Saturday, MARCH 30, 1940.
by EDWARD ("Gaulieter") KELLY
H.K.
HAS AN ANSCHLUSS
HITLER has chosen the man who will be Nazi dictator of Britain-if Germany wins the war.
He
The man is Gauleiter (leader) E. Wilhelm Bohic. will be installed in London, but the Nazis have not yet fixed his official residence, nor the date on which he will take "office
Herr Edward Kelly announces that he has been in com- munication with Herr Hitler on the same subject, and has pleasure in informing the Hongkong public that, as from to- day, he has been appointed Cauleiter of Hongkong.
He doesn't see why he should wait until Germany wins the war, especially as he has already passed half his allotted span on this carth.
Besides, there is the urgent question of obtaining funds for the maintenance of his office.
Contributions will be gratefully received. GIVE NOW. REMEMBER THE GESTAPO,
ACHTUNG!
This is to notify the English swine that we've ourself just appointed Gauleiter of Hongkong.
With our own Blitzk- rieg we did this thing.
We got the idea when we were reading our pa- per in Jimmy's yesterday. If, we said, we can have an hamburger at Jimmy's, there's no reason why we can't have a Hamburg in Hongkong.
Hitler told us to go right ahenil
He is sending us six gross Iron Crosses,
Mein 300 Kampfs and a shipload of swastikas to distribute to our supportera.
We're going to start off by re-naming Hongkong.
The Peak will become Der Heil Lands.
We don't know yet whether it would be better to call the mals- Innd Under der Kowloon or Just plain Sylt. People who live near the Kowloon City mud flais will naturally plump for Sylt.
We've already had to nick our Gestapo on to the Editor of the "Telegraph." He objected to us calling the paper the "Zuericher Westfaelische Landeszeltung“.
And Sir Vondeleur Grayburn kicked us out of our office in the Reichsbank when we went down there to tell him we'd appointed ourself Minister for Finance.
We're going to introduce a Five -Year-Plan.-
Our Five Year Plan will differ from Goering's.
He gave the German public guns and no butter.
We're going to give the Hong- Hitlershaven- kong-sorry!" Der public gins and no bitters.
Our Chancellery will be at Der Gripps. Pedder Street will, of course, become the Wilhelmstrasse,
We're not sure yet where we'll sling the Siegfried Line. but it doesn't matter much, as the mahs - will continue to do our washing.
Professor Nick Korin will be appointed Conductor of the Berch lesgaden Symphony Orchestra, and will be permitted to swing the Horst Wessel Song and Deutschland Uber Alles.
ENROL IN OUR GESTAPO, We can show you, in three easy lessons, how you may even fer- rorise your wife.
We also have several Lebens- raums which we will give to the highest bidder.
Or join our
Youth Movement. One bottle of our Ersatz Whisky, and you'll become youthful afl
uver,
Don't take your orders from your boss or your wife. If you become a member of our S.S. you can do no mure, than hòng. We will then make you a Nazi martyr.
We will now sot about preparing for our spring offensive..
Donner Und Blitzen.
33
Thought
TELEGRAPH WEEK-END MAGAZINE
(LMWHE-German alrmań was
"THE
taken prisoner, and his British pllots winad and dined him.'
When I read that the other day, my thoughts went back to a moving picture I saw a few months ago. It was called "Dawn Patrol," and it was full of that sort of thing.
One, scene ahowed a British Dir offeers' meds 151 A chateau in France. Young pilots, with many a "cheerio" and "bottoms up," were knocking back double Scot- ches.
Into the mess came a German air officer. He clicked his heels and bowed. It is so lonit since 1, saw and heard it, that I forget exactly, what was said, but it was to this effect:
So you're the fellow who nearly brought me down. Congratula- tions. Jolly good show. ¡love a drink, old chap."
The German bowed again. He and the British pilot touch- ed glasses, and our flier patted him on the back.
Then they got to talking about the wickedness of war, and what a shame it was that fine young fel- lows like themselves should be do- -ing the dirty work, shooting at one
another.
It was all the fault of those war- mongers at home, they agreed, and then they had another drink,
The toast, I seem to remember, was
of To hell with the makers
War" The German airman then left the company, presumably to go back to clink, and the British dis cussed their next bombing job.
Well.
