1935-10-18 — Page 7

No. 32

China Mail

HOME SUPPLEMENT

“HONG KONG, SATURDAY, OCTOBER 19. 1935

No. 32

Introducing My Daughter's Marriage

The Ideal Telephone Conversation

THE

THE telephone is a worthy in-

vention and has made it self quite indispensable to the business and social worlds. · Is is a great

money saver, time Saver. and general life saver

But with the telephone have grown up some disagreeable habits. in the people who use it. The in- nocene little telephone just seems to bring out the worst in people like the automobile.

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Brevity is the essence of the courteous call. A constant source, of annoyance is the idle or too busy telephoner. The first is a tremend- ous bore. He or she talks too long and almost alway's calls at the wrong time. The second is the *hold, the wire a moment” variety who turns aside to chat with some- one else, gets busy on another wire, or stops to siga ber mail while you get paralysis in one arm and one ear holding the receiver of the tele- phone. This probably is done müch more frequently in business than in social life, naturally.

#

My pet peeve is reserved for the person who puts in a call and, when he gets a response from the number he has called, gruffly says, “Who is this?" Besides the discourtesy in the tone of voice, there is nothing gained în asking the question. Es- pécially in a business office, nine times out of ten, the name, of the person answering the phone melas absolutely nothing to the one call- ing, and he is, therefore, no further along in his business than he was,

A young woman, whether married. or single, when speaking to another woman of the same social standing. says: "Mrs. Thompson, this is Mary Gordon." And Mrs. Thompson says: "How do you do, Mrs. Gardon," or "Hello, Mary,” if they are intimate friends and are in the habit of ear. ing each other by their first names.

In business, names should be given as briefly and as clearly as possible. A man would reveal his identity by saying: "This is Mr. Herman speaking. "A woman would say: "This is Mrs. Smith." And a young girl: This is Miss Cary. Mr. Smith's secretary, speaking.”

A pleasant telephone voice is something to cultivate, a voice with a smule, as the saying goes. The point is to make one's voʻce distinct and easily understood. This does not necessarily mean that a lond voice is required, but rather one of a clear, well modulated tone. Speak- ing harshly or losing one's temper over the phone is quite a bad taste as writing a discourteous letter:

Both are bound to be misunder- stood

There also are rules of etiquette for those who use the public tele- phone booth. Always note if some one is waiting to use the telephone after you, and limit your conversa- tion - accordingly. Long. gossipy conversations always are out of order, but particularly so in the public booth. And do not smoke in the tiny, poorly ventilated coop. The air is certainly hot and stuffy enough without making it more dis- agreeable.

THIS said

* distressed

-mother to me. "is the era of the mesalliance:"

Social distinctions are not so nice "as they were. Where, in the,oll: "days, a glaring father insisted on the pedigree of the future son-in- law being presented, and the ex- amization of his financial status,, to- day father is fouted and ignored.

Muther's opinion goes the same way. My daughter is making a dreadful mistake," the same mother wailed to me anything I say is snecred at: nothing and no one can save her from her own folly." Using Her Judgment

If I had had a daughter of mar- riageable age, I should have let her abide by her own mistakes.

In the first place, they might not be mistakes at all. If I had not brought her up to discriminate in ber judgment of men I would not have drawn attention to that fart“. by lamenting her choice.

I hope I should realise that it is quite useless to attempt to influence a new generation by bolding up the standards of the old. Youth, given its own head, can quite often make a surprising success of its ventures. No Money

When I was in my teens I be came engaged to a penniless young man, to the fury of my parents. They said he was utterly unworthy of me

That generation happened to produce more tractable (and, incid- entally, sillier)

R

"In the old days a glaring father insisted on the pedigree of the future son-in-law being presented.”

1935. daughters, and

though for a long while Irebelled, Finally said farewell to the pen- niless and therefore ineligible younz

man.

But fate has grim jests: With- in six months of that very bitter farewell he was earning £2,000 a year.

I quote this experience merely to show that parents do not always know what is best for their children, although they think they do.

The experience of a past decade is often useless as experience for to-day. Nothing dates more. The experience of 1910 is secondhand în

One must also allow for the enthusiasm of youth, which can often carry through a difficult situa- tion, whereas experience merely tends to crush it.

The mesalliance quite often works our satisfactorily. I have seen sa Jany commendable marriages go into bankruptcy, both on the finan cial and the love side, that I have lest faith in parental judgment.

Young people know what they. Want and have a right to help them- selves to it. Naturally one would warn a young woman of rocks ahead, but, having opened her eyes to the possibilities, one should leave

"It is quite useless to attempt to influence a new generation by holding up the standards of the old"

her to her own common sepse and discretion.

Rakes often reform. Bad hats become good hats when they are hung in the domestic hall. Wild" young people settle down. It is wisest to let them sammount their own stumbling-blocks.

"But she is not really in love with him," the outraged

mother pro- tests..

Again I would demur. Do the majority of people fall in love?- I doubt it.

There'is infatuation which 'merci- fully cools before it has time to go as far as marriage. It is too white- hot to last. Given free play, with- out being fanned into a fiercer fame by the current of parental oppasi- tion, it wil die.

Being in love is a rare emotion which comes to but few. Merely loving is happily the prerogative of most of us. To love a person is the finest and also the safest basis. for happy marriage.

Steady affection which grows day by day and warms into á bond that nothing can sever, is the most beau- tiful tie of all

The choosing of a mate is not a matter where sane judgment helps very much, seeing that so many marriages which, by the look of things, should prosper, crash, and so many which should not prosper, flourish.

A Sad Fact

Always when the question of the., engagement-to-be-crops up in the family, there comes with it tain amount of jealousy which is only natural.

acer-

They may not be aware of it, but that does not do away with it.

An engagement always means that the parents are left : in "the position of deposed sovereigns. They naturally feel a trifle sore about it. The fact that they knew it would come one day, does not ease the pang, as most people imagine. It is only undertsandable that they may not consider the pros and cons entirely without bias.

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