NOTICE
THE HONGKONG
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 11. 1920.
TELEGRAPH.
GENERAL NEWS.
CHUCKLES
Scane-Courthouse,
THE ART OF HARRY LAUDER
NOTICE.
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Those who wish to send home photographs for Xmas are reminded that now is the time to bare their photographs taken.
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NEW YORK'S PAVING. There are 11,007 miles of paved
Counsel-"The witness can tell Secret of Comedian Knight's
streets and pavements in the cityspur Ludship that he has been of New York.
oftimes in jeopardy."
THE JAPANESE BUDGET. The Finance Ministry, after a heated discussion, proposes to cut down the next Budget to Yea 1,500,000,000, involving the post-i popement of many Government schemes.
*
REQUEST BY THE DALAI LAMA In response to repeated re- queats from the Dalai Lama, Mr. Bell, political officer of Sikhim, and Major Kennedy, of the Indian Medical Service, are going to Lhassa to pay a fnendly visit
Witness, an Irish gentleman "Oi have indade, Me Lord, and a very foine city it is."
voice.
Success.
The Special Correspondent of the Daily News who has deen discussing the methods of mirth- makers pays a tribute in this A Jew and a Scot had a bet as article to Sir Harry Lander). to which nation, produced the
There are many comedians, greatest number of famous man, but there is only one Harry For every name mentioned each Lauder. was to pull a hair from his op- He is in a class by himself. He ponent head. Moses," said | has all the qualifications for the the Jew, and gave a tug. "Burns," complete comedian-s good sing- replied Sandy, and took his pulling
an equally good Joseph and his brethren," con-speaking voice, an expressive tinued the Jew, at the same time face, keen humour, and grabbing a handful of Sandy's hair. amount of personality. CONSCIENTIOUS OBJECTORS.
"Ouch! So it's buaches. is it? He is one of the few comedians Mr. Baker, the U.S. Secretary Then the 51st Division " roared who can afford to be entirely for War, announces that all the the Scot, and tugged at the Jew's independent of vulgarity. The |conscientious objectors who had hair with both hands--Loudun laughs that he gets are always
been sentenced to prison in the Evening News,
clean laughs. United States for refusing to
He is distinguished, too, by his serve in the military force-during---The young ex-officer was relat, consistency. Same of our funny the war have now been released.ing his wat experiences to theen vary their methods in differ- tant parts of the country. 'But THE NEW CHINESE PARLIAMENT. very bored maiden.
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A Feking report states that the "Yes," he said, "I was captur-| Harry Lauder' is always the.
firs: election for the House of ed by the Huns. They took me same. There is only one audience Representatives has been fixed before the General and asked me that can enjoy clean, and clavar or 1st April the election of the to tell them where our guns were inarth by assoming that it has al
bomour. He never Insults the Senate for 20th April, and the situated. I refused, and they election of Tibetan and Mong-said. If you don't tell us, we will less delicate taste than the south. olian members of both Houses blow your brains out.""" for 30th April.
"And did they?" queried the maiden, breathlessly.
1. S. PEACE WITH GERMANY, Senator Knox states that be has planned to reintroduce in thei approaching short session of Congress his ensolution to declare
'FROM GAY TO GRAVE Although, he rarely says any- thing strictly witty or epigram- matie, he keeps the whole house This is what happened tu ain continuous ripple of laughter. telegram:
one breaks off quite so well from His manner is irresistible. No
the spur of the moment, to the song in order to talk, as if on audience.
Years of steadily increasing trade at last brought down a
builder:
a state of peace with German dining-room ceiling, and others He said that he did not expect cracked in sympathy. The house the passage of the resolution |
It is in these little before the spertal session in the der dashed off an s... to the talks that he gives auch danished spring, after Mr. Harding has.
character studies of his subjects. Ceiling down; other falling." been inaugurated as President.
