1954-06-16 — Page 4

THE CHINA MAIL, WEDNESDAY, JUNE 16, 1954.

bumminge

NAT GUBBINS

W

THEN I take a holi- holiday girl are as old as ever

day from scribbling and just as lily. for a living I also take a holiday from

the news.

1

The only sinrtling news have seen is Dr Eric St. John Lyburn's original treatment for heart disease. He told e

that

heate the porter patient's body to "a fontantie temperature" with steam whlie freezing their necks to 16 de

grees of frost. 10

For at least two whole weeks In the year I have no idea what I re- In going on in the world. fuse to listen to the radio. anybody shows me a newspaper I shut my eyes, asked m tell me the latest cricket scores

tell him to tuke hi and then FLOWN HEr away.

This is not because I dislike newspapery (at least not all of

Even Dr Gubbins вечет thought of anything so drastic

has this, though he

fire- arribed decapitation for a head- mehe,

дей

CCORDING to a letter in a Sunday ¢ewspaper from

G

F

But Lord de Goblon, with centuries of good breeding be hind him, will accept the Flits- tlun without flinching. He will and continue to live quietly motretly as becomes a gentle- man, with Lady do Gobion at Kent, ancient home In

tho London season, ignoring partly because they do not care to mix with the recently nobled peerage, but chiefly be cause they can't afford it.

their

en-

enitled Although obviously to a seat in the Royal Enclosure at Ascot, Rosip writers

may like to know that Lord And Lady de Gabion will not be there, though Lady de Gobion, a born gambler, will have her sup shilling each way on an outsider with a local book-

makes..

Pine, managing My Lord Returns

them) but because for 14 happy 1066 And All That' days I don't want to know any. thing at all about war, Russia, bombs, pener conferences, Sena. Lor Joe McCarthy, murdier, wonen's fashians, and whatever the minor bores in the House of Commons Bre talking about. But for a chance remark in a have known I wouldn't bang about the railway strine that nde my return ticket useless.

Are foolishly In what the Dark Ages, long

called before bad news was flashed round the world in a second, men must have Byed in the state of bliss- ful ignorance. They may have

The troubles known about

11

their own small community but they didn't know about every- Lody else's troubles as well

Now I am back from a short spell in the Dark Agea, stuffed with Comisi

good! rean and cooking, what have I based in the lost twa werks" What great changes have taken lare In the world situation" What Ja huppened to Joe McCarthy" What are the bares In the House of Commons talking about”.

Me editor of Burke's Peerage, there seems to have been some gumunt during my absence,

from net valanlary abstention the

about news.

whose ancestors Came over with William the Conqueror.

u

the

NOTHER blow taken

chin without a whimper by Lord and Lady de Goblen wo the appearance of the ancestral home when they returned from their holidays.

Instructions countenance, gales,

RISE FOR

M.P.1

THAT £500

to

They

SC0

cow it

its

As I have not read the brgit mont I am unable to discuss It, but I might interest

They had given Mr

nuclent tr Pine to know that a cousins of for

battered by a thousand mine, after patient

research our family history, be

to be painted and restored Into

Its former beauty. lieves he can prove that

they thought

would Clubbins

#1 Hastings ind h/rel

us Nelson under

pretty face William's banner

when he anchored off Goodwin 1006 when he was known as de

Sands to victual his ships, ne Goblon,

his sailors saw it before they were lured into grog shops and Jocked up in the cooler behind and the garden-young again gay

Uz:til this discovery Lord Gubbins for Lord Nathaniel de Gablon), who has clung to his title despite the jeers of modem he upstart aristocracy, belleved was of royal blood. descended with Dom the King of The Gubbins who, with his savage tribe, ter rorised half Devon during the 19th century, and of whom the William Browne pastorul pust tsee Chambers's Encyclopedia) wrote in his rhyme un Lydford Lit w 14

The answers are Dul, at the moment of scribbling, } have missed nothing and that nothing has changed.

The Geneva Conference sull 10). Eden is still flying hame to see Mr Churchill and

ying back to Geneva.

