1955-02-16 — Page 4

Page 4-

THE CHINA MAIL, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 16--1955.

Nathaniel Gubbins

ANE

Je

RUSSELL told ling with good health and reporter, "I am eager to be at the trough, so really two people." much like hearty, prosperous

she is like her Uncle Nat, There are two Gubbinses.

regarded themselves as being on a level with the umbrella in the hall.

Those who are fortunate enough to be counted among already our friends know that, for from

parable

10

object, we strong

the

There is the minded Gubbins and weak-minded Gubbins. There is the soft-hearted the hard- Gubbins c hearted Gubbins, the genial Gubbins and the sour Gub Ling, even the Left-Wing Gubbins and the Right Wing Gubbins.

eating pork seems like can- nibalism. Then he thinks of Rlves taken from. their wistful sorrowing mothers and is almost in tears when he remembers the last time he ate calves' head.

Before he is in his dressing- gown the suft-hearted Gubbins hay resolved to live on vego- tables and spagheti!, but by the time he has put it Ove hard- TSLATE hearted Gubbins remiadky than he was Bo warm feelings towards fish and has no nettve dislike for the mean faces un i cruel ättle eyes of setem

Neither can understand how anybody can have faith in any political party for more than a day. There is also the Gabbing who loves all suffering humanity on minute and the other who thinks it serves them right, roast chicken for lunchr the next.

Every morning when the Gubbins strong minted wakes he resolves to give up. smoking cigarettes. He tells himself the same old story. They spoil his appetite. They make him cough. Therefore they are anti-sucial.

baltu com- An İnantmote the often

in the strongest personality home. We have minis of our own, Instes of our own, and wilts of our own. But although We Rre nobody's aucher we often show a toler ance htte appreciated

by thone

who think

understand us.

Toke the example children. Cuts

like don't children because they arc restless and noisy. But we painful

and

often endure

Those economy-minded M.P.s don't understand that for our diplomats luxuries

are hardships

"THINKS: THESE SPECIAL

ASSIGNMENTS! OH, FOR MY

EARLY BED AND

CUP OF MILK

7

even

they

of

Cummings

their

ILY

1

with-

W1

earesses without protest

ven allow them to dress us up in ridiculous clothes be- eats 70st of us have been bo parenta of kittens and

unlike

some human calise,

would Iever parents, take Kvenge on creatures weaker than ourselves.

"Oh no! Not caviar again.”

One of the

CONYW

So they both cheer up they cough over another cigar. che while making the morn

They WEN 28694 1:49.

Robig for br.akfast have

ut twinge of convience.

But when Innel-Time sears the ke steak at the tabl

they never give another thought to the fate of rows, and while 11 the greety. they are eating hard-hearted Gubbins Can be heard describing in totall thr calves' beads and pigs' che-ka they used tout in the good

sk days.

They are expensive. If he Letter From A Cat stopped smoking for a year he would save at least £100, If he stopped for ten years

he would save £1,000. This amount invested at 4 per- ent, less tax, would bring him in. what? While

the strong-minded Gubbins i trying to work this out the weak-minded Gubbins a cigarette to has lighted help them solve the prob- tem.

the

THE following

Vorrespondence volumin this week's issue of the Amunds N. Gube Newspaz edited by bits. Esq

Str,

I write to express the Indig- malton that must be felt by all right-minded cuts It the mark made by, Judge Geoffrey Wronghnm during 121 hearing of A case Leleester County Court von- eeming the identity of a Me Tel.

0

ut

F

Every morning the soft. hearted Gubbins becomes

Giving judgment in a claimi vegetarian. How could he.

tul includ: 1 the lens uf have of animals. a kver

ent's companionship, the judge animals enten

all

sudd be valued these

cut alive shiflings, and added "I don't the years? He thinks of

think man who loses 1621 brown-eyed cows with their

umbrella is entitled to be paid sad, puzzled faces, born only #sentimental as well as

commercial value." to give milk and end up on a plate.

