FAVOURISM
"As safe and wholesome
asgood Scotch Whisky"
is a simile often heard. The wisdom of this apt saying is fully realised when the whiskyis "Highland nectar". The rich mali flavour and mellow maturity fully justify itschoice.
THE DISTILLERS AGENCY.LTD., DISTILLERS, EDINBURGH..
Highland Nectar
DISPELERS
This Illustration depicts the attractive, "Highland fleeter Peganter.
"Highland
Nectar"
SOLE AGENTS:
GANDE, PRICE & CO., LTD.,
HONG KONG.
DIAL 20135.
Bachelor cabins
at no extra cost. There are a great number of single bedded cabins, at the minimum "ASAMA MARU,“ the rate,. on "CHICHIBU MARU." and "TATSUTA MARU" ...A chance to sleep,
to work, to slack, to entertain. whenever you wish.
Comfort and distinc- tion-on Schedule
N.Y.K.
THE SILK
EXPRESS TO AMERICA VIA HONOLULU
Hong Kong Weekly
Weekly Press.
The Lok Ma Chay Tragedy Sunday Observance in Hong Kong Local Radio Programmes
Threatened Raid on Police Station Motor-Ships in Hong Kong
Local Sport: Bowls, Polo, Swimming, Etc.
and
Other Interesting Features.
THE PAPER WITH THE YELLOW COVER.
Price 30
Cents.
Annual Subscription: Hong Kong, $13; Post Free to any address, 816; Quarterly Subscription, 84.00.
Orders should be sent to the
HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, LTD.
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HONG KONG DAILY PRESS SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 1930.
UNDER THE PUNKAH.
(Continued from Pagt 1.3"-
A well-meaning but ivory.damed pal decided to lend a hand during
HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
Customer: "How much does this fish weigh 7''
Clerk: I dont know. Look at
"So your country club served spinach six days in a row?"
"Yes, until one of the members took the matter up with the greens committee."
"What are the first words of the used-car buyers?" asks an adver tisement. Those we ride with al- ways say, "You'll have to slam that door harder."
this operation, and after the tim-the scales" ing part of the business was over, kindly volunteered to fill the tank This was done, but alas! the motor refused to start! Waat was the matter! Evidently the timing must be wrong, so my friend decided to do the job all over again-which, aa every motor fiend knews, neces- sitates taking off the timing-case, carburetter, and oil-pipe. Again most of the pieces were picked up and put together again, but still the thing refused to start!
حساس
Motorist: "That garage man, says were carrying entirely too heavy a load."
Back Seat Adviser: "Couldn't you throw out the clutch, dear
Radio Fan: "Pity the poor radio fan. he must take his music as 1s comes"
Musician "Yes, but not ie the can always 'pick' in-banjoist; be
his."
Mother: "My poor Jimmie is 50 up fortunate."
Caller: "How is that?".
Mother: "During the sports be broke one of the best records they had in the college.”
While a play was in progress a lady turned in her seat and said to a man behind: "I hope my hat is not annoying you?"
Much profane language was daiged in, after which my friend said: The timing must be all wrong again," so he checked it. once more, this time with the After much cylinder-head off. trouble, he found that the timing was all right, but, still the accursed thing would not start. His stock of expletives being by now exhaust ed, he decided to give it up till next day, when he hoped to put in the whole afternoon finding out what the trouble was. Meanwhile, the well-meaning but bone-headed one had filled another fellow's tank and this bike also refused to start!ns something """ After many kicks and more eurses, the owner of this machine asked "His Laziness" whether he had filled the tanks. The answer was in the affirmative.
"Did you use kerosene ?"!
No, I used that tin over there." "You darned fool, that IS kero sebe!"
"It is madam," was the reply, for my wife wants one just like
a
famous In a drawing-room composer met a lady singer who loved to display her talent.
Will you be good enough to sing
"Oh, I'm so frightened, sir; there are so many people
"What about it?" answered the master, assuringly. "No one's lis. tering!"
A woman who did not understand the language of business went into the Bank of England and asked to consult someone about her war loan holding. The clerk to whom she talked happened to be rather
He inquired: grave person.
A
|
Mr. Spinkes: "But why did you buy a dachshund for the children ?? Mr. Linkes: So they can all pet him at once."
Florida Native: These are the quicksands."
Visitor: "Oh, is this where they hold the speed car tests ?".
Boarded Lady: "What do you do with your used razor blades?
Circus Cook: "I give them to the sword swallower, for dessert.”
Customer: "And how much do I ove you for the extra oil f
"What oil”. *The oil you left on the upbals- tery."
Woodman, spare that tree-
Touch act & single bough!. It sheltered me when young-And it's full of sitters.
new k
WLA
Mother (to little girl who had. been sent to the henhouse for eggs); "Well, dear, wore there no eggs?"
Little Girl: "No, Mummie, only the ore the hen uses for a pattern.
7.
Anto May: "My feet are side
mean your Mary Lou "You shoes are size 7."
Anna May: "No, my shoes are size 8."
A man was praising his wife, as all men ought to do on proper oc casions "She's no womanly a wo- man as ever was," he said, "but she can hamper nails like light- ning." -
"That's remarkable," said a lis tener.
fer.
j
"Yes, sir," said the first speak. You know lightwing never strikes twice in the same place."
