HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
Fair Young Thing: I wonder what
causes the Bight of time Brilliant Young Man: It is pro- bably urged on the appr of the
homent.
Bobby was helping Edwin to swim around the shallow end the municipal swimming pool. An Edwin stood poised to slide down the water chute the first time, Bobby very seriously gave him this advice:
Now, if your head goes under the water, don't start talking"
**Weren't you here on this charge fore, nout ten years ago! asked the magistrate.
o, sir, answered the street brokin. I was in the Army then." Ah," said the magistrate, you were playing a nobler game "
Yes, sir. said the confused prisoner: crown and anchor, sir."
Shecked Old Lady (to small Turchin in street: Whatever would your mother say if she heard you wearing like that "
Boy: "She'd Heaven!
say, **Thank
Why should she say that, you naughty boy!”
Co she's been store-deaf for twenty years.
The hawker of fish was very per- suasive, but his fair customer was rather undecided.
**But are you' sure that they are fresh she asked, pointing to soine herrings.
"Fresh, lady Fresh1 Why, bless per eart-then, turning to his wares," he shouted: "Ere, bust yer! eyes, Lie still can't yer? Lie still!"
Doi approached his employer and intimated that he would like to take Wednesday off. The employer turned a fierce glare upon him and growled sternly—Look here, you know perfectly well that we're frightfully busy and I can't spare man. Why on earth do you want Wednesday off !**
i
-
"Shall we go to church or go for a ride on Sunday" asked father on Saturday night,
"Well, if it is a nice day we had better take advantage of it and go for a ride," replied mother.
"Yes," agreed father, "and, of course, if it isn't a nice day for a ride the weather will be too bad to go to church."
Prof. Albert Einstein gave recent ly what he considered the best formula for stevess in life. "If a is a success in lile, I should say the formula isa é equala i+y+z, z be- ing work and being play."
And what is :** inquired the interviewer.
That," he answered, “is keep- ing your mouth shut."
Tom," said Bill, as he caught up with him on the way back to the Terriotrial camp, "are the rest of the chaps out of the woods yet?"
"Yes"
And are the six of them quite safe!?
** Yes, quite safe," said Tom.
Then," said Bill, his chest swell- ing, I've shot a deer."
Emma was one of the old-fashion-. ad faithful retainer type, and she had been with the family over twenty years. She ran the house her masterful airs became at last and the family, too, so much so that intolerable. One day the,, mistress ventured to, remonstrate with her, whereupon
exclaimed
זו: :Et
Well, mum, you will please to take a month's notice from me. always felt from the first as how I shouldn't suit you!"
One,
#
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS. TUESDAY, JANUARY 7,
SNAPSHOTS OF A BOY DECIDING ON A PRESENT FOR HIS MOTHER
By GLUTAS WILLIAMS
DECIDES HE'D LIKE TO GIVE MOTHER SOME- THING NICE IN | THE WAY OF JEWEL RY FOR CHRISTMAS,
IS SURE HE HAD MORE THAN THAT, LOOKS UNDER FURNITURE.
QUYAS WRLIANTS
FEELS THAT MAYBE BEFORE PICKING ANYTHING OUT, HE'D BETTER SEE HOW MUCH MONEY HE HAS.
REMEMBERS CERTAIN ITEMS SPENT FOR
SODA AND CANDY IN THE PAST WEEK.
SHAKES CONTENTS OF BANK OUT ON
BED.
LOOKS THROUGH MAIL ORDER CATA- LOGUE BUT CAN FIND NO JEWELRY
FOR ELEVEN CENTS.
(Copyright, 1929, by The Bell Syndicate, Trie.)
SPORT AND
An Irishman who wished to buy a houg set his heart upon one which GOLF ON MITOHAM COMMON. was charming in every respect save
It was situated on a hill Golf on Mitcham Common is seri- which included in its view, and abously threatened. The public golf no far distance, a railway line.
course comprises 210 acres and is The owner of the house, anxious to sell, but conscientious, said to him: of the most popular in the
I think I ought to tell you that for the first nights your sleep is likely to disturbed by the trains.
fm
onu
country.
