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FOR
MORE SMOKING PLEASURE
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THE HONGKONG TELEGRAPH, SATURDAY, JANUARY 4, 1947.
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SHORT STORY:
You Can't Trust The
Experts
WHEN I was in America I began
to doubt the experts. A friend. fearing that her marriage was hend- Ing for the rocks. went to see an expert at the Marriage Advice Bureau,
"Ah," said the expert, "You see too much of each other. Go away for a month, have a nice holiday, and when you come back you'll fall in love with each other over nguin.** So my friend went over to stay with friends of hers in Chicato, When she got back home she discovered that her husband had run away with the mald. She went round to the Marriage Advice Bureau straight away to find out from the expert what the next step should be..
"Oh, you can't see Mr SimpsoTI," they told her. "He's gone to Renn to arrange a divorce for himself."
At the races I used to spend a lot on tips. They never came up. Now
I let my wife, who judges the horses sulety by the appeal the jockey's colours makes to her, 'decide which horses I shall back. It isn't very profitable, but it's morc fun that why.
When I was learning to swim, an expert in the party persuaded me to dive into deep water from the alde of a boat. "Best way of learning to swim, old chap," he assured me, "When you find you can't touch the bottom, you'll soon swim." Well, I
I couldn't touch the bottom-and couldn't swim either. They didn't munnge to get the bout-hook into my swim-suit until just as 1 coming up for the second time. When I was in the Army one of the experts told me just how to set about getting promotion. **Work hard," he advised, "and forget that
เบสม
WEEK-ENID WIT
ANOTHER DEFINITION
A wedding lon funeral where you can smell your own flowers.
EARLY NOTICE I Debutante: Were you ever men- tloned in the gossip columna?
Another: Yes, about two months before I was born.
·
•
THE REASON WHY "I suppose it was financial and domestic troubles that started you drinking."
"No, it was this way--ance i aaw a microscople picture of a drop of water."
*
THE SQUAW
He: I think my wife must have Red Indian blood in her.
Friend: What makes you think
su?
He: Well, every time she walks in her sleep, she takes the blankets with her.
ODE TO A PARTY
She was the best dressed woman
there,
As slick os moulded Jelly;
By Tillany, her jewels rare; Her gowns by Schiaparelli,
Her motor was by famed
Royce: Her flowers were by wire; Her handsome escort, tall
choice,
Was, as you guessed, by hire.
Rolls
and
Her colffore was by deft Pierre- Her rivals fell like zero-
By practice, she'd n haughty stare; Her perfume was by Ciru.
JAMES
by HODGES
*10. FOLKS-s
GUESS WHO
NEW
BOOKS
by
AGATE
"A Weller's Notebook,“ Anon
(Tantivy Prem, 94. Gd).
another TERE S
books.
ikrok
see my system adopted. This is one whereby when a player. having no hearts bld five of them to show that he has the King of Spades, the man on his left should be entitled to treble. Whereupon the bidding must stop.
In the meantime it is. I suppose, amusing to read:-
"Partner opens with 1 Club. You respond with Spade, which he raises to three. You should sug gest a stom by bidding 4 Hearts." If my rule were adopled, the next fellow would promptly shoul "Treble!
Authors
SIR PHILIP GIBBS, 70 on May 1 about next year, has just published his 330- About all sorts of page autobiography, "Pageant of the Rings-authors' carninga,
bables, Years.
J. B. PRIESTLEY is in Vienna, epitaphs, books publishing in Austra-
RICHARD ALDINGTON is making lia, the delights of thrillers, and the suggestion that the publisher who his home in Paris. His $50-pages on turns down a monueript is "cock-Oseur Wilde will be ready in January eyed, Insolent, Incfflelent, serofulous | 1047, and intellectually unclean."
HERMIONE GINGOLD is writing a new book "Gentlemen, You May In Laugh.
There is an execilent section de
Vuted to the openings of novels.
SILAW has written a foreword to this the reader is recommended o start The Ileart of Midlothian ka reprint of "Great Expectations."
Chapter IV. This is probably excelfent AĞATHÀ CHRISTIĖ, skilled ar- advice; have
beyond chaeologist, has been digging in the Chapter III.
never got
Middle East. Result; a book "Come. In my view the function of a first Tell Me How You Live," by Agatha sentence is to plunge the render into Christie Mallowan, to be published
Ishortly. the thick of things. As I write, a few such sentences come into my mind. They need not even be whole sen- ences; a few words will do:
"Elmer Quntry WOG drunk." (Sinclair Lewis,)
"My dear wife Carrie and I have Just been a week in our new house. The Laurels.* Brickfield-terrace, Halloway." ("The Diary of a No. [body.”)
