4
HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
"Let's get married. "All right.
It'll cheer up the village even if it doesn't do us any good."
བས་འ་ས་
"Peter is growing a moustache on
the instalment plan."
"Don't be ridiculous!"
*Women don't tell you things. They look them."
To meet a protty woman' is to forget everything you have ever known about the sex."
Husband (in car); "Great henvensi The engine is terribly
"Yes, really; little down per overheated." wick,!'
Wife (to returning husband_at seaside resort): "Oh, darling, I'm We heard so glad you've come. that some idiot had fallen over the cliff and I felt sure it was you!" "
.
Visitor: "this portrait of your Ancestor bears an extraordinary resemblance to your father."
Miss Nouvean Richo: "Well, of course, dad sat for it, you know,”
"Is he a good rabbit dog?" in- quired the hunter, after inspecting
the animal.
"I'll say he is," the dealer repli- ed with pride. "You should have Been the way he went after my wife's new sealskin cont!"
Proud author (confidentially): “I happen to have written this book, and I'm glad to see you're giving it the place of honour bookstall."
Wifs (clamly) "Then why don't you turn off the radiator "
"Oh, "charming, charming! what
do you call it
"Detember."
"Octember, 'ch? But surely-"
Tut, tut! my mistake. I should Bay ecptober."
One of our travellers booked a forty thousand pound order yes. terday."
"Don't swank.”.
Gospel truth. I'll show you the cancellation."
"I furnish on the hire purchase system. You pay me out of your income-"
"How much?"
"Well, what you can afford.” "God help you!"
"Any luck with your bees this
on your year
Bookstall boy: "Yes, I put it on top of those newspapers, to stop
Em blowing off the stall."
Husband (feeling in need of re freshment): "My dear, I'm just going to pop up into the village for a stamp.
Wife (sweetly): "Doesn't the post office open until cleven o'clock "here either
Guest: "Only once in history has the personality" of a great sin ger inspired a great chef in the naming of a masterpiece when we got the immortal peche melba,"
Flapper: "Oh, but I'm sure you're wrong there.. What about the oyster patti ?"
From the factory came the car, the best turned out so far,
The owner said "Fine." On the road he sped along; left behind the dawdling throng, Engine pulling fine. And at last into the trap, sixty-
five unlucky chap Magistrate said "Fine."
Well, I haven't exactly had any honey from them, but one of them gave that rate collector fellow an awful sting on his nosel"
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 1930.
Small Schoolboy (to his father): "The world is round, isn't it?" "Yes," the father agreed. Then If I wanted to go east, I could get | A there by going west, couldn't I" "Yes; and you'll be a taxi driver when you grow up."
WHEN DADDY-IS NURSE MAID
SS
WILLYATS
MOTHER'S OUT AND PADDY IS TAKING CARE OF HIM. WONDERS WHAT TO DO.
HERE COMES DADDY ON THE RUN..
HO HO, DADDY DOESN'T" KNOW WHERE HE'S AT. HE'S PUT HIS LEG THROUGH THE SLEEVE. 11:15.
“HOWLERS."
NEW YEAR COLLECTION.
HELLO, HIS DRESS SEEMS TO BE COMING OFF THE BUTTON'S GONE.
MIGHT HAVE KNOWN HE'D START PUTTING IT RIGHT BACK ON.
HE'S ALL MIXED UP AND HE'S PUFFING AND. BLOWING LIKE A PORPOISE.
(Copysight, 1930, by The Bell Byodoma, Inc.)
Quinine is the bark of a trac; canine is the bark of a dog.
The opposite of flat-chested is humpbacked
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS)
THAT'S AN IDEA, IT'S ALWAYS FUN TO TAKE ONE'S CLOTHES OFF.
BUT MAYBE A LITTLE ROLLING AND KICKING WILL ADD SOME FUN.
TO IT.
THERE, HE' GOT IT ON AT
LAST, THOUGH WRONG. SIDE TO. WONDERS WHAT MAKES DADDY SO RED.
The praning of "Irish Bull" is from a debate which two Irishmen The University Correspondent's | anos had about a certain ball. annual "bowlers" prize competi- They landed in court and spent a tion has again brought in some lot of money and the case was dis
Q.-Fill in the
ing quotations: **
cannot make in the follow- ̈ ̈
out of a sow's ear," A.- rusher; "Casar's wife is" above. -2 A-forty; "I awoke one morning to find myself " A- dead.
Q-Write a sentence" containing
"Mother, may I go over and play good specimens. A selection from missed. So if a case is dismissed the expression. "cool and collected".
with Tommy Wilka?"
"No, Tommy has gone away, with his father and mother. Why not go and play with little Peter ?"
"Well, I played with Peter yes- tarday and don't think he'll be well enough yet."!
"Clubman: "I've struck a perfect iy priceless idea. I've arranged to give à man £2,000 on condition that he relieves me of all my wor- Fies,"
Friend: "That's fine, but where are you going to get the £,000 1'
Clubman: "Ah, that will be his first worry."
CROSSWORD PUZZLE. -
16.
