THE HONGKONG TELEGRAPH.
SHORT STORY.
A FLIER IN LONGEVITY BY WALLACE IRWIN
"
EXTRA
HONGKONG, SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 28, 1914.
the east.
In
a
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13
THE OLDEST MAN IN THE WORLD LIVES AT HEALTHY "VIEW.
THE OLDEST MAN-107
appearod. A
YEARS OLD-COMING AT
$ Dor
of the
Brian, aucretly wringing his beheld the tempting bivalves hauds under the table-cloth,
carried away untouched. Unple was displeased at everything. He turned up his nose at soup, jeared at sweetbreads, soubbed the salad, scorned peach Melbs,
"I want vitiles!" he demand- ed morosely.
What do you call vittles?" hissed the Little Booster,
01
"And mine," supplied the "But," interrupted State Sen-Day was epachal. The politician been oye-witnesses for a score of State Senator sadly.
No Fifth Avenue wedding ago-politica gave me a chance to certain idea you had to make the of the Insolable Life Building to splendid specimen of old man-raatly in the public eye than did Ten years ator Hissup, "you mentioned a had leat a room on the third floor years to the maturity of this could have blasted more flag- buy the tract at fifty cents per scheme draw a straw, I think the purposes of the Booster; and hood, Colonel Steven E. Pottle?"
that noonday banquet at the Sad- aore. I was crazy enough to think you called it ?"
dle Rock. ita bargain. Even the slaughter-
it was from the window of this (Cheers). Brian, encouraged,
A tab's for fifteen was, bought moved away from the Pottle, the oldest man in the banners were let driva from and ohnikol to prove that certain date Dr. Abe's twalvo qualified "That straw'll be Uncle Steve office that mysteriously labeled now dragged in Professor Mot set in the window to accommo- blighted spot. Taxes gophers grow there in luxuriance
and world." answered the incurable to time during the week preced favoured strips of land grow old tramps, Dr. Abe himself, Brian nothing else. Last year I triod
optimist.
ing. The first banner, many men, even as certuin vineyard Boru, and, on a central throne, to give it back to the city as Uncle Stove Pottle next morning, faunted. the question:
When Brian Boru approached yards long and boldly lettered, grow old wipe. There was Servin Colonel Steven E. Pottle. A floral site for a poor farm."
for instanco. (Brian
piece inscribed, "107 Greet- [Below we give the first instal-handred thousand by it. You're
the latter had just made his ment of a "booster story "by Mr. fired,!
The poor saw you first, "said regalar daily appearance at the IN THE WORLD-AND WHY? was worth taking a chance.)
WHO IS THE OLDEST MAN quite sure it was Servia, but iring," bovered o'er.
Uncle Steve at first threatened Brian. Wallace Irvin, contributed to
"Nice bit o' land! The corner of D and Main streets! 'the A the auburn youth dangled slaughter-house huns it," the observed 'cf tourists. He stood
"Servia is blessed with longe- to be gastronomicdisappointment: McClure's Magazine. The suthar bare toes and reviewed in his mind poor pass
vity, but need we go ao Jar to First came olame. The old man in the creator of Hashimura Togo, the details of this ultimatum, what? However, many things cade of showy board and hair was the half-answer which soon conclusion. He looked straight t
it up-gilt-edge-straight as a string, and bis pas.
find the El Dorado of old age?" put on his spectacles and examin.. the Japanese schoolboy, and in Mrs. Meacham, the landlady, have been done in my line o'gave to his withered face the
inquited lie Little Booster, ined them. this story be tells of the marvellous coughed menacingly outside the business,
"I stan't eat.no raw food!"he exploits and adventures in "boos door and slid
appearance of a frost-bitton apple ting" of a real young American- through the crack. One Brianing formation among the bills.
two envelopes The car stopped at a deprese- nently packed in cotton.
Halloway, who now stood within declared stubbornly. « six feet of him. "No! No! I Brian Boru.]
recognized DH
"How long have you lived in a statement of Out of the limitless tangle of Slaughterhouse Gulch?" shout-announced another. And so on at my friends, ut our very door-step, When the nine fifteen steamed beard three weeks in arrearagensewood, innumerable real-ed Brian, standing close to the hourly intervals,
10.A. M. WEDNESDAY 11
For we have right here, in from Los Angeles, every real The other, "of a more prosperous eatate sigue reared like head dotard's good ear.
tractof land so favoured, I might estate dealer in San Bruno, proud stationery, he opened hastily, and stones in some giants' graveyard.