He thinks of pigs, round- faced, pink, and folly, bust-

Although cals have always in a sordil wen aware that

world their commercial, value is low, they have never before

NOW FOR THE FIRST TIME!

eat's le 14 The domestle also full of minor irritations borne with the utmost forti- Jude

in

For instance, we cannot un- derstand why people think we

addressed like being squeaky voices and given the baby-talk treatment. Contrary to the general belief, wa da 3119t apprechtes undignified

Take Det

'' ari

Poorsy

nik

Pudry www.hy" When elderly eat lovers tickle our cura

11 pity. pitty poodser woodser pood- we could ratch their eyes out, and we often suffer 2014 embarrassident when men, so often our best It hurt theme late from wake. LIN

and a party.

Poosey Woosey P-00-0-s" down or rather sensitive nostrils.

breathe

Woosey

World's Strangest Stories

One Night That Shook America

"L

By ROBERT

CHAPMAN

New York highway like #

ADIES gentlemen," said colossus,

And now the streets from the radio voice.

Rhode Island to California were

their homeN

ما

Heeing from the verbal monster he'd let loose,

Welles hod Just presented a rudio version of "The War of "I have a grave Alling with frightened people the Worlds," by his celebrnici

who announcement to make..."

had snatched up a few namesake H. G. Wells. And for Then there was a chilly special belongings and run from the sake of realism he had put escape the it over in a series of bogus news silence while thousands of Martian hordes.

bulletins

and

cyewitness DC- listeners exchanged nervous But of course there were no counts of the "invasion."

He They had never left

never dreamed just how glances, hushed the children Martians.

as for real it was going to sound to so and gathered roundtheir home, and still haven't from those

as one can tell,

The play was one of a And if all this seems familiar, serles and had been announced

as such, Hike a m you've seen or a book

Perhaps these seem things to endure

sme!!

who have won our affection and respect, but I think that all fair-minded people will see worth more than live shillings, and

that our tolerance

of

com-

that the loss panionship is far greater than the key of an unbrells.

the

I wonder how much lars

of Judge Wranghan's companionship would worth, if anybody wanted it!

I remain, Sir.

Yours faithfully, A Cat.

World Copyright: {

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WILS

in

They had switched on casually to pass a dull Sun-

It day evening. November, 1938 and the world was in a state of ten- sion which the Munich agreement a month earlier had done little to ease.

The daily news vorled only from bad to not-so-bad. So the American families who had tuned in to a swing band programumo from a New York hotel werej a le disturbed even before tho ouminous fade out of the music.

To them "A grave announcer, ment" meant only one thing. But this

worse than was even they had imagined.

"Incredible as it seems," said the announcer In a volce he strove to keep steady, "strange beings who Innded in New Jersey tonight are the vanguard of an invading army from.... the planet Mars!'

Growing Panic

♫

Orson Welles at the micro- phone in 1938, the year of Isix celebrated broadenst.

many.

on

2CD

"Ugh, champagnet I hope the sacrifice of my liver in the service of H.M,'s Government will not go unrecognised.”

'How one yearns for the fresh air on top of a bus,"

Indonesia - Asia's

Rumbling Volcano

་

By JAMES WICKENDEN

S handsome President is more important than his Am- Soekarno of Indonesia bessudor, because Medan is the chief smuggling port for Com- diverted his people's munist literature. attention by a war scare in

There was the Chief of Staff wished

But Orson Welles did not listeners foresee the effect who might switch on too late to hear the introduction; nor

ld he reckon with the under the Moluccas, a Cominunist whom the Government current of public fear generated armed force was drilling in to sack. Instead of taking ac

tion, the Government published the capital of Djakarta, new regulations for the Army complete with drummer in which the Chief of Staff was boys and uniform.

not mentioned as if he did Dot oxist.

by war tension in the world.

Police sintions, newspaper afices and broadcasting studios were swamped with phone calls. Families ran from flats in New

At the same time, offi- wet towels round

This is the background to a Jersey with their

cers wives campaigned for vas! region which is to have its faces

na improvised EAS In Indianapolis a rival societies, one favour- first elections at the end of this burst wildly into

ing Muslim polyguray, the year a region whose muddled church

lead to a more and service

politics may shouted:

other demanding mono-

Southeast Asian "New York has been destroyed!

dungerous Officers in outlying situation than existed in Indo- posts took more wives appointed

mistresses, AC- cording to which side they

masks.

woman

It's the end the world. Go gamy. home and prepare to die."

Recrimination

A mar In Pittsburgh got backed. home to find his wife with a

bottle of

out the

poison in her hand,

Also active

fuse

None of these

or China.