He is even allowed to be quite Arriving posthaste with CHAPLIN BUMGUR.
a seriops. bread grin on his face, the builder song, full of humour andcharacter, He sings a rollicking Varied have teen the tumours showed the render floating about concerning Chargraphist's notion of the urgent people into another mood.
the tele-and then he gradually leads the
Oetheard in a car:
CAMPBELL MOORE CO., LTD.
He is
PREMY CHRISTMAS PRESENT
bring about the change abruptly.
lie Chaplin. The latest is that summons: Feeling down: are too great an artist to attempt to he was ready to sail first on the you calling?** Olympic and then on the Aquit jania for Great Britain. His Californian studio is reported to have been sold. Chaplin's latest production. "The Kil." accord ing to his own estimate, is worth 1230,000 dollars, which is the figure he asked from the F.rs:i National for it.
By easy stages-firs: an extra- vagant joke, then another with meeting last night?"
"Were you at the "Pussyfoo:"just a touch of seriousness, and,
finally, a reminiscence of the INDUSTANT the business.”
"No: I. I have no interest in war he prepares the audience for
fan appeal to their sympathy. "Bat you must have some And the people respond. interest. If they cut of your Laughter gives place to the silence liquor you'll find the mistake of emotional tension, and then you've made.**
there comes applause. Before it
NEW BURGLAR TRAP.
በዩ burglar trapping apj Don't worry about that. They has died down Landeris smiling! paratus has been invented by a can't cut it off. I have got pro-again, and in a few moments hej Danish chief ré palice and a com-hibition already. You don't imtells another humorous story, or pany formed for ita exploitation.agine I can afford to pay 12. 6d. sings another rollicking song, and The apparatus, Reed in a small a bottle for diluted waterm
งด stores box, is rennected by wires withi
merriment to the theatre.
He has more than a spark of j genius. He is alight with it.
THE SUPREME COMPLIMENT. When I heard him the other? exchange. and the was playing with a visitor. This hight for half an hour there was police are immediately given the gentleman was in the act of drive a moment when he lost alarm. If the burglar alarm wiresing from a tee when Andrew's
control of the audience. He are cut. the disconnection also caddie stooped down with his could interest them as easily in gives the alarm to the telephone back to the visitor to tee Andrew's the reminiscent mood of an old
the door or window. Wires are New golf stories are rare, but also connected with the ordinary Andrew Kirgaldy, the St Andrews telephone. As soon as a burglar professional, is the authority of enters the room a special lamp an original one. A short time) automatically glows at the ago (says the Gulf Monthlyt he telephone
operator.
DR. BERTRAND RUSSELL.
ball,
at Andrew's
Scot as in the whimsical absurd. Perhaps justly incensed, theities of the saftest of the family" or the humorous arrogance of a superfluous or out of place. Not Scottish sailor. Not a word was!
a gesture could have been without meaning
At the suggestion of the mem. visitor shouted bers of the Chinese Chianghrueh caddie. "Get out of the way. you hui or society for the diffusion fool, can't you see I'm trying to and propagation of modern drive! You are a--foot." education among the young gen.
The old caddie looked up at the eration in Chine, Dr. Bertrand man, and in the dries of voices retire and give place to the man, And when the jester wanted to Russell has agreed to stay in the replied. "Yo'te right, sir, I am a country until next April. Dr.
fool. and if I hadna been a Lander to beg the indulgence of there was no need for Harry Russell will deliver his lectures in
-foot I'd hae been a gentleman the audience. the Government University and like persel." other colleges and the principal
There are several comedians)
•
subject will be the social By the way, have you beard who would like occasionally to be reconstruction of the world. Dr. of Prince Henry's visit to the serious. Only Lauder is allowed LONGKONG JAPANESE Tsai Yuan-pei. President of the Comedy Theatre? How, amidst! to be. It iB the sopreme
Government University, had an- MASSAGE ASSOCIATION.ather interview with the Chief playgoer went behind. and re-
intenso excitement, the Royal compliment.
