Page 4-
THE CHINA MAIL, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 16--1955.
Nathaniel Gubbins
ANE
Je
RUSSELL told ling with good health and reporter, "I am eager to be at the trough, so really two people." much like hearty, prosperous
she is like her Uncle Nat, There are two Gubbinses.
regarded themselves as being on a level with the umbrella in the hall.
Those who are fortunate enough to be counted among already our friends know that, for from
parable
10
object, we strong
the
There is the minded Gubbins and weak-minded Gubbins. There is the soft-hearted the hard- Gubbins c hearted Gubbins, the genial Gubbins and the sour Gub Ling, even the Left-Wing Gubbins and the Right Wing Gubbins.
eating pork seems like can- nibalism. Then he thinks of Rlves taken from. their wistful sorrowing mothers and is almost in tears when he remembers the last time he ate calves' head.
Before he is in his dressing- gown the suft-hearted Gubbins hay resolved to live on vego- tables and spagheti!, but by the time he has put it Ove hard- TSLATE hearted Gubbins remiadky than he was Bo warm feelings towards fish and has no nettve dislike for the mean faces un i cruel ättle eyes of setem
Neither can understand how anybody can have faith in any political party for more than a day. There is also the Gabbing who loves all suffering humanity on minute and the other who thinks it serves them right, roast chicken for lunchr the next.
Every morning when the Gubbins strong minted wakes he resolves to give up. smoking cigarettes. He tells himself the same old story. They spoil his appetite. They make him cough. Therefore they are anti-sucial.
baltu com- An İnantmote the often
in the strongest personality home. We have minis of our own, Instes of our own, and wilts of our own. But although We Rre nobody's aucher we often show a toler ance htte appreciated
by thone
who think
understand us.
Toke the example children. Cuts
like don't children because they arc restless and noisy. But we painful
and
often endure
Those economy-minded M.P.s don't understand that for our diplomats luxuries
are hardships
"THINKS: THESE SPECIAL
ASSIGNMENTS! OH, FOR MY
EARLY BED AND
CUP OF MILK
7
even
they
of
Cummings
their
ILY
1
with-
W1
earesses without protest
ven allow them to dress us up in ridiculous clothes be- eats 70st of us have been bo parenta of kittens and
unlike
some human calise,
would Iever parents, take Kvenge on creatures weaker than ourselves.
"Oh no! Not caviar again.”
One of the
CONYW
So they both cheer up they cough over another cigar. che while making the morn
They WEN 28694 1:49.
Robig for br.akfast have
ut twinge of convience.
But when Innel-Time sears the ke steak at the tabl
they never give another thought to the fate of rows, and while 11 the greety. they are eating hard-hearted Gubbins Can be heard describing in totall thr calves' beads and pigs' che-ka they used tout in the good
sk days.
They are expensive. If he Letter From A Cat stopped smoking for a year he would save at least £100, If he stopped for ten years
he would save £1,000. This amount invested at 4 per- ent, less tax, would bring him in. what? While
the strong-minded Gubbins i trying to work this out the weak-minded Gubbins a cigarette to has lighted help them solve the prob- tem.
the
THE following
Vorrespondence volumin this week's issue of the Amunds N. Gube Newspaz edited by bits. Esq
Str,
I write to express the Indig- malton that must be felt by all right-minded cuts It the mark made by, Judge Geoffrey Wronghnm during 121 hearing of A case Leleester County Court von- eeming the identity of a Me Tel.
0
ut
F
Every morning the soft. hearted Gubbins becomes
Giving judgment in a claimi vegetarian. How could he.
tul includ: 1 the lens uf have of animals. a kver
ent's companionship, the judge animals enten
all
sudd be valued these
cut alive shiflings, and added "I don't the years? He thinks of
think man who loses 1621 brown-eyed cows with their
umbrella is entitled to be paid sad, puzzled faces, born only #sentimental as well as
commercial value." to give milk and end up on a plate.