Prominent among the many Fay, by a generous heaven that it city of corner lote, stood agog, a-attered a whistle of reviving hope Trolley-poles showed dismally applied the oldest of men.
"Oh, tol'able tol'able!" spectators arrested
has enabled cur distinguished by these tiptoe, bis mind centred on the as he road;
flaunting promises was an owlish townsman here to live to the ripe Santa Fe atation, which ebeltered Dear Sir:
They ploughed their way the Revolutionary War?"
"How long's that-ever since gentleman of Pickwickian mien age of a hundred and soven !! the arrival of Mr. Cyprus Hallo Chas, W. Ketchum, tells me
who took notes in a red worocco
"What's the name through the grease wood to s way mildly shepherding Halo- you are the biggest fool in or out
"Come there two year before book with the air of a gambler place inquired the chief of the alight bump on the landscape. way's Hundred Health Pilgrims. of the real-estate business. I am
Rex Olcutt ebot Bill Fry.' "The ocean's there,
studying a pool-room chart. Health Pilgrims, in confidentist 37 said For Mr. Halloway was there to preparing to launch a dent requir-issup, pointing to a tiny distant computed the Bobeter, recalling behind a closed screen, recogniz
"About seventeen years ago,
Brian, watching the crowd from tones.
The name buy land, and San Bruno had it ing the talents of such an one. speck of blue,
of that. pince to sell in every quantity from a Can you meet me at the Grand of a decayed sign. Half a mile shouted: "Unele, it seems to
the celebrated unpleasantnessed in this earnest person Mr. 13 Healthy-View-by-the-Seu!
"Ham 'n' eggs," suggested the clod to a continent. Consequent Hotel bar at ten o'clock?
Briau sat himself on the stump He again foanelled his hards and Cyprus Halloway of the Hundred thundered Brian passionately.
centenarian, ly the sellors of the soil vied with
Health Pilgrima. the hotel runner's
to the south his eyes beheld a me you've reflected" a lot of glory
Brian sat down, which was the Fry him a dozen-quick- in their.
for a bribe of five dollars and cue for Dr. Abe Meyer, flanked before they moh the place!". attentions to the eccentric
epot of green, a face-inclosed on this burg without getting a new bat, Bring was ablet em-by his twelve elderly tramos, to commanded Brian of a waiter. stranger. They were all there
rounding Hissap!" "grove of trees and bashes sur-much out of it. Think how you've ploy the services of Dr. Abe deliver to Uncle Stove a large he epcotators in the window all, did I say? Nay; there was
weather-beaten advertised the climate! You Mayer (retired from the active gilded koy, presumably unlock. were beginning to see the humour one, Brian Bora Blaney by name,
bungalow.
"Who lives there?" he asked, sumothing,
ought to have a monument, or practice of patent medicine) tong the gates of the city. Dr. of the situation. who languished in a ball bedroom
his eyes häzy with unborn
act as spokesman for the Old Abo spoke in the finest vein of of the cheapest boarding-house in
"Oh, chucks!" anifiled old Folke and marahal a "committes" the patent-medisine school of the guest of honour in sparkling Daring the pause Brian toasted town, lolled among the pillows
visions: and smoked cigarettes. Oig hair as he proceeded with hie Hope flamed rosier than his
Pottle magnifcently. with the air of twelve elderly trampe, shaved oratory. Meanwhile an automo- cider from gold-label bottles, As of Caesar refusing golden crowns. for the occasion and respectable-bile circled around the throng, each bumper of this stage cham. arettes were his habit, but lolling dressing, a process which, with
timonial lunch in honour of your hata. It was the day of this corative nature ontaining Brian's elderly chorus responded with "How'd you like a public tes-ized by means of barg in straw tossing forth pamphlets of a de-pagne was lightly tossed, the was not get his languors of this Brian, included the adjusting of
the district. morning were forgivable, since much gaudy raiment. Fire be
hundred and seventh birthday? committee" to ride in aatomo-real-estate epic beginning, "May. applause. Uncle locked hungrily he was out of a job and con- rolled back his mattress and g of honey sage and
Brian Boru Blaney chewed a Brian proposed suddenly.
biles, wear badges, and wave hap the tired basiness man- toward the kitchen. At last s sidering the future.
removed therefrom a pair of centrated. Uncle Stave Pottle was last March,"
Buckas-pocus! My birthday plecards announcing the glad Uncle Steve apoke next. His huge platter of ham and eggs Unattended, then, by Blaney yellow-brown trousers pressed by all San Bruno knew that for sing you a birthday lurch Dow, at day.
bat belated tidings of Uncle remarks might have been more was set before him. was the oldest man in the world "That doesnt hinder our giy- or his thoughts, Mr. Oyprus slumber's simple process to a fine fact. He claimed a hundred does it?