Indonzela's

Two Words

the new

Hormat means "respect" or to a person's as strange to the peoples the honour due

position, Indonesia including fabulous Both words sum up the main

contradictions

who inhabit the 2,000 islands of

Bali and

modo,

dragon-infested

Strange Paradox

Ko

They

nothing must embarrasses

are

was the brand-

Is there a key to Indonesia? Not in facts OT numbers, screaming: "I'd rather die this new Russian Embassy. It now

spreads propaganda

labels. among party

programmes or way than like that!"

Even scientists had gathered Indonesian Communists who re- manifestoes.

to take direction from But there are two words their equipment together and gone searching for the meteor Chinese. Meanwhile the Chiness which help--Malu and Hormat,

Communists when they first heard of it, and 4,000,000 Chinese minority take Indonesian spelling.

to

official according Another paralysing slience.

" now Orson Welles found him-

OT and then: We take you now

Malu means "ashamed" self in a huge crowd watching their directions from Mao Tse- tung's Embassy, also in to Washington for a special

anything leading to embarrass the latest "invasion news' as it docy 50 with

Djakarta. broadcast on the national emer- you've read, it

appeared on the New York

ment. But the panic in guney by the Secretary for the good reason.

Times moving electric sign. Interior."

The streets was the real thing.

Throughout the night hospitals In the middle of it all, noise Followed a solemn statciment

were dealing with "heart- and confusion, riets and traffic attacks" and people injured in a familiar oficial tone in a

that Martian cylinders the fore-jams, stood a bewildered young the struggle to escape; through-

idea of Indonesian life-that dark features had runners of flying-saucers had man whose

which night radio stationa

be done landed all over the country, an arresting quality of oddness, broadcast announcements to

unless anyone, Monstrous creatures were lum- young man we have since alloy fears, and towards down

declared cremics, bering out of them and laconi- come to know better as Orson the panic subsided and turned

For no Indonesian will cally slaughtering every human Welles, the film actor.

to recrimination.

They have known stranger tolerate being put in a position creature in sight with their Не had come

the

Shamefaced"refugeės" de-paradox than thin

of feeling Mo

Malu. death-ray guns,

Columbia broadcasting studies

There are the 50 percent of nounced Welles's

the Unfortunately

Dutch programme as Bulidings were crashing and with his friend Joseph Cotten. "criminal," "asinine," "dia- Indonesia's armed forces de sometimes forgot this. Even- fires breaking out everywhere, and both were appalled by the graceful"" and "outrageous" And|clared unit for service whoni tually the Indonesians revolted. Resistance Wis futile, and people's frenzied reaction to in the newspapers next morning no one has the authority to But the iden of revolt is escape....well, it was every "news" which they alone knew appeared a statement by him discharge.

about all they have

Sulvaged man for himself.

was no

Actitious.

apologising for, the "apprehen- There is the Colonel from the from their struggle to There were frantic back-. "You've done it this time," sion" It had caused among Celdocs officially accused of denice. They are a people who ground notses suggestive ofanid Joseph Cotten gloomily. Columbia's networks of listeners. smuggling copra. Ho went to have gone too far on the road growing panic in the broadcast-

Welles mopped his face as he

expecting listeners Djakarta and left again with- towards a modern state to turn ing studio. Then the first voice swayed in the surging crowd.

slurned:

to take the programme serious-out action being taken against back to their feudal traditions. But he was not so much con- ly, sald Welles, he had been him, lest the people of the But they have not yet learned "I am speaking now from the cerned at the danger to his own afraid It might sound too old- Celebes be offended."

Thero of the broadcasting build-career as by the real calamities fashioned for modern consump→ ing in New York. The bells which might befall thousands tion.

Chiatze Consur at Medan who you hear are warning people to evacuate the city as the Martiana approach. This may be the last broadcast. We will stay here until

nt....the end"

the

But hysteria gripped speaker as he continued: "Black

from

For from

the Communist

How Is Your Ulcer Today?

smoke is drifting over the city. {66/THE People in the streets

are run-

ning towards the East River,

By CHAPMAN PINCHER reason why so Top civil servants carry enor plain why today, men are

bosses

are mous responsibilities, yet they least four times more prone to

are among the least susceptible ulcers than women

"Tany

at:

enough, to make a new nesian nation.

