PAGE 8-HONGKONG DAILY PRESS A TRIP ON THE ROAD OF HUMOUR
Hongkong Rotarians Given Entertaining Address By Major R. D. Walker
The Importance of being burnished in times of stress was emphasized in a highly entertaining manner by Maj. R. D. Walker when he took Hongkong Rotarians on a brief trip on the road of humour and jokes, at the Club's weekly tiffin meeting yesterday.
kept.
"Your
life" money or your Illustrating his talk with " anecdotes typical of the hu- growled the footpad Take my mour of various nationalities, Efe" responded the Irishman, "T Major Walker
the saving me money for me old age!"-|
Then there was the Irish, gathering thoroughly amused'
doctor who sent this bill to a and entertained for the better
lady: "To curing your hus part of 20 minutes.
band till he died, twenty-five pounds."
A
THE ADDRESS
Two Irishmen were working at a quarry and one fell over the edge. The other alarmed, came to the margin of the hole and called out: hung "Arrah, Pat, are ye killed entaire- custo- ly? If ye're dead, shipake." Pat the reassured him from the bottom by saying: "No, Tim. I'm not dead, but spackless,"
FRENCH HUMOUR
}
Opening his address with a re- ference to the last World War. Major Walker. said, in part:-
A quarter of a century ago when the
He drab of gray Like
pall
over the cheerfulness mary
of British people, a genius wrote a famous song. His object was war, war against the soul destroying efforts of peddlers of pessimism,
The French are humourously in- who from the depths of well- clined as a Yankee ones found out padded club chairs and without to his cost. The latter was on a the "mellowing influence of post- world tour and he went in to a prandial possets, produced per- small French restaurant in Paris. riicious and portentous pronounce. His opening gambit was "Vooley vo Hs donny nwaw". The proprietor ments of impending doon. theme was laughter, and his in- replied: "Pardon! Monsieur can spiration the big-hearted boys in speak Khakl
The words were ample and are known to you all:-"Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag and smile, smile, smile, etc....
The song
KEM
Я
miraculous polishing agent; it removed rapidly the outside droas and its effect on morale was incalculable,
The object of this brief Incur- sion into the murky past is to em
phasize the importance...of being burnished in times of stress. When down in the mouth remember that Jonah came out all right!
AMERICAN HUMOUR Starting with typically American humour, the speaker told the story of a Bostonian lady who Was
English to me." Yank: "Why go! Can't you understand my French?" Proprietor: "Mon- sleur, I am from the South and find it difficult to comprehend the true Parisian accent."
I once met a French gentle- man in London who thought he had mastered the English language. "How do you do,” I' said on accosting him, "De vat?" he asked in a puzzled manner. "I mean how do you find yourself?" "Salre I never lose myself?" "You don't an- derstand me I'm afraid · I mean, how do you feel?" "Ah 1 feels smooth; you shust feel me."
CHINESE HUMOUR
After reterring to and illustrat- choosing between two applicants In the German lack of humour. for a position as gardener, while the speaker said the Chinese have
Photographed at the Fanling Hunt meet which took place on New Year's Day.
WEDNESDAY'S
MENU"
BREAKFAST
Pineapple Juice Cereai Scrambled Eggs and Sausages Bran Muffins Coffee
LUNCHEON
Noodle Soup Tuna Fish-Salad Pork Cutlets Fried Apple Rings Creamed Carrots and Mushrooms String Beans Sponge Cake
with Lemon Sauce Tea
DINNER
Grilled Sardines
Beet Soup Potato Salad
Frankfurters and Saurkrout
Baked Rice Turnips Com Bread
·Chocolate Pudding
Coffee
CHUNG WAH BOOK CO. EMPLOYEES IN COURT
her mother-in-law, seated on the a keen sense of humour. Wu Tins Mr. E. Himsworth, on charges" of porch behind the men pointed frantically towards the less pre-
possessing.
+
Thirteen employees of the Chung Wah Book Company, appeared at Kowloon Court yesterday, before Fans, who was head of the Chinese fighting, and nine of the defen- Foreign Omce, was discussing with dants also on a second charge of a friend the suicide of a fellow intimidating one T. T. Kong, seek- country man who had adopted the ing to make him abstain from somewhat original method of eat-doing an act he had a legal right ing gold leaf.
"But I don't see how that killed him," said the friend "I suppose," said Wu seriously, "that it was the consciousness of inward gilt"
Supposing that the old lady had had some personal knowledge of the applicant. she engaged him "Did he ever work for you?" she asked, when the two were alone, "No," replied the old lady," nover 53 W or heard of other of tham." "Then why did you point
A Chinese laundry man in Los to him? The other had the better Angeles went to a photographer's face"" "Face" returned the old to have his picture taken. When lady briskly. "When you pick out admonished to "look pleasant," "he man for work, go by his overalls, said: "When me no feelee good in- If they're patched on the knee side, me no lookee good outside." you want him. If they're patched g the seat you don't.”
