THE HONGKONG TELEGRAPH. SATURDAY, MARCH 19, 1927.
MIXED GRILL
By
A Merry Miscellany Ashley Sterne
Sir William Arbuthnot Lana's denunciation of women who have: become slavea to auction-bridge has not.come a moment too soon. What, Insk,_s_to_be_the_fate of the babe yet unborn if its potential mother Ilves; moves, and has hor being at and about the eternal bridge table? Why, the poor. mite will be brought into the world weak in the heart depart ment and possibly afflicted with club-foot too. Ho will never be permitted to grow up, as his mother will steadfastly refuse to short-coat him on the ground that she wants to establish his long! suit. Nor will he for long remaini under the maternal aegis. What with his heart dchility and his club-foot, his mother, to whom It has become second nature to dis- card from, weakness, will take an curly opportunity to turn him out of the house without a rard of re- antry, close the door on him with a grand slam, and subsequently justify her conduct on the ground of chleane. What will become of him? Aye, there's the rub!
"I say, old man, somebody's left roller-skate in your front gur den."
"Roller-skate be blowed! That's my new four-seater!"
Already the British astronomers, I read, are making preparations] for observing the total eclipse of the sun on the 29th June next, though to the lay mind it is not quite apparent what preparations can be made at this early date, except engage a'room at some hotel situated along the line of totality and request the chamber maid Lo, practise in the meantinie calling comatose astronomers at
8. a.m.
And come down late to grub. I'm slovenly about my clo'es; My hair's unkempt and long 1, sanoka rank Flor de Cabbajos Of odour vilo and strong.
But yet once more I'm asking who My, valentine will be?
You might go further, girls nud do A darned sight worse than me; Though grave my faults, I'd have,
you know
One sterling trait I've gett I'M NOT CLEAN MAD ON
RADIO-
And that should count a lot!
*
As I promised last week. I will now reveal the circumstances which led to Professor Barmion Crumpett being thrown out of the Smuj Hotel In Bombay. It ap- pears that owing to his inability to procure any cobras to practise anuke-churming with, he had one afternoon been exploring the fragrant strands of Back Bay with a view to securing a few sand- cels instead. His efforts, how- evor, proved fruitless for rather fishless) and he returned to, the Smuj in a state of extreme ex- haustion. He retired nt once to his bedroom, and ordered 17 large whiskics-and-soda to be sent up. An hour later extraordinary noises were heard proceeding from Crum-, pett's regin, and Onta of the management promptly went to in- vestigate the cause of the distur bance. He found Crumpetf seat- ed in the middle of the floor blow- ing his nose-flute for all he was worth, and attempting to pick the scriggly pattern off the carpot and transfer it to the soiled- Hnen-basket. The inference w all too obvious: Crumpett had "got 'em again." He was subse- quently removed in high dudgeon in a police-ambulance,
M. Paul Poiret, the feminine fashion expert, is predicting that in thirty years women will be y earing trousers. Of course, in many households she has been metaphorically wearing them for generations-ever since, in fact, hens first discovered their ability to peek. But M. Poiret is speak- og Sterally, not metaphorically. this instance, though personal I have no fear that women will ver be quite 90 foolish as to adopt the Tube System for cloth- ing their legs. They have only to experience a few times the awful bother and anxiety attendant upon nightly folding along the grenses,
their trousers
and inserting them without a suspicion of a ply or wrinkle beneath the mattress, in order to realize that trousers (as every
But even as I write there "comes news from my friend Pro-y, fessor Evans Garter, who writes me that he is undergoing a severe course of daily training in order to make the most of the short period of 23 seconds during which alone the singular phenomenon of the corona will be functioning To this end he has procured a box of Coronas from an eminent firm of cigar-merchants, and devotes several hours. a day to watching the bright red glow, develop round the rim. He tells me that his distinguished colleague, Pro- Jessor. Starr Studyer, is also re- total hearsing assiduously at celipse ubserving, and for a con-, siderable part of ench, day repairs to his rol-eellar and looks at a
through pickled walnut
a peas
shooter.
A VALENTINVITATION.
who will be 'my valentine? That's what I want to know. "O, wh will share her lot with
mi-
Mau May, Kale, Nell or Fla? In fenture, you may be surprised
To hear, I'm rather plain;
In state I am undersized--
Just five-foot I uttain.
of filthy lucre I've not much- Scaret fifty pounds, I doubt; My future prospects are not such As I'd write home about. My health is rather frail, I fear My temper none too good; My mood morose, if not austere; My nuners somewhat crude.