Townsman: "I'it bad to have the pigsty so close to the dwelling- house 127
Countrywoman: "Well, it's been there for several years, and we al ways Eave the fattest and heaviest pigs."
The Entertainer in London music hall): "If any lady or gent in the in the audience will call out the name of some female character "Is it a case of conversion or re-in Shakespeare, I will endeavor to` demption, madam ""
portray that character."
וי
This being a family paper, and the Editor having been brought up
"Conversion Redemption fali in a very refained atmosphere, tered the woman. "E-pardon I must refrain from quoting the ma, is this, the Bank of England or remainder of the conversation. It the Church of England P
was vividly cerulean-and we aust let it go at that. And when, in dismantling the 'carburettor to get that wretched kerosene out, my "friend lost a little screw (without which his bike still refuses to move!), the atmosphere changed from cerulean to ultramarine.
Radiosities,
I gather there has been quite & lot of what the wireless experts call "mush" in the air lately: In other words, atmospheric conditiona have been highly static, and if only half of what I hear is true, the wonder is that most of the people "concerned are not hysteric Now, I don't, profess to know anything about wireless. I wouldn't recog nise an anode if I met one, and as Flor heterodyng, I never drink the beastly stuff.. My interest in the subject is confined to watching the different fags. fluttering in the breeze. Possibly, dear reader, you' don't get the connection between wireless and flags. Well, it's like this. Over the way a man has a ten-cylinder sports model (or what ever they call the thing) and he Bits up all night "reaching out." One morning I saw a Japanese fag Auttering at the top of a pole, and assumed it was in celebration of a Japanese national holiday. A day or two later the Start and Stripen was hoisted, and before the end of the week up went the Italian flag. Next time I met this wireless man
1 said:"You must have a very mixed company of hoarders over at. your place." What makes you think so!" said he Well, look
at all these different national flags you have bolated over there!" He locked at me rather sadly as he replied You poor simp! Those dags indicate the stations I get on my radio set during, the previous night !!
And finally, speaking of boarders, did you hear of the sentimental guest at a seaside boarding-hote o England who found a message on his breakfast egg written by a Danish girl saying she would marry the man who ate it. But when he wrote to her address he found she had been dead two years.
A Voice from the Gallery: "Flor ende Nightingale."
The Entertainer: "I said Shake- speare, sir, not Dickens."
HOTELS
LONDON'S LOVELIEST SUBURB. ROYAL RICHMOND 18 Minutes From Town. BINGHAM HOUSE. HOTEL PETERSHAM ROAD, 'RICHMOND.
VONDERFULLY situated in this
West Delightful Old world Town.
A Few Minutes from the Famous Park, Terraces, and Bridge. Station Omnibus passes the Door,
Overlooking the River, the View from the Botel Gardeni, Verandah, Public Booms, and many Badrooms, is incom
The River View is Admittedly
Burore.
zerolled in
The Hotel i Well Furnished nad
a Happy Home-like Atmosphere, enjoya a All Publie Rooms are Spacious, Gas Fires in Bedrooms. Cuisine claimed to be Quite Exceptional.
Terms From 3 Guineas Single Per Week. NO EXTRAS. Tariff from
DAIET 'PRES” Office,
Two Hondon Hotel
Rubens
Rembrandt
These Hotels are sitasted is the most dalekie positions easy of access from all parts of Loadan. Under one mangement and highly rommended they offer the maximan di Juxurions refinament cumbíued with the intaki hatal improvemsanta as very resannable rates, Bedroom with Private Bathroom. All rooms avg, besied and have hot and cold, running
HOTEL RUBENS, Brokingham Palaos-rend, facing Bustingham Palace.
HOTEL” REMÜRANDT, South Kensington, Casing the Victoria and Albera Kumanita. TARIFF ON APPLICATION TO MANIGER
ENGLAND
Coming this Year?
The Motherland is calling you and The Residential Ertels Association have prepared a Guide, Book
"WHAT TO SEE AND WHERE TO STAY" giving concise particulars of numerous hotels, from which you will be able to select the ones most suitable in position and tariff to meet your requirements.
FOR LONDON, A map showing the districts and a description of each is provided, also the illustrations and what to see and how to see it will be found useful and interesting. The Association Secretary will be pleased to help you in any way possible, or book your accommodation A form is provided in the Guide, so port without any booking fee.
coupon for copy at once:
To The Secretary, Residential Hotels Association,"
4, Upper Bedford Place, Russell Square, London, W.C1 Please rend me a copy of "What to See and Where to Stay."
(HK)
THE HON. TREASURER,"
HONG KONG BENEVOLEN POCIETY,
525, THE PEAK.
Enclosed please find cheque for twelve dollars being subscription to your Society for the current year.
THE DRINK TO
QUENCH A THIRST,
PILSNER
GET THE "CARLSBERG” SMILE.
Carlsberg
BEERS.
PILSNER AND LAGER,
Sole Distributors:
JOHN MANNERS & CO., LTD.
MERCANTILE BANK BUILDING.
EXDONT
BEED
CARLSBERG
COPENHAGEN,
LAGER
Obtainable Everywhere.