A certain prominent man had been invited to speak at a Rotary meeting. The President called - upon several speakers whose names
were not ob the programme and. the audience was tired out when the man of the day was eventually. introduced, "I have great pleasure in asking Mr. Bones to give his address." "My" address," said MI, Bones rising a 55 Main Street West and I wish you all good day."
ENGLISH HUMOUR
Now for some light English" humour..
"What is you husband's income” naked one wite of another. "Oh about 3.a.m.' was the response. ·
There was the Grimsby fish- wife who said she did'nt old with i'v this 'ere Gobbles 'a 'obnobbing with that there "Stallion."
The Chairman of a Gas Com= pany was making his address at the annual meeting. “Think of the good the gas company has done" he cried, "If I were permitted 'a pun, I would say, in the words of the in- mortal poet, "Honour the Light Brigade." Voice of sumer from, the... · audience: “Oh, what a charge they made! CHILDREN AS HUMOURISTS
JAPANESE HUMOUR.
Now for Japanese humour.
A premiam apprentice Jap- anese enginear in the north of England accustoṛned to go to a certain dining room each day, was astonished by a waitress kissing him under the mistletoe at Christmas time.
It was explained to him that the salute was not gratuitous, but that a present in return was expected. He suggested gloves, hat she, with an eye on his reputed wealth said: “Oh, no; give me something for my neck." The next
day the parcel arrived and visions of a pearl necklace rose before her view. With trembling: fingers ahe untied the string, and dis- closed-a bar of soap.
DRY, BUT PUNGENT
but pungent.
to do.
Ball was allowed at $500 each. A remand of cne.week was allowed.
H.K. AND S'HAI BANK DIVIDEND The Hongkong and Shanghal Banking Corporation has declared a final dividend of £2 10s, per share for the half year ending Dec, 31, 1939, at the rate of 1/2.7/8d per dollar, subject to deduction of Income Tax
The dividend will be payable on and after February 29.
round the room that the war might be over before you Anished."
At a reception in England the other day an elderly, gaunt lady approached young man ́and sald reproachfully to him
"Why aren't you in Khaki?” blushed. The young man Then he drew himse'f up and answered. "For the same reaKON that you're not in the beauty chorus madam-physically an- AL
Now for a anal burnishing from Jewish humour is somewhat dry. Peter Doodey the melancholy look- ing jockey in the Arcadians who admonished all and sundry, ༄།
"I've gotta motto-always be
.merry and bright. "Look around and you will find
every cloud is alver lined. The sun will shine although
the sky's a grey one.
'A Jew and an American from the country were sitting alongside each other in a street car. "Nice day" said the Jew politely. “Yale a Jew" ain't you?" queried the Yan- kee. Yes, Bir, I'm a clothing salesman," handing him a card with an eye to business. "But you're a Jew," "Yes I'm a Jew," came the answer. "Well," con- tinued the Yankee, “Tm 'a Yankee, and in the little village in Maine Children the world over are a where 1. come from Tm proud to wonderful source of unconscious say there ain't a Jew.” humour,
con-
WAR STORIES
11
Let us enter the home stretch
"with a few war stories.
yes," replied the Jew quietly. Two little girls were talking That's why its a village.” about getting married, One said: "I am going to marry a doctor for when I am sick I can be well
A professor had just concluded for nothing." The other said: "I am going to marry a ministar fr his lecture "How to stop the Wa
when a friend rushed up to him, when I am bad I can, good for Congratula-long old man went splendidly although I was rather IRISHISMS
anxious for you.";
nothing."
"
Everybody has heard: of #Iriah -
Professor-Thanks, but I don't ismeЛ those geme of silmumour know why you should have been so burnished-by- the Iriang: Here are concerned on my behalf.”, some examples,"
Friend-"Well a» rumour went |
i
I've often said to myself I've sald cheer up Cully you'll soon be dead...
"A short life and a gay one." Rotarian P. 8. Cassidy proposed | a vote of thanks to the speaker, Following were the guests
Jurgens, M. J. Abbott, T. T. Woo, Messrs. Kooray Lee. Percy Chen,
GENERAL
COLONY HEALTH
Tuberculosis Toll: Small Pox, Chicken Pox, Scarlet Fever
Seventy-six deaths from tuber- culosis and alght deaths from small-pox occurred in the Colony for the week-ending Jan." 6, ac- cording to retarus furnished by the Health Department. The num- ber of cases notified to the au- thorities in the week were tuber- culosis 127, small-pox 13.
Other returns include $ deaths from dysentery (9 cases notiied), 4 deaths from enteric fever (B cases notified), 4 deaths from cerebro-spinal fever (4 cases noti- drd), 3 deaths from diphtheria (B cases notified-one imported) and 2 deaths from measles.
ON JAN. 8
Twenty-four cases of tuber- culosis. three cases of small-pox, two cases of chicken-pox and one case each of diphtheria, scarlet fever and purperal fever were notified to the Health authorities on Jan. 8.