COUNTS HIS WEALTH SIX TIMES AND STILL CAN'T MAKE IT OUT MORE THAN " ELEVEN CENTS.
DECIDES HE'LL GIVE HER HIS YO-YO, WHICH IS HIS MOST PRECIOUS POSSESSION.
ATHLETICS.
GIRL JOCKEYS LOSE TO A
VETERAN,
The only horse race in the world in which women may ride, the Newmarket Town Plate, was wou by a man. After a thrilling finish it was won by the oldest rider who ever took part. Mr. Frank Simp
Well, you see, sir." explained the young man, hesitatingly, Sure, and I will not let that authorities-Mitcham, Beddington, son, on Fairy Water, was first, am going to be married on Wednes- day, and I-I should like to be
there."
trouble me," said the Irishman, cheerfully I'll go to my grand father's for the first five nights.".
"CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
$14
118
19
$22
26
29
31
34
38"
11
42
146
50
Horizontal.
1.Predatory beast, 6.-Muscles,
11.-fad up for.
10.-Original..
*14.- Father.
15-Milk deputs.
17. To perform, 18.-A tree, i 20.-Idler.
21. To pinch.
29-Disturbance, 21.-Girl's pame 25.-Temple. 95.-Unrefined.
8.To resound. 29.-Food regime. 20.-Cliff.
31. To inake gold in colour."
32.-Poeta.
34. Parts of shoes.
1/
35.-To place. 38.-Russian peasant,
38.-Tune.
39.-Chairs.
41.-Nothing. 42.-Pronoun.
43.-School book
45. To exist.
48.-Sea nymph.
48.-Runs away.
30. To entertala. 51.--Thong
Vertical.
1. To lessen gradually.
2-A kind of type.
3. To depart.
4. Conclusion.
7-Possessive pronoun.
5.-Peruse.
6.-Woody plant."
B-Type unit.
D.-Walking through water.
"To Thefte
12-Most jerrible.
$2
35
28
४
8
54
17 8
13.-To long. 16. To wander,
45
157
10. More temperamental 21-Buff coloured fabric.
-Caudal appendages. 25.-North Europeans. 37. colour. 28:-Hurried. 30-Container, 31.-Swelling, of neck. 32-To close tightly. 33,-Naves,
34. To corrupt. 33. To sow.
37.-Soft animal tissue 30. To transfix.
10. To trade for money. 13.-Ocean.
fat-Kind of deer.
47-Prefix: again. 49.---Father.
This puzzle took 19 minutes to solve. See how long it will take you to solve it.
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
MAROON HARIED BA
IRA 511BX:RUM. NO STING LIKE 920924G · ZDV29
BBRC. TARA — 37018 QUDDLED PEER 3QB 23: DI
ET
win
1930.
SPEEDWAY RACING. The concluding meeting of the season was held at the White City,,; Mauchester, before a very thin at tendance. Arthur Jervis, the White. City captain, was absent through illness, but "Skid" Skinner, who had also been on the sick list, made unexpected appearance, and rode very well if a little unluckily.
events were
When it was licensed in 1024 the population of the four constituent Wallington, and a part of Croydon, was 121,251 to-day it is estimated at Miss Audrey Dell, on Grittenham, over 300,000. Complaints have fre- accond. and 16-year-old Madge All three quently been made of the safety of Hamshaw, on Lady Elci, was third. "Broadside" Burton, of Rochdale, won by the public being endangered by All three raced neck and neck, and one of the cleverest of speed way golf balls, but a crisis lias now arisen in consequence of the Board the rest were 'nowhere." Mr. riders, who rode brilliantly and of Conservators, who have coatrol Simpson told a reporter why he won all bis heats and the final of of the common, being called upon wanted to to pay £2,500 by way of compen-
the Newmarket the handicap off scatch. In the sation under a clause of its licence. Town Plate. "I wanted to best final be equalled the record for the This has raised the question as to those girls because in my opinion view of the fact that he had to track, a remarkable achievement in whether it is desirable to continue girl, ought not to be riding in this overtake and to allow golf to be played on the race at all. As I understand the riders. Results:-
pass three other financial and other rules that were laid down by
Charles II, who started the race, Burton (Rockdale), scratch; 2, W. Handicap "Race.-1, "Broadside" Last month a special meeting of part. I don't approve of women imin. 26 3-5sec..
