, "You see, I was never one to go roving on shore like other chap-I always stuck to the ship."
A family moved from the city to the suburbs and were told they ought to get a watchdog to guard the premises at night, So they bought the largest dog that was for sale in the kennels of a near- by dealer.
Shortly afterwards the house was entered by burglars, who made a good haul while the dog siept.. The householder went to the dealer and told him about it.
"Well, what you need now," said the dealer. "is a little dog to wake up the big dog!"
"I feel very well, ma'am, but I always feel. ad when I feel woll, because I know I am going to feel worse afterwards."
القمر
A portion of the river was parti tioned off as a swimming bath available for both sexes. A meek- looking man went up to the atten. dant, who was cating his lunch, and said:-
"When you have quite finished should like to have a word with you."
After ten minutes had passed, the attendant said: "What do you want?"
"My mother-in-law," he replied. dived in off the deep end about twenty minutes ago, and she hasn't come up yet. Would you please lend me a lifebuoy to throw after her? I shouldn't like it to "thought I was unkind.”
CENTRAL THEATRE
Paramount's Sound Pictures R
be
On account of Big Demand for Seats Showing Extended to Tuesday, Aug. 19.
Return Engagement of "THE LOVE PARADE'
The Big Picture of All Times
OVE to the
Loves lastel
The screen's great- est talking - singing achievement.
MAURICE
CHEVALIER The Love Parade
AN ERNST
LUBITSCH
PRODUCTION
JEANETTE MCDONALD LUPING'LANI LILAIAN ROTH
The show that wow- ed New York Tunes Deliciously Lusay! Spectacular!
Hear Chevalier sing *Nobody's Using It Now." Hear Jea nette MacDonald sing "Dream Lover.
a Paramount Picture
BOOKING AT ANDERSON AND THE THEATRE
(TELEPHONE 25720).
NEXT CHANGE
-
Charles Rogers & Naney Carroll
ILLUSION"
king-Singing Dancing Love Story
HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, TUESDAY, AUGUST 19, 1930.
SNAPSHOTS OF A MAN READING AT HOME,
LIGHTS CLEAR AND SETTLES. HAP- PILY IN COMFORTABLE CHAIR TO READ FINAL INSTALLMENT""""" OF MYSTERY STORY
WIFE ASKS WOULD HE MIND' SEEING IF THE FIRST STORY IN THAT NUMBER IS A CON- TINUED STORY
WIFE REMARKS THAT THERE'S
A NEW RATTLE IN THE CAR DESCRIBES SYMPTOMS
WIFE ASHS 15-HE COMFORT- „ABLE? WHAT IS HE READING? IS IT A 600D STORY?
LOOKS THROUGH BACK PAGES WHILE WIFE DISCUSSES WHY SHE DOESN'T LIKE CONTINUED
STORIES
GLUYAS WILLIAMS
ANSWERS BRIEFLY, FINDS PLACE AGAIN, AND RESUMES READING
FINDS IT IS CONTINUED, HUNTS UP HIS OWN PAGE AGAIN, AND RESUMES
GRUNTS AND TRIES GRIHLY, WIFE SAYS SHE THINKS HE'S TO KEEP ON READING.
Copyright, 1930, by The Ball Syndicrte. Ina)
A WIFE'S VALUE.
SOCIAL QUALITIES IN
TERMS OF CASH.
What is the value of a wife t As the answer emerges from the divorce courts, her value, inde- pendently of all her qualities, is often in the ratio of her husband's wealth or a co-respondent's, power to pay.
A recent case has been sent back to a lower court by the Court of Appeal, following a jury's award of a higher sum than was claimed. In his ruling, the Master of the Rolls stressed these points:-
The amount of the damages is not to be fixed by the position of the co-respondent. The wrong done to a husband is what is to be com pensated for, and it makes no dif- ference whether the co-respondent is a rich man or a poor man.
Divorte damages should never be punitive, says the law. The prin- ciple of the assessment of damages is that they are "compensatory, and not punitive or vindictive,"
Feelings of Juries,
A high legal authority with wide experience, în divorce work said:--
There have been divorce dara- ages as high as £20,000, and some times they are less than £100. Ob viously a wife of a wealthy Mem- ber of Parliament is worth more in money if wives can be valued in monetary terms-than the wife of a labouring man.
She is of great financial benefit to bim socially, whereas the wife of
a labourer can be replaced-and often is so replaced-by a bouse- keeper at £3 a week.
"Juries, because of their human feelings and their varied educa- tional qualities, do ignore the judge's warning that damages sholl not be punitive." Of course, -co- respondent has always the right to appeal.'
EX-INSPECTOR SYME.
THROWS AN APPLE AT 10, „DOWNING STREET.
Among the callers at 10, Downing Street one day last month was ex Inspector Syme, whose grievances following upon his dismissal, some years ago from the Metropolitan Police Force are again engaging the attention of the Government. After leaving the Prime Minister's house Mr. Syme threw an apple at
·úpple bed no effect.
6
TO-DAY'S WIRELESS
PROGRAMME.
BROADCAST BY Z.B.W. ON
356 METRES.
SMOKING TOO MUCH. DECIDES TO FINISH STDRY AT OFFICE
TOMORROW
1 to 11.30 am.-Commercial News, 11.30 am to 12.30 p.m.-Chinese
programme.