That cunning old exhibition- isi, due McCur. by, is stiff having

exchanges "angry

with Me Stevens, the American Army Secretary, as he was two weeks ngo. 1 you compare Live re- ports from Washington on May

The town's cnclami decent MKOVÝ

WIB.

But where 1 " nor Hon

Polu's

And nought but hogs eun live And neur bereto's the Gub- blu cove

people that no knowledge have

Of law, or God, or men

dued

R with the reports frota Whom Caesar never yet sub- Washington on May 25 they are both making much the remarks,

Sa

As for the bores In the House of Communs, they are still wiking about the price of butter as they wee when I stopped reading

parita- mentary reports,

ך!

The real-life murder melo dramas go on and are

Who've lawless manners rude

lived,

01

All savage in their den. To one who thought he wan descended from kings, however rude, it's a bit of a come-down

krew that

unccstor your only one of the common

Wi herd who came over with the Congrevor IT'S Puther 1.ce divering that your

great- WON not

nuch great-grandfather

the same except for a change romantle thief like Dick Tur of cast "New" fushlons for the pin, but a sordid financier,

Reasons why you must have ă G.E.C. Refrigerator

2.

3.

If your kitchen is small. this is the modet for your sturdy and compact with a maximum of "storage space, economical in operation. Thorosta- 1ically controlled with freezer and takes even the tallest

bottles. Exterior, white porcelain enamel, interior. unchippable plastic-on-steel. DE. 31. T $900

The 5 cu. ft. refrigerator, a family favourite for many your, extin storage room, extra shol? aron, larger freezer. ocial plastic mest og fish chiller, a plastic anlador and thermostatic control, InteriDI it automatically when the door is opened.

DE. 51 $1400

wo

If you entertain on a larger scale, this is the model you need. The f ev. ft. model has 1134 sq ft, of shelf space, an ample-freezer with separate compartments for los 'and frozen foods. Glam-covered blastic chiller for mest or fish, and a deep salador for vegetables and truli. Interior lights up when the door in opened.

DE 70. $1550

This luxury a.E.C. Refrigerator in- corporales every refinement and re- frigeration aid that could be desired. Extra large freezer and frozen food locker, plurția chiller, two partie seladors with, special giam Jcover plates, room for, even the largest botile.

GEC

DE. 71. $1700

with colour. and with bright flowers in the bosom of its bay window.

But somebody unaware that the instructions had been Kiven by one whosE ancestors hind

om come over with the Conqueror, must have forgotten about the oti face decorations. The old, was still grey and cracked with the lines of age, and seure! by

winter. the storms of

This was depressing enough for his lordship and her Indy- ship, but they

had an

even Kreater shock when they uur- Veyot

the grounds, u waked garden about the size of four billiards tables.

There the grass had grown

a foot high and strangled Bree panies, the pride

ladyship's heart,

her

Hundreds of

е

the young snails had eaten 1/4ts

the Jettuves and kale down to

The nothing but the leaves, What

roote, or test skeletons of

"Ready, Herbert? Here come the Tories!

BRITISH FILMS

IN DILEMMA

By ROY

'A

the basis of the present

and JOHN BOULTING

NEVER BEFORE SUCH EFFORT TO SOLVE A RIDDLE

COMETS TO

BE

'SACRIFICED'

By ARTHUR BRENARD

THIS week-end a aensa piloted by R.A.F. test pilots, will

establish the cause Comet disasters. Uncle, one of the

sation. The pilots will wear oxygen maska,

of the Yoke

But if the Comet Yoke Uncle £500,000 stands up to the trial by water,

crashes: structural failures fol-

Exhaustive trials to probe this possibility are about to begin

Farn-

jet airliners, will be sunk there is a second theory for the in a glant tank of water lowing misuse of the power and will be subjected to controls. pressure stresses which will probably blow it up. Day both on the ground and in the and night water will be air.

On tha ground, pumped in and out of the

borough, the Comet Yoke Sugar cabin of Yoke Uncle to pro will be stripped and every detall duce a pressure differential of the control system will be of eight pounds per square tested and re-tested in an effort inch which Comets expect to discover if a "chain reaction" of incidents-in themselves of in normal flight.

omnall importance-could add up do catastrophe.

