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THE HONGKONG TELEGRAPH WEDNESDAY, MARCH 10, 1948.
CUSTOMS
"Bet you don't chuck his luggage all over the shop!"
Every Wednesday in the Telegraph: »
Sitting on the
OUR Uncle Nat may con- sider himself fortunate
that he is over age for industrial registration.
Otherwise he, would either have to choose, or be directed to, the mines, the factories, or the fields, or prove, as a profes- that he is sional scribbler, "gainfully occupied, spending 30 hours a week writing with the intention of selling."
That is the omeial definition of how writing, which goes to show rauch offleluls know about the busi- ness.
As all officials regard the rest of the population as a lot of llurs (and are usually right), it must be as- sumed that to avoid the call-up writer would have to provide proof that he was working 30 hours a week with the intention of selling.
1
Therefore, in order to provide proof to satisfy the official mind, there would have to be an official witness, either sitting by the writer's desk with a stop-watch in one, hand and a nice hot cup of cocon in the other, or standing outside a locked study -door waiting to release the writer when his shift was fluished.
If this writer happened to be your
Uncle Nat, the oficial would prob- ably have a nervous breakdown be fore the end of the first week of snooping.
Ho would arrive, say, at nine on Monday morning, and if anybody took any notice of his knollies and ringings by ten he would be told that your Unele never works on Mondays.
When he called on Tuesday he would be told that your Unele never works on Tuesday.
He would get the same informa- tion on Wednesday.
On Thursday they would tell him, yes, the funny Uncle works on Thursday, because he has to, his deadline being Friday morning.
He would find the funny Uncle right at the top of the house in a Althy temper and probably in bed reading the papers.
Working day
WHEN the fool entered the room at -the-top-of-the house he would And it just like that.
*
chance
Fence
by NATHANIEL GUBBINS
Lottle.quiet
If the official
In And Out Of Parliament
By Ernest Thurtle, M.P.
ITH the announcement of the plebiscite figures the issue between Mr Bevan and the doctors is fairly joined.
At present there is no indication of any con- cession to the intransigent doctors.
Mr Bevan, I understand, enjoys the unant- mous support of his Cabinet colleagues, and his party is certainly behind him, as the vote made clear:
Frequently discussed is the parallel between the present dispute with the doctors and, that of 1911.
In 1911, after much vigorous protesting, tho great majority of the doctors joined the panel system.
There is a good deal of hope, if not con- fidence, in official circles that the present dispute will end in similar fashion.
But meantime anxiety is not absent.
THERE may yet be some changes in the re- distribution proposals of the Representation of the People Bill, but it is clear the Government Fintends to see the rain features of the measure
carried into law,
called on Friday
he would find that the funny Unclo
The University seats appear not to have a hope of survival. Indeed, I understand that this form of double franchise has not a single friend in the Cabinet.
As for the City of London, whose sheriffs provided us with uple- turesque ceremony of protest fast week, it may get a minor concession. Parliament may permit it to make n marriage. of convenience with Westminster, lastead of being forced into
what it obviously regards
Shoreditch
lament? Cer-
had caught an early train to town as a mesaillance with
If he called on Saturday or Sun-and Finsbury. day he would be told to get the hell out of it.
Report
That would be the end of his week and he following report—
could
make
for In
the
the
Will the scorned tainly not.
MR R. G. MACKAY, member
Mor N., Hill, is a hackbench
Labour M. P. worth watching.
From time to time I havo heard him make speeches on a variety "According to Instructions con- of subjects, and have never failed tained in para, 413(b), Section Wto be impressed by the quality of
the Essential Work Order, these efforts. Eventually she would have him From the bed the official would of
There are no literary or thetorical called at the house of the writer sitting in a corner, bleeding from a receive curt instructions either to
1t is dozen wounds and terrifled to move. keep
for a couple of Gubbins at 9am. precisely on Mon- graces about Mackay's speech, and
Title 12, 1945, for the very
emotion, but This would give the funny Uncle hours or tie, à piece of paper to a day, January
be likened to He might, index, reading to finish
the piece of string and play with her in purpose of observing him at work. extremely effective.
fluent business and "I was informed that he did not
an able papers, but as nothing particularly some other part of the house. funny would have occurred to him Whichever he did he would have work on Mondays. I wna also in-executive. sure of himself, and right
on too of his subject. by then his temper would be fouler a miserable afternoon, and when tea formed that he did not work on
Will such a man get office? On than ever.
was brought up Lottie would have Tuesdays and Wednesdays.
