HUMOUR: ANCIENT
"That baritone sings the same old song over and over again.
"Yes; some repentory!"
"Begging with two hats!" "Yes, business is so brisk that I had to enlarge the shop."
"Ninety-nine per cent. of college students are journalists"
Explain yourself." "Well, that is, they write for money."
customer)
Barber (shaving 2 "Will you have anything on your face, when I've finished, sirl"
Victim: "Well, it doesn't seem likely."
Tilly, you were entertaining a man in the kitchen last night, were
you not!"
That's for him to say, ma'am. I did my best."
First Alma Mater: "I under "stand Jones, the former football player, is ambitions to be a judge.". Second Ditto: Yes, he used to spend much time on the beach."
Old Lady (buying stamps at village post office): "I suppose- these really are all right. My nep hew, who is a keen collector, has told me that one cannot be too careful when buying stamps.".
Applicant (for position of office. hoy): "I may say I'm pretty smart. I've won several prizes. în crossword pad word-picture com. petitions lately."
Employer: Yes, but. I want someone who can be smart during office hour"
The little girl was crying. Her mother, to distract her thoughts, colled:
"Oh, come here, darling-come here and look at the airplane."
The little girl ran to the window and stared up at the airplane till it disappeared. Then she got out her little wet handkerchief again.
"Mamma, what was I crying about?" she asked.
AND MODERN.
First Driver: "Does your fiancée know much about automobiles "
Second Driver: "Well, she ask- ed me if I cooled the engine by stripping the gears,
She: "Your wife is looking won- derful to-night. Her gown is a poem."
Author: As a matter of fact, that gown is two poems and a short story,"
Jand: "My wrist watch has stopped running, Mother,"
Mother: Perhaps it needs a little cleaning."
Jane: "No, 'cause I just washed it this morning."
"I don't like the way you clean my boots, Mary. Look, the uppers have hardly been touched
"I s'pose it's fores of habit sir. In all my previous places the gentlemen wore spats."
Visitor: That is a beautiful clock. Is it insured?"
Manager: "No, but it is absolute- ly safe. There are more than 100 people working on this floor, and every one of them is watching it"
Bookitali Attendant to Forcust Literarum, who has disarranged his display in a feverish attempt to find the object of his search: "Can I be of any assistance to you! Are you looking for any particular book!"
Portus Literarum: "Yes, I want A Girl of the Luggage Yan,' by Engine Station Porter.'
HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, SATURDAY, JUNE 14, 1930.
SNAPSHOTS OF A BOY TRYING NOT TO WASH HIS HANDS-
505 DOWN TO DINNER. WITH A HEALTHY APPETITE
STEALS LOOK AT HANDS TO
SEE HOW BAD THEY ARE
*STARTS TO TAKE DRINK OF MILK AND REALIZES HE HAS NIT WASHED HIS HANDS
DOES VERY WELL UNTIL HE FORSETS AND REACHES INTO THE OPEN FOR A PIECE OF BREAD
Mr. Macnab:
In a Scottish household the maidservant had a young man who called frequently, One evening. The Old Brigade. there was an outburst of hilarity from the kitchen, and the mistress paid a visit to that quarter with a view to delivering a mild re proach.
"I see," she said to the maid, you are fond of jocularity."
"Oh, no ma'am," said the blush- ing. girl. "you've got the wrong name. It's Jock MacPherson."
CENTRAL THEATRE
Paramount's Sound Pictures R Commencing TO-DAY
FOR OUR GRAND OPENING We are pleased to announce the First Showing in South China
HEAR!
Dream Lover
My Love Parade Paris. Stay the Same 'Let's Be Common Nobodys Using It Now
RA
-a Garamicunt Graun
TTERLY do
Ungarful, en
trancing, crap. turing says The New York Daily News. Hear Che valier sing.
See
him make love. In this mirthful mitter ical-romance of va beautiful queen.
MAURICE
CHEVALIER The Love Parade
AN ERNST
LUBITSCH
PRODUCTION
JEANETTE MACDONALD LUPINO LANE LILLIAN ROTH.
A SUPER-PRODUCTION:
AT POPULAR PRICES.
A 2.15 P.M
Time and Prices:
Ar 5.15 & 7.15 PM
A 70. Cw, & "50 Ors.")
80 Ch. & 60 Cra
SERVICEMEN: 50 Cra. TO STALLS FOR ALL SHOWS.
Bookings at Anderson Music Store and at the Theatre (Telephone 25720).
f.
RUBS THEM VIGOROUSLY ON TROUSERS IN EFFORT TO MAKE THEM MORE PRESENTABLE
HEARS FAMILIAR CRY OF #WHY, JUNIOR, LOOK AT
YOUR HANDS!”
