THE CHINA MAIL, WEDNESDAY, JUNE 16, 1954.
bumminge
NAT GUBBINS
W
THEN I take a holi- holiday girl are as old as ever
day from scribbling and just as lily. for a living I also take a holiday from
the news.
1
The only sinrtling news have seen is Dr Eric St. John Lyburn's original treatment for heart disease. He told e
that
heate the porter patient's body to "a fontantie temperature" with steam whlie freezing their necks to 16 de
grees of frost. 10
For at least two whole weeks In the year I have no idea what I re- In going on in the world. fuse to listen to the radio. anybody shows me a newspaper I shut my eyes, asked m tell me the latest cricket scores
tell him to tuke hi and then FLOWN HEr away.
This is not because I dislike newspapery (at least not all of
Even Dr Gubbins вечет thought of anything so drastic
has this, though he
fire- arribed decapitation for a head- mehe,
дей
CCORDING to a letter in a Sunday ¢ewspaper from
G
F
But Lord de Goblon, with centuries of good breeding be hind him, will accept the Flits- tlun without flinching. He will and continue to live quietly motretly as becomes a gentle- man, with Lady do Gobion at Kent, ancient home In
tho London season, ignoring partly because they do not care to mix with the recently nobled peerage, but chiefly be cause they can't afford it.
their
en-
enitled Although obviously to a seat in the Royal Enclosure at Ascot, Rosip writers
may like to know that Lord And Lady de Gabion will not be there, though Lady de Gobion, a born gambler, will have her sup shilling each way on an outsider with a local book-
makes..
Pine, managing My Lord Returns
them) but because for 14 happy 1066 And All That' days I don't want to know any. thing at all about war, Russia, bombs, pener conferences, Sena. Lor Joe McCarthy, murdier, wonen's fashians, and whatever the minor bores in the House of Commons Bre talking about. But for a chance remark in a have known I wouldn't bang about the railway strine that nde my return ticket useless.
Are foolishly In what the Dark Ages, long
called before bad news was flashed round the world in a second, men must have Byed in the state of bliss- ful ignorance. They may have
The troubles known about
11
their own small community but they didn't know about every- Lody else's troubles as well
Now I am back from a short spell in the Dark Agea, stuffed with Comisi
good! rean and cooking, what have I based in the lost twa werks" What great changes have taken lare In the world situation" What Ja huppened to Joe McCarthy" What are the bares In the House of Commons talking about”.
Me editor of Burke's Peerage, there seems to have been some gumunt during my absence,
from net valanlary abstention the
about news.
whose ancestors Came over with William the Conqueror.
u
the
NOTHER blow taken
chin without a whimper by Lord and Lady de Goblen wo the appearance of the ancestral home when they returned from their holidays.
Instructions countenance, gales,
RISE FOR
M.P.1
THAT £500
to
They
SC0
cow it
its
As I have not read the brgit mont I am unable to discuss It, but I might interest
They had given Mr
nuclent tr Pine to know that a cousins of for
battered by a thousand mine, after patient
research our family history, be
to be painted and restored Into
Its former beauty. lieves he can prove that
they thought
would Clubbins
#1 Hastings ind h/rel
us Nelson under
pretty face William's banner
when he anchored off Goodwin 1006 when he was known as de
Sands to victual his ships, ne Goblon,
his sailors saw it before they were lured into grog shops and Jocked up in the cooler behind and the garden-young again gay
Uz:til this discovery Lord Gubbins for Lord Nathaniel de Gablon), who has clung to his title despite the jeers of modem he upstart aristocracy, belleved was of royal blood. descended with Dom the King of The Gubbins who, with his savage tribe, ter rorised half Devon during the 19th century, and of whom the William Browne pastorul pust tsee Chambers's Encyclopedia) wrote in his rhyme un Lydford Lit w 14
The answers are Dul, at the moment of scribbling, } have missed nothing and that nothing has changed.
The Geneva Conference sull 10). Eden is still flying hame to see Mr Churchill and
ying back to Geneva.