And old Steve's hundred and seventh coherent had not his false teeth Pattle sto-ate as over dotard Halloway, owlish, Pickwicking edge. A pleated cost of the type and seven years to his credit, and
insisted on slipping down and ate before, as though his life aud Two hours before the time set, aterraping his eloquence. moderately wealthy leader of known to be fifteen-dollar trade could show abundant proof of his agreed the old man judgmatical window, beheld the crowd gather-seven, an' il y don't believe it" bir head until he head stripped and his knife depended upon the health ranks, marshalled his be as "Norfolk" swung from the extreme age; for every morning | ly, sa he dropped bis ivory uppering, and realized what an unexpanse to adjust teeth) "ask the the platter clean and wiped it "It don't ezackly honder," Brian Born, from his third-story Anyways, I'm a hundred 'n' performance. He never raised draggled hundred up from the back of a chair. His shirt was he stood at the corner of D and set of teeth a quarter of an inch,pected importance his celebration folks back to Trenton, where carefully with a wedge of bread. depot to the hotel. As he ad- pink, hia tie
was green, big vanced through town he beheld mercerized abaks were a combina-
Maic streets, exhibiting an it don's ezackly jibe.'
was assuming. Droves of hum-was bore in-lemme eee-eigh the wonders of booming San! tion of both colours,
antiquated license stating that Bruno, which, trading cunningly "Sanator Hissup can offer lots Steven E. Pottle, aged twenty- Uncle. Maybe you're scared of the gaudy are now assembled
You're getting on in yoare, auity fought for places around teen-"
Eighteen hundred and five!" on her annual drop of tourists, of things," he repeated to himself, ie, was married in Trinton, the food." Brian sighed. in front of the Insoluble Life prompted Brian, after a lightning had increased in three years, as he buttoned on his knobtord New Jersey, eventy-eight years "Who says I'm gittin' too old Building. Their vibrated with calonlation. from a buxom village to an infant shoes and strode forth to adven-g
to enjoy my vittles ?" The motion; and when Stouwinder's I 185 I was born there." metropolis. On the strength of ture,
Whoop! I got the straw!" patriarch threw out his chest like Silver Cornet Band leaped into Dental operation.) intemperate boosts for her tem Os the way to the Grand Hotel, cried Brian, suddenly leaping to withered bird.
"An' if ye perate climate, she could now be paused and smiled sa a squad
his feet.
"Ther ain't a the melting, strains of "Darling, don't believe that, here's the boast her seventy-five thousand of Halloway'e Health Pilgrims Straw?" inquired the puzzled generation kin walk further or ers were arrested for starting a birthday was the fifteenth o lasi young whippersnapper in this I Am Growing Old," two labour-marriage certifkit to prove it. My inhabitante; in fact, she did boast passed, moving two by two with
statesman: that number and a little bit more the air of elderly boarding-school
eat more vittles 'n Ikin!" Uncle riot, ao great was the heart-throb. March—” "You bet! Every good boist's Steve's black eyes snapped like
Gray, white, and bald honda around the now-antique Italian children. He recognized several like an
"To-day!"..
prompted the orange phosphate-it electric shoshations.
predominated in the throng Boor ter, pulling his coat-tails. bar of the Grand Hotel. Main real-estate men surrounding Mr. needs a straw to draw it up Street was no longer a lane-it Halloway, gesturing eloquently through and make it taste natur-
nertes most tingled with excitem leaning down with a hand held below. But the Little Booster's "Hey?" inquired Uncle,red More Birthdays Just was just the other and of Broad and asing the word "climate al. And I've got the straw that's
ont when he noted the fact that wing-like behind his ear. way extending across America: with passionate frequency going to make 'em thirst for this
Mr. Cyprus Halloway was there," Your birthday is to-day!" close to the band, surrounded by repeated Brian Boru. bie hundred molloy pilgrims.