REFUGEES IN
THE COLONY
There was an increase of 63 in the number of refugees and destitutes accommodated in the Colony in Government camps, etc. In Urban and Rural Areas for the week-ended Jan. 6.
Urban Areas (Civilians);
King's Park, 1,333 against 1,338
on Dec. 30.
Ma Tau Chung. 1.130 against
1.087 on Dec. 30.
North Point. 1,136 against 1,443
on Dec. 30.
Urban Areas (Soldiers):
In Hospital, 12 against 13 on Dec.
30.
Argyle Street, 716 against 541 on
Dec. 30.
Ma Tau Chang. against 177
on Dec. 30,
Rural Areas:
Kam Tin. 1.917 against 1,873 on
Dec. 30.
San Uk Ling. 608 against 617 on
Dec. 30. Gills Cutting, 343 against 345 on
Dec. 30.
+
Total, 7,495 against 7,432 on Dec.
30.
ti
BOARD OF EDUCATION MEETING
"
The 118th Meeting of the Board of Education was held on Friday, Jan. 5, at 4 p.m. In the Board Reora
of the Education Department.
There were present:-Director of
Education, Mr. C. G. Sellis, M.A.. Chairman: Senior Inspector of Schools, Mr. J. Ralston, MA. Inspector of Vernacular Schools, Mr. Y. P. Law, B.A.; Mr. A. el Ar- cylli; Miss E. S. Atkins; Rev. Fr. G. Byrne, S.J., Ph.D.; Rev. J. R. Higgs, BA; Hon. Mr. Li Tsz-long; Rev.. F. Short; Mr. D. J. Sloss. G.B.E., M.A.; Dr. S. W. Ts'o, C.B.E., LL.D.; MI B. Wylie: Secretary-Mr. W. L. Handyside, M.A., B.Sc.
The draft grant code was con- sidered by the Board and was un- animously approved.
WEATHER REPOR”
Hongkong Royal Observatory
· 10 am Jan. 9. Barometer (at sea level), 30.07 ins. Temperature, 70 P.. Humidity, 55 per cent, Wind Direction, E Wind Force, (Beaufort), 4. Temperature; maximum yesterday
72 F Temperature; minimum last night,
63 F.
Rainfall for 24 hrs., ending 10 ar
today, nil
Total rainfall since January 1st
nii.
Against an average of, 0.22 ins. Sunset tonight, 5.56 p.m. Sunrise tomorrow, 7.05 a.m.
4 p.m., Jan. 9. Barometer (at sea level), 30.01 ins. Temperature, 69 F. Humidity, 72 per cent. Wind Direction, E/8.
Maximum temperature, TD P. Wind Force (Beaufort), 4.
Minimum temperature, 83 F. Rainfall, nil.
HONG KONG TIDE TABLE From 10 to 16 Jan. 1940.
HIGH WATTZ-
R. J. Shrigley, F. A. Fraser, Phil Delany, J.. Ralston, P. V. Li and web. 10 Rev. J. E. Sandbachs.
were Mr. Thur, 11 Visiting Rotarians Tuneo Tamba, Yokahama, Mr. R. Cecil Robertson, Changsha and Mr. B. B. Inge, Tsingtao,
བྷཱུ
Bong Standard Kong
Time.
h. m.
1103
Height...y
b. m...
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 10, 1940.
"BLACK & WHITE”
No Hurry
And its fine CHARACTER shows it!
"BLACK & WHITE" takes the long, time-honoured road to Enjoyment-years of slow skilful blending.
او
That's what gives "BLACK & WHITE" its fine Character, You taste it in the magnificent flavour. You sense it in the delicate bouquet. Just remember to ask for it by name.
"BLACK & WHITE'
:
The Scotch with Character
THE extra enjoyment -smoking gives me since I changed to Craven*Á*
is truly delightful. They are so cool, so fresh, so kind to my lips. And always easy
*** 30° very easy,on my
throst, W
"
(miri)
_KT ****
BLACK &
244
I always smoke
Craven'A
they are kinder
to the throat
FLAT POCKET TINS OF
LOW WATER
"Hong
Kong
Standard
****
Time
+Moto [46]
04 10 10 >
21 44 175
15.00
34
11 38 42
0448
10 9
2210 174
3840 3 3
Fri.
12
12 10 47
05 16 09
3945
7:1
18 20 13:4
Bat.
13
· 12 42
4.B
05 47 1 1
23.10
87
17.00
19 3
?
Sun 14
13.10.
49
06 22
23 30
6.2
17 40 3
LONDON MADE
Mon: 15
I Tacs16:
13 454 9 1 283 8
0000
1411
· 1921,
NEXT MEETING The speaker at next week's meeting will be Mr. F. C. Clemo, who will talk on "The Con- straction and Testing of 12,500 K. W. Turbines";
20 and:50 'TRU-VAC' TINS OF 50
also PACKETS OF 10 B
RAVEN
MADE SPECIALLY 30 PREVENT SORE THROATS
BY CARRERAS, LTD.