That cunning old exhibition- isi, due McCur. by, is stiff having
exchanges "angry
with Me Stevens, the American Army Secretary, as he was two weeks ngo. 1 you compare Live re- ports from Washington on May
The town's cnclami decent MKOVÝ
WIB.
But where 1 " nor Hon
Polu's
And nought but hogs eun live And neur bereto's the Gub- blu cove
people that no knowledge have
Of law, or God, or men
dued
R with the reports frota Whom Caesar never yet sub- Washington on May 25 they are both making much the remarks,
Sa
As for the bores In the House of Communs, they are still wiking about the price of butter as they wee when I stopped reading
parita- mentary reports,
ך!
The real-life murder melo dramas go on and are
Who've lawless manners rude
lived,
01
All savage in their den. To one who thought he wan descended from kings, however rude, it's a bit of a come-down
krew that
unccstor your only one of the common
Wi herd who came over with the Congrevor IT'S Puther 1.ce divering that your
great- WON not
nuch great-grandfather
the same except for a change romantle thief like Dick Tur of cast "New" fushlons for the pin, but a sordid financier,
Reasons why you must have ă G.E.C. Refrigerator
2.
3.
If your kitchen is small. this is the modet for your sturdy and compact with a maximum of "storage space, economical in operation. Thorosta- 1ically controlled with freezer and takes even the tallest
bottles. Exterior, white porcelain enamel, interior. unchippable plastic-on-steel. DE. 31. T $900
The 5 cu. ft. refrigerator, a family favourite for many your, extin storage room, extra shol? aron, larger freezer. ocial plastic mest og fish chiller, a plastic anlador and thermostatic control, InteriDI it automatically when the door is opened.
DE. 51 $1400
wo
If you entertain on a larger scale, this is the model you need. The f ev. ft. model has 1134 sq ft, of shelf space, an ample-freezer with separate compartments for los 'and frozen foods. Glam-covered blastic chiller for mest or fish, and a deep salador for vegetables and truli. Interior lights up when the door in opened.
DE 70. $1550
This luxury a.E.C. Refrigerator in- corporales every refinement and re- frigeration aid that could be desired. Extra large freezer and frozen food locker, plurția chiller, two partie seladors with, special giam Jcover plates, room for, even the largest botile.
GEC
DE. 71. $1700
with colour. and with bright flowers in the bosom of its bay window.
But somebody unaware that the instructions had been Kiven by one whosE ancestors hind
om come over with the Conqueror, must have forgotten about the oti face decorations. The old, was still grey and cracked with the lines of age, and seure! by
winter. the storms of
This was depressing enough for his lordship and her Indy- ship, but they
had an
even Kreater shock when they uur- Veyot
the grounds, u waked garden about the size of four billiards tables.
There the grass had grown
a foot high and strangled Bree panies, the pride
ladyship's heart,
her
Hundreds of
е
the young snails had eaten 1/4ts
the Jettuves and kale down to
The nothing but the leaves, What
roote, or test skeletons of
"Ready, Herbert? Here come the Tories!
BRITISH FILMS
IN DILEMMA
By ROY
'A
the basis of the present
and JOHN BOULTING
NEVER BEFORE SUCH EFFORT TO SOLVE A RIDDLE
COMETS TO
BE
'SACRIFICED'
By ARTHUR BRENARD
THIS week-end a aensa piloted by R.A.F. test pilots, will
establish the cause Comet disasters. Uncle, one of the
sation. The pilots will wear oxygen maska,
of the Yoke
But if the Comet Yoke Uncle £500,000 stands up to the trial by water,
crashes: structural failures fol-
Exhaustive trials to probe this possibility are about to begin
Farn-
jet airliners, will be sunk there is a second theory for the in a glant tank of water lowing misuse of the power and will be subjected to controls. pressure stresses which will probably blow it up. Day both on the ground and in the and night water will be air.
On tha ground, pumped in and out of the
borough, the Comet Yoke Sugar cabin of Yoke Uncle to pro will be stripped and every detall duce a pressure differential of the control system will be of eight pounds per square tested and re-tested in an effort inch which Comets expect to discover if a "chain reaction" of incidents-in themselves of in normal flight.
omnall importance-could add up do catastrophe.