Executive the other day and is quested that certain members of leaving for Europe soon. In addi- the company should be presented were wather mixed. "My dear tion to attending to matters con- to bin?
brethren," began the good med, cerning the opening of the Those who bad that honour "the world is full of blasted Chinese Institute in Lyons in plied him with questions, secured hopes... which both China and France bis autograph, and persuaded him are interested. Dr. Tsai will to inscribe his name on the walls The following story at the ex- study the various branches of of the dressingroom. The loyal pense of the gay Gordons is told modern education and learning stage hands stood to attention, by Lord, Frederick Hamilton in in Europe and America of behalf while the Prince entered his car his entertaining book, "The Dars of the Ministry of Education. and drove to the Green Room Before Yesterday":-
Club where it was discovered) The last time that I was in that it was none other than Fred Calcutta, the Gordon Highlanders Kitchen, junior, who bears a bad just relieved as English re- striking resemblance to thegiment in the fort, and on the Prince!
(first Sunday after their arrival
MADE TO ADVERTISE HIS CRIME.
sense.
A £5 MINIMUM. Demands affecting
10,000
Sinn Fein Ways. Having taken the law very thoroughly into their own hands, the Sina Feiners have proved workers in the Scottish retail co- that they can administrate it both operative Employment have been firmly and effectively against formulated by the Amalgamated minor offenders, for whom their Union of Co-operative Employees, convivial spirits. Fred had con- marched to a parade service at At the suggestion of a few 400 Gordon Highlanders were courts devise punishments that Their adoption would, it is sented to play a joke on the dear St. Andrew's, are curious.but full of common estimated, add £100,000 per anladies at the Comedy-and it um to the wages bill of the securi-
The most optimistic mosquito A Sinn Feiner whorobbed a poor ties. The union are claiming
worked remarkably well.
had never in his wildest dreams widow of her twenty-eight ducks, that the changes should take
imagined such a succulent ban- when convicted, was first made effect as from January 1, 1920. the Spur, the well-known New kneed, kilted Highlanders, and to restore the decks or their vaine The principal claims include a York weekly journal, apropos of the mosquitoes made the fullest! A good old story comes from quet as that afforded by 400 bare- in money, and was then con- £5 per week minimum for all the recent visit to the United use of their unique opportunities. demned, not to prison, but to men employees at or over 21 States of Lord Charles Hope, Bandwich-board. On this was years of age, £5 10s for journey-brother of the Marquis of Linlith the vigorous clapping of bands on Soon the church resounded with placarded his aame, crime, and men, £7 for managers, buyers, parade the town carrying the manager chemists, and £5 for of-age celebrations his punishment, and be had to and tailors" cutter £8 for Bow, for the golf tournament. bare trees and thighs, as the men The story concerns the coming-endeavoured to kill a few of their board for three hours every Sun-caretakers and porters.
of Lord little tormentors. day for a month.
Charles brother at Hopetoan, women the minimum at 21 years when there was a large gathering clapping, but entirely misappre This is an Imitation, conscious is fixed at £3 10s, women buyers of the extremely numerous Hope hending its purport, paused in his The minister, hearing the loud or unconscious, of an ancient 109, and women.io charge family. The ceremonies included sermon, and said form of punishment still practised of branches or departments, £5. in China, whate the convicted The general wage scale for women service in the old parish kirk, criminals stand in the market starts at 28s at 14 years, rising to and the sermon was to be preach-fying to a minister of the Word placa bearing locked round their 70s at 21 years. Other reforms ed by the Presbyterian minister. to learn that his remarks meet with necks a huge square collar, 'da asked are a Saturday half-holi- The feelings of the Hope clan, the approbation of his bearers, which is recorded the story day, a 44-hours week, two weeks including the young peer, the but I'd have you remember that of their misdeeda.-Everyday holiday with pay, and tide and chieftain, and his relations, when all applause is strictly cot of place
•
For
"My brethren, it is verts grati
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