HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
"How did you find the water ?”* "By looking between the ba thers!"
Teacher: "Spell Weather!" Scholar: "W-i-e-t-h-i-o-u-r." Toacher: That's the worst spell of weather we've had lately."
"And what do you regard as the greatest triumph of modern sur- gery
Mistress: "I can see a spider web in the corner, Ethel To what do you attribute that "
Maid: "To a spider, ma'am."
"Why do fish grow the fastest of all living things
"Because the average fish caught grows a few inches every time the story is told."
Student (graduating from col-
thank you for all I know."
"Collecting the bills," promptlyege): "Good-by, sir, I want to responded the great practitioner.
Father: "My son. you should save your money. You shouldn't. have bought that car-you are liv ing beyond your station."
Son Certainly I am-two milos, That's why I bad to have a car.”
Mother (to little girl who had been sent to the hen house for eggs): "Well, dear, were there no
eggs?"
Little Girl: "No, Mumaric, only
the one the hen uses for a pattern."
»
At school examination the ques-" then was: Were the kings of Israel rick or poor ?"
Professor: "Don't mention it- it's nothing at all...
Householder: "Put all that stuff back into the sideboard at once. D'you hear
Burglar: "Lumme, guvnor, not all of it; be fair. 'Arf of it be longs 'next door."
...
Careful Wife: "I've put your shirt on the clothes horse."
what adds did you get?”
Sporting Husband: "Good!
His wife began to laugh at him. "You silly" she said: "fancy being superstitious after all these. years! Why, do you remember the first time we met? We walked un-
One boy answered: "They were poor, because the Bible says theyder a ladder," and you said you slept with their fathers. If they'd were sure something horrible would been rich they would all have had, happen to you." beds of their own."
The awkward physical jerks squad were doing their best to break the sergeant's heart.
At last he tried t new one on them.
"
"Squad, on the backs down!" ha ordered. Then, when they were all prone in front of him, he de- scribed the next" exercise." "Move your legs up and down as if you were riding bicycles."
Here was an easy ore, and för the next few minutes all went well. Then the sergeant saw that one man had cased moving his legs,
"Here, what do you think you you're doing he stormed...
"That's all rights, sergeant," came the reply. "I'm only free wheeling a bit."
Well said he.
Watkins had gone to his land- lord with a serious complaint.
It's about those people in the flat above me he stormed. They won't give me a minute's peace." This morning at two o'clock they were jumping up and down and banging on the floor as hard as they could. I tell you, sir, I won't put up with such behaviour! It's an outrage!"
The landlord looked sympathetic. "They woke you up, I presume?" to inquired.
The victim shock his head. "No: I hadn't gone to bed." "Ah. I see! You were working late "
I was practising on my "Yes. saxophone."
HONG KONG DAILY PRESS. THURSDAY, AUGUST 28, 1930.
SNAPSHOTS OF A BOY SHINING HIS SHOES
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
GOES UPSTAIRS STILL. ARGUING HE DOES NT SEE WHY HE HAS TO- SHINE HIS SHOES, HELL JUST GET THEM MUDDY AGAIN
GOES DOWNSTAIRS AND GETS VARIETY OF TOOLS FOR 'OPEN- ING CAN
16-30
AFTER LOOKING IN SEV- SPENDS A LITTLE TIME ERAL PLACES FINDS „JUGGLING BRUSH AND SHOE SHINING THINGS", "CAN OF SHOE POUSH IN PLACE WHERE MO- THER SAID THEY WERE
SPENDS FIVE MINUTES WONDERING WHETHER IT'S EASIER TO SHINE. SHOES WHEN THEY'RE OFF OR ON
THE SILVER SCREEN..
"THE FOUR FEATHERS."
Paramount's "The Four Fea chers," the new triumph of the serven, is showing to good houses. at the Central Theatre. Supremo in story, perfect in photography admirable in direction, this new story of British army life in Africa, does not need dialogue to enhance it's greatness,
HEAVES A SIGH AT LAST AND GETS TO
WORK
OPENS AND SHUTS CAN WITH PATENT OPENING DEVICE UNTIL DEVICE BREAKS, LEAVING CAN SHUT
· HALF AN HOUR LATER DE- SCENDS HAVING SOT · SHOE POLISH ON FLOOR, HANDS, FACE, SHIRT AND A LITTLE ON HIS” SHOES.
#
(Copyright, 1930, by The Bell Syndicate, Inc)|
TRAGEDY OF BRITISH MOTHERHOOD.
(Continued from Page 1.).