WITY sei about destroying one of BO.A.C.'s dwindling fleet of Comets in this manner?
★
Experts at the experimental
In the air, the Comets Yoke station at Farnborough, where the test is being held, believe X-ray and Able Victor will do that this is the firmest way of flown to prove or disprove tha
power control theory. settling beyond doubt whether
Chief
the test pilote the Comet crashes which have
points
artincial are: the cos! 99 lives are the result of will watch
"feel" of the cabin pressurisation failure.
WHY perform the test with the hydraulic system which water? Because if a crack in the operates the controls; and the the control surfaces Comet's cabin is caused the result forces on
failure.
control system;
would be an explosion almost which increase in ratio to the equal to that of a blockbuster square of the speed, and which bomb. By having the test in could, in certain circumstances, water the force of the explosion cous
couse G major structural will be reduced; there is more kelihood of the wreckage pro-
The best brains of the British viding helpful evidence,
aircraft Industry
nearly certain that one of these theories will provide the answer to the Comet riddle.
*
RTO
But while these two major investigations are going on other experts will be probing a number of other theories, It These are:--
On their slide-rules the Farm- borough experts have worked out an accurate picture of a break-up. They say it could be "Budden and catastrophle." they are right it will follow the
three pattern of all
Comet crushes.
WHY should the cabin cruck?
1
A major fire in an engine or the fuel system.
That is what the tests set out 40 L. wings,
Structural failure of the rear cabin or tall
establish. But already the theorists are talking of pressure unit, and, fatigue-an entirely new factor
which is only just beginning to
be understood.
Ja
3 Tall-plane buffeting caused by turbulenco set up by the
test
tras been
on
the Farnborough Yoke Uncle. up,
Say the theorists: "The Comet's hot exhaust from the four jets. Interior
Already the Comet Victor pressurised th a
George
vibrated to difference of eight pounds per.
destruction square inch to the pressure out-
rig and olde the cabin about every four hours of flight. This means that whether or not it blows the cabin expands and contracts will never fly again after its
gruelling_under-water testa, associated with Sir Alexander a small amount 1,000 times in
flying life of between 3,000 to Kordin,
Depending on the progress of 4,000 houra"
the other tests it is likely that So important is this pressure one or even two of the other
considered theory
that flight three guinea pig Comets may tris14
on Comet Able Victor, bo lost for ever to B.O.A.C.
the smalls hail not devoured The numerous friends of the
NY independent turn ari! private finanes In Hom. Lottle de Goblen (The
producer who dued to re-enter the arena. Devil Cat) had trampled under- life-and-death battles foot
accepts Govern-
The producers, for their pari, Where then does the guilt le? Lottie'n favours, for the Ion.
ment money of
perhaps that with L
money We say with Puritament, and torn
afpla
things in particular with a succession available and plants * just vegetables out of the ground in
Trade and way, somehow, an after-the-party spirit of de- inequitable division of time made to work in some of Presidents of the Board
Chancellors of the structiveness. Only giant dan-earnings is eight times
Exchequer. delions and a sturdy hollyhock out of ten going to lose part of it, no matter how That evening Lady de Goblon, low he cuts his production ignoring his lordship's noble
costs! ancestry And understandable
were left.
Georn of menial work, sent him
out small hunting with a stone
"And both he and the
jar ant a packet of salt. But Government will share the
Nothing, in fact, had been thought out to its logical con- clusion. We were to rely on the
British genius for Im- provisation
and muddle ihrough.
Now comes the pay-off. The British Lion Film Corporation,
after ten minutes of this dis-stigma of having failed in musting and undignified sport
their stewardship of public whose fortunes for the past six moneys."
his lordship felt overcome and was obliged to go indoors and pour himself a stiff whisky.
Later on her ladyship ar- nounced thot,
there
n
09
was
17,
1048just on half years ago!
five and a
nothing to cat in the house but
piece of
stale cheese, his lordship would have to dine on cheese
and dandelions. Her ladyship, who had been reading a book about herbs during the
holidays. spid
always ato
that Kipsies
the
dandelions in spring. She thought they would
probably do
two
ship.