I sald tot is Hollywood's kien of In Cali- formin, 8,000 miles from any possi ble scene of combat, you can res gard an air batite as a sporting event. But, curiously, severni mil- Hon people in this country went to see liat picture, and apparently accepted it as truth.
for To-day
BE merciful unto me, O God: for man would swallow me
up; he 'fighting dully oppresseth me.
Mine enemies would daily swallow me up: for they be Many that fight against me, O thou most High.
What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.
In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.
Psalm 56—1, 2, 3, 4.
+
OF COURSE YOU
1-Geneva, in addition to hous- ing a defunct League of Nations, had a drink named after it. This
was
Glu rum claret; ginger- temon: booticg; lemonade, 2. Who made famous the phrase "take
the Up
white man's burden"?
Edoard Kelly Rudyard Kip- ling: Noel Coward; the Kaiser; Abraham Lincoln; Lloyd George,
3. The largest active--not quies. cent--volcanle crater in the world is-
Itecla, Iceland: Eina, Sielly: Kilauea, Hawall; Ngauruhoc, New Zealand; Fujuana, Japan.
The old master whose work, -above-all- else.-indicates-that-ho- liked his mxiels to be sleek and well-fed was
Van Dyck; Raphael; Rubens: Memline: van Euck; Leonar- du Repolds.
5-City of Dreaming Spires is
the name which poets use when
talk about
they talk
Agra; Paris; Orford: Edin- burgh; Adelaide; Dublin.
You can drink all these~~}{ you're tough enough-except one, which you can eat. That one is
Pulque: plsco; mescal; pliaff;
koumiss. shicip
7. Some day someone is going to ask you what olla podrida is, and you will be wrong if you do mot say it is (apart from being a
miscellany)---
by Belgian
A dress worn prasant women; a stew; a nar- conic herb; an Italian wine.
8 Hongkong motorists travel- Iine in the United States find bit awkward at first be- (hings a
Each State has its own fraj- are the fie laws; the roads
THE
WHAT
PRICE
GLORY
AND now it turns out to be A true-up to a point. This German boy who was wined and dined by his British captors was made, an honoured guest because of his courage.
When his machino way shot down ho pretended to be dead until a British machine came near, doubl then he opened fire. No
that took a Jal of courage, but he to hind not quite enough courage stlek it out to the end, or he would never have been taken prisoner.
It is hardly for me to say that playing deart and then shooting was Just a dirty German trick, and that
anybody he w if he had killed
would have been an ordinary murderer. Some murderers have courage, after all. The men he was night- ing were the best judges of his exploit; since they thought he was a hero then he must have been one, and they were right to stand him a feed.
But they did not go so far in the Hollywood direction as to call ma brother-in-arms and blame the people at home for causing fre young airmen to shool one another.
We cannot have it both ways, If we are going to call war a sporing affair we cannot cali And Ita glasily business too. we know that it is a ghasily business.
We
"Dawn Patrol" was good enter- tainment but it was not war. may be sportsmen, but the Ger- mans must certainly are not. When to our Lord Haw How appeats sense of British fair play, as he does every other night, we know that he is trying to work a con- Adence trick.
ม
There were thousands of people at a football match in Berlin the other day, and not bomb was dropped. strange war of the rules of this said the Berlin an- nouncer, "is not to interfere wit the other fellow's football game."
witth
With the greatest respect-bunk! Do you think the swine who laid the mines that killed the bables in the Simon Bolivar would hesitate to drop n'bomb on a football crowd If they could do it and get away with their lives?
WHE
WHEN the crew of a captured bubmarine were landed In Britain the other day they were cheered by a crowd.
I suppose it would have been un- sporting to boo or hiss them; but 1 should like to know how a Ger- Bri- man crowd would address a tich crew landed as prisoners in Germany.
bo
can
It seems that such good-will can A social "hail- overdone. fellow-well-met" atmosphere have no part in a confilet that has Already produced unscrupulous. ruthlessness on Iitler's part,
We shall never destroy the men- ace in Europe while we wear kid- gloves.
There has always been a certain amount of Hollywood stuff in war. The most egregious Hollywoodian, the French 200 years ago, was oficer who, when the French and British troops were drawn up in battle line, invited the British to Ore the first volley.
What did his own troops think of him when their coni- rades began to fall?
In the last war many people in this country took a romantle view of the Germans, but changed their minds later and became realists.
