THE HONGKONG TELEGRAPH, FRIDAY, APRIL 8, 1938.
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FRIDAY, APRIL. 8, 1938,
GUESS WHAT I'VE GOT
a
PACIFICE Me
-Gurney in Melbourne Heraln
Russians Have No Bananas
HAVE just been drink- ing a champagne cock- tail to the health of Miss Waugh.
the
By
Patrick Balfour
it drove him to hit Mr. H. R.
Why they should trust even the Post Office, I cannot tell you. Anyway, no Frenchman will ever trust a Government that tries to get money out of him. Why They Don't Think
stimulants as alcohol.
It Funny
ten-
PUNISHMENT TO FIT: THE CRIME
Miss Waugh is Without wishing to criticise, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. much less to antagonise the Evelyn Waugh. She is three authorities whose duty it is to days old, and she is roaring. Knickerbocker. Not that Mr. LAST week I emphasised an- other aspect of the French enforce the laws and punish Do not misunderstand me. H. R. Knickerbocker is a high- character-the masculine their infraction, it is submitted I mean the phrase literally. brow. Far from it. But Mr. dency to spend money on females They say that when children H. R. Knickerbocker had been rather than on such alternative that the ever-present desire for
rear from birth it is a sure sign telling Mr. Waugh that in his economy which should be cul- of character. In that case, if (Mr. Knickerbocker's) opinion This week I saw a man who tivated by every department of there is anything in heredity, he (Mr. Waugh) was the second had been to the exhibition of administration, might encourage all Mr. Waugh's children will best writer in England. The
best, he added, was Mr. Aldous British art in Paris.
The French, it appears, are the suggestion of certain minor roar from birth,
Huxley.
much interested in the drawings reforms in Hongkong.
MR. WAUGH is sensitive about Mr. Waugh was roused to of Rowlandson, the English the shortness of his stature. fury. Many English writers, caricaturist. They are, how- Colony's prisons. They are very He needn't be. He makes up in he maintained, were better than ever, unable to think the much crowded. This newspaper personality what he lacks in he. But Mr. Aldous Huxley was majority of them funny, because
in no way comparable. was able to reveal yesterday inches.
He is the only writer I know So Mr. Waugh and that Stanley Prison, that home for the wayward, now housea who is as witty in conversation Knickerbocker hit each upwards of 2,080 male prisoners, as he is on paper. His wit is once or twice and then sat down
and ordered more drinks. A week ago it held 2,600. It abrupt, laconic, ruthless.
He is a man of extreme pre- Londoners Sit Rapt- was built to accommodate only
judices. He dislikes dogs, the
Russians Laugh The spectacle of a drunken 1,500. It cost something like cinema, the sun, Bohemians, $4,500,000 and the administra-Abyssinians, machines and dirty BELIEVE that Russia is sub- Frenchman in the streets of tive cost, including the feeding linen. He likes red port, white stantially the same country Paris gives rise to the same of prisoners, was estimated at claret, classical architecture, as she always was. The prin- combination of pity and alarm well over $1,000,000 for 1987. fox-hunting, Armenians, P. G. cipal change is anagrammatic. 43 the spectacle of a lunatic at Prison food alone cost a quarter Wodehouse, and music-halls.
Consider the situation in the
of a million, according to the They Had Words
THE LEADING MEDICINE estimates for the same year.
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Clarke's Blood Mixture is the direct way to health as it removes the CAUSE of the disease from the blood and
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COPIES OF
PHOTOGRAPHS
by "Staff Photographer"
appearing in the
"SOUTH CHINA MORNING POST"
and
"THE HONGKONG TELEGRAPH"
may be purchased
at the Business Office
of "The Hongkong Telegraph” Morning Post Building, Wyndham Straet.
over-
There is every reason to suppose that under the present crowded conditions these items
About Authors [ITHERTO Mr. Waugh's talent H
has been stimulated prin- cipally by doing things he dis-
of upkeep are going to be con-liked. Jaiderably swelled. The same
He went to Spitzbergen, where state of affairs exists in the there is noting to eat except women's prison at Laichikok, pemmican. He ate pemmican built to detain 100, where 200 until it made him sick, then inmates are at present. What nearly died of not cating pem- is the warning to be taken from mican.
which
Rowlandson's favourite object Mr. of satire was drunkenness. other
To a Frenchman who drinks
wine as a matter of course, but is otherwise highly abstemious, drunkenness is so rare as to be in no way funny.