"I noted that Therefore, the official would also that over his trousers, too.
this was a wastonbility I certainly think he should or six of 18 hours,
hours a day, do so, but other factors necessarily be terrified to speak.
the devil cat Leaving Lottie
at the rate of 30 hours for a five- enter. Into this question.
is quiet and reserved in funny
Mackay the
week. provided day
until one hears manner, and not guarding the prisoner,
one appreciate his Uncle would then shave, bath, dress
No doubt the official thinking like regulations.
"On Thursday I was informed him does himself, return and sit down at his
a fool of literature, midnight oil and
quality works that day, but exceptional
world--not garrets, would that he did
In an ideal political The foolish oficial, belleving that candles burning in,
Uncle to work nt found him in bed reading news-
this one-where merit was the only this was an indication that the funny expect the funny Uncle was about to write something, night when the world is quiet and papers.
"He rose at 10.30 a.m., had a bath, passport to office, his chances would
doing be very good. his stop Lottle the devil cat asleep. Being a would then try to take
he would be sat at his desk for an hour
As things are they are.. highly watch and notebook from his pocket. conscientious oMcial,
out at 11.30. to sit up and take nothing, went But at the first movement of his quite prepared
He then speculative. Yet, as I have indi- and returned at 3.30 p.m.
is un- his quality hands the alert Lottle would fly at notes of working hours.
be wounded But once more he would be dis- went to bed rose at 8.30 p.m., and eated, because
common he is worth watching, them and he would
went out again. appointed.
* returned at mid- agmmobilised while
"He had not Lottie undid
At about 5.30 p.m. the funny official would
Uncle would yawn, light a clgorette, night. his shoe laces the
sture
to wush his go into the bathroom then observe the funny Uncle at a blank sheet of paper for up-face, and be out of the house and as he does not wards of
an hour. chain-smoking
at wopence elgarettes sharpening penells, and about the room.
desk.
A до stamping
He would observe him scribble a line, utler a foul oath. screw the piece of paper into a bail and Ging it on the floor.
Lottie, belleving this to be part When of an organised game, would chase the paper ball round the room, to wipe giving the official a chance his nose.
*
*
.
"I did not see this writer again, FROM Labour's standpoint the
work on Fridays,
and
abusive on the way to his club, leaving a Saturdays, or Sundays either.
"He is vloient und puzzled oficial holding a piece of
keeps a savage cat." string in his bandaged hand,
BY THE WAY by Beachcomber
the.
In
are
Paisley by-election result was eminently satisfactory.
Surprisingly so, indeed, since the Agures are actually better than those of 1945.
One immediate consequence_of Paisley has been the raising of hopes of winning North Croydon, where the intervention of Air Vice-Marshal Bennett as Liberal candidate makes a much more open that contest affair.
In Wigan the Communist candidate is confidently expected to make a contribution of his depost to the national exchequer.
E all-party
* conférence on Lords reform is now getting down to work. It is likely to en- counter many snags.
no
only
One, for example, is that any change in the Scottish
will peers amendment of the
of
an
representation
Involve ancient Act of
LL was
calm at Wretch the visitors wild with delight. A intere pose. The good-natured Colonel then the singing of "For they dozing in his study, with a copy led of Horse, Gun and Rod in his jolly good fellows." Then his eye One of the women of the house Inp. Mrs Wretch was cutting lighted on Wugwell, ned the words would later bring the wretched man out of a newspaper a recipe for of the song stuck in his throat.