girls were never meant to take Huli (White City), 2 sec. Time: the Conservators was held, when riding horses, and many of them e special committee was appointed ride better than men, but I am glad to consider the position. Mr. S. a man has won this time. Alto- L. Gaston, a Mitcham representn-gether I have entered for this race tive, gave notice that he would for 25 years and won it about 14 move at the next meeting to ter- times, but not for some years until minate the licence held by the golf to-day. I am old enough to be the club at the end of next year. father of any of the other riders.'
comnion оп
grounds.
Evening Chronicle Cup.-1 "Broadside " Burton (won out- right); 2 A. J. Wadd (Salford). Time: 1min. 24 1-5sec.
Burton; ; L. W. Wootton (White.
Golden Gauntlet.-1, "Broadside"
City). Time: Imin. 24 2-3sec.
THE WOMAN'S CORNER.
DAUGHTERS IN REVOLT.
MISTAKES THAT MOTHERS MAKE.
Discussing a play she had just seen, a girl said: "I enjoyed it. But it isn't the sort of thing one could take one's parent to." "Oh!" I said, "interested. "No. It's too like the real thing, too true. And ...well, you
know nother. She's such as in- nocent darling. She thinks bless her, that because she's had a hus band and brought up a family she's had experience of the world, Ex- perience! My hat! Why, mother has never worked outside a home in her life, and she doesn't know what her own girls are up against." Few mothers will allow this. They do not know they are wearing blinkers. But some of them will superimpose their own restricted views upon their children.
Things have changed more for women during the last fifty years than they changed almost during the previous fifty centuries." Wo men lived in the home, protected first by fathers, then by husbands, Their thinking was done for them. But now girls are out in the world facing personal. problems that their mothers never thought of. Chaperons are as dead as an- timacassars, A girl has to cho. peron herself and do it jolly clever- ly, or she will be left in the cart,'
And if there's any thinking to, be done she wants to do.it for her- self. She will not believe a thing is right or wrong just because she is told it is so. She must under stand, reason the thing out for her-
SP
When your hat gets rainspotted try brushing up the pile with a stiff brush. Then if the spots have not disappeared hold the hat over the spout of a fast-boiling kettic of water, moving it to and fro until all the pile is raised. This should happen very quickly; be careful not to let the felt get thoroughly wet.
what it is, along comes a day and along comes a difficulty or tempta tion, and mother and father Bren't there to tell the youngsters how to act. If they have been encouraged to think for themselves, ten to one they will be able to handle the situation with competence. And if they fail it won't be through the old, tragie excuses of innocent ignorance, "I didn't know. I 'hadn't been told.”
Education, travel, and the news- paper habit are all conspiring to teach the younger generation to use their brains as thinking machines. Parents may suffer in the process. When a father sits back and sees his schoolboy son. put together a radio Bet that is an inscrutable mystery to him it may get into the boy's consciousness that since here is one thing he knows better than his dad there may be othera
The modern girl is not content to accept her mother's ideas on dress, but exercises ber own taste and makes a success of herself. It is the same in politics, religion, in amusements, manners, and morala,
cussions with a firmi "You do what you are told and don't let's have any argument about it."
But mothers and fathers can do their children no greater disservice than to accustom them to lean too
EU te rrength or judg-to Bend put a closure on all family dis: Iments of others. For life being their own conclusions..
self. STAZE/V200 NEZONDERLIEB DUNES ERAKS
The old-fashioned way, when
of pure
Parents haven't any right to force their offspring to accept their ideas and opinions. All they can do, is to enlighten them about things, encourage them to think, Duman nature, and form
WORLD
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