He thinks of pigs, round- faced, pink, and folly, bust-
Although cals have always in a sordil wen aware that
world their commercial, value is low, they have never before
NOW FOR THE FIRST TIME!
eat's le 14 The domestle also full of minor irritations borne with the utmost forti- Jude
in
For instance, we cannot un- derstand why people think we
addressed like being squeaky voices and given the baby-talk treatment. Contrary to the general belief, wa da 3119t apprechtes undignified
Take Det
'' ari
Poorsy
nik
Pudry www.hy" When elderly eat lovers tickle our cura
11 pity. pitty poodser woodser pood- we could ratch their eyes out, and we often suffer 2014 embarrassident when men, so often our best It hurt theme late from wake. LIN
and a party.
Poosey Woosey P-00-0-s" down or rather sensitive nostrils.
breathe
Woosey
World's Strangest Stories
One Night That Shook America
"L
By ROBERT
CHAPMAN
New York highway like #
ADIES gentlemen," said colossus,
And now the streets from the radio voice.
Rhode Island to California were
their homeN
ما
Heeing from the verbal monster he'd let loose,
Welles hod Just presented a rudio version of "The War of "I have a grave Alling with frightened people the Worlds," by his celebrnici
who announcement to make..."
had snatched up a few namesake H. G. Wells. And for Then there was a chilly special belongings and run from the sake of realism he had put escape the it over in a series of bogus news silence while thousands of Martian hordes.
bulletins
and
cyewitness DC- listeners exchanged nervous But of course there were no counts of the "invasion."
He They had never left
never dreamed just how glances, hushed the children Martians.
as for real it was going to sound to so and gathered roundtheir home, and still haven't from those
as one can tell,
The play was one of a And if all this seems familiar, serles and had been announced
as such, Hike a m you've seen or a book
Perhaps these seem things to endure
sme!!
who have won our affection and respect, but I think that all fair-minded people will see worth more than live shillings, and
that our tolerance
of
com-
that the loss panionship is far greater than the key of an unbrells.
the
I wonder how much lars
of Judge Wranghan's companionship would worth, if anybody wanted it!
I remain, Sir.
Yours faithfully, A Cat.
World Copyright: {
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WILS
in
They had switched on casually to pass a dull Sun-
It day evening. November, 1938 and the world was in a state of ten- sion which the Munich agreement a month earlier had done little to ease.
The daily news vorled only from bad to not-so-bad. So the American families who had tuned in to a swing band programumo from a New York hotel werej a le disturbed even before tho ouminous fade out of the music.
To them "A grave announcer, ment" meant only one thing. But this
worse than was even they had imagined.
"Incredible as it seems," said the announcer In a volce he strove to keep steady, "strange beings who Innded in New Jersey tonight are the vanguard of an invading army from.... the planet Mars!'
Growing Panic
♫
Orson Welles at the micro- phone in 1938, the year of Isix celebrated broadenst.
many.
on
2CD
"Ugh, champagnet I hope the sacrifice of my liver in the service of H.M,'s Government will not go unrecognised.”
'How one yearns for the fresh air on top of a bus,"
Indonesia - Asia's
Rumbling Volcano
་
By JAMES WICKENDEN
S handsome President is more important than his Am- Soekarno of Indonesia bessudor, because Medan is the chief smuggling port for Com- diverted his people's munist literature. attention by a war scare in
There was the Chief of Staff wished
But Orson Welles did not listeners foresee the effect who might switch on too late to hear the introduction; nor
ld he reckon with the under the Moluccas, a Cominunist whom the Government current of public fear generated armed force was drilling in to sack. Instead of taking ac
tion, the Government published the capital of Djakarta, new regulations for the Army complete with drummer in which the Chief of Staff was boys and uniform.
not mentioned as if he did Dot oxist.
by war tension in the world.
Police sintions, newspaper afices and broadcasting studios were swamped with phone calls. Families ran from flats in New
At the same time, offi- wet towels round
This is the background to a Jersey with their
cers wives campaigned for vas! region which is to have its faces
na improvised EAS In Indianapolis a rival societies, one favour- first elections at the end of this burst wildly into
ing Muslim polyguray, the year a region whose muddled church
lead to a more and service
politics may shouted:
other demanding mono-
Southeast Asian "New York has been destroyed!
dungerous Officers in outlying situation than existed in Indo- posts took more wives appointed
mistresses, AC- cording to which side they
masks.
woman
It's the end the world. Go gamy. home and prepare to die."
Recrimination
A mar In Pittsburgh got backed. home to find his wife with a
bottle of
out the
poison in her hand,
Also active
fuse
None of these
or China.