Indo-

The result is a state com- posed of many lesser states, of and factions, few of groups

believe wholeheartedly In Indonesian nationalla, but Who say so to appear respect- able.

whom

Struggle Ahead

Thousands are dropping like going down with ulcer to ulcer trouble. So are bus So big is the rise in ulcer ratal Now the smoko is spread-trouble is because there are conductors, who have one of casts that probably more meat Indonesians is hostility to

cross-

All Confusion

too

an

Yet the same increase occurred

The

plus new responsibl18

-com-

does

The only single idea uniting

ing faster.

and a than one million

haif e root of the world, pärli men the most temper-trying jobs, many one-ulcer "It has reached Times Square,

The fashionable medical people in Britain either have cularly the Dutch. Perhaps it is The people are trying to escape, trying to do two-ulcer jobs."

theory that ulcers are ulcer, trouble or have suffered a temporary inferiority It's no uso! The smoko

That cynical remark "by' a essentially

plex due to political Immaturity snxiety aliment from it at some time. ing Fifth Avenue. It is a hun-friend of mine sums up two has been overplayed though Some doctors ure; veering dred yards away. It la fly bellets which ara, commonly

ulcers, must be

But I ras feet....Ah-oh-ah-ah!*

held to account for the rising worry may undoubtedly aggra the view that

vato an ulcer tendency which due to

for a widespread fault in sequences their rate of stomach and duodenal already exists.

economy diet. Yet game (surveys and for the coinfort of foreign ulcers:-

Doctors explained the wartime which have cast doubt on the traders, who must wrangle for 1That there is such a thing increase in ulcer trouble in anxiety theory, show that hours and fill up fourteen copies The broadcast ended in a as an "ulcer-type temper London as due to the anxiety' imegular meals: cannot be to of trade petraits before they choking_gasp. and smouldering ment specially prono to lear

can do business. teer caused by continual bombing, blame. trouble. parle flared

the up among

2That the strain of

BLEAST SUSCEPTIBLE Yot somehow. Indoncala Fan to listeners. Neighbours

Yoo, it was truci worrying job is mainly respon- little bombing, and in Sweden, in Glasgow, where there was

MONG people who seem factionlan in the army, an un- not collapse into chaos. Despite neighbours. They had heard it as well. ILsible for ulcers,

Least musceptible to. ulcer are omcial Muslim where there was nonewives, lorry drivers, waller Both beliefs are almost cer

in republic was the end of the world.

- Arid ---hard-up to the

Sumatra, a “government. that Everyone you that had a bit tainly fallacies according

and other shift

meal Limits sometimes depends on Com- to add to the news. Strange latest medicul findings coping with large families on constuctors

small wage packets, are almost workers whose - ANXIETY? ENDE:

support despite all this, things' had

happening all

Ana Immand touters. Indonch, been evening. A Jobserved my picture' of 'an ulcer having bablad secarís tamur There is come, evidence that Indondela, bannil

„appeared,NAS-

•In October trodomers pred sobserved ambitions atentaclentious womenprint protection, paint so that heredity may be parts

over-

partles

and

malierontr meteor had chair-anioking type who cannot About 60 years ago half the responsible, but the main It will be Insiones a first-elec vis for support at the polls. Твор в crashed to, ckih near Princeton, relax

does

not stand Jacey, Idilling 1,500 people erilicet examination up to patients admitted to hospital son for the increase in alot

Best As with perforated stomach ulcera all civilised countries remains lions But it will not be the end The only it wasn't a meteorit

factory worker who wens women. In their fema and one of medicines, unsaved of bor troubles. For the Com

karkoj maniria have yet to show their the first of the cylindrical spends bis evenings in an arm early 2017 Today young women

cavall strength, and Indonesia bis Explosions were chair/watching TV, In.just ne rarely suffer for this Sway)

Planet

New

00

Zastorn Camogies, Op.pl the awyer who studies papers sunill of costats gigantio invaders weak Danceiding long carton anidalaixů, vý

ANTREVISTARÍEM likely to contract:en ulcer as the RMAYDI 310 wee the tích

Vhích"

trouble, but this would:

bus

munist

ulcer. trouble runs in families"

will