HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
First Crocodile: "I'd love to travel." Second Crocodile: "You should be a suitcase.
"What is this overtime you are claiming ***
The evening your invited me to dine with you."
"Did you realize any thing from your investment in those gold mines ???
Yep I realized that my
was right."
wife
"I suppose you'll be wanting a nice little wife "
"Sure, that goes without say- ing.'
that.
My boy, there are none like
Mr. Staplate: "Sweetheart, is it possible for me to leave you?"
Miss Yawnsome: "Oh. yes, I think so! Dad may be waiting for you at the front door, but the back way is clear !!!
"Boy,"
said London visitor
who had lost his way in the City, to a messenger. "I want to go to the Bank."
"All right, guv'nor. long," was the reply.
11.
Small-Town Judge:
don't be
||
You are
fined 85 for speeding. Have you anything to say
Tourist Only this. the MILA who arrested me was hiding be- hind the Welcome" sign-"
"I say, I hope you haven't lost control of this car?" said the nervous friend of the fast driver.
"I suppose I have, really," be replied, putting on a fresh spurt. "I'm four instalments behind," any- way."
English Traveller (who has miss- ed his connection): "Which is the best hotel in this town!”
Irish Porter. "There are some that prefers the Railway Hotel and there are some that prefers the Im- j.perial, but whichever of the two to, you'll lie awake all night wishing you'd gone to the, other."
you go
Excitedly the manufacturer of the world's greatest insect powder burst into his export office.
"Hey" he bellowed. "Have we got an agency in Egypt "
"Why-er-ho, sir.'
"Well, why haven't wel I saw a film of the Pyramids last night, and it said they were covered with millions of hieroglyphics."
The salesman had urged his "best sellers" in vein. Finally he strick out desperately.
loose!
How would you like a leaf Dictionary?" he asked.
"Got one," replied the prospect. "What kind 7''
"Webster."
"I didn't know there was n loose- leaf Webster."
"Well, you ought to see mine after my twins, 11 years old, have been using it for school work,"
An automobile agent advertised for a salesman who could speak several languages. He addressed the first applicant: "And are you a linguist I need
3
salesman
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, SATURDAY, DECEMBER 28, 1929.
SNAPSHOTS OF A MAN TRYING TO GET TO THE SIXTH
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
LOOKS AT DIRECTORY AND FINDS THAT UPHOLSTERY DEPT. IS ON THE SIXTH FLOOR,
GETS OUT AT THE SECOND AND WALKS DOWN AGAIN.
GWYPS WILLIANTS
AS ELEVATOR STARTS SAYS BRIGHTLY"SIXTH PLEASE, FINDS THIS ONE IS EXPRESS TO *TENTH.
BEFORE BOARDING NEXT ELEVATOR CAREFULLY MAKES SURE THAT THIS IS - A LOCAL STOPPING
AT ALL FLOORS,
SPORT
OUR LADY GOLF CHAMPION.
Looking back upon the English
AND
RIDES UP TO TENTH AND DOWN AGAIN AND TRANSFERS TO ADJOINING ELEVATOR.
GETS CROWDED INTO CORNER AT REAR WHERE HIS FAINT "SIXTH, PLEASE" IS," NOT HEARD.
AS DOOR SHUTS, REMARKS SIXTH PLEASE AND IS
TOLD THIS ONE GOES ONLY TO THE THIRD,
RIDES UP TO THE TWELFTH AND DOWN AGAIN, AND GIVES UP SHOPPING FOR THE DAY.
(Conynght, 1929, by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.)
ATHLETICS.
BEAT SOUTH AUSTRALIA,
GLASGOW'S "GOLD CUP." The Glasgow Cap was once face-
Seeing America first by Bill boards.sharp curve ahead, akin you leve to touch... what a dilapidated, old house... It font...400 rooms with bath who can converse with prospective ladies galf championship one is gained an overwhelming victory tiously styled the "Gold Cup" ... from contented cows... just customers in their native tongue." soak and rinse. . . what a won-i Yes, sir, I'm a linguist; enn deful view... detour ...safety i speak everything but Greek," and interest guaranteed... best "You speak French, of course,"
lubrication alow down to 20 said the agent.
mi hot dogs and pop.no "No, I don't speak French," an- Jeft turn come again.swered the applicant, Florida's Nursery,... 57 varieties Pottsville was set- more power, quicker .. this is n fine stretch . detour more.mile- ...picture ahead-kodak as
farm tled in
get-away
of road.
rige
you go.