A National Service. But the big aim and object of the Committee is their concluding pro- posal-a national maternity service
POSERS SET BY EDISON.
HARD TASK TO WIN A SCHOLARSHIP.
EDUCATION TEST.
Competitors for the Edison Scho larship were last month faced with an extraordinary list of questions as a test of their practical know- ledge and of their moral standards.
The questions were designed by Mr. T. A. Edison, the famous in ventor, and his advisers, and it is understood, were drawn up not only for the purpose of revealing. the competitors' mental powers, but also as an indication of the direction education should take in schools for the purpose of prepar ing scholars for the realities of life.
The following are among the most unusual questions:-"
When you look back on your life from your deathbed, by what facts will you determine whether you succeeded or failed?
What qualification, do you think a man should have to be on the board of judges of the Edison Scholarship?
You are head of an expedition which has come to grief in the de- sert. There is enough food and water to enable three persons to reach the nearest outpost of civilisation; the rest" must perish. Your com- panions are a brilliant scientist, aged sixty-two; half-breed guides, aged fifty-eight and thirty-two; the scientist's wife, interested mainly wine; her little son, aged six; the in society matters, aged thirty-
girl you are engaged to marry; your best friend, a young man of IRISH WRITER AND WELSH promise in the field of science; and your own age, who has shown great
yourself. Which would you choose to live and which to die?! Give your reasons.
WARM WORDS AT CELTIC
recent
CONGRESS.
LISTENER.
#
The placid calm which marked the proceedings at the Celtic Con- gress last month was disturbed at reading of papers on literature,
session. Hitherto the art, and philology has been carri ed on in an atmosphere of severe acadamic interest, and discussions have been keyed in symphony. That day there was an incident.
+
If you could prescribe and en force a system of education for the essentials would you place the grea world's whole population, on what'
test emphasis? A
CENTRAL THEATRE
Paramounts Sound Pictures R
TO-DAY to SATURDAY at 2.15, 5.10, 7.15 and 9,20.
READ THE BOOK-SEE THE PICTURE PARAMOUNT'S NEW SENSATION!
FOUR FEATHERS
BY A EW MA
THE ROMANCE OF BEAU GESTE" AND THE THRILLS OF CHANG COMBINED.
ALSO
PARAMOUNT SOUND NEWS
AND
"MOON BRIDE WEDDING" SOUND COMEDY.
NEXT CHANGE SUNDAY, AUGUST 31st- William Huston & Katherine Francis
IN
GENTLEMEN OF THE PRESS'
Broadway's Drama-Sensation on the All-Talking Screen.
BOOKING AT ANDERSON AND THE THEATRE
(TELEPHONE 25720).
There is a superb cast, which in cludes Richard Arlen, Clive Brook, William Powell, George Fawcett, Fay Wray and others, Ecther Afendes directed with Cooper and Schoedsack, and A. E. T. Mason's narrative is charmingly elaborated. African wild animals are used "with terrific effect, and the maguas cope draws the battle scenes up to magnificent proportion.
The Committee" are of opinion," states the report, that it will not be possible ever to secure the full value of the existing knowledge of the science and art of midwifery until there is a unified service in which hospitals, clinics, specialists, general practitioners, midwives, and local authorities are all interdepen. dent units, and that such co-opera tion can only be brought about by the administrative local authorities, appropriately organised by the Ministry of Health.
п
harmonious
If you had a brother, who wanted to be an artist or a poct, would you encourage or attempt to dis sunde him?
Assuming it were physically and descriptive dialogue story of angiven the opportunity of devoting Mr. Con O'Leary has written a Snancially possible and you were episode in Irish history, and he twenty years of your life to be in was reading this when & Welsh sole charge of digging a hole thirty delegate broke in to say that he miles into the earth's interior.. thought they had come to listen would you accept it or turn it to a discussion on literature, and down? Give your reasons, not to a story of that type,
Suppose your best friend came to you and admitted that he had. deliberately wrecked your chances of winning the Edison Scholarship with the fudges, what would you dol
Such development of £1 national maternity service, based on the existing arrangements now in "The Four Feathers" is attrac-operation, though incomplete in
The Chairman, a Welshman, re- tion enough for maybody's money, scope and sphere, would involve proved his fellow-countryman, and and its vital drama is so intense many and divers matters of import- told him that if he did not like that it should completely satisfy ance, medical, administrative, and the manner of the reading he could any audience.
inancial. The Government do not leave the congress. The Welch de consider it within their province to legate waited a few moments and
The question most discussed express an opinion on the best then left the room. In the mean- method of financing a national time Mr. O'Leary sat down and the examination was the "expedi among the competing boya after LOUD-SPEAKERS IN SHOPS. maternity service. The question, said nothing.
