HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
Hi-'Why are you getting the Tule log so soon ??
Si: " do my Christmas chop. ping ently"
"So you met Alice to-day." "Yes: I hadn't seen her for 10. years.
Has she kept her girlish figure?” "Kept it! She's doubled it
"What's your business " "Serving the 1, W. W.
"Really
Yes the notorist who is seek ing Information, Wind, And
Water."
"Why is it you wish to leave after being in this position for over. 30 years
"I suppos, sir, because I've al ways he'n careful about not get ting into a rut."
That wol sick I bought must have been the real thing.
Why Didn't it drop during the slump
"Certainly. I ran true to formu and shrunk on the first wash."
Chairman; "My friends, we are come together as the members of the Good Fellowship Club Our speaker and guest of honour is here Shall we have his speech at once, or shall we enjoy ourselves a
while longer
"Well, what have you to say for yourself?" said the judge to the prisoner, who was n puzzle eu thusiast..
"I should like you to give me a sentence with the word Freedom in it," replied the prisoner,
Teacher: Willig, where's Zoron- to p
Wilber "Right betwem Daven, port and Pittsburg...
Teacher: Where did you get ibat auswer!"
Willie: "On nur radio set."
A little Jewish boy- was"raught by the dangling ropes of a balloon at the country fair. When he was being rarried aloft and the, crowd stood aghast as he hung head down ward, the father cried:---
"Ikey, key, trow out some of our business cards!"
"I have been wondering why you call your house Siula. I suppose you have lived in India?"
"Oh, no, I call it that because is simla to all the other houses in the road."
Hat-Shop Assistant: "What size of hat does your husband take,,
madam?"
Customer: "I'm not sure of the aize, but try them on this melon. His hints lit it exactly."
"Please, miss, didn't you say you'd give me a kiss if I got you some groundsel (*
"I did." replied the pretty girl. "Well, I've sold the kiss to my" big brother for sixpace.'
man
Mother; "Mabel's young his faken offence at something. Have you said anything to him t
Father: "Not a word. I haven't sen him since I posted him the last quarter's gas account?
Waiter Are you Hungary Guest-Yes, Sian,
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, THURSDAY, JANUARY 30, 1930.
Waiter Den Busia to the table and I'Fiji.
Bugt-All right. Sweden my coffee and Denmark my til!."
Three year old Nusey's father had installed a new radio. 'Nancy listened with rapt attention to everything: mušie, speeches, and station Announcements.
The night she knelt to say her Now I lay me. At the end she paused a inoment, and then said: imorrow night at this time
there will be another prayer."
MeAndrew
SHAPSHOTS OF A BOY AND A PAIR OF SKIS
WISHES IT WOULD' SNOWSO HE COULD USE HIS CHRISTMAS
• SKIS
FEELS THAT HE 11GHT AS WELL *RACTICE A LITTLE IN THE HALL
F
ASKS FATHER FOR FIFTIETH TIME THAT MORNING WHEN HE THINKS IT WILL SNOW
IS STOPPED BY PARENTAL SHOUTS FOR PITY'S SAKE TO STOP THAT NOISE, IT SOUNDS AS IF THE HOUSE WERE COMING DOWN
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS,
GOES OUT. SCRAPING. HALL WALLPAPER WITH SKIS, TO SEE IF THERE'S ANY SIGN OF SNOW IN THE SKY
(Copyright, 1929, by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.a'
WOMAN'S COLF CLUB
THEFTS.
SIX MONTHS FOR WIFE OF A PROFESSIONAL PLAYER.
GOES IN TO ASK FATHER IF HE THINKS IT WILL SNOW TOMORROW? WEDNESDAY? THURSDAY?
FRIDAY?
WOMAN'S BODY IN
ZUIDER ZEE.
VICTIM OF SHIPWRECK OR AIR ACCIDENT:
The Dutch police have informed· Scotland Yard that the body of a woman, has been washed up on the north coast of the island of Texel, which is situated at the mouth of the Zuider Zee.To judge from the state of the body the Dutch police are of the opinion that it had been
GWYAS WXUND
COMES IN AND DECICES TO TRY SKIS ON AGAIN
GOES UP TO PLAY WITH TRAIN, NAR- ROWLY MISSING ⚫ LAMP WITH END OF SKIS, WHOLE FAMILY: PRAYS FOR SNOW.
12-30
FILM STARS MAY EAT MORE PIE.
RETURN OF THE CURVE IN HOLLYWOOD.