Yours truly, Warner E. Hissup. State Senator thought Brian Born Blaney, with a sanguine flush, as he read and re-read "Ges! It's lucky I'm open to the mysterious note. propositions this morning!"
a
there for years. He and the "Uncle Steve Paitle-lived gophers have completely queered
22
con-
a
Big business was beginning to "That old guy needs special. deal!" sprout out of weedy corners. treatmont," be reflected, and "Straw ?" repeated Hisaup, The honey breeze of California thoeo simps ain't got glass enough "Wait a minute. In the fira! smelt of asphalt, and the twelve- to give it.'
place, this tract's goin' to be story skyscraper of the Insoluble Leaning against the mahogany called Healty-View-by the Sea. Trust Company loomed right of the Grand Hotel bar Brian True, there's only a quart of ocean next to the back yard where Mra, observed State Senator Eisanp, in sight, but every drop o' rom- Mary Casey's red hen scratched champion of oppressed corpora-ance counts in the real-estate wiserly cunning creeping over the roots of a real-estate sign. So Paradise must have looked when municipal improvement set in.
tions, a flat-faced person with the profile of a toy spaniel..
Good morning, Mr. Blarney,' Laid the statesman, extending a Ashby paw
"Blaney," corrected the Little Booster Ther is silout, as in 'bean.'"
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44
T
And the mob outside, like unto" the ranks of Tuscany at sight of Horatius Marathon swim, could scarce forbear a pheer,
Ain't no young whipper Uncle Steve Pottle.
napper kin beat ma obuckled
The luncheon closed officially with a final theatrical toast, the entire chorus rising. As a final, the window-curtain dropped, disclosing the placard, “A Hund.
appy."
Before the crowd dispersed, Brian stepped to the door and an- nounced his intention of tender-
K
Brian cheerfully. "A week from That settles it, then," said Wednesday's going to the Old Folks Day and you're to be the guest of honour. Presentation ceremonies, parade, lunch-~"
My birthday's to-lay," "went ing a testimonial pilgrimage to "Brass band ?" inquired the The pathos of "Darling's" in-fon Uncle, serenely addressing the home of Colonal Pottle on old mag craftily:
Cressing longevity was thorough the crowd. An' I never felt the morrow at three. Auto-bus "The best in town."
ly exploited by Sesiawinder's better in my life. I can walk rides would be free for all respeo Uncle Steve hesitated and industrious trumpeters. Mean urther an' eat more vittles 'n any table parsons over fifty years of Brian could observe a look of while Brian sluak to a side street, darn whippersnapper a-goin"."
age.. cranked up Senator Hissup's Uncle Steve took his business. What's that lane down the withered face.
seat: The Little Booster and the white car, and met Uncle Steve Loud applanec. Mike, the chauf- centenarian slipped quietly out there?" he asked, pointing to a. "Time's money," he squeaked. Pottle, according to appointment. feur, now began cranking up the through a back door. The old ratty thorough fare which led, "I got lots o' things to tend to
Exactly at the hour of ten, car, and two small boys took their man was beginning to look sad. apparently, nowhere.
this week. Ther's taxes to pay
to the merry winding of a places in the van with a placard, on may house, 'n' all-
horn, the big car, all broken The Oldest Man in the World." in my auto, "suggested the young "Better let me take you home "How much?" asked the out with red and yellow stream- Before the procession proceeded, man.
ors, boiled into the Square and took its place at centre stage. Immediately there flaunted from the third-floor window a gigantic banner labelled;
hat's the old slaughter-house road." said the Senator.
"Hire a hundred 'a' fifty dol lare' worth of Dagos to emx th the surface. Re-me it Aesculapius Drive-ees?"
Brian announced to the throng that Uncle Steve, to prove his digestive prowess, would eat his birthday dinner in the window of the Saddle Rock Restaurant.
Oyprus Halloway jumped on the running-board of Brian's car just as it was pulling out,
"How does one get to this Healthy-View-by-the-Sea?" asked the stranger.
Lead, me to the trolley! grunted Uncle Steve gloomily.
Brian put him on a west-bound car at the corner of Main and D streets,
I could take you home just as well," he began.