3
19
10
2
14
#2
£15
[16
17
18
19
20
19
122
24 25
26
27
28 29 30
32
134
35
36
39 140
[43 144
48
51
155
Horizontal.
1. To sit for portrait.
3-Conjunction.
B-An Asiatic
12.-English river.
13.-Sorrow,
14.--To classify.
15. To beguile.
38
142
145
149
50
154
57
56
17. Biblical "mighty hunter."
10.-Trap.
20-Appears.
21.-European.
k
23.-Large wooden pins.
24. Owing
28, Molten rock, (plural),
28.-Record.
31.--Exists.
32.-Kug.
33-Prefix: again.
34.-Through
36,-Elemental substanoc.
38.-Frozen water.
38.-Sheep (plural). 41.-To paint.
13.Costume. 45-Parts of churches. 45.----Charm.
50. To make fun of
51.-Resembling.
52. Oity in Finland..
54. To pack. 55.-Poems.
56.Favourite.
57.-Borders,
IL-Cota
16. Small valley,
146 147
18.-Egyptian goddess. 22.-Domesticates,
23.-Deadly."
24. To plunge."
25.Custom.
27. Tub.
20.-Section of circumference. 30.-An insect.
35. To reprove.
28. To allot.
37. Kow.
38.-To request attendance at. 40.-Beguiling tricks.
42.-Swamp. 43.-Saint's nimbus. 44. Among
48.-Biblical country. 47.-Stitches
49. To knock lightly. 50.---Bpot. 53.-To "exist.
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
AMBER AED DIE DRE
ADAL DINE ELK UR
GİRİRİ
To. 1566
[ORE]
ROIE
Vertical.
CLZE
1-Stuff.
ROT
2-Baking place.
3. To sange.
PRO
4To become available..
HER
5. Respect.
G-Negative.
Btudy
8.-Equipped for battle.
SIT
PİL
BRAN
ET SA
8. Searceat.-
10.-Small particle.
the current issue is given below:
School boards were not introduced until 1870. Previous to this small
slates had to be used.
The population of London is bit too thick.
A
after a lot of expense then it is termed as Irish Bull
A with is a woman who has to earn her own living, and has no husband or anything.
A damsel is a little plum. The five greatest powers in Europe Syncopation is emphasis on a are battleships, submarines, seronote which is not in the piece. planes, electricity, and Mr. Philip Snowdon.
Definition of Craft Guild This is when a man makes a poor thing, shines it up, and sells it to the people for twice as much as it is worth.
When holes are added to holes the holes are holes.
A prospectus is a bill which & man sends to you when he wants your money. If he is found out he is sent to prison.
A compliment-in-when you say. something to another which he and
we know is not true.
Foreigners are neutralised when they settle in England.
A-The man was cool before the explosion but unfortunately he was collected afterwards.
Q-Describe the hardships of the Crusaders on their way to the Holy Land. A-Many of them died of salvation.
A
Q-Explain ** sarcasm." When I say. "God bless teacher."
Q-For what are the following dates important: 55 a.c, 1066. A.D.,
1485 A.D. I
A— 05-Julius Casar was
born.
1068 AD.Julius Caesar land-
ed in England. 1185 A.D.-Julius Caesar. died:
THE WOMAN'S CORNER.
MUST WOMEN TRY TO UNDERSTAND
MEN?
[BY BETTY ASHMORE:]
Nearly all women like boasting that they understand men. They love to play the part of infinitely wise and tolerant beinga to whom the male character is as transpar- ently obvious sa a pane of glass, while they themselves remain shrouded in ycil of fascinating mystery.
With A fond, if patronising, smile you will bear them murmur "Men are just just like children, blean their hearts."
Well, that may be true; but it doesn't make them any easier to understand!
It is my belief that men and wo- raen have never yet suceceded in understanding each other's charac ters or emotional reactions, any anore than a dog can understand the character and emotional reac- tions (if any) of a cat.
INEXPENSIVE PARTY DAINTIES.
For Marrons Ginces choose sound chestnute of an equal size. Shell them and blanch in boiling water until the inner skin can be reproved easily. Cover them with water to which the juice of half a lemon has been added. Make a syrup of two parts sugar to one part water.
Warin
Boil it to the "thread" stage (218 to 218 degrees on mugar ther. mometer, or until a weak thread is formed when a little is taken be tween the first finger and thumb and pulled gently open).
Drain the chestnuts and put them in the syrup, and let them boil gent-
The fact of the matter is thatly until tender, Flavour the syrup with a few drops lemon, essença. -women- are "no more difficult to un- derstand than men, no more and Remove the nuts carefully one by one and drain on a sieve; boil up no less.
stage, Their minds work on definite the syrup to the "crack" lines with fixed rules (although let it cool a little, and dip in the men often find this hard to believe), chestnuts one by one on a knitting however much they may like to
needle.
think of themselves as mysterious Dry them off in the cool oven or They have no common denomina- and intriguing will-o' the wisps. on the rack over the stove. If for-nothing, so to speak, to`go But men have the sense to realise liked, they may be rolled in pow on-and the sooner women realise that not only is it hopeless for dered chocolate or hundreds, and' this fact and give up this absurd them to try to follow the working thousands" before they are quite and futile pretence omniscience of women's minds, but that it is dry. Put them in pretty paper the better.
licy, not to try! far more fun, and far better po cases when quite dry and cold.