Staggering inept, they have i tinkered meddled and fussed; have taken greedily with ono hand only to free the need of returning it with the other; exhorting and praising with one breath, damning with senten- tious strlelures in the next.
8
At no time, however, have have been years
guided by business
constructive eminent City
men, they produced wila the approval and support polley based upon the recogni- These words, written by us, of Whitehall,
re- tion of elementary facts. went into were publisher un December
The
share entire
million of over
THE CRUX are told, may be pounds, we regarded as a total loss. The They greeted the announce
of best part of three millions ment that the Government had
provided by established
Film Finance additional money
British the Film Finance Corporation is Corporation to rescue
from the "beyond recovery." film
production parlous state into which it had once again fallen.
The
&
his lordship good
article optimistically after his rich diet in Cornwall, titled "How to Rescue
British After
three
Films"-diagnosed more
the cause whiskles lordship wouldn't of production ills, examined have cared if she had served
the proposed Film Finance Cor up the hollyhock, but
poration's cure, pointed out the VD5 grateful that the jar of snails Inadequacy of the treatment, was not on the table.
foretold with melancholy and accuracy the course the sick- ness was bound to follow.
PROFIT BASIS
year
A MOUTHFUL
NYILAT are the facts? Very simply, that British film production, like all other young industries, depends on the home market for is continued exis
that during the war tence;
when people had more to end and virtually nothing to spend
HUSBANDS TAKE
IT EASY
By CHAPMAN PINCHER
USBANDS who claim 30 and were engaged on light
they are too fagged work.
The average time spent out by their week's strenuous games was about half work to help their wives in an hour
H
a week.
Even games the home at week-ends will ce dorts and billards account- be shocked by the dis- ed for only one hour. closures in a Health Minis-
Watching TV, reading, dozing, Just sitting-"activities" which try report.
do not involve getting out of an armchair-seem to be the most popular pastimes with modern man.
An inquiry has shown that the average
man spends about 36 hours every week simply re-
-->
Colour Catch
LL cats are
colour-blind,
4
QIMULTANEOUSLY, the dir- spend It en, it was enabled to laxing in a chair. He expends
almost as much of his energy la, Expand rapidly; that since that idling away his lolsure time as ectors of the National Flim
tirne, while costs have risen, in pre- Finance Corporation
this market has, as was to be ho uses in genuine work. their report for the expected, contracted; and that senting
In addition he spends about ending March 31, 1954, despite this successivo Govern- #10 hours a week in bed com- ♫ Medient Research Council
sub-ments indicated that additional
have continued to levy pared with only 47 hours at cyo expert,claim. Bir Halph stantial losses were
to be ex-
an entertainments tax which work.
Gunter tested the colour vision pected from the operationa takes nearly 40 percent of all Total average time devoted to of eight eats at London's insti- other producers in the industry, maneys carned at the box-office.
helping his wife, doing man-
tuto of Ophthalmology, and went on to produce, this gern:--
of
about-the-house repairs and
First he built a box with two
Here, indeed, is the crux of gardening, is only seven hours hinged windows made of frosted the matter. Unless the Govern "Who it would be wrong to
ment desires
British to keep draw too pessimistle а сол-
films permanently tied to its clusion ..it would be equally financial apron strings it must
He remembered how ladyship used to eat them with relish in France,
her
Warning To The Fat
AT
Tt time the producers' situation was desperate. Pri-
the banks. The
were the possibility of financing the expedients. coliers empty, studios closed, and un- Industry at a profit under pre- employment rising rapidly. sent conditions,”
Finance corporations, plans, Is it any wonder that the un-
AMONG my holiday reading vate finance had given up. So had wrong to be optimistic about now dispensa with temporary
a review of Royston Pike's "Jehovah's Witnesses, giving detalls of the end which is just round the
corner,
ilke prosperity during the Amerlean depression.
First will come Armageddon, leaving the Witnesses untouch ed. but destroying all
churches, all institutions
cats
a week.
glass. Behind each window was Bringing in coal and wood- an electric light, ono brighter in fact chores which can than the other. possibly be included' under the
food Gunter then put somɑ
· carry- behind the brightly twindow heading fetching and Ing-cocupies Jess than
the aix, in such a way that Eady minutes of the average, man's could not possibly smell it.