Rebuff a cup of cocoa, bui before he could making a turnip omelette. alp i Lottle, bored with the paper
Suddenly, from the front of
This is to tell you that house there came a murmur like the RAR Mr Mayor bail, would have the cup out of his hand and the scalding cocoa over his low growl of a mob in movement daughter of mine and I have
Mrs Wretch pricked up her long cars,
window.
A strange one is going to play the fairy queen trousers,
He would then be suffering from and ran to
shop. All this ·lard. Burns as well-as-wounds.
Before the cocon was dry on height met her eyes. She saw Wug- or any other kind of queen in any Union between England and. Scol-
well and his clown Anselmo, the Sopping Overcote The funny Uncle would be in bed
oficial
would be Filthistan Trio and the Twelve Red- mucking about in publie is no good. But gather that on both sides.
all for her how do you expect her to Dwaris. They were reading the papers while Lottle the trousers the devil fat tore them to pieces as he amazed to see the funny Uncle Bearded read them--sometimes before he had stamp out of the room and bang gesticulating, and talking loudly and settle down helping her mother in cardboard crown, why the door without writing a line. I happily. Then the bell rang, and a the kitchen if she is always adding a chance to read them.
On
bus encounter he cared to look out of the window scared maid announced that nearly about in a
HANCE don't ask you to come here twenly visitors requested the honour can't you stick to your job like I do funny Uncle's thy temper
Well he would see him loping off to The
and be the cannibal king 'do I.
the other day brought me face of a word with her. improved by would not "be
then.
to face with an old Parliamentary presence of the official, who would low favern.
colleague in the person of the Rt. be subjected to a stream of abuse,
Hon. J.H. Thomas.
w
the
critical observations about his per- Working afternoon A misunderstanding
to
mine,
++
Yours truly.
Alfred Slopcorner,
Synthesis
THE visitors were shown into sonal appearance, and even physical
large drawing-room, and as Mrs violence if he dared to answer back. THE funny Uncle would be back Wretch came in, the yammering died
Tate from. lunch.
down, and Wugwell stepped forward. The official would then try
The--wounded amelal, his hands "To what do I owe the pleasure?" OR purposes of publication, the make his presence more bearable
the song, "The Little Round Wicker- Whorcat
called "You're by udapling
to the cir bandaged, would be sitting patiently Mrs Wretch begun." himself cumstances. He would snap his by his desk waiting for the afternoon's twelve dwarts cheered lustily, ways work Hat," la fingers and call "pretty pussy" to work to begin while Lottle, refreshed ing their nondescript hats in the air. Biggest Bubble In My Champagne." Lottie the devil cat, who would fly by grilled herring and milk, would The Trio fained in, and Anselmo pro- The refrain goes:
duced
clock. a Union Jack from a at the angers and lear large pieces be trying to get his trousers oll.
Hardly beleving his eyes, the The cheering brought the Colonel of flesh out of them..
dazed official would then see the hot-foot to the drawing-room. Think- If he rattled anything in his pocket funny Uncic removing his tle, jacket ing his wife was presenting a cup she would fly at his trousers and and trousers and getting back into to some local football team, he add- ed his voice to the uproar, which sent tear pieces of flesh out of his legs.
NANCY Who's n Softy?
OH-LOOK AT THAT POOR HUNGRY CAT
bed.
AW--- DON'T BE SUCH A SOFTY-- YA SHOULDN'T LET. THOSE THINGS BOTHER YA
the will to achieve something post- Live is strong.
a
It had been a long time since I had last seen him, but I thought he looked extremely vigorous for the 10 years to which he confessed.
the Optimism used to be. the strong longer the case. For as I got off the he pointed to suit of J.H.T., but I fear this is no bus at Westminster the Houses of Parliament and sald to have solemnly: "You are going a smash up there before long."
I hope the thought was not the
Just caaaan't seem to forget yew, Honey, A'm kinda atale an' fat, You're the biggest bubble ti mu
champagne, In your little round wickerwork
hat,
By Ernie Bushmiller
chlid, of a wish of our old colleague.
Don't wait
till you see this!
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