WITY sei about destroying one of BO.A.C.'s dwindling fleet of Comets in this manner?

★

Experts at the experimental

In the air, the Comets Yoke station at Farnborough, where the test is being held, believe X-ray and Able Victor will do that this is the firmest way of flown to prove or disprove tha

power control theory. settling beyond doubt whether

Chief

the test pilote the Comet crashes which have

points

artincial are: the cos! 99 lives are the result of will watch

"feel" of the cabin pressurisation failure.

WHY perform the test with the hydraulic system which water? Because if a crack in the operates the controls; and the the control surfaces Comet's cabin is caused the result forces on

failure.

control system;

would be an explosion almost which increase in ratio to the equal to that of a blockbuster square of the speed, and which bomb. By having the test in could, in certain circumstances, water the force of the explosion cous

couse G major structural will be reduced; there is more kelihood of the wreckage pro-

The best brains of the British viding helpful evidence,

aircraft Industry

nearly certain that one of these theories will provide the answer to the Comet riddle.

*

RTO

But while these two major investigations are going on other experts will be probing a number of other theories, It These are:--

On their slide-rules the Farm- borough experts have worked out an accurate picture of a break-up. They say it could be "Budden and catastrophle." they are right it will follow the

three pattern of all

Comet crushes.

WHY should the cabin cruck?

1

A major fire in an engine or the fuel system.

That is what the tests set out 40 L. wings,

Structural failure of the rear cabin or tall

establish. But already the theorists are talking of pressure unit, and, fatigue-an entirely new factor

which is only just beginning to

be understood.

Ja

3 Tall-plane buffeting caused by turbulenco set up by the

test

tras been

on

the Farnborough Yoke Uncle. up,

Say the theorists: "The Comet's hot exhaust from the four jets. Interior

Already the Comet Victor pressurised th a

George

vibrated to difference of eight pounds per.

destruction square inch to the pressure out-

rig and olde the cabin about every four hours of flight. This means that whether or not it blows the cabin expands and contracts will never fly again after its

gruelling_under-water testa, associated with Sir Alexander a small amount 1,000 times in

flying life of between 3,000 to Kordin,

Depending on the progress of 4,000 houra"

the other tests it is likely that So important is this pressure one or even two of the other

considered theory

that flight three guinea pig Comets may tris14

on Comet Able Victor, bo lost for ever to B.O.A.C.

the smalls hail not devoured The numerous friends of the

NY independent turn ari! private finanes In Hom. Lottle de Goblen (The

producer who dued to re-enter the arena. Devil Cat) had trampled under- life-and-death battles foot

accepts Govern-

The producers, for their pari, Where then does the guilt le? Lottie'n favours, for the Ion.

ment money of

perhaps that with L

money We say with Puritament, and torn

afpla

things in particular with a succession available and plants * just vegetables out of the ground in

Trade and way, somehow, an after-the-party spirit of de- inequitable division of time made to work in some of Presidents of the Board

Chancellors of the structiveness. Only giant dan-earnings is eight times

Exchequer. delions and a sturdy hollyhock out of ten going to lose part of it, no matter how That evening Lady de Goblon, low he cuts his production ignoring his lordship's noble

costs! ancestry And understandable

were left.

Georn of menial work, sent him

out small hunting with a stone

"And both he and the

jar ant a packet of salt. But Government will share the

Nothing, in fact, had been thought out to its logical con- clusion. We were to rely on the

British genius for Im- provisation

and muddle ihrough.

Now comes the pay-off. The British Lion Film Corporation,

after ten minutes of this dis-stigma of having failed in musting and undignified sport

their stewardship of public whose fortunes for the past six moneys."

his lordship felt overcome and was obliged to go indoors and pour himself a stiff whisky.

Later on her ladyship ar- nounced thot,

there

n

09

was

17,

1048just on half years ago!

five and a

nothing to cat in the house but

piece of

stale cheese, his lordship would have to dine on cheese

and dandelions. Her ladyship, who had been reading a book about herbs during the

holidays. spid

always ato

that Kipsies

the

dandelions in spring. She thought they would

probably do

two

ship.

