ETHEL COTTON ASKS
IS YOUR HUSBAND A
NOT
No doubt you frequently meet the Alibi Leaner,
You know the speech: "I've just Been too busy to read that book....... Well, the fact is my husband and I Would go to that film if it weren't for the children (and the dog, the weather and the old clothes).”
I make it a point each time I meet people like this to tell them of a valiant person who is using a typewriter, though blind, or con- ducting a business, though bedfast, Peter the Pompous, the large man Eventually - the ~ Alibi. Leaner with the dignified look, who booms realises that he is not exciting pity, you down with his rumbling but scorn.
“We keep a maid, but you know I stopped this young Ragbag and how the servant problem is. Here exhausted her with questions about to-day and gone to-morrow.
those South American patterns,
ago a neighbour of mine, an elderly optician, re- marked to me as we waited in a thunderstorm for a bus, “Well, if I "But I did get my shopping done had brought my umbrella. it before the last one left-bought my wouldn't have rained.”
whole winter wardrobe. You know, That was my cue to say, "It is bright colours are coming back. wet, isn't it?" But parrot patter is
a challenge to me,
"If you haven't a costume for
"You'd be simply amazed at the speeches, is really a timid, rabbit- The Tactless Frank, is not only a South American patterns they're eared little man with a deep, sense bore but a firebrand. By a quick association of weather showing now.
of inferiority. and optics (and please do not ima- gine I am telling how clever I am), I asked him whether his company had yet devised any way to stop moisture forming оп spectacle lenses.
At once he told me the new thin lens that fits over the eyeball and is kept clear by, the eyelid.
BREAKFAST
She touched on fourteen subjects Before I left him, he was discuss in three minutes. In my galleries ing telescopes and astronomy-his of bores, I call this type the Ragbag pet hobbies-and I had learned so Mind.
much about sunspots that I bought You owe it to both of you to stop a book on astronomy before the day her at one of the conversational was over.
fragments she has dumped out be Anybody can open new worlds fore you. through conversation by employing,
a bit of, thought.
I have tried to classify all the different kinds of bores.
You, too, will find fun and profit in classifying your friends and re- latives-particularly your husband or wife and applying a few simple principles to improve them.
First among bores is the Detail Specialist.
THE-
BORE?
My husband and I recently dealt that party to-night," I heard one of with such a guest by asking his ad- them say, "why don't you borrow vice frequently, complimenting my sister-in-law's? She hasn't a him upon his knowledge, accepting very good figure, either.” him as an expert. -
Such a remark can ruin an even- We did not let him convince us ing unless you think. I knew that of his importance.We convinced the affront was not intended. him of his importance.
WORLD GOES BY By "ULYSSES "
went
HAVE always secretly admired | dignified and stately
Land people who could read a news something like this: "One-two- paper while eating. It bespeaks two-three-sink! One-two-three-sink! co-ordination, dexterity and auto-One-two-three-sink!" matic digestion, none of which
attrutes I seem to possess.
A few days ago at tea the conver- sation turned to old houses.
Presently a young bride exclaim. ed, with shining eyes, "Oh, I saw the most delightful old house last Sunday. I must tell you about it." In the first place I can't seem to We were eager to hear. But the get the newpaper fixed right, even young woman did not begin within one of these racks provided for
the purpose.
the old house.
She began with her husband and his interest in old houses. Then
Then the more sporting took to swimming tipped over on one side, with one ear dragging in the water. This was considered very athletic,
The Tactless Frank was offended at his sister-in-law and had pro- pected his ill-will to somebody else.
The Conscientious Tattler always begins with, "Don't you think that we owe it to Mrs. B to tell her how her husband has been behav ing?
"I know she deserves to know. Have you heard?”
Personally, I always have. And I am always sure that Mrs. B knows, too, and is handling the matter quietly and in her own way.
When the Tattler discovers that her choice morsel is not interest- ing, she drops it.