"THE VERY IDEA".
SHPRING'S HERE, MADAME
-By Eddie Kelly, Passion-flower
SPE
PRING cleaning time is
here, girls.
The first thing to remem- ber about spring cleaning is that thoroughness is what is needed.
We have just finished our first session.
Take scrubbing floors, for instance.
You start off with a bucket of water, a scrubbing-brush and
some soup.
After you've scrubbed a couple of yards of floor you find that you've left the bucket behind.
You then go back over the soapy Boor, slip on your back, bang your head on the bucket and knock it
over.
The best way to scrub floors is to let the house-boy do it and go out and have a noggin or two of beer.
Then when you have inished you can come back and start sweeping the chimney.
The boy is almost certain, to come In useful again with thin operation, as someone is definitely needed to clean up the soot from tho silting-room carpet while you go out for another noggin or two. Then there's putting clean paper on the kitchen cupboard shelves. It's remarkable the number of in- teresting toples of the "Telegraph" you and to read in those old
when you're cutting them up to put on the shelves.
About half an hour to each shelf is good going. You can take ten minutes oft then for another noggin or two.
We don't like window cleaning much. We found that the easiest way to clean windows was to throw buckets of water at them and then polish them with our Pomeranian.
The dog used to yelp a Hi, but it was really a good idea, as hy this simple procedure you can polish the windows and clean the dog at the same time.
A woman would never think of a simple time-saver like that. We are now going out for a noggin
or two.
NAVY'S PART IN DEFENCE
By HECTOR C. BYWATER
It is widely assumed that the Navy is incapable of taking part in the defence of this country against air: attack. That may have been true a few years ago, but is not so to-day. growth of the air menace, With the Navy's first task was to protect itself. Over a long period the pro cess was hampered by shortage of funds. The deficiencies in Caval anil-aircraft
crisis of 1935.
ing the Med Svealed dur
were due enurely to pary
progress has been made, and it can not now be stated that the Navy worrying about air attack. Not only do new ships bristle with
high-angle but the guns of various calibres, accuracy of these guns has been
the greatly increased by introduction of improved fire-control methods.
of ship construction New principles of have also been adopted to minimise
hits. In
modern the effect of bomb battleships and cruisers the armour is distributed to protect the vitals from bombs, and all important con- trols are splinter und bullet proofed. ANTI-AIRCRAFT FLEET
Russia may now be the U.S.S.R., large. The more familiar spec-
Since those days but has this transposition of tacle of a drunken Englishman letters changed the Russian in Piccadilly gives rise, almost character? Russians are still invariably, to tolerant mirth. As vastly incompetetent, indolent, a nation we are certainly drunk- fatalistic, humorous and charm- er (and certainly more solvent) ing. They still regard them- than the French. selves as a huge and faintly Death A Social Crime tragic joke.
In Monte Carlo I like the story of the banquet given to Mr. Eden in Moscow, for IN Russia, as I was saying, denth is a commonplace. In ΠΟ expense had been
Monte Carlo death is a faux-pas. spared.
A certain prominent Soviet Death from the most natural of official, on entering the banquet- chuses in a social crime in Monte these facts? That with prison Not content with disliking ing-hall, stopped short in as- Carlo
This week I saw a lady of my capacity already heavily taxed, Abyssinia once, he went there tonishment, his eyes filled with the population constantly on the three times. He is about to tears, and, he exclaimed, with acquaintance who had just re- increase and crime not noticeably publish his fourth book about involuntary sentiment, "Bana- turned from Monte Carlo. There nus! Why, I haven't seen she met another lady, who greet- abating, the community must how much he disliked it.
His dislike of highbrows, at bananns since the Revolution!" ed her with the most unfor- presently be faced with such a state of affairs that only by re-least, is still unshaken. leasing prisoners who
have
served part of their sentences spent
Once
Money From The Long
their punishment. on
givable remark that one lady can make to another.