Опе
the realist
averslepped markt. He was Havelock Wilson, liend of the Seamen's Union. When the U-boats were murdering
Bri-
Out,
tish sailors wholesale, he swore that when the war was over no British ship would ever go to the ald of a German ship in distress. Everybody must have known that such
threat would never be but it seemed a good carried
Krent iden at the time, and it was den more sensible thon giving a U-boat captain a pat on the back and blg cigar-which sportsmen would like to do.
Wilson spoke in anger, but he had something to be angry about. And so have we.
7
some
KNOW BUT ARE YOU SURE?
"THE method of scoring is to take two points for each ques- tion answered correctly, More than 30s above, the The only other rule is average. Top scoro 50 is splendid.
if you feel tempted to glanco first at that other pago-be wise, be honest, be boldly confident of your own nativo ability and forbear to peak!
The idea back of these teasers is entertainment, not education. You are what your teacher made you, but if you glean any crumbs of knowledge at my little table, it's OK. by me.
It will count in my favour, perhaps, at the last accounting, or will it?" "What is knowledge, after all?" says that great philosopher, mumbling Murgatroyd.
worst in the world; the cars. have a left-hand drive; the traffic cops are too tough.
Those disastrous explosions in coal mines are usually caused by-
Poor ventilation; an excess of nitrogen; a deficiency of of
WRA
presence
the oxygen, methane gas. 10-A game called sphairistiko introduced into England not so very many years ago and bas now become one of the most popu- We lar of all outside pastimes. know it to-day .05--
Cricket; football; baseball; lawn tennis; polo.
survival
A
#: 2
Christmas, in
Druidical lead- stian Kip
of
Greece: the Roman god charity: Saint Nicholas, 12. How about buying mother-in-law a sautoir? În case you're still a bit hazy, a sautoir 15-
of
the
A house-gown; an ice-chest made in France; a scrubbing brush; a long necklet; an occa- sional table.
13-Or if you think a sautoir would not match your mother-in- law, a piece of Satsuma might fil the bill. Satsuma is—-
Siamese filigree work; Jop- anese lacquer: Chinese silkeu fabric: Japanese pottery.
14-Satire was the stock-In- trade of these authors, with one exception. The exception 1s
Hugo;
Shaw; Thackeray Swift; Voltaire. 15-When it's 10 am. in Hong- kong. the time in Belsingfors, Fin- land, is about-
4a.m.; 0.92. i am; 2 am.; 10-A febrifugo is-
An English meadow flower: a drug for allaying feuer; an underhand trick: a hairless tropical babcon; a floor cover- ino.
17.—The title pundit, as origin- ally used, applies to-
A political bureauerat; a loud-voiced office-secker: corrupt political leader;
D
Indian
Hindu scholar; 07 prince with absolute powсTI. 1B-Needless to say, you know that when the bugler sounds Ro- trent in cam
All work is over for the day; it's bedtime for the troops; the flag is lowered; there's a wild rush for the canteen.
19-When the United States Government goes after a gangster or a corrupt politician, if all other charges fall, it usually gets him for-
Tragle breaches; violation
the Mann Act; income tax cuasion; moral turpitude. 20--Dum-dum bullets-they are Lawy forbidden by International
to be used in war-derivo their name
from-
The noise they make on im
their pact;
resemblance to a town itt India, the fact that they are
dummy bullets;
silent (dub).
21-Capital
of the -Orkney Islands. Brilain's huge naval-baso
inus. off the North of Scotland, is--
Kirkwall;
all: Stromness; Faroe;
Scapa:
Dungeness; Dundee.
22 The Duma belongs to the before 1914-18, when it was
cra
the
Icgislative
institution of-
Serbia; Russia;
Montenegro; Ser Germany: Turkey.
23-Admiral Reuter was a Ger-
man naval commander. He Is par- ticularly notable because he-
Commanded the raider Wolf:
was killed in action at Jutland; ordered the scuttling of the German Fleet at Scapa Flow; commanded the German forces at Zeebruge.
and Miquelon 24-St Pierre are two islands off Newfound- land. They are possessions of→→ The United States; Canada; Britain; France; Spain.
25. One of these words is not
bor-
a musical term
Adapletto; targhetto; phetto: cantabile; allegretto;
de capo.
Answers on Page 8.
All About Sweet Fanny Adams
VOLUNT
/OLUNTEERS. attention! Who was sweet Fanny Adams? Who napoo'd the gippa? What is an cojiboo?
These questions are not for old sweats. They know. Too well they know. So ally toot sweet, old sweats, and give the rookies a chance.
One of the first things a young koldler has to learn is the lan-.