Personally I am very glad that it is so, because nothing spoils any human relationship quicker than the broad daylight of complete familiarity.
Nor can I fathom why so many women should be acized with this passionate desire to understand all the ins and outs of the characters of their malo belongings,
They don't pull roses to pieces to find out why they smell sweet any more than they insist on learn. ing all about electricity before they consent to travel in the Tube.
Waste of Time,
|
Conspiracy of Mystery... They prefer to idealise them a little, to soften the sharp edges, to shut their eyes tight for fear sering something they "dislike-in fact, to join in a conspiracy of my stery for the good of all concerned.
of
Only fruits that are comparative ly dry can be used for glace fruits. Juicy moisture is "fatal. Sections of oranges, grapes, dates, figs, prunes, Carlsbad plums, tangeri- nes, cherries, and marzipan can all be used successfully.
To make the glaze use two parta Bugar to one of water, stir until I suppose this is the reason why sugar is dissolved and add a salts- all the good poetry has been writ-poonful cream of tartar and half a ten by men, about, women and not vice versa.
Feminine posts would have been far too much occupied in getting to understand the object of their affection to have time for any other mental exertions, whereas men were content to see and feel and leave it at that, whether from wisdom or mere faziness I don't pretend to know. T
So why can't they leave men and their foibles and fidgets alone, in stead of always picking, the poor things to pieces to see how they work! It's not only a tiresome and interfering habit, but such a waste' I am truly sorry for any man of time.
married to a woman who carries Women who assume that they un- this mania to excess. She probably derstand men and act on this as longs to be a perfect wife, but sumption often do an immensity of with this object in view she never harm with their, well-meant "but allows her husband a moment's hopelessly ignorant attempts at peace from her ferret-like activities, stage-managing their and until he begins to feel like a speci other people's lives, and their re- men on the dissecting table. fusal to listen to any advice. Fa better leave him alone. She They might just as well obstinate-won't succeed in understanding him
own
ly insist that they understood bow if she lives to be a hundred, and
to drive the Scotch express. It she'd almost certainly regret it if would hardly be more dangerous! she did!
teaspoonful glucose to half a pound
'of sugar.
Do not stir again until it boils. at 300 degrees or until a little drop- ped in cold water becomes brittle immediately, but brush down an crystals that may form on the side of the pan with a
pastry brush dipped in warm water. Do not boil too long or the sugar will crystallise again.
Immediately the "crack" stage is reached dip in the fruits separate 17, and place on an oiled dish to set. Place them in filled cases when cold and pack in si
airtight boxes.
esauce.
Lollipops can be made from the aamo glaze, flavouring it with a little lemon of vanilla Pour the glaze when ready on a greased-dish or marble slab-in round" blabs, and very quickly. place a straw or wooden skewer on each one for. handles.
CO, IN
·TABLE
EREBOS SALT
CEREBO
DISCRIMINATION
implies the ability to choose the best, that
is why the discrimina ting housewife always orders-
Cerebos
SALT
FRIGIDAIRE
PRODUCT OF GENERAL MOTORA
Call and inspect the New Models in our Showroom
Consider these new. Frigidaire features
1.-So incredibly quiet you don't hear it
start, stop or run.
2-Complete simplicity
plug it
into a convenient electric outlet and forget it.
3. Easily portable
anywhere.
can be moved.
4.—Mechanism completely concealed.
5-COLD CONTROL
only on Frigidaire.
offered
DODWELL & CO., LTD.
Sole Distributors for Hong Kong and S. China. Queen's Building.
Tel. 1030,
are
Now
Railway Refreshment Rooms in Great Britain
serving more Horlick's Malted Milk than Coffee. Can
·"you wonder p
In America the demand for “Horlicks ́ Chocolate Egg Malted Milk? "growing.
1s
still
You can buy Horlicks, Auroared with Chocolate, now all ready for use. The demand for this is growing.
LANE CRAWFORD'S CAFE ALWAYS SERVE" HORLICK'S-NO OTHER KIND.
This
Advertisement was written
MADGE TITHERADGE
EDGAR WALLACE
OLWEN ROOSE
HALE BINNIE
SIR 'DAN GODFREY
IVY TRESMAND H. DE VERE 7 STACPOOLE
This advertisement la composed of extracts. from a few of the numerous tributes to Genasprin received from distinguished men and women in every walk of life.
ENASPRIN is an absolutely pure and reliable preparation, by
cacious aspirin. Two tables always take a headache away miraculously and they do not leave the after effects of ordinary aspirin. The finest pre- ventive against colds, Genasprin is safe and effectual always keep it in the house in case of illness,"
GENASPRIN
The SAFE Brand of Aspirin (Made by Genatosan," Ltd., Loughborough, England.) All Chenvists and Stores Bell Omasprin in bottles of 85 tablets but be sure you get Genaspris, the absolutely pure, brand of aspirinjoy
SOLE AGENTS :—W. R-LOXLEY & 00. Tel. 2533.