I'm very prone late hours to keep, And play bridge at my Club;
I always like to overalcop
man knows) are of tatanic origin. When one comes to lift the mattress in the morning
one's trousers are no longer trou- sors; they are cloth cork-screws, and before they can be made pre- sentable one has to procure a Warni steamroller and squash then out flat again. Then, too, women will have to put up with the diabolical mystery of baggy knees. All men know that a per- feetly new trouser knee will bag just out of sheer devilry,, even though the wearer may walk with unbent legs and never sit down. So stick to your pretty little shingled skirts, my sisters, lest a worse thing befall you!
ARMS LIMITATION. WHAT AMERICA THINKS. Geneva, Mar. 18. The United States has made observations on the report of the Joint Commission on Disarmament and indicated, its attitude towards the problem in a long Memoran dum. This reiterates that the American Government does not view favourably the proposal par- taking of the nature of interna- tional supervision of the admi-! nistration of an agreement limiting armaments,. It believes the surest foundation to construct such an agreement is international good faith and respect of treaties and that the introduction of the element of supervision and control is calculated to engender distrual. The view is expressed that the proposal that each State should undertake to establish as a crime at common law any training inj the use of poisons or bacteria, particularly of air squadrons, is! Impracticable, also that military exponditure cannot be held to parison or limitation thereof. constitute a criterion for the com-Reuter.
01927 ST NEA GERVICE, INC
REQ U, D. PAT, Oer.
Rows are over a heap of things including the telephone.
IN WAR ZONE.
NORTHERN TROOPS IN
CHINKIANG.
MUCH COMMANDEERING.
Ten days ago, writes the Chiri- kiung correspondent of the N. C. Daily News, under date of the 9th Inst., there was great excitement over the arrival of Northern -troops, and they soon made them.. solves felt by commandéering coolics, rickshas and barrows for the transport of their goods from the station to their billets. Train arrangements at the station wore considerably upset, and business came pretty well to a standstill over the circulation of Shantung
paper money.
In a few days' time matters be- gan to settle down and folk's went on with their business. Shortly after this the new troops began to move down the line, then on Satur day last there was a new develop- ment owing to the return of the Chekiang men, and for these few days troops have been pouring into the port.
Congestion on Hallway..
These troop movoments have very much disarranged the ordin ary running of trains, but great credit is due to the traffic depart- ment in that it was able to get. some passenger trains through. Rumour had it that the line had been cut. but this was proved not to be the cuse,
The station yard is full of all kinds of military impedimenta,. and armies of coolios have been busy these days transferring guns, cannon, rifles, furniture, cooking utensils, flour, fuel, rice, amuni- tion and numberless other articles from the station to the waterfront.
Much Dislocation.
Wa may lie without Poetry, Music and Arl We may live without conscience and live without heart, We may live without friends; we may live without booles, But civilised man can not live without cooks.
COOK
HELP YOUR TO BE A GOOD COOK
BY FITTING A
GAS COOKER.
Many kinds of the latest Gas fittings for all purposes are on view at the Showrooms; 16, Des Voeux Road, and West Point.
Hongkong & China Gas Co., Ltd
P. T. FARRELL
Consulting Engineer & Manufacturers' Representative."
Agencies for
Bolinder's Crude 011 Engines Marine, Stationary and Lighting.
"WYANDOTTE" Boller Cleaner and Cleanser,
King's Building, Top Floor.
Telephone Central 442. 2 T Regraphic Addreen FARSEEING "
NEWS OF HAWAIL.
SOME INTERESTING.
ITEMS.
MAGAZINE COVERS.
PRIEST'S PROTEST ON PARIS BOULEVARD.
During the mid-day lunch hour,
The Bund on the Concession pre- sented an saimated appearance this afternoon when it was full of soldiers waiting to embark for Yangchow. All kinds of launches and boats have been pressed into the services for conveying the men. to points up the Grand Canal and All former records for produc- for some days now it has not been tion were broken in 1926, by afa little crowd gathered on the possible for civilians to cross the Honótula pineapple cannery when Boulevards in Paris recently to river to proceed to Yangchow. the year's output of the canned watch a tall priest, who was stand- ing opposite a newspaper kiosk, Even the motor service has sus-fruit totalled 3,049,376 cases. pended running. By to-night the This brought the stock-holders tear into amail pieces several of worst of the congestion should be of the company a profit of the magazines displayed on the over, and we hope that trains and $28,052.04 or 70 cents per caso counter. Jaunches will soon be able to rd of finished product. sume their normal time table again.
Living in Peace.
When the scraps of paper were scattered on the ground he turned to the onlookers and explained his act. For the aixth time in less than two months, he said, he was actively, demon- strating against the lack of re- straint displayed by artists who
atrated the covers of the maga
Teachers' Wishes, The majority of nuinland school In order to protect the coolieachers who present their written class who were pressed into ser- applications to teach achool in vice, the local Chamber of Com Hawaii, do so because of the merce made provision that each climate and because they want to man should receive a reasonable travel. So says the Territorial wage for his services. At the time Department of Public Instruction of writing there is practically no after counting over the applica-his discourse was interrupted by garrison to protect the town, but tions and picking out the lucky policeman, who took him. to the rolico stalinu: He there gave his the citizens' defences force is very ones for next year's work.
ten notes.
sk
zines.