46
50
"No." responded the applicant, "they're all Greek to me.
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
5
6 17 18 19
10
$12
16
inclined to feel satisfied that the best player in the field won on this ocension. There are championships in which sometimes it appears that luck has played more than a fair part, but there is nobody to.. con-
test the view that Miss Molly
"
STAR.
A
TENSE AND
THRILLING · DRAMA
OF LOVE IN THE AFRICAN DESERT.
GILBERT
DESERT NIGHTS
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY. At 230, 5.80 3.20.
61 WIVES IN TWO YEARS...
MORRIS, MARRIAGE BROKER.
Bluebeard, Henry the Eight, and other much-married heroes of fact and fable, have been dwarfed into, insignificance by Morris Baskin, a naturalised American, of Wawer, hamlet near Warsaw, who has achieved sixty-one brides in two
years,
Morris was a trifle unfortunate in not being able to make it an even number. The police arrested him at the altar as he was about to go through his sixiy-second mar- ringe."
A H H. Gilligan's M.C.C. team
against South Australia by 230 runs. The last five South Australi. This was when a Rangers Celtic an wickets added only 46, the home final tie first yielded a "gate total of se being the lowest in rerumning into four figures. The presentative cricket on Adelaide Oval since 1993, when New South Queen's Park shared the spoils Wales was dismissed on rain when it became a settled principle damaged pitch for 50. M. J. C. Allom and F. Barratt ench took Hampden Park, where in 1907 over to play a Rangers-Celtic final at
five wickets ut, small cost. The start was delayed owing to the £4,000 was drawn, the final running sodden state of the wicket, due to over, three Saturdays. The other rain overnight. Having dismissed Scottish League "clubs protested,timent did not enter into the con- half the side for 40 and with 283 in hand England had the game
and the finalists were restricted to practically won, and strengthened a single Saturday. This did not the advantage in the second over of the day. At o'clock Grimmett firm" from sharing drawings of prevent the two members of the "old
accompanied Richardson to the wickets. Allom and Barratt made close on £1,500 in one of the war the ball fly dangerously, several deyears, and in the boom period in
liveries causing the batsmen τα 1821 £3,018 was drawn at a single duck hurriedly. Apart from a ten- dency to kick the wicket played well, although foothold was pre- carious. Grimmett continued the debacle by making Д feeble
match. Two years ago the draw- ings reached £3,126 net (Rangers and Celtic playing at Hampden), and on the latest occasion, with the
Do you speak German 1 "No." said the applicant again, "I can't speak a word of German. Gourlay, playing at the top of her Well, do you speak Spanish "form, was the best of the bunch at asked the agent.
Broadstone. All the competitiors conceded this point. Miss Gourlay missed fewer shots during the whole week than any other player, and she played her long shots bet- ter-in so fer that they went good distances and very straight-than she has done in previous meetings. She has, too, developed an ability to win matches. Hitherto she has given the impression that she was content to await an opponent's errors, but in the English cham- pionship she had the "will to win.” It is interesting to know how she acquired this spirit. It came about when she was playing an import.