"'Hole!* said Mr Polly. Ole! Beastly Silly Wheeze of a hole (H. G. Wells).
summer
right-minded
Her shoes by London-quite the boys built huts in the furze-hill
ops
behind the College." ("Stalky and Co." They itted na if poured on.
murky October day that the
our tale, Mr Sponge, or Soapey Sponge, an his good-natured
call him was scen
Her beauty was from best of shops; Her breath by Halp and Gordon.
In the end they sent me to, a psychiatrist, and I'd have got my
was a
hero
of.
friends
old tale about never volunteering for ticket if I hadn't taken the ndvice of street." (Surteen ong Oxford-|
anything-whenever they ask for a another expert and pretended I was And, perhaps, best of all: volunteer, always offer yourself. crazy. Because I set out to convince It is a truth universally acknow. You'll soon get promotion that way. the phsychiatrist that I was crazy, Iledged, that a single man in posses Well, i followed ። advice. I was sent back to my unit labelled ussion of a good fortune must be in worked like a horse. Whenever they
" fraud. If I'd followed my own wint of a wife." (Pride and Pre- asked for 11 Volunteer I always judgment and just acted naturally I'd judice.") stepped smartly forward. And probably have got my release three where did I get me Everybody years ago. thought I was crazy.
-G. F. RILEY.
Children's Corner
Conducted by Uncle Peter
I, personally, having read the first sentence: "Oliver Sheldon sprang. In 1882, from the loins of a Manches- ler chemist," would want to go on to the second. Novel and author? Modesty forbids.
"Bidding." by Charles II. Goren (Walter Edwards, 10s. Bd.)
TE cover shows the following
hand: Spades: Ace, King, Inave, three. Hearts: Ace, Queen, eight, four, Diamonds: King, Queen, after a specially long or band run we Knave, alx, Clubs: soven. Give me And suddenly that, although we are this hand and I should know what panting hard, we cannot breathe fast to bld. My difficulty begins with enough, and we have to rest awhile hands-containing one-Ace and three to "get our breath." This is so benines.
A Brave Explorer Captain Roald Amundsen, the Norwegian explorer. was the first man to reach the South Pole.
In 1895, he accompanied Captain cause the blood has not yet cought There can be no doubt that con- Adrien de Gerlache on a Polar ex-up in its work of carrying the oxygen ventions have ruined what was once
was ice to different parts of the body. pedition, but their ship
an amusing game. I should like to bound for more than a year. Shortly after his return to Europe, Amund- sen set out once more, determined to penetrate to the North Pole.
For three years his ship ploughed the ice-bound reus of the north, eventually succeeding in passing from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacifle Ocean by the North-west Passage, a Lask explorers had tried to accom- plish for centuries.
In 1910, Amundsen began his race with Captain Scott to the South Pole, He won. On December 18, 1011, the was flying on the flag of Norway white plateau of the South Pole,
Amundsen was born in 1872, and | died in 1928.
We Breathe to Live How many times do you brenthet in and out every minute?
A healthy person breathes in and out from 15 to 20 times every minute, The process goes on without stopping. Whether we are awake or
asleep. messages are flashing backwards and forwards to the brain, and the mus- cles are working steadily to draw the
fe-giving oxygen into the lungs.
Whenever we run hard or play | some vigorous game all the parts of our body must work harder, and the blood must therefore carry more We begin to oxygen to the cells. brenthe rapidly so that the blood.shall | have extra supplies of oxygen, until
Rupert and Ninkg-6
ALL LEADING STORES.
NYLON STAPLE USEFUL FABRIC
Nylon a staple fibre, procensed staple will contribute strength, re- alone or with other fibres by using sistance to abrasion, and dimen- aplaning methods, promises fabrics with durability, strength, lightweight, and warmth. These fabrics also will resist massing, moths, mildew and alleli.
stonal stability in washing. Some of the products foreseen are washable swenters which will not need bloc- king,
quick-drying swim. suits, Labica' sweaters which can be balled for sterilising, long-wearing light- The fibre now is being made only weight underwear and rugs
with experimentally. In blends, nylon high abrasion and crush resistance.