It was not long, however, before
com-
much in evidence, and we hear of Teachers in making their appli-name as Abbo Bethleem, which it no ses of lawlessness taking Fenilons for positions in the islands cems is his real name, and asked place in the city. We are living are required to fill out a specified to be prosecuted. He explained in peace, and the merchants are ferm, in which the question is that Article 30 of the Criminal able to carry on their business asked. "Why do you wish to teach Code enjoined upon all citizens to denounce to the authorities the much as usual, An office has been in Hawaii?" opened here for the purpose of.
The above answers were in the crimes and offences of which, they
might be witnesses. As of the dealing with the exchange of Feng-majority while many
teachers said they wanted, to come plaints regarding the public ex- The British destroyer H.M.S. down and study the racial situn-hibition of doubtful illustrations Witherington, which has been tion. Many of the applicants dis-were so rarely taken into con- here for some weeks, has now left qualified themselves by careless sideration, he had thought it his for Hongkong, and H.H.S. Wyvern answers. For instance, in reply.luty himself to execute the law has come to take its place.
The ing to the question. "Married or prohibiting their display. American destroyer has been call-single?" many answered, "No."
According to Mr. Kelly, an order. ed up to Hankow. After a some-Another query, "What is your what long and cold winter we are religious affliation?" was answer has been received from a frog fancier in Japan who desires the enjoying some bright spring wes-ed "Yes," "Any" and "No."
According to officials of the Hawaiian type of croaker in his ther. The schools, both Mission and Government have opened with Department, applications general business. Whether the desire for a good enrollment of pupils, and ly come from localities in which the local amphibians grows from it is to be hoped that they will a teacher lives who has at some an idea that their environment in be able to carry on without inter- time taught in the islands, and the "land of melody" makes them ruption.
who returns to tell her friends more polished serenaders, or from about the territory.
the possibility that their edibl Most of the women applicants hinder legs have been made larger write from western or middle by surf riding is cause for local western states, although letters
speculation. Leanie from all over the nation."
ROBBERY SEQUEL.
THREE MEN SENTENCED.
Three men were charged. before
Proposed Monument.
General G. H. Soper, member of
The order will be filled if pos-
Isible.
Hotel Entertainers
A group of Hawaiian serenaders
Mr. R. E. Lindsell this morning the Old Guard of Hawaii, pro-kaown as the "Beach Boys", whn with having taken part in a theft minent in annexation days, has croon and strum the plaintive
in No. 2, Tung Lung Street on the been appointed head of a com-melodies of the southern seas each 5th instant. All pleaded guilty and mittee to arrange the details for right on Waikiki Beach, have put were sentenced to six weeks' hard the erection of a monument in on white trousers and are doing Inbour cach.
honour of the late Sanford B their part to entertain guesta at Dole, Hawaii's "Grand Old Man." the new Royal Hawaiian Hotel, "Popular opinion in the islands the $3,000,000 hostelry which was Rumour has it that the manage- has expressed itself as desiring opened February 1. the memorial to Dole who was tho
persuading the native guiding force in the annexation of rent of the Hotel had a hard the islands by the United States. job
The first man was arrested last night on the staircase of No. 3, Iu Wah Street and admitted that he intended to commolt a robbery thoro. lio was sentenced to a further term of three months on this count.
He was the Republic'e first Presi-musicians to devote part of their The second man was arrested dent and the territory's Brat time to displaying their carefree However, they He later was a pro-talents indoors: while roaming up and down Tung Governor. Lung Street and he stated that he iminent member of the judiciary. finally decided to give it a trial Fand bashfully enter the spacious also intended to commit a robbery.
lobby for their concerts
there last night. Horus also given
a further three months.
two.
Frogs for Orient. Two thousand pairs of frogs The "Beach Boys" are an estab- The third man was arrested on who have been wont to beom their lighed Institution at Waikiki and Lerch year thrill thousands of Information received from the first basson and quiver their tenors into travellers with the nativa melodies the moonlit beauty of Hawaii's
some of which thoy compose them- nights will soon be given a trip solves. to the Orient, ff an order received Sam Kahanandku,
of I The local weather forecast till by Mr. H. Kelly, the territory the famous Hawaiian swimmer, noon-to-morrow is: "North winds, Fish and Game Commissioner, cat Duke Kahanamoku, is a member moderate; fine to cloudy."
be filled
of the group.
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