HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
Father (suddenly entering room where aon is supposed to be doing homework): "Do you know you are studying that book upside down" Son (with great presence of mind): "I do, and it's very dif ficult."
Teacher: "Tommy, if your fa- ther could save five shillings à week for two months, what would be have?""
Tommy ""A loudspeaker, a vacuum cleaner, a new suit and more furniture."
The Mayor hurried in to the gathering and exclaimed apologe tically: I am sorry to have kept you waiting, but I have been ad- dressing a board meeting."
"I enn quite believe that it was!" said a voice from the crowd.
""I am an advertisement canvas-
!
It was in the restaurant in one of the smaller towns in. England. "Have you any oyster ?", asked the diner.
"No, air," said the waiter. "Any lobsters 7" "No, sir."
"Any prawns """
"No, sir. The only shellfish we 'as is beggs, sir."
A new soap was being put on the market by a firm of perfume mak ers. and the manufacturers ör- ganized a competition, offering a prize for the best slogan advertis. ing their latest product.
When the judging began, the fol. lowing came to light:
"If you don't use our soap, for Heaven's sake use our perfumë.”
Fiery General (to soldier who has volunteered for duty as his
orderly. You are not afraid of
BT. Have you any small wants orderly): "So you want to be my can advertiset"
"Certainly not.
My servantine 7" should not have admitted you. I have told him repeatedly that I
do not see canvassers,
Then dismiss him and advertise in our paper for a more obedienti
"Now, this is really too kind of you." began the wealthy relative to the little daughter of one of her poor relations. She took the par-. vel from the girl's hand and began to unwrap the birthday gift.
"I wonder what it can be " she hazarded, with smile.
"It's fish," declared the child. "A fish?" echoed the other. "Yes," confirmed the little girl, innocently. "Daddy said it was a sprat to catch a' mackerel."
During the hearing of a casĄ I men began clattering about in the back of the
courtroom, pushing over chairs and generally upsetting things.
"Young man," said the judge at length, sternly, to him. "You make a great deal of noise."
"Your honour, came the reply, "I have "lost my overcoat, and I am looking for it."
"Well, well," snapped the irate judge, people often lese whole suits here without half as much disturbance."
34
38
42
46
50
A
Soldier: "No, sir." Fiery General:
"That's right, my son; and what is your profes- sion in private?"
Soldier: "Lion-tamer, "sir.”
A man, running after a trancar, panted to the conductor. How much to the station from bere "
'tor.
"Twopence," replied the conduc
The mon continued to run, and, having covered, another stretch, in- quired breathlessly of the conduc tor. "How much now ?"
"Threepence,' retorted the con- ductor. "Ye're runnin' the wrong way."
11
A policeman on point duty saw a young man removing a spare tyre from a car drawn up by the road- side, and went over and demanded to know what he was doing.
"I'm stealing this tyre--what do you suppose I'm doing?" said the young man.
The policeman, deciding he had been a bit too heroic, wandered back to his post. The other wan- dered down the street with the tyre. A few minutes later the owner of the car appeared and rushed to tell the policeman that his spare tyre was gone.
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
छ
Horizontal...
1-Beast of" burden.
G.—To. —evade."
11.-Carried out comunand. 13.-Rubber --
14. Part of infinitive.
13.-Territory of an earl.
17-Pronoun.
18.-Vit.
20.-Invasiona.
21.-Nervous disease.
22.-Once more,
24.-Road.
25.-Rapid.
20.-Herdsman.
28.-Ripped.
29.-One who regrets.
30.-Acid.
31.-A saucy girl.
32.-Unemotional.
38.-Observen,
34.-Hastened.
35.-A vegetable.
38.-Kind of worm.
41.-To eat.
49.--By.
28
30
18
18. Prevaricator.
10. Small fruits.
21-Waits
23.--To injure.
93-Commits unfair act.
27-To irritate.
99.-Overly,
30.-Blemishes.
31-Address of respect.
32. Prefix: half,
33-Low cards.
34.-Sensed by ear.
33.-To whine,
37.-Suit at cards.
30.-Stitches.
40.-Valley.
43.-Floor covering.
44.-Female deer.
47.—A continent (abbr.).
19-Father.
This puzzle took. 19 minutes to solve. See dow long it will take
39. Containing sensible moisture, you to solve.
43. Put in new lining.
45.-Bymbol for Calcium.
48.-Inclined,
45. To begin again.
BO.--Pulls,
51.-Rent.
Vertical.
1.--Vestment.
2. To tcern.
3. Personal pronoun.
4. To look at.
3-Shakesnerian king. 8.-God of love. 7-Colloruial, to beat.
8. Plural pronoun.
9. To bequeath.
10.-Upright.
14-Sliding compartm
13: WHITlyou
SATURDAY'S SOLUTION.
BIGOT BOUNS
DET
RA
CR
SEVER3347719
SHIRTS4017787
BAG -BORDS
EX-FARAGOTARD DEKURE WO
THE HONG KONGE DAILY PRESS. MONDAY, DECEMBER 30, 1929.