The screen girls of Hollywood,
back to pastry again.
had in huying n Mabel Wallace Muirhead, aged 31, how things at the beal chemist's stated to be the wife of a profession-woman, believed to be an Englishstars" and "extras," are going shop. As he was collecting his al golfer, was sentenced to six change he kicked over 20 battle months' imprisonment at Hendon, of inline and smashed it. Most of NW, recently for thefts from golf the liquid was split on his clothes, clubs. Noticing this, MeAndrew made dash for the door.
won't make a charge for it."
But MeAndrew never slackened his pace.
"It isna' that," he "hawled over his shoulder, I'm just going hame
my finger."
in rat
- CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
26
14 5
12
15
18
19
122
26
129
34
38!
$42
188
116
The first charge was of stealing
|
The new fashion in figures is the cause, and the film directors have agreed that five or ten pounds more weight will not unduly shock patrons of the moving pictures.
Hitherto the demand for "glim-
was a case of either being under: nourished or out of a job. Now the average luncheon bill of film "star"
is a shilling higher than it has recr for the past five years, mys, the pro- prietress of the restaurant where the "planets" and "satellites" of one of the biggest film-producing. firms cat.
You aerde't be afraid," the three diamond rings and other pro-in the water. for, some time.. hemist shouted after him. "Tperty valued together at £150. From There was no clothing on theness" had got to the point where it lurker, at Sudbury Middlesex, body, which is that of a well-built Golf Club.
[woman about 5ft, ein in height, Miss Ethel Grace Chandler, of with a large head and short had North Harrow, said she left three thick neck. A quantity of jewel diamond rings, a wrist watch and lery affords the only clue to ident E or £5 in her licker at the club,ity. On a ring is an inscription, They disappeared.
"Fine Play." Other articles of Detective inspector Charles Hum-¦ jewellery were a gold wrist watch phrys said that after she was attached to a black band, the watch charged Muirhead said: The having stopped it 6.40, and on the They're all eating more," said charge is not quite right. There other wrist a anail gold chain and this authority. The increase in was only £2 not I did not locket in the shape of a heart. In their bills"representa a piece of pie count, the silver, and I did not have between the links of this chain or French pastry farmerly omitted. a wrist-watch. I pawned one of were pink and white stones. On "I was worried' about that dict the rings at Ipswich.”.
the right upper arm was a broading. For weeks Joun Crawford's -Muirhead was also charged with gold bracelet with an openwork funch was crackers and mustard, stealing a wrist watch and a £1 note idge, and on the third right finger with a bite of apple picked out of i from Shirley Park Golf Club, Ad-two rings, one with five diamonds piece of pie. discombe, Surrey,
and the other set with rubies. On Her husband, Douglas Fair- Miss Rose Lily Davies, à member the middle finer of the left hand¦lanks, Juni, lunches here now and of the clubs, said the watch and note Was a gold ring with a purpl¦ again, and I notice he coaxes his were stolen from her locker. She stone with three diamonds on each wife to ent plenty. identified a watch found at a pawn-side.
!
47
48
B
7 16 19 0
32
37
shop in Fulham-road, S.W., as her The Dutch police, advance the property."
theory that the woman must have Inspector Humphreys said Muir-met her end either through an hend told him the pawn-ticket re-acroplung accident- or in a ship lating to the watch was given to her wreck. It is not considered impro- by a friend. The ticket was found bable that, the body may be that at her lodgings in Blantyre-street, of a woman pusstager of the aero- | Edinburgh.
plane City of Ottawa, which came Muirhead asked to have reso other down near Dungeness on June 17, charges of thefts from golf dula when seven lives were lost. Three q Beaconsfield, Bucks, and Skeg-women were among the missing par nes taken into consideration.
(Continued on next Column.)
They all watch their weight even now, but with the return of con- tours they have gone back to the foods they ate as children. All pre raling candy and the
foreign stars are giving orders for cheese and salads."
of
sengers, Mme. Bossiger; of Muswell Hill, London: Miss Roberts. Bloomsbury, London; and Mrs. Korneki (or Mrs. A. Gerzon), of the May Fair Hotel, London.
EREBOS SALT
THE
"HE wise hostess'studies her cook as well as her guests, and insists upon Cerebos Salt being used not only on the table, but also in the kitchen.
Cerebos
SALT
Baarenpelaŭve1 jane i Mylation i
NESTLE
MALA
CHOCOLATE C
66 She nearly broke
it off the other day when I
staggered in without her Nestlé's-ate
it myself on the way, don't you know
Better take two this time-and be on the safe side.99
1.-Silly.
8.-Dendly.