Indonzela's
Two Words
the new
Hormat means "respect" or to a person's as strange to the peoples the honour due
position, Indonesia including fabulous Both words sum up the main
contradictions
who inhabit the 2,000 islands of
Bali and
modo,
dragon-infested
Strange Paradox
Ko
They
nothing must embarrasses
are
was the brand-
Is there a key to Indonesia? Not in facts OT numbers, screaming: "I'd rather die this new Russian Embassy. It now
spreads propaganda
labels. among party
programmes or way than like that!"
Even scientists had gathered Indonesian Communists who re- manifestoes.
to take direction from But there are two words their equipment together and gone searching for the meteor Chinese. Meanwhile the Chiness which help--Malu and Hormat,
Communists when they first heard of it, and 4,000,000 Chinese minority take Indonesian spelling.
to
official according Another paralysing slience.
" now Orson Welles found him-
OT and then: We take you now
Malu means "ashamed" self in a huge crowd watching their directions from Mao Tse- tung's Embassy, also in to Washington for a special
anything leading to embarrass the latest "invasion news' as it docy 50 with
Djakarta. broadcast on the national emer- you've read, it
appeared on the New York
ment. But the panic in guney by the Secretary for the good reason.
Times moving electric sign. Interior."
The streets was the real thing.
Throughout the night hospitals In the middle of it all, noise Followed a solemn statciment
were dealing with "heart- and confusion, riets and traffic attacks" and people injured in a familiar oficial tone in a
that Martian cylinders the fore-jams, stood a bewildered young the struggle to escape; through-
idea of Indonesian life-that dark features had runners of flying-saucers had man whose
which night radio stationa
be done landed all over the country, an arresting quality of oddness, broadcast announcements to
unless anyone, Monstrous creatures were lum- young man we have since alloy fears, and towards down
declared cremics, bering out of them and laconi- come to know better as Orson the panic subsided and turned
For no Indonesian will cally slaughtering every human Welles, the film actor.
to recrimination.
They have known stranger tolerate being put in a position creature in sight with their Не had come
the
Shamefaced"refugeės" de-paradox than thin
of feeling Mo
Malu. death-ray guns,
Columbia broadcasting studies
There are the 50 percent of nounced Welles's
the Unfortunately
Dutch programme as Bulidings were crashing and with his friend Joseph Cotten. "criminal," "asinine," "dia- Indonesia's armed forces de sometimes forgot this. Even- fires breaking out everywhere, and both were appalled by the graceful"" and "outrageous" And|clared unit for service whoni tually the Indonesians revolted. Resistance Wis futile, and people's frenzied reaction to in the newspapers next morning no one has the authority to But the iden of revolt is escape....well, it was every "news" which they alone knew appeared a statement by him discharge.
about all they have
Sulvaged man for himself.
was no
Actitious.
apologising for, the "apprehen- There is the Colonel from the from their struggle to There were frantic back-. "You've done it this time," sion" It had caused among Celdocs officially accused of denice. They are a people who ground notses suggestive ofanid Joseph Cotten gloomily. Columbia's networks of listeners. smuggling copra. Ho went to have gone too far on the road growing panic in the broadcast-
Welles mopped his face as he
expecting listeners Djakarta and left again with- towards a modern state to turn ing studio. Then the first voice swayed in the surging crowd.
slurned:
to take the programme serious-out action being taken against back to their feudal traditions. But he was not so much con- ly, sald Welles, he had been him, lest the people of the But they have not yet learned "I am speaking now from the cerned at the danger to his own afraid It might sound too old- Celebes be offended."
Thero of the broadcasting build-career as by the real calamities fashioned for modern consump→ ing in New York. The bells which might befall thousands tion.
Chiatze Consur at Medan who you hear are warning people to evacuate the city as the Martiana approach. This may be the last broadcast. We will stay here until
nt....the end"
the
But hysteria gripped speaker as he continued: "Black
from
For from
the Communist
How Is Your Ulcer Today?
smoke is drifting over the city. {66/THE People in the streets
are run-
ning towards the East River,
By CHAPMAN PINCHER reason why so Top civil servants carry enor plain why today, men are
bosses
are mous responsibilities, yet they least four times more prone to
are among the least susceptible ulcers than women
"Tany
at:
enough, to make a new nesian nation.