tion" one. Each said that he would however, of the persons needing At the conclusion of his paper, save the "giz he was engaged to, provision under a national scheme, however, Mr. O'Leary said that he but they differed regarding the cial aspect, appears a fundamental to teach him now to handle a sub- he would save himself. ane, and the Committee desire to ject. If the Welsh were going to express their opinion that a service, teach the Irish what to do when confined strictly to insured persons, they were all sailing in the same would in their view leave untouched boat it was time to scuttle the a number of women in special need ship. (Laughter.) of such a service, and that it should
QUEEN'S
TO-DAY TO SATURDAY
At 2.30, 5.10, 7.15 & 8.20
ALL
TALKING
SINGING
The BIG PARTY
and how!,
hot
happy
swift
snappy rich
rare
very fair ladies in this song
and dance Movietone mélodydrama
'presented by: William Fox
... with
SUE CAROL DIXIE LEE. WALTER CATLETT.
Directed by JOHN BLYSTONE
SEE
THE DERBY OF 1930
COMEDY
LADIES' MAN
FOX MOVITONE' NEWS"
WORLD
THE CHINESE DRAMA
The Holborn Borough Council though inseparable from the Sinan would not allow a Welsh delegate others. Only one competitor said The LEGENDARY
(London) is to consider making a by-law for the suppression of the annoyance of loud speakers and graniophones, The Council's law committee reported that it was the practice in many instances to place a loud-speaker in the entrance of a shop to attract the attention of passers-by without regard to the disturbing effect it had on other businesses.
TO-DAY ONLY
At 2.30, 5.30, 7.20 & 9.20 p.m.
HEATRICE JOY
ANITY
OH, VANITY, thy name is woman said the poet
poet of old-Do money and beauty make vanity righteous? A story all alike will marvel at and enjoy.
MAJESTIC
Nathan Road, Kowloon:
troubled
be the object of a national scheme Dr. Douglas Hyde and Misa to make provision for all persons Agnes O'Farrell, two Irish dele not in a position to procure for gates, poured oil on themselves similar benefits by pri-waters, and harmony reigned once
more. The essential vate arrangement."? services to be provided are summed up as follows:
(1) The provision in every case of the services of a qualified mid- wife to act either as midwife, or as maternity nurse.
(2) The provision of a doctor to carry put antenatal and post-" natal examination in every case, and to attend all cases showing any abnormality, ...
(a) The provision of a consult ant when desired by the doctor in attendance. **
(4) The provision of hospital beds for such as peed institutional
care.
(5) The provision of certain Ancillary service. (e,p.), transport, sterlised equipment, laboratory facilities).
A WIFE'S POSER.
AND A SOLOMON-LIKE JUDGMENT.
Mr. Justice Rowlatt, in the King's Bench Division recently, was faced with a poser.
A wife sued her husband, with
whom she lives in an L.C.C. house
she said the leat him to enable him at Lewisham, claiming £110 which to pay the deposit and initial charges.
The husband maintained that the money was not lent and that it was handed to him as a gift,
The Committee, which was ap
Mr. Justice Rowlett, was told pointed by Mr. Neville Chamber- lain in June, 1928, consisted of that the husband. (a bus conduc Professor F. J. Browne Dame tor) had not got anything like. £110 Janet M. Campbell, Dr. Mrs. Ethel and the wife admitted that she Cassie, Dr. Leonard Colebrook, didn't know what would happen di Professor Archibald Donald, Dr. C she got judgment against him. E. SFleming, Sir Walter M The husband said that there was Fletcher, Dr. Harold Kerr, Sir still £300 to be paid in instalmenta George Newman, Dr. W. EF for the house, Oxley, Professor Miles H. Phillips, Di. O. E Tangye, and Dr. C. L. V: iS. De Wesselow.EE
So Mr. Justice Rowlatt got over the difficulty in this way, He Baid:
I don't think the money was's Commenting on the use of the gift, but at the same time I don't. words without prejudice is legal think it was money repayable on detters Mustice Branson at the demand. And I don't think it Ford Burley said that the words I would be a silnight to
should be used only when the letterment against this man for £116. was written to lead to a settlement. What I shall do, as the house is in Ho added: There is the case of his name is to give the wife a the clerk who wrote letters to a charge on the property for the young girl-and thought, because he amount she claims and her taxed had signed them Yours without costs. Let that order be drawn prejudica, that they could not be up, for that is the true justice of used in a breach of promise action this matter.
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