By GLUTAS WILLIAMS
GWTAS Wants
QUICKLY BURIES HANDS UNDER TABLE AND LOOKS TO SEE WHETHER MOTHER NOTICED THEM
PEODES THAT, BY TAKING QUICK LITTLE UNOBTRUSIVE BITES HE CAN GET BY
MUSICAL
VINCENT
LOPES.
AT THE
SIGHS AND GOES UP TU WASH HANDS
- (Copyright, 1930, by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.)
UNDER THE PUNKAH.
(CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1.)
Mr. Chairman, the lady who has just spoken has put the whole thing in a nutshell. We want a fixed dollar, now and for all time, and we're going to have it if only we get the proper leaders."
A voice: Which paper do, you Lead ?"!
Mr. Macnab-I'm not talking about editorial articles. •I mean men-leaders of men! Where are they? That's what I weet to know."
A voice:-- Look in the glass, old man !!!
asked for at the markets, pointing out that the fish we eat is fished in China, and is not subject to any fluctuations in exchange..
Very Fishy!
Mr. Potty-Goofy: Perhaps ou friend is thinking of silver-fish
4-21
THE SILVER SCREEN.
THREE REFEREES ENGAGED.
Three referees licensed by the California Boxing Commissions were used in the fight sequences of "Be Yourself," now showing at the Queen's Theatre.
Thornton Freeland in his desiré
Mr. Hoehaw - Most decidedly, No! I did not for a moment think | to recreate authentic ring back- of silver-fish, but gold-fish I beg grounds, engaged the professional meant market-fish, that is to say. your pardon, Mr. Chairman; i
"thirdmen" to judge a series of fights culminating in a "champion- sea-fish,"
ship" battle between Robert Arm- strong, Miss Brice's leading man,
A feminine voice.:-" You poor fish!"
The Chairman: Order, ladies and gentlemen, order! You seem to forget that our deliberations will be reported in the Press and read by the world in the morning.",
Mr. Longwind:" Sir, apparent,
and G. Pat Collins..
The referees are Frank Ward, Barney Mayers, and Bob White.
For the purposes of the fights"&
At this point the band started playing "The Boys of the Old Brigade," and gradually the whole audience joined heartily in the rely we are drifting from the subject. regulation ring was constructed frain, the chairman keeping time by hammering the table with his fists. On the conclusion of this musical interlude the discussion was aumed.
Motion For Adjourúment:
Te-
In our efforts to find
solution along the lines of the squared circle for the currency debacle we are. being given an insight into the in which Mickey Walker successfully domestle unstability of Mr. Hee defended his title against Ace law's household. I feel certain Hudkins at Wrigley Field, Los that, highly entertaining and inter- esting as the tale is; many of us
Angeles. can tell a better one. For instance, have you heard that one of the Scotsman who placed a penny on the rails of the Dundee Express in the hope that
Mr. Chairman:- Please confine yourself to the silver dollar l'
4
Camera Obscura.
→ ..
"Be Yourself" is a story of the New York nightclubs and the prize- ring, and was supervised by John W. Considine, executive production head at the United Artists studies..
Others in the cast of principals are Harry Green, Gertrude Astor, Budd Fine and fourteen-year-old Jimmy Tolson, who makes his screen debut in "Be Yourself."
Swimming Prowess in Tank Race,
George O'Brien's ability as a
the filming of Salute," the Fox Movietone all-talking picture to be shown at the Queen's Theatre on Sunday.
Mr. Hibrough: Sir, the value of a fixed dollar is fixed, and is not subject to fluctuation. The Hong Kong dollar is on a silver basis which is subject to fluctua tion. Now Professor Golf, of the Styx University, has recently pub lished a treatise in which he points out, the impossibility of firing an object in a permanent position in a
Mr. Heehaw:-"I beg you par- masa of moving matter. That don. I have some very interesting theory. I feel sure, will one day views to give the public, and have tank with Einstein's theory of rela- worked out a good number of de-swimmer proved a valuable asset in tivity. I hope, sir, you will adjourn | fails, but unless you ask the Press this aweating to enable those pre-to withdraw, Mr. Chairman, I feel sent to pursue the Professor's reluctant to disclose them.'1 treatise. I therefore propose that The Chairman (after conference we leave the question as to whether with the Secretary): Will the or not a fixed currency is desirable gentlemen of the Press please re- until copies of the aforesaid treatise tire? We will ise 3 communique have been thoroughly digested by to you in due course. This meeting the community."
is opes to the public, but as cer- Mr. Hecha:-"Mr. Chairman, tain members are reluctant to ex- I don't think I can be too empha Press their views while reporters tie in denouncing the proposal of present, we hope the Prees will the last speaker. After all the oblige by retiring." trouble we have taken to call this meeting, I would have thought any suggestion of an adjournment would have been deferred until the end!" •
of the public as well as a journalist, Mr. J. Nibb:"I am a member and am entitied to stay. staying."