Staggering inept, they have i tinkered meddled and fussed; have taken greedily with ono hand only to free the need of returning it with the other; exhorting and praising with one breath, damning with senten- tious strlelures in the next.

8

At no time, however, have have been years

guided by business

constructive eminent City

men, they produced wila the approval and support polley based upon the recogni- These words, written by us, of Whitehall,

re- tion of elementary facts. went into were publisher un December

The

share entire

million of over

THE CRUX are told, may be pounds, we regarded as a total loss. The They greeted the announce

of best part of three millions ment that the Government had

provided by established

Film Finance additional money

British the Film Finance Corporation is Corporation to rescue

from the "beyond recovery." film

production parlous state into which it had once again fallen.

The

&

his lordship good

article optimistically after his rich diet in Cornwall, titled "How to Rescue

British After

three

Films"-diagnosed more

the cause whiskles lordship wouldn't of production ills, examined have cared if she had served

the proposed Film Finance Cor up the hollyhock, but

poration's cure, pointed out the VD5 grateful that the jar of snails Inadequacy of the treatment, was not on the table.

foretold with melancholy and accuracy the course the sick- ness was bound to follow.

PROFIT BASIS

year

A MOUTHFUL

NYILAT are the facts? Very simply, that British film production, like all other young industries, depends on the home market for is continued exis

that during the war tence;

when people had more to end and virtually nothing to spend

HUSBANDS TAKE

IT EASY

By CHAPMAN PINCHER

USBANDS who claim 30 and were engaged on light

they are too fagged work.

The average time spent out by their week's strenuous games was about half work to help their wives in an hour

H

a week.

Even games the home at week-ends will ce dorts and billards account- be shocked by the dis- ed for only one hour. closures in a Health Minis-

Watching TV, reading, dozing, Just sitting-"activities" which try report.

do not involve getting out of an armchair-seem to be the most popular pastimes with modern man.

An inquiry has shown that the average

man spends about 36 hours every week simply re-

-->

Colour Catch

LL cats are

colour-blind,

4

QIMULTANEOUSLY, the dir- spend It en, it was enabled to laxing in a chair. He expends

almost as much of his energy la, Expand rapidly; that since that idling away his lolsure time as ectors of the National Flim

tirne, while costs have risen, in pre- Finance Corporation

this market has, as was to be ho uses in genuine work. their report for the expected, contracted; and that senting

In addition he spends about ending March 31, 1954, despite this successivo Govern- #10 hours a week in bed com- ♫ Medient Research Council

sub-ments indicated that additional

have continued to levy pared with only 47 hours at cyo expert,claim. Bir Halph stantial losses were

to be ex-

an entertainments tax which work.

Gunter tested the colour vision pected from the operationa takes nearly 40 percent of all Total average time devoted to of eight eats at London's insti- other producers in the industry, maneys carned at the box-office.

helping his wife, doing man-

tuto of Ophthalmology, and went on to produce, this gern:--

of

about-the-house repairs and

First he built a box with two

Here, indeed, is the crux of gardening, is only seven hours hinged windows made of frosted the matter. Unless the Govern "Who it would be wrong to

ment desires

British to keep draw too pessimistle а сол-

films permanently tied to its clusion ..it would be equally financial apron strings it must

He remembered how ladyship used to eat them with relish in France,

her

Warning To The Fat

AT

Tt time the producers' situation was desperate. Pri-

the banks. The

were the possibility of financing the expedients. coliers empty, studios closed, and un- Industry at a profit under pre- employment rising rapidly. sent conditions,”

Finance corporations, plans, Is it any wonder that the un-

AMONG my holiday reading vate finance had given up. So had wrong to be optimistic about now dispensa with temporary

a review of Royston Pike's "Jehovah's Witnesses, giving detalls of the end which is just round the

corner,

ilke prosperity during the Amerlean depression.

First will come Armageddon, leaving the Witnesses untouch ed. but destroying all

churches, all institutions

cats

a week.

glass. Behind each window was Bringing in coal and wood- an electric light, ono brighter in fact chores which can than the other. possibly be included' under the

food Gunter then put somɑ

· carry- behind the brightly twindow heading fetching and Ing-cocupies Jess than

the aix, in such a way that Eady minutes of the average, man's could not possibly smell it.