The Nervous Interrupter, who sits on the edge of his chair, all but cheering you on to a špeedy
especially if one arm was lifted finish so he can get in a word, is
out of the water at each stroke. not necessarily a bore in ambush. But even then it was more of a He wants to tell something. Why pastime than a chore. It was con- not stop talking and give him a sidered very bad form to churn. chance?
And the Literal Interrupter, who
.
an
a
she told us the circumstances under One corner gets into the butter, which he had met a "perfectly love-another into the marmalade, and ly couple," who owned an old home even if I do manage to fold it so But with the advent of the vari-just breaks in upon you with in the country.
that certain headlines are visible, ous "crawls," swimming has taken irrelevant I have to unfold the whole thing on more
speech, may not be A few guests began to shift un-
the nature of a battle bore, either. You may be the bore. easily.
again in a minute or two in order with the elements. You have to Find out what is wrong with your The young woman was on
to keep on reading. the
lash at the water, tear at the waves conversation. verge of being invited to the old
with your teeth, snort and spit, house, when, foreseeing a long train In the meantime, what of break-
kick your feet like a child with trip to the country, someone ex-fast? claimed, “I can imagine how excit-like it hot. While I am folding
I like my breakfast, and I tantrums. It has become tiring just
to watch. ing it was, my dear, but I can't and unfolding my newspaper, and wait to hear about the house. How knocking over milk-jugs and old was it?""
Were the rooms dreadfully small? Reaper has stalked in among
and pepper, the Indeed they were, but.
hand on egg and toast alike. breakfast dishes, laying his.
You see, a Detail Expert, without knowing it, can always be swept to the points of his story if one ex- citedly intrudes.
LOST HER FRIENDS
salt
my icy
I never learned the names of the Inew strokes as they came along
for some of them must read: but I gather that the instructions
Conversation may well begin at
home.
There would be fewer divorces if the people in it knew how to talk.
After spending an hour driving with a young couple of my acquain- tance two years ago, I knew in my heart that a divorce was not far The Australian Wrench: Place off. When it came, I was not sur- the head under water. Bring the prised. There is no news story in the left arm up, over and around the world that is worth that.
The husband, at the wheel, regal- neck until the fingers touch the ed his wife and me for the whole right check. Shove the right arm hour with a discussion of the gad- sideways, and to the left until the gets on his motor car... right shoulder touches the chin. Again and again I tried to divert Then shift arm positions suddenly, him. He would not be dissuaded. It will be interesting to see whating the body through the water by a happy home life.
and with great splashing, propell- Pattern conversation is deadly to the bathing season brings out in He is very easily handled Don't the way of novel swimming strokes the feet and legs. The head is kept you can be constantly refreshing to lashing upward and downward with With thought and unselfishness, It probably involves the use of an auxiliary motor strapped shoulders.
The Veto Bore is another enemy of good conversation.-
"I think you are, mistaken about that," he says. "Frankly, I don't get your point.”
argue with him.
Ask him negative questions, ginning with, "I don't suppose it's true that
He will answer positively, with- out a veto.
A young married woman
the
under water, thereby eliminating your companions. both wind resistance and breathing, It is fine fun.
When I- learned to swim, people The Lighthouse - Churn: just swam. The idea was to keep stand still in water about up once afloat and to get somewhere if pos- your waist, and beat at the face with your fists, snorting spitting at the same time.
told me her friends had cut her. sible. She didn't know what was wrong. And then she went on: "I have
Just
Carry home a new topic of in- terest each day, something related to the life of your family.
If a man hides behind a break-
sur-out by the simple question, “What to fast newspaper, he can be brought
and is there interesting in the news this This morning?”
con-... But “I suppose you find the paper
your home"
I was first taught what is known does nothing but make you so little time to read and develop as the breast stroker High out of spicnous, but, after all, what is mo-more interesting than myself.
the water the bows. If was dern swimming for?
is a signal for him to prove it.
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