Indo-
The result is a state com- posed of many lesser states, of and factions, few of groups
believe wholeheartedly In Indonesian nationalla, but Who say so to appear respect- able.
whom
Struggle Ahead
Thousands are dropping like going down with ulcer to ulcer trouble. So are bus So big is the rise in ulcer ratal Now the smoko is spread-trouble is because there are conductors, who have one of casts that probably more meat Indonesians is hostility to
cross-
All Confusion
too
an
Yet the same increase occurred
The
plus new responsibl18
-com-
does
The only single idea uniting
ing faster.
and a than one million
haif e root of the world, pärli men the most temper-trying jobs, many one-ulcer "It has reached Times Square,
The fashionable medical people in Britain either have cularly the Dutch. Perhaps it is The people are trying to escape, trying to do two-ulcer jobs."
theory that ulcers are ulcer, trouble or have suffered a temporary inferiority It's no uso! The smoko
That cynical remark "by' a essentially
plex due to political Immaturity snxiety aliment from it at some time. ing Fifth Avenue. It is a hun-friend of mine sums up two has been overplayed though Some doctors ure; veering dred yards away. It la fly bellets which ara, commonly
ulcers, must be
But I ras feet....Ah-oh-ah-ah!*
held to account for the rising worry may undoubtedly aggra the view that
vato an ulcer tendency which due to
for a widespread fault in sequences their rate of stomach and duodenal already exists.
economy diet. Yet game (surveys and for the coinfort of foreign ulcers:-
Doctors explained the wartime which have cast doubt on the traders, who must wrangle for 1That there is such a thing increase in ulcer trouble in anxiety theory, show that hours and fill up fourteen copies The broadcast ended in a as an "ulcer-type temper London as due to the anxiety' imegular meals: cannot be to of trade petraits before they choking_gasp. and smouldering ment specially prono to lear
can do business. teer caused by continual bombing, blame. trouble. parle flared
the up among
2That the strain of
BLEAST SUSCEPTIBLE Yot somehow. Indoncala Fan to listeners. Neighbours
Yoo, it was truci worrying job is mainly respon- little bombing, and in Sweden, in Glasgow, where there was
MONG people who seem factionlan in the army, an un- not collapse into chaos. Despite neighbours. They had heard it as well. ILsible for ulcers,
Least musceptible to. ulcer are omcial Muslim where there was nonewives, lorry drivers, waller Both beliefs are almost cer
in republic was the end of the world.
- Arid ---hard-up to the
Sumatra, a “government. that Everyone you that had a bit tainly fallacies according
and other shift
meal Limits sometimes depends on Com- to add to the news. Strange latest medicul findings coping with large families on constuctors
small wage packets, are almost workers whose - ANXIETY? ENDE:
support despite all this, things' had
happening all
Ana Immand touters. Indonch, been evening. A Jobserved my picture' of 'an ulcer having bablad secarís tamur There is come, evidence that Indondela, bannil
„appeared,NAS-
•In October trodomers pred sobserved ambitions atentaclentious womenprint protection, paint so that heredity may be parts
over-
partles
and
malierontr meteor had chair-anioking type who cannot About 60 years ago half the responsible, but the main It will be Insiones a first-elec vis for support at the polls. Твор в crashed to, ckih near Princeton, relax
does
not stand Jacey, Idilling 1,500 people erilicet examination up to patients admitted to hospital son for the increase in alot
Best As with perforated stomach ulcera all civilised countries remains lions But it will not be the end The only it wasn't a meteorit
factory worker who wens women. In their fema and one of medicines, unsaved of bor troubles. For the Com
karkoj maniria have yet to show their the first of the cylindrical spends bis evenings in an arm early 2017 Today young women
cavall strength, and Indonesia bis Explosions were chair/watching TV, In.just ne rarely suffer for this Sway)
Planet
New
00
Zastorn Camogies, Op.pl the awyer who studies papers sunill of costats gigantio invaders weak Danceiding long carton anidalaixů, vý
ANTREVISTARÍEM likely to contract:en ulcer as the RMAYDI 310 wee the tích
Vhích"
trouble, but this would:
bus
munist
ulcer. trouble runs in families"
will