stroke At one' from Barratt, ant match recently. Miss Courlay foolish strokemakers when he fell tion of clubs and ground, the draw- and Richardson added to the restoration of the favourite conjunc- was opposed to a player who ob- viously was not so good a golfer inte an obvious trap on the legings exceeded £3,000. Dundee Unit- ng herself. She was keeping just The tailenders prolonged the end in a Scottish League game, were aide in the last over before lunch. ahead when a friend care up to
for an hour, the three wickets to standing idle to permit of the final her and, in a tone of bitter sarcasm
fall all being victims of excellent being played. It ended drawn, and engendered by ill-temper, said: "I
catches in slipe. With the excep- on a mid-week replay the sister suppose if the match was a twenty-tion of three overs by Nichols, Bal-clubs will experience twinges of eavy seven holes game you would take ratt and Allom bowled throughout. when they learn, as no doubt they it to the twenty-sixth." Miss The latter, in addition to swinging will, that a second "gate Gourlay thought about this and de- wel!, took full advantage of the excess of the best Saturday draw far in eided that she had lost too many opportunities presented by the ings of almost any of their number matches through failing to take' nd-wicket "doing a bit," and frequent-has been taken. It would be inter vantage of her chances. She is a ly completely nonplussed the bats fine match-player as well as a good men. Barralt bowled with splen-had Dundee United the effrontery
esting to learn what would happe golfer, and that was the reason for did length and spin, and took to ask for compensation for disturb- her success.
three wickets for 15.
ance of their schedulę,
30
28
ञ
54
37
Horizontal.
1. Prejudiced persous.
G-Disperses.
11-Round about way. 12.Attacks.
14. Supposing that.. 15-To slander.
17.-Sun god.
18-To soak.
20 Attack by waiting.
21. Chess pieces.
22-A crustacean.
24. Sheltered side.
25. To gow.
28-Drains.
28. Colloquial: festa.
30.-By birth.
31. To consume.
32.-Garments.
35. To contrive.
38.-Domestic fowls,
38-A beverage. 41.--Ages.
42-Tatter..
43.-Musical instruments." 45.-By no means.
46. Comparative ending.
47-Model of excellence." 40.-Musical note.
50.-Coy.
52-Not so tight. 54-Priced.
55.--Finished.
Vertical.
1.--Earlier, 2-Pronoun. 3. Obtained. 4.--Possessive pronoun. A.-Paths.
0.-Reddens,
A single time.
a. Custom. 9.--Symbol for tellurium,
11.Flat plates. 13-Pulverized, rock (plural).
* B
148
53
506 37
10.--Welsh river.. 19.-Pledging for loan.
21. To refer to.
23.Beverage (plural). 95.-Bland.
27. To cook. 29.-Golf mound. 32-Remnant.
33.-Listener,
34.Put BWLY.
35. To hang.
30. Breathed loudly in sleep..
37-Compound other. 40.-Age.
43.-A rodent.
44.-In a short time.
ed, who should have met the Celtic
MAINLY FOR THE MEN.
ity" which is allowed to play a big part in the trial of jealous hus- bands who murder their wives. Such a ease, which occurred in Rome, when a husband was lack. ing which would prove the wife guilty of adultery, is mentioned in the circular, and a special request is made to juries and public pro-
The question of the right of 1 Unable to spare the railway fare challenge to the presence of women to London, where he had to sit for on a jury was discussed by Missa matriculation examination, Mr. Bright Ashford, legal adviser to the William Buckley (27), of Trafalgar Public Services and Magistrates Street, Burnley, who has been a Sectional Committee of the Nation part-time evening student at the al Council of Women. The right Municipal College, cycled to the had been severely criticized by metropolis and back. His small the Recorder, Sir Ernest Wild,
purse, did not always enable him who expressed the view that it to find suitable lodgings, but, with meant defeat of Parliament's ob-wonderful grit, he "roughed it." Becutors to carry out the law strict- ject in enlisting the services of One night he slept below a hedge ficiency without medical examina ly, to beware of pleas of mental-de- women in the administration of bank, and on another occasion he tion, and, if such defciency be justice. The right was recently found repose at Euston Station proved, then to deal with the ne- exercised in a case where the pre-after he had been turned away cused in special homes under the This puzzle took 3 minutes to Fence of women jurors was particu-
from two other stations because he See how long it will take larly desirable, and Sir Ernest did not possess a railway ticket. Code. The circular was later read solve.
terms of Article 40 in the" Penal you to solve it.
Wild was emphatic in declaring | After such a display of determinout at the trial for murder of an that the whole position should be tion it is almost unnecessary to ex-carabineer, and it is hoped that brought before Parliament, since, add that Mr. Buckley came out
47.--To plaon.