After time each weekd drives, and

a few leasons the cats effleleney

More Allied to the British Lion Budget economies all these,

than hall the men learned that the food was al- comfortable sound of two announcement this, in its own good in themselves are pallia- quizzed on this point admitted ways Behind the brightly it small voices crying in the foggy way, sald a mouthfull ilver. They cure nothing. They that nothing they did in their window, a

and « oponed that one leisure time fell into that cate change nothing.

They did this even when the lights behind the window were THE WAY OUT

switched round.

When - Gunter repeated the

wilderness

Where

have

should have been drowned by the joyful clamour

Zone things the which

grooted the arrival of wrong? Millions spent

and like the National Film Finance Cor still no confidence; production the Stock Exchange, and, oneporation and its first assumes, everybody who is not millions of money!

three streamlined but still no profits. The results from sober business paid-up

Witness or

better than doesn't buy

men no periodical. their

The Government, naturally, The

their regularly.

more Watchtowe

had its conditions. British Alm

decessors, comes the resurrection, production was to put its house Then com According to the Witnesses in order. Extravagance and there will be just enough

warte would be eliminated; no

0

who

ith room

of the earth on the bails of 1 and 2/3rd sq. ft. per person, which is pretty bad news for fut people and rather hard ол Lapps and Eskimos, who may bo shoved or pushed on to the North Pole.

those of spectacular pre-

gary,

2

Every Minute

·"་

Drug Perit

ว

lights

· of

of

The inquiry, carried out by a experiment using UR. competitor, Hollywood, town of doctors and scientists different colour: Instead

in a domestic market three led by Dr Roy Bransby, in different brightnces, the cats and

a halt times larger, volved an intimate survey of could never learn where the.

less the lives of 137 healthy men food was, pays entertainments tax What i

one-third of our rosponsible? Who then

own! working in 15 diferent

Conclusion cate "noo colours kinds of is responsible? As always, the British production will never factories at Slough, Bucks,

na various shades of grey. for everybody using every acro more "inflated" salaries wezo

The men accounted for every to be paid to stars; budgets had inclination is to find scapegoats, know stability nor can financial

confidence be restored until minute of their time during * to be carefully scrutinized and

To conduct A manhunt entertainments tax on British

whole week. Everything they · the time spent on studio floors through City boardrooms or the films is reduced substantially,

ate and drank was kept down to the minimum.

measured. WHAT would happen if the catacombs of Whitehall would

Let the Government under- The energy expended in every public had free accom to Common senso was to be co- be as misguided as it would be

activity was calculated.

drugi like morphine, heroin, opted, from the City. The exptie to lay the entire blame on the gland: there is no other

Men who criticise their wives and Indian hmupt... "Funzzy Wuzzie" of the film shoulders of the Alm-makers. Distribution costs are probably for taking so long to dress and

Georga If the Witnesses would give world were to be colonised and

Detective Surgoant as low as is practicable. Hun me a date i would subscribe to controlled. The "Arise""

This is show business, The, dreds of cinemas today operate make up may be surprised to Lyle, of Scotland Yard's anti- "The Watchtower" to ensure out the Civil Servant and City truth is that every studio is on the tenderest of proft mar's hears that they use up about drug squad, put this question to my "survival, travel to a coun- Financier were in,

bound to have is periods of gins The producers allustion and a half hour every week meeting of doctors judges,

in shaving, dressing, and sine and lawyers in London. try where the climate is warm

succes alternating with faliuro; in tragically, evident,

dressing. the one carrying the producer

Only the Government, by the through, the other..

restraint "of an appetite which Certainly in recent yours no fedem 550indl artiste Skupon "group" of" dim-makers, has kinda

all the year-round, and go on a The Government thought that slimming diet in cam 1 hap- by rationalising and roads pened to be jammed in bolweening its own sense of the money HEITĪRS, GENERALË WARDTRIO DO: LTA couple of stout parties who ide dog of alm-medu could establish, production o

Had died of over-eating,

way.

Leisure d

pHop answered It, this wa "There are 72 doctors in Britai

have been taught the dang