After time each weekd drives, and
a few leasons the cats effleleney
More Allied to the British Lion Budget economies all these,
than hall the men learned that the food was al- comfortable sound of two announcement this, in its own good in themselves are pallia- quizzed on this point admitted ways Behind the brightly it small voices crying in the foggy way, sald a mouthfull ilver. They cure nothing. They that nothing they did in their window, a
and « oponed that one leisure time fell into that cate change nothing.
They did this even when the lights behind the window were THE WAY OUT
switched round.
When - Gunter repeated the
wilderness
Where
have
should have been drowned by the joyful clamour
Zone things the which
grooted the arrival of wrong? Millions spent
and like the National Film Finance Cor still no confidence; production the Stock Exchange, and, oneporation and its first assumes, everybody who is not millions of money!
three streamlined but still no profits. The results from sober business paid-up
Witness or
better than doesn't buy
men no periodical. their
The Government, naturally, The
their regularly.
more Watchtowe
had its conditions. British Alm
decessors, comes the resurrection, production was to put its house Then com According to the Witnesses in order. Extravagance and there will be just enough
warte would be eliminated; no
0
who
ith room
of the earth on the bails of 1 and 2/3rd sq. ft. per person, which is pretty bad news for fut people and rather hard ол Lapps and Eskimos, who may bo shoved or pushed on to the North Pole.
those of spectacular pre-
gary,
2
Every Minute
·"་
Drug Perit
ว
lights
· of
of
The inquiry, carried out by a experiment using UR. competitor, Hollywood, town of doctors and scientists different colour: Instead
in a domestic market three led by Dr Roy Bransby, in different brightnces, the cats and
a halt times larger, volved an intimate survey of could never learn where the.
less the lives of 137 healthy men food was, pays entertainments tax What i
one-third of our rosponsible? Who then
own! working in 15 diferent
Conclusion cate "noo colours kinds of is responsible? As always, the British production will never factories at Slough, Bucks,
na various shades of grey. for everybody using every acro more "inflated" salaries wezo
The men accounted for every to be paid to stars; budgets had inclination is to find scapegoats, know stability nor can financial
confidence be restored until minute of their time during * to be carefully scrutinized and
To conduct A manhunt entertainments tax on British
whole week. Everything they · the time spent on studio floors through City boardrooms or the films is reduced substantially,
ate and drank was kept down to the minimum.
measured. WHAT would happen if the catacombs of Whitehall would
Let the Government under- The energy expended in every public had free accom to Common senso was to be co- be as misguided as it would be
activity was calculated.
drugi like morphine, heroin, opted, from the City. The exptie to lay the entire blame on the gland: there is no other
Men who criticise their wives and Indian hmupt... "Funzzy Wuzzie" of the film shoulders of the Alm-makers. Distribution costs are probably for taking so long to dress and
Georga If the Witnesses would give world were to be colonised and
Detective Surgoant as low as is practicable. Hun me a date i would subscribe to controlled. The "Arise""
This is show business, The, dreds of cinemas today operate make up may be surprised to Lyle, of Scotland Yard's anti- "The Watchtower" to ensure out the Civil Servant and City truth is that every studio is on the tenderest of proft mar's hears that they use up about drug squad, put this question to my "survival, travel to a coun- Financier were in,
bound to have is periods of gins The producers allustion and a half hour every week meeting of doctors judges,
in shaving, dressing, and sine and lawyers in London. try where the climate is warm
succes alternating with faliuro; in tragically, evident,
dressing. the one carrying the producer
Only the Government, by the through, the other..
restraint "of an appetite which Certainly in recent yours no fedem 550indl artiste Skupon "group" of" dim-makers, has kinda
all the year-round, and go on a The Government thought that slimming diet in cam 1 hap- by rationalising and roads pened to be jammed in bolweening its own sense of the money HEITĪRS, GENERALË WARDTRIO DO: LTA couple of stout parties who ide dog of alm-medu could establish, production o
Had died of over-eating,
way.
Leisure d
pHop answered It, this wa "There are 72 doctors in Britai
have been taught the dang