12.30 p.m.- European recorded.
music.
1.20 p.m.-Weather report. Euro- pean programme continued.
2 p.m.-Close down. “
p.m.-European programme of Columbia records selected and supplied by Messrs. Anderson Music Co.
Gavotte, from "Mignon" and La Cinquantaine, Squire Celaste "Octette.
Waiting for the foon and Every Sunday Afternoon, Leyton and Johnstone.
Scherzo (Beethoven) and At the Brock (de Boisdeffre, The Cher- niavsky Trio.. Ro-Ro-Rollin' Along-Fox Trot and Amy Fox Trot, Debroy Somers' Band. Pagliacci-Prologue (Leonoavol. Jo), Harold Williams, Baritone. Fides March and Spanish Waltz,
Mandoline Band.
Quite Alright and Thing-Um-My- Bob, George Robey, Comedian. Carry Me Back to Old Virginny and My Old Kentucky Home," The Century Quartette. Susie's Feller" and "That's a Good Girl, Vaughn de Leath, Comedienne.
Salut D'Amour-Elgar and Bar- carolle "Tales of Hoffman" (Offenbach); Squire Celeste Octette. Somewhere a Voice is Calling (Tate) und Angels Guard Thee (Godard), Master John Bonner, Boy Soprano.
Happy Go Lucky Lane-Fox Trot and Lila-Fox Trot, The Picca- dilly Playera.
The World is Waiting for the Sunrise and Just a Cottage Small, Organ Solo by Jack Courtnay.
Hungarina Folk Tunes (Bela Bantok), Violin Solo by Joseph Szigeti.
'Nowt Aboilt 'Owt (Meria) and A Coople O'Dooks (Weston), Raymond Newell, Baritone.
A
Country Girl - Selection (Monckton), The Band of HM. Royal Air Fores."
The Driver of the 8.15 (Long- staffe) and Ayleebury Ducks (Harding)," Malcolm McEach ern, Base. Toccata in F. (Widor) and The
(Widor) and Valkyries (Wagner), Organ Solo by Quentin M. McLoan. Operatica Famous Operatic. Melodies (Squire), Squire Octotte.
6 p.m.-Chinese relay from the Ko
Shing Theatre. **
p.m.-Weather report and local
time. Relay continued. p.m.-Closs down.
one of the front windows. Beyond there is no foundation fori ara, Mr. Syme told a reporter that the name catapult that the Home Secretary" hid At a recent meeting the Parlia made him an offer of £1,000 and a mentary Labour party had the case of Mr. Syme up for discussion in the presence of the Home Secre tary, and it is understood that it we discussed again as that meet ing of the party. (Continued at foot of next column.)
pension for He The only offer of about. twenty-seven shillings, a made by Mr Clynesis a pension week, based on my having com sleted fifteen years service when was dismissed in January, 1010. This is based on the pay scale of an inapoctor.
WINDFÄLL FOR LONDON ZOO.
£70,000 BEQUEST VALID.
Mr. Justice Farwell, in the Chancery Division recently, decid- that a residuary bequest, ed Baid to amount to £9,000,, to the Zoologieal Society of Lon- don was a valid charitable gift. -
By his will, Mr. George de Ar- royave Lopes, who died in Septem- ber, 1999, directed that the residue of his estats should be transferred to and invested by the Society and known as the De Arroyave fund. It was argued that the work of the Society was not wholly charitable, in that the Society carried on busi- ness as caterers and took money from children for camel and ele- phant rides."
Mr. Justice Farwell said that it was quite plain that the Society's work was for the advancement of education, and the bequest in quee- tion was a charitable one.
TO-DAY ONLY At 2.30, 5.30, 7.20 & 9.20 pm,
FAY WRAY
GARY COOPER
Papazonai
Picture
IN
The FIRST
KISS"
screen
The First Kiss should be your first choice for entertainment.
memories of your first kiss t
AT THE
MAJESTIC
Hathan Road, Kowloon
CITY
GIRL
Presented by WILLIAM FOX
An Enthralling Fox Movietone Production
Mary Duncan
with
Charles Farrell David Torrence - Guinn Williams
Directed by F. W. Murnian
AT ALL PERFORMANCES:
THE MONTMARTRE FOLLIES
AN ENTIRELY NEW PROGRAMME NEW SONGS-NEW COSTUMES-NEW DANCES AT THE
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY
QUEEN'S
ADOLPHE
MENJOU
THE ACE OF CADS
WITH
ALICE JOYCE AND NORMAN TREVOR A Paramount Picture"
AT THE TO-DAY & TO-MORROW
STAR A 5.30 & 9.20
At 230, 5.10, 7.15 & 9.20
THE CHINESE DRAMA
THE
WAY OF GOLD"
CHINESE PICTURE WITH ENGLISH TITLES
(Interpreter at All Performances)
AT THE
TO-DAY & TO-MORROW
WORLDA 2.30, 5.15.7.15&9.20
LATEST GRAMOPHONE RECORDS
"are obtainable st
THE WING ON CO., LTD.
(Music Department),
Hong Kong Weekly Press
University Salaries Hong Kong's "Rival
Changes in Canton
Tragic End to Joy-Ride
"Bishop's Leave
Sport Bowls, Tennis, Swimming, Etc.
and-
Other Interesting Features.
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