Horizontal
11. To indicate.- 13.-Manla
14. Conjunction.
15.-Torment. 17-Sun god. 18.-Fifty-six. 20.-Approaches. 91. To put on. 22.-Transmitted. 21.To weep. 25.-Benches. 28.--Hurries. 28.-Domestic animals. 29.-Mistakes... 30.-Possessive pronoun. 31.-8take at cards. 32-More obese.
34.-Mess.
35.-Sea eagle.
30.--OCEANR.
36.-Wrath.
30.-Orated.. 41-Mineral spring. 42.-Mother.
43.-Nutriment.
45.-Enclosed.
46.-Kind of type. 48.-Ate carefully: 50.--Gare.
51.-Creamery,
1.-Images.
B.-Rage. 18.--Sailors,
19. To incite to anger. 21.-Ranks.
23.—Civil, injuries. 25.-Is sullen.
27-Mineral.
-Speck. 30.--Pulled suddenly.
31-Salt of autio said.
32.-Out of.
33.-Sword,
31-To apc. 35,-Heroic poern. 37-Yellowish-rad. 30-Slipped 40.-Girl's name. 43.-A drink. 41-A beverage. 47-Paid notice. 48-Musical note.
This puzzle took 20 minutes to solve. See how long it will take you to solve it.
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION. :
To: 1555 BA33 HOP AUIE ORDELARD
EDDAZUNG
Vertical.
2.--Organs of sense.
3.-Article.
4.-Negative,
5.-English school.
6.-Pelts.
-Part of to be,
8.-Toward.
-0.--Darts.
OR
OE
10.-Inelines.
12-Builds.
THE WOMAN'S CORNER.
HOUSEWIVES WHO DON'T NEED
BRAINS.
[BY A THOUGHTFUL MAN.]
Business v. Home.
"A married woman living at. home doesn't,ared to Use ber
One of the worst housewives I brains as if she were in business."know was trained by her mother, a Thus a married woman who was in first-rate bouswife, to carry out business before marriage, and still cry branch of household work nestly, capably, and thoroughly. belpa-part-time in that of her hus- She was also trained to keep the cash books in her father's business methodically and efficiently.
band.
And people wonder that the busi- nean girl is not always the success as a wife she ought to be!
Anything Will Do.
She had, and still has, brairs above average.
یگر را نخور
efficiency, though possibly tempera- ment would have triumphed any way.
Perhaps, too, a more exacting husband might have kept her straight Some women still look for masterfulness in a husband as they would in an employer.
She plays bridge that puts her at the top of women players, and
The Borrowing Neighbour. makes her a good fourth with men One young housewife I know was When a girl goes out to business players. Yet her housekeeping is much troubled by a borrowing she expects, quite rightly, to have to use her brain Considering the deplorable. She has enough brain- neighbour, who never returned what WAVUN to achieve anything in she borrowed. But I stopped enormous number of giria in busi- cookery, dress, or room-planning, that, I asked her for it before her ness employ, and the large number but is so slapdash and erratic that husband!"
the market, an ordinary business
There is
of equal capacity who do not eater women far less able but more But surely at this time of day job can hardly be said to demand conscientious and methodical keep wives
better houses with less exertion. the possession of more than aver
She had the good, or bad, for age brains What is cssential is tune to marry a man considerably that the girl shall use what brains her senior who had roughed it for she has. !
years and was content to leave the There is, in many girls' jobs, household management alone. She Hothing demanding special ability.was free to muddle along as she Ali that is required is promptness, pleased-and did! She stamped all method, and reasonable intelligence the irksome jobs and hurried the exactly the qualities needed for a rest, till she ceased to be capable competent housewife.
of thoroughness in anything.
There must be many such. Per- haps, had she continued in business, capecially for a stranger employer, have retained her
But why should a girl who accepts the need for being systematic and careful in business consider that anything wili do in the home? she would
are usually conscientious enough not to need masterful hus banda to keep them up to the efficiency standard expected by a business employer!
Ecope for brains in a home than in nine business girls' jobs out of ten. Even if the finer points of cookery, housewifery, or mother-craft do not appeal, the business-trained housewife always use brains to reduce drud- gery to a minimum, and make time for something more congenial.
Efficiency makes for self-respect and happiness always.
Railway Refreshment Rooms in Great Britain are NOW serving more Horlick's Malted Milk than Coffee. Can you wonder?
In America the demand for "Horlicks Chocolate Edd Malted Milk" is still growing:
You can buy Horlicks, Auvoured with Chocolate, now all ready for use. The demand for this is growing.
LANE CRAWFORD'S CAFE, ALWAYS BERVE HORLICK'S-NO OTHER KIND.