Rupert brings Tigerlily into hi home and Mrs. Bear welcomes her cheerfully. You're just in time re give me some ideas," she says, I'm wondering what to make with this lowered cloth." Please, who not make some nice curiana ?" says Tigerlily. But they are curtains!" cries Rupert. Mummy has just taken them down." And they all laugh merrily. "I've got another problem of my own,' says the fiule bear. "My pal, Bill, is gawell What present can I take to himn 2-
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED,
According To Culbertson
(Copyright, 1846, by Ely Culbertson)
East-West vulnerabla. Match-polat dunliente.
he
The trump finesse taken by to-contract he would throw every day's declarer looks silly at first safeguard possible glance but take another look!
around it, He ruffed the opening lead and, though North, dealer.
no fewer than ten trumps In the combined hands, took a first- round double finesse against the queen-Jack! To say that West was shocked would be putting it mildly. and of course after South had shut out the possible trump loser he did not have to worry about the con- tract.
NORTH
+ QJ88
Kd +AK 81 +74
WEST
EAST AK 10 52 +970 ! 10 5 R
ADE
+ 10 6 3 3 NOUTH
375
10 9 6 5 4 3 AQJ8
The bidding:
This deal strikingly illustrates the difference between rubber bridge and match-point technique. At the latter game South would be foolish to make this elaborate safety play, because it would probably cost him an important overtrick. At rubber
however, bridge
under which conditions this deal occurred, the overtrick was utterly unimportant, and whatever South could do to insure the contract was worth doing. Observe that failure to make the safety play trumps would have resulted in West's gaining the lead, and the shift to a heart would have The Anal contract, might well been marked defence. have been six diamonds, since a
Observe too that it would not have cost any- reasonable trump brenk and, the thing material if the trump finesse favourable location of the heart ace had lost to East, since that pinyer would have made the alom a lay-could not have made a successful down. When, however, West open-attack in the heart salt, and since ed the spade king and South South, after drawing trumps, could surveyed the dummy le resolved discard a heart from dummy on his that since he was in a mere game own fourth club.
North
A nó trương
4 Lond
STUD
בובץ
3 diamond
south
Yest
FRAN
• dari
has PASS
NANCY To Pack It-Where?
COME ON, GANG---
JUST FOLLOW
ME
SIDE GLANCES
Are You Sure?
Answers on Page 5
1. Do peerenses In thele own right sit in the Home of Karda?.
"I am a ellisen of ne meAKI city," said St. Paul. It was the elty of
Athens, Damascus, Romic, Antioch, Nicosia, Tarsus?
3. In what year was the first Marcon message ment between England und France?
4. Basketwork is popular. Do you know the varietien shown below?
dls-
5. How many species of cle- phants are there in existenon?
G. New Zealand covered by- Cabot.
Cook, Tanman, Columbus, Prince. Henry the Navigator, Magellan?
7. How many spelling mistakes here
Agreable, biputted, harrass.. mediocre, weird?
8. The oldest club in the Mane Football League is--
Chelsea, West Bromwich Arsenal, Notts County. Ful-
ham, Derby County?
8. Berlin, capital of Germany". is located on what river?
10. Usquebangh is the Guelle word from which we get
Huckater-barrow, hip-bath, whisky?
COPE. 1964 BY NEA DERVICE, INC., T. SA REG, U. B. PAT. OFF.
Eskima,
By Galbraith
"Yes, she's good-looking, but be careful-she's the type who wants to know if you wouldn't like to speak to her parents about your engagement if you so much as hold her hand!"
Crossword Puzzle
AUKUSS
Portner optraile soprano
1-Book up
13- Cloth mearute 15--Foreign
14 Prefix three 15 Things to SAL IT-Holy min 19- Wempo 20-Beat at-Mont's home 23.. Unlawfu 28-Marketed 17-Inc 23--Musical note 22-bet hart slår,
12
5
224
writer
14
NO!
DIS IS
TH' PLACE
30-Army encara 31-Data frull 12-Pronoun 2-10 & row 34-Opers LAT
blowing in
circular form 31-United
3B Work 3-od of late 40-Irritabl 42-Conformed <-dept 45-Engilab author
--Land Aura 'ARABIMative Bm-Chi
25
CANDY
PACKERS WANTED
ANSWER TO PREVIOUS PUZZLE
DOWN
1-Oberste Andient 1-Mexible
4- Flourishing
8331 (cont.) 7-Trim (zymb.l
--ỡnúba G-Darp Bite
11-Czerty sood 1-erred
· 18-God of wat
20-Cophisticated.
11-Lavender
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Ziti ce
73--Clonda Musik at den 27-Ortic zo-Shirtwaiste
$5-$1900s testirais 32-fligh mountains 36-LAT (RE 16–Duck-like buds 17-Ten
25-Prepare for
publication
$9-Weep 41-0!' pame
3.Wing
42-Ag
44—Algeriap puteri
41-Franch article
By Ernie Bushmiller
Koush
.....