"You must," she said, "have been lovely when you were
Every modern vessel of the Navy, from the capital ship down to the destroyer and the sloop, is now able to hit back with telling effect at hostile aircraft. This is also true of the older units, which have been modernised and rearmed.
Having provided for its own de- fence against the air threat, the Navy took measures for the protection of merchant shipping. Here, again, the progress made in two years has been astonishing.
can room be made for the dally Moreover, it is questionable MEANWHILE the French are young."
bulit up, mainly with a Frenchman's My friend replied with polite
from
I have already described the large fleet of anti-aircraft ships now being view to keeping air raiders at a distance from convoys. This special fleet is.. only part of the immense HOW Hon created to ensure the safety of food and raw material in supplies in war; an organisation which all three fighing Services are co-operating with the shipping, part. and transport authorities.
Stocking
in panic again, about their contingent sent up
the whether the punishment in many finances.
The
acerbity. Afterwards, be cases is a corrective. What is chief trouble is that he can never ing a woman not naturally given courts.
There are two possible cures the use of sending a banishce to trust another Frenchman. Espe- for this situation. Either new prison when he returns again cially where money is concerned, to acerbity, she was stricken by conscience. A few days later facilities must be provided to and again to the Colony? Ap Have you ever tried to buy a she sought out the lady, to in- from the parently he is quite satisfied to stamp in a French country post vite her to tea.. The hotel porter take the overflow
to gratify was mysteriously evasive about prisons; or fewer prison sen-spend a few months at Stanley office? If you try tences should be passed. Or on each occasion. His stay is this modest need you will un her whereabouts.
doubtedly have to wait anything Enquiring further she clicited improvement might be made made too comfortable here.
As for the petty offenders, up to half-an-hour while a queue the fact that the lady had com- possible by action on both these
of Frenchmen transact lengthy mitted the
crowning social suggestions. If, for instance, clothes thieves, gamblers and business at the counter ist front solecism-she had died in Monte
Carlo. short-term prisoners could be their like, a fine or alternatively of you.. "put away" in a prison camp, a few cuts of the rod would pro- They are all sending money to By order of the proprietor her their mis-other Frenchmen, not in the corpse had been smuggled out by a little bably discourage where they could do farming and live simply in huts, demeanors much more effective-simple way that you or I would a service staircase at dend of
minute gained would be of value. caring for themselves as far as ly than detention. They might do, by a cheque on a bank, but night, in the company of its
Daylight raiders flying over the sen would be liable to come under possible, and under guard, of be warned, too, that repetition by postal or telegraphic money maid, and carried to a waiting
from naval vessels, while the course, the congestion would be of offences would mean stiffer orders paid for by cash from the aeroplane which took it away
stocking.
growing strength of the Flect Air relieved immediately. Stanley punishment. There is nothing
the Arm will give And the galety of visitors,
Navy I have seen quite large auma
powers of long-distance retaliation which a prison-in spite of the 200 lock-like a spanking for the douching of money, up to hundreds of emerging at dawn into the
potential aggressor is not likely to leas cells-is still a safe place to of the self-esteem and daring pounds at a time, change hands streets after the loss of their gnore. No other navy in Europe has the same power of launching lodge a dangerous criminal. But which so often go with petty in France by postal or tele- substance in the Casino, remain-
overned air offensives. By 1941 we tree thieves and narcotic law crime, especially if it is admin- graphic money orders, because ed unclouded by the unthinkable
should possess six modern and four. older carriers, with a total expuclly offenders, gamblers and such istored before an appreciative if Frenchmen won't trust the spectacle of a funeral in Monte
banke.
Carlo,
of 650 aircraft:- ʼriff-raff are not worth the money apprehensive audience..
from Monte Carlo at dawn.
WARNING PATROLS Regarding the possibility of air raids on London and other centres,. the Navy does not propose to be a passive spectator. It would provide sca patrols to give warning of ap- proaching aircraft, and although the difference in time between warnings. from
this
coast source and those from watchers might be small, overy
fire