The shoddy establishment; where Brian Boru Blaney roomed was called the Majestic, and it
Little Booster promptly. afforded Brian a sleeping com-
"Fifty dollars wouldn't be too partment too small for an extra "Bum!" growled the doggish
much," replied the graybeard, bureau, but large enough for his tale Semitor, "My car's outside.
with equal epontaneity.. "But how about the " We'll go look at the tract. expanding thoughts. We may
"That's a lot o' money, hut behold him now, Pyjama-clad, Maybe you don't want to handle "Oh, forget the straw for a I'll be good for it," said Brian THE OLDEST MAN IN THE
minate. You've lived in San magnanimously. sitting on the edge of his golden such a fool preposition-
And now, WORLD 18 HERE 1. "I'm the softest of my family. oak bedstead. Red-headed, pa-
Bruno long enough, I guess, to look here. If i hire you, you've
Mr. Cyprus Halloway, his owl thetically Irish of eye, youth chirped Brian Boru. My brin's know that must o' the land around got to obey orders. Make your eyes goggling, edged closer, his
"Y can't force me to do seemed to proclaim in him the a watery waste, and every drop these parts is bought by tooriste sell mysterious-see? Keap off faithful hundred following suit.
nothin' I'm set ag'in'," declared insurable optimist. And he had of it at your service. What's from the East-health fons past the streets and don't show your Brian Born Blaney stose in the
old Pottle, as he eased himself good use for his optimism this your proposition ?" " middle age, who think they can sell anywhere until Old Folks' tonnan and laid his hand upon "To-morrow at three o'clock painfully into an outside seat, morning, for, being out of work, They mounted a white touring dodge the dread Resper by nest Day. Dy get me, Uncle Steve?" bis plented chest. Beside him we give a testimonial pilgrimage he had everything to expect. His car outside and went rolling the climate over 'em. I guess craned his little turkey neck overling & white vest and a silk hat this wonderful man, If you wish, smiled.
"Be at home, ready for the big ling close to the soil and pulling "Yep." Suddenly the old men sat a small, upright figure wear and free bus ride to the home of call, to-morrow at three!" Brian temperamental passion for his westward. home town had sarred for him As one D. F. to another," you know, too, that Cyprus Halk- his shoulder with a worried look, many sizes too small for him. we'll provide transportation for "Uta!" was Uncle's sole retort. the local title of the "Little explained Hissup, I any it way, the Grand High Totem of "Got to promise one thing," he
Neighbours, began the ora as many of your Pilgrime as you The tram slid away down the Booster," in distinction to the confidentially-Ined the money. the Healthomanince, in here with whispered. Don't tell Botsy" tor, a persuasive bellow, "we have wish to bring."
track. "Big Booster," who was Mr. The only tract I can sell is not roll o' bills like a China loan.
"Who's Balsy?
the authority of such eminent here are a hundred of us,' Charles W. Ketchum, of Ketchum vellable. Does that look bright cryin' like a baby to spend it on "None o yer business, But bao-tor-i-o-lo-gist as Dr. Woods said Halloway. "We'll try and and Sellers, real estate. Brine to you?"
MoOsichinson that no man has make it," had, in fact, been the valued "Where is your El Dorado?"
"Certainly not, Archibald, "ever lived to the age of a hundred As they moved slowly toward employee of the above-mentioner asked Brian cheerfully.
prospectus I could write on this agreed Brian readily. Uncle yeare,
Dr. McCutchinson is the Saddle Rock Restaurant, Brian firm up to Last night, when "Ever heard of Slaughter-house place! An cortatio flash over- Steve Pottle gave the young man doubtless a smart manbat are took. Uncle Steve in hand and Kolobum, had called the young Gulch?
spread his frockles as ho pulled a withered claw, and walked we good folks of San Bruno going attempted to impress him with mat 15 to the infor shrine and Boly alkali!" whistled the out his pink coffs and quoted away with the stiff dignity of a to blieve such a statement ? the importance of his office,
and young man. Now I understand from the Prospectus Beautiful: marionette. (Cries of No No! from Half the town will be rubber-Little Bottone for
why Ketchum
recommended me! Fanned by old Pacific's life- Thanks to the able stage man- several enthusiasts.) Thanke, ing at your performance. You've a "My boy, that Beulah Addition Slaughter-house Galoh is Hope's giving breezes, mayhap the tired agement of Brian Borg Blaney I am glad to know that my fellow got to eat like wolf." sahime of youra ia o stroke of
jumping off place. It's the business man may pause awhile and the souret connivance of countrymen are still able to think "Cruess I kin!" responded We stand to lose a rattlesnakes Waterloo-
and linger
State Beastor Bitap, Old Folks for themselves. For have we not Uncle Steve recklessly.
A strip of land that nobody else y' won't tell 'er will yo? wants? Health! Gee what a
་
a
telephoned to Senator Hissup.
Early next morning Brian
"Your Old Folks' Day looks to the statesman.
me like a fool preposition,” said
*
Fool propositions are what hired me replied the hundred dollars extra for bus
I've got to have,
(To be Continued next Saturday.)
fare.