In the last war he not only tuago, look over
all the British Army lang of the wars before that, but 1so invented a language of his wn.
It is too early in the present wor him to have invented much in his line. "Naffy" is probably the rst of the 1930 words. It means he NAAFI. canteen. A century jence professors will be arguing Any bout what "naffy" means. formy could tell them now.
Tommy knows what "Fanny Adams" means. It maars GX- haw nothing.. But, ho Molly forgotten who she was,
She was the belle of the village of Alton in Hampshire long go. Her body was found in the river there, and her murderer WD# never discovered. From then till now "Sweet Fanny Adams" has meant something
that
didn't amount to anything."
"Napoo" is short for "il n'y- en n plus," which is French for "that's all there is; there isn't any more." Anything that is nopoo is done for. The bloke who napoo'd the gippa is the fellow who spilled
the gravy.
As for oojiboo, it means gad- get, thingamabob, whatchamacallit. "Oojiboo" was one of the most use- ful words in the last wor.
"Archie" for anti-aircraft gun -SC Cms to have gone out of fashion. People call them A.A. guns nowadays. But in the last war they were always Archies.
*
WHEN a young nirman writes home to his mollier, that a pal has gone barpoo and piled up his bus she may be clover enough to guess that he has lost his nerve.
and crashed,
In the last war it took a long Line for mothers and wives to their soldiers' letters. translate They went round asking: "What What's a tall box? tre cootics? What is buckshee?" Of course, by the end of the war most civilians knew such words, but they had to be learned alowly
This strange war is different. It has hardly
rdly got going before a war dictionary โย available. sland Called "The Soldiere War Slang It is published by P. Dictionary"
Laurie at dd.
Here
are some samples from it: Apron-Wire Fence. Burgoo Porridge. Birdcago-Barbed Wire. Biscuits Army Mattresses. Glass of Beer... Blob A Glas Bunce-Something for Nothing,
Badge-A Meat Bone... Cap Char-Ten Comic Cuta-Divisional Orders. Canteen Medals Drippings of
Beer on Tunke.
Edge Adjutant. Eris-Eggs,
Five Miles Sniper Artillery.
Mon,
Fizza-Parade. Itate-Bombardment.
Hot Cross Bun-Ambulance. Myrrh-Rum. Pongelow-Beer. Scrounge-Obtain. Talls up-Cheerful.
--Eggs and Bacon,
The dictionary is not complete.
I cannot find "wangle" or "brass raps in it. Nevertheless, civilians will find it useful, and
even
0
young soldier.may find room for it in his joy-bag-if you know what that is.
AND now I suggest that there
ought to be a book of soldiers'
songs.
I don't mean "Tipperary" and the "The Siegfried Line" and all that sort of thing, but the songs the soldiers made up for them- selves. Some of them, of course, are unprintable. There was one that began.
Poor Kaiser Bill is feeling it, The Croton Prince, he's gone
barmy.
Few of them were even Da patriotic as that and none was so bloodthirsty 48 the songs that helped to
keep the home front cheerful. Tommy was partial to hymn tunes and borrowed an aged the to fit the words
We are Fred Karno's Army The bloomin' AS.C,,
We cannot fight, we cannot
shoot,
What earthly nae are we?
Another hymn lune was used for "When This Cruel War Is Over, No more Soldiering For Me." It Wits nearly as popular as "If The Sergeant Steals Your Rum, Never
Mind."
.
.wns the For
The Sergeant-major hero of many trench songs. example:
If you want to find the Ser-
geant-major,:
I know where he is, he's booz- ing up the private's rum. I've seen him, I've seen him, - Boozing up the private's rum. But I don't suppose they're sing- ing these songs In France time. They are making up their own, even as their daddies did.
H. W.
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Hong Kong.
A MESSAGE
from
The Golden City Restaurant
金
城大酒家
When is your next birthday or wedding or businessTM
entertainment? As you are now happy and in good
health make up your mind to see that any one of those functions will be heartily celebrated and thoroughly enjoyed.
The Staff and Management of the Colden City Restaurant understand your sentiments, know your taste and prepare to leave no stone unturned to make all your guests feel comfortable and highly honoured, In advance they humbly send you their best wishes and look forward to catering your grand occasion at the "Golden City".
Good food
Splendid Accommodation Smart Service
Moderate charges.
122-126 QUEEN'S ROAD CENTRAL
Tel. Nos. 20121, 20447
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