As a West Point athletic hero O'Brien is shown in a swimming- race against several Annapolis aquatic stars in the Naval Academy plunge..
Thanks to his love for the sport and his natural skill, O'Brien ac quitted himself in a manner highly approved by the crowd of midship. men who watched the contest.
O'Brien's home faces the Pacific. I am Ocean' at 'Santa Monica, Cal, and when not working he spends half his, Chairman:-" Since that is the time in the water or on the beach.
Mr. Potty-Goofy:I beg to position, we will adjourn the meet. He is tanned one degree browner associate myself with the remarks in to consider the situation. Our than a Seminole Indian. of the last speaker. While I am next meeting will be advertised in
"Salute," whic
which was directed by
on my feet, I would like to ask the Press. Thank you, gentlemen, Jobri Ford, will be at the Queen's what steps you have taken Mr.ladier and gentlemen for your Theatre on Sunday, and the players include Helen Chandler, William Chairman, to ascertain that the attendance."
Mir. Applesauce: "I propose a Jandey, Frank Albertson, Joyce recommendations of this meeting vote of thanks to the Chairman for Compton Stopin Fetchit, and will not be pigeon-holed by the the able way in which he has con- David Butler. authorities!
The Press.
ducted the meeting."
Dolores del Rio at the Majestic..
Edwin Carewe brings to the public a brilliant cast in his new comedy- dráma Pala Firat," the current attraction at the Majestic Theatre, Kowloon.
The Chairman: If the gentle. The vast audience rose reluctant men of the Fress will not record ly to its feet, and staggered out of this, I shall be obliged. The steps the hall like sailors who had over taken were as follows-On Thurs stayed their leave looking helplessly day last a delegation from the for the liberty-men bost that Committee went to interview the doesn't come. The visions these Lloyd Hughes and Dolores del Bunhappy men and women had had Rio bead the acting contingent in Mr. Saffe T. Furst Mr. of spending the evening of their this picture. Miss Del Rio is the Chairman, I do not think it advis declining days in a little rose-cover- beautiful Mexican heiress whose able to discuss this question any ed cottage in the land that gave success in Ramona and other farther in public, the more so since them birth faded from their minds, pictures ranks her amongst the Press representatives are present They saw their lakhs of dollars leading stars. Others included in at the meeting.”!
melting away like frills upon the the cast are Alec Francis, George Mr. Hechay-I cannot see the fretful porcupine-ne, wash out Cooper, Edward Earle, Hamilton objection to their presence. How like list winter's glaciers, under the Morse. George Reed, Alice Nichols ever, if you consider it absolutely scorching summer sun. "Oh that and Alice Belcher.
da reprracutative of Hong The story of Pals First. " in DeCessurs__Ke_tan hold our deli- we had berations in cameră. Now, EX TO KODE BY. WEsumugerwalled one subpred
the dollar's value. -I have had a hard-bitten pioneer, sobbing like " successful novel by Leo Wilson lengthy deliberation with the cook child, his manly frame shaken with Dodd. It is also known to a large and wash-amah on this question, emotion. And of which side poblic in its play form. Three Cook tells me that the wash-amsh the Hoose would he sit ? demand tramps, masquerading as million. 16 charging more for soup, and the ed another, angrily, whereuóon à aires, carry off the male honours in wash-amah in her turn tells me that pencemaker murtured: OutPals First. The situation is un- cook charges more for fish than is sido!"'
usually interesting.
D FANNIE DRICE
BE YOURSELF
ROBERT ARMSTRONG
& HARRY GREEN
UNITED ARTISTS_PİCTURE-
NEWSREEL
COMEDY
INTERNATIONAL RUGGER CHARLIE CHASE Singapore devil charmers
Kaye Don's racer at Daytona. "GREAT GOBS"
QUEEN'S
AT THE
STAR
AL
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY
At 2.80, 5.10, 7.15 & 9.20.
LILLIAN GISH
in an EPIC of the WEST
THE
WIND
with MONTAGUE LOVE and LARS HANSON..
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY
At 280, 6.30 & 9.20.
JOLSON
IN
"The JAZZ SINGER"
with MAY M¤AVOY.
Greatest on the Stage-Now Greatest on the Screen !
AT THE
WORLD
FINAL SHOWINGS ` TO-DAY Af 2.80 & 7,15 Interpreter At 5.159.20 Orchestra.
TO-DAY ONLY AT 2.30, 5.30, 7.20 & 9.20 p.M
PALS FIRST!
The drama of the boy who risked a million to find out who his friende were-and in the end there was just three-sa old derelict,
his sweetheart..
a bobo and a beautiful southern belle
AT
THE
MAJESTIC
Nathan Road, Kowloon.
Interested In Wireless?
Then look for some
interesting news in the. "Daily Press "
next Thursday,