SUBURBAN HEIGHTS
GWYAS WILLIAMS
ர
By GLUYAS WILLIA IS
.'"
THERE WAS QUITE A COMMOTION THE OTHER MORNING. WHEN FRED PERLEY, AFTER TOILING OUT WITH.THREE · EXTRA FULL ASH BARRELS, HAPPENED TO LOOK IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S BARRELS AND FOUND THAT THE ASHMAN HAD
"BEEN AROUND EARLY THAT DAY.
(Copyright, 1929, by The Ball Syndicate, Inc) 12-3
PICTURES
Messrs. Clayton and Waller, in association, with Mr, Gilbert Miller; have now put into, rehearsal "Get Your Man," which Mr. Arthur Wimperis has adapted from Louis Tu M'Epouseras." Verneuil's The certainties in the cast are Miss Tallulah Bankhead, Mr. Allan Aynesworth, and, Miss Helen Haye, while some important parts have not yet been definitely filled.
וי
AND PLAYS.
in my life had I heard the public perhaps, a much better concert, giving the concert themselves—and, though they did not realise it."
Edward Percy, author of "If Four teen scenes with a crime to each. Walls Told," and is in seven The incidents are all authentic, and only the connecting links which Mr. Percy bas used in binding them into a story are fictitious. This episodic. treatment is aimilar to the manner appearing in London now is "The A notable addition to the "films of Escape" and Many Waters Pagan," silent film which, how- and affords a pleasant relief from ever, marks Ramon Novarro's sing- the rigid thres and four act playsing début. Mr. Novarro, has an of the late nineteenth and early excellent voice The film, which twentieth centuries. Charlie Peace was fully reviewed recently in the in Mr. Percy's drama was played Sunday Express, is in large part a by, Mr. Robert Farquharson.
companion feature to the popular "Devil in Bronze," Mr. Austin
"White Shadows in South Seas." The same Page's play, is a drama of many
programme features Chaliapine, the Russian bass, has William Haites in Si A Man's senes, but only six characters, neted Miss Phyllis Neilson-Terry, started a British had Irish tour, Man," story of Hollywood life. Mr. Lyn Harding, Mr. Nicholas at Cardiff. Italian, French, Ger. Charles Rogers, Wallace Berry, Hannen, Mr. Reginald Bach, Mr. Ban, and Russian, "especially the Mary Brian, and June Collyer are Alfred Clark, and Mr. Douglas which he will sing on his tour. all-talkie with Southern and Mis Russian," will be the languages starred in "The River of Romance," Ross. The first act alone has seven scenes and four changes of scene,
Last month Challapine sang isissippi settings in the year 1846. prominent among them Dead Man's Barcelona at a special command Animal Friends," produced by Buoy and Smugglers Cove. Other performance attended by the Queen A. F. H. Baldry, one scenes are in the doctor's office at an af Spain. After his English tour Condon's most popular cinema Asylum outside Vaneuver and in he goes to Riga, Budapest, Copen- managers the living-room of a lighthouse. hagen, and Switzerland. Chalia- But let one again underline the re- pine said he certainly liked going pert that the interest of the playback to Cardiff. The last time I is psychological.
was
of
reviewed recent-
11 Chareers features Billie
Dave in her first talking picture, a story of officialdom in the Far East. was there," he added, "we had to Noah Berry and Antonio Moreno wait 15 minutes because some music are starred in the production, which had not come. But the audience, is supported by Betty Balfour's instead of tearing. their hair or Anglo-Viennese film, "Bright-eyes." pulling the house down as a dever farcical comedy of hotel Spanish audience might have done, life. Honky Tonk," The Four began to sing part-songs. That was Feathers, and The Cohens and something new for me. I have been Kellys at Atlantic City" all con- written by Mr. 20 years on the stage and nevertinue at their respective theatres.
"The Life and Misdoings of Charlie Peace," which was pro- duced at the Ambassadors Theatre Inst month was one of the most sensational entertaininents... The play has been
1.
THE WOMAN'S CORNER.
SPOILT CHILDREN.
Do you believe in the Spartan or the spoiling method of bringing un children?
As a rule, I find that most mo-
It is remarkable how many child- ren are quite uncontrollable when with their mothers, but are per- fectly reasonable and easy to man.. age when they are with strangers who treat them like normal child.
ren,
PARIS FROCKS.
NEW "DISPLAY CHEZ PAMELA.
Be
Ready for the Winter
are
MORNINGS and evenings The dreary days of drizzle, fog ard gloom are approaching, These damp, dreary days bring colds, coughs and more serious illnesses in their train. Are you ready for them? Is your health built up so that you are fully protected against the rail- ments that they bring.
chill and damp.
Ovaltine" is your sure pro- tection. Prepared from milk, malt, eggs and cocoa, it con- tains every factor and element essential to health in correctly balanced proportion, and in an easily digested form. Make "Ovaltine"
your daily beverage in place of tea, coffee," etc., at and between meals. Then you can face this weather with abundant strength and vigour to resist all ills.
"Ovaltine" is the most econ- omical as well as the most per- fect form of nourishment in the world. Nothing could be added or altered which would possibly improve it in any respect..
OVALTINE
Builds-up Brain Nerve and Body
EMPRESS' SECRET:
WEDDING.
QUEEN VICTORIA'S DAUGHTER.
-
the inte Empress Frederick of The astonishing suggestion that
Germany, Queen Victoria's eldest daughter, and mother of the ex- Kaiser, was secretly married again after the tragic death of the Em- peror Frederick is put forward to- day on German authority:
It is twenty-eight years since the Empress Frederick died-King
ASTHMA
Sufferers from Asthma find In- stant relief in this standard: remedy of 60 *years standing.
At all chemists.
Himrod's
ASTHMA CURE
BANNED.
Edward and Queen Alexandra a2 | MARRIED WOMEN DOCTORS tended her funeral at Potsdam-but no one in England has ever before heard the suggestion that she had a second husband. He is said to have been Count Seckenderiff, a nobleman with a lineage going back to the twelfth century.
The story is mentioned incident ally in a book of "Recollections of Madame Flint who will be re- Three Kaisers," written by an old German Court official, who died a
GREAT HOSPITAL'S DECISION.
Birmingham's largest hospital, the General, has banned married women doctors.
In future no married women doctors will be appointed to the staff, and unmarried women doc- required to resign as soon as they
There are two or three different membered by many of her old few months before the war. His tors working in the hospital will be
types of mothers who should be clients, when she was formerly in name is suppressed, but the volume severely spanked for their stupid- business in Hong Kong, as joined in clearly genuine. ity with their own children, and then be forced to take lessons in the way they should bring them
up.
The first is the mother who has
a bad-tempered child and is proud of its bad temper. This kind of mother seems to think that it is à sign of a fine, strong "child with a fine will of its own, and she allows herself to be kicked, hit, scratched, and bitten while the child is yelling with rage.
Itis a curious fact that these mo- thers believa implicitly in the thers admire bad tempera only in Spartan method for other people's their sons; they do not suffer it children, but the spoiling method at all gladly, from their daughters.
for their own.
Emotional Scenes.
||
$
That the Empress was some times lonely," he writes, "is not to be wondered at, and therefore bet second marriage, if it really took place, to Count Seckendorf was to be understood.
"Profound Secret." "It is not for me to say whether it was a fact; if it was, it was kept a profound secret from the world, and the few who knew it were faithful to the Jast.
marry..
By a strange coincidence the hos- pital governors who have issued this ban are presided over by a woman, Councillor Mins Bartleet, who era- phatically denies that the ban is expression of any sex antagoniam.
Miss Bartleet explains that the of a married woman doctor on the matter arose over the application staff for four months' special leave of absence for domestic reasons." The application in that case was "I once asked a celebrated old that the governors felt that the granted, but, Miss Bartleet states general, an intimate friend of the dislocation of hospital services fol. Kaiser Friedrich, whether he belowing the occasional temporary lieved that this marriage had taken retirement of married women doc. place, and he replied, I am con- tots for domestic reasons" WAS vinced of it, and why not? Secken extremely undesirable. dorff is a very charming gentleman, and their tastes harmonise in every thing."
Count Seckendorff was, it is said, a man of unblemished character,
and an artist.
of great personal charm, a scholar
Attention, is called in the book to
42
unless the circumstances were very Accordingly, it was decided that exceptional, no married doctors should be employed,
women
It is stated that no one ever dis
Small boys are usually more The emotional and sentimental spoilt than small girls. There are, mother is another kind who has a however, a great many good rea-
bad effect on her children, especial- sons for this. In the first place ly if, as is usually the case, they boy babies are more delicate and
are 'nervous and highly strung. difficult to bring up successfully All children need training and the staff of Pamela. Madame, Flint
Again, small discipline; but they need reason than girl babics.
Eng just returned from an extended boys
usually are
more highly able and cheerful training and buying tour in Paris and has a remarkable passage in an appresented or protested regarding this strung and more affectionate than discipline. A sentimental mother small girls.
considers it really cruel to spank brought back with her a large col-ciation which Maximilian Harden, i paragaph, which implied as second
the famous German journalist, marriage. Good With Strangers. her child if he is highly strung,lection of the latest models from wrote of the Empress Frederick "In her will," the author odds, and yet she will, punish hira by the foremost French houses, besides soon after her death in his periodi-the Empresa left a legacy to A mother who really spoils her creating emotional scenes with him, materials and trimmings such as cal, Die Zukunft. He ended: "She Count Seckendorff of more than child badly is even more irritating | and nagging him, until he is re | are at present in vogue. and difficult to deal with sensibly duced to such a pitch of nervous The dressmaking and millinery than the child who is actually misery that he is affected by is for will be in future a special depart
ment.
now rests in the Friedens-Kirche three times the amount that she left at Potsdam, by the side of her first, husband
{"'(Continued at foot of next column).
to her children, and the principal: art-of-her-valuable art collecting was also Tequeathed to him."