48.-To bow.
51.-Mother.
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
given to the matter, since it was
under cover of an ancient safeguard with flying colours. He felt the it will find prompt application all against injustice, opportunity was effects of his arduous ride while over the country. takes to object to women jurors, sitting in the examination room,
s such, and thereby to defeat the
A Jewish Far Eastern republic. intentions of the Sex Disqualificabut he stuck to his task and has tion Removal Act of 1810, which for been informed that he has passed is soon to be organized with help not only the matrículation exami-announcement received in Peping. from America, according to an ZEG CROCE KLE
the first time empowered women to AGBCI2LZ DRE
act on jurica. Miss Ashford said nation of the Unixersity of Lon- A vast and rich region of Biro- that she welcomed the publicity don but also that he has had the Bidjan in Russian Siberia is being COXBAZ ZORBER
distinction of being in the first set aside for this purpose, where with no uncertain sound that the division, a success achieved by only climatic conditions are said to be BOAT ROC ARIA Recorder had registered his protest.
favourable for agriculture.: The LEK: AFREIOANEI know," Miss Ashford went on,
territory of the new state is about ZI VZA ARE TOO
the size of Switzerland. The Gov XXBIZZRES REY
Crimes of passion, which are by ernment, which will he proclaimed SEED ILI BEZB
far the majority, among murder officially the Jewish Soviet cases in Rome, are in future to be Socialist Republic, will be closely INK ZOBI=
dealt with more severely, says onnected with the other groups. MAURER BETEST
circular by the Minister of Justice which form the Soviet union, but it from addresada rodecto al CRE SPATS ARE tión of facts in which prejudices courts of appeal. Reference is
and inclinations are disregarded."made to the "morbid sentimental official language of the state.
that the feeling against women jurora is breaking down, because it is found that they are quite n capable of balanced judgment Rs are men, and every bit as quick to grasp the fundamental truth that decicism
70 out of the 2,000 entrants..
..
own taxes. Yiddish will be the
There is, however, nothing of the villain-of-the-piece ahout Morris Baskin. Marriage with him was purely a matter of business. Sen-
tract. nor did he so much as kiss one of his many brides:
He left them as soon as the cere many-with bridal photograph-- was, completed.
Morris discovered that in Wawer and the surrounding district there were many Polish girls whose lovers had obtained work in America. They were most" anxious to join them.
Alas! the emigration Inws pre- vented this, and so the lovers had to wait. Morris thought this un- fair. He knew that, the wife of a naturalised American could en- ter the United States without dif. ficulty provided that her papers, were in order.
He also knew that "marriage by proxy" was sound in law, So he set himself up as a new kind of matrimonial agent, and his "eli- cats" grew in. number as the word went round..
Then came a day when Cupid de feated finance, Morris fell in love with the and "bride," and the with him. They decided to marry. and forget the Polish lover in America.
But Fate, in the shape of two gendarmes, stepped in. Morris, given away by the photographer. was first arrested on auspicion of bigamy, and now he is in gaol waiting his trial. It has been dis covered that although bigamy is not the charge he can, and will, be charged with wholesale evazions of the emigration laws.
WOMAN' BARBER'S WINSOME WAYS.
ART OF MAKING A MAN
TALK.
The girl barber led me to a chair, writes Daily Express correspon- dent, tucked an overall round my neck, squeegee'd some powder Lt me, and drew her scissors.
"Short?" she queried. "Short round the edges, as it were," I replied; "but I think the lop is best left undisturbed."
iWhy ""
"Because there is so little there." "Oh, but you still have a lovely lot of hair there."
What a nice girl! Bilence for thirty snips. I won- dered if she would talk like mett barberg do. Then she said-how like a man!-
Is it cold outside "Well," I replied, "yes and no.. if you understand."
"I understand perfectly," ahe said. I began to brighten up.
Practice Shaves, "Tell me," I said, "how do you learn, to shove a man? Is thore a school, or what?"
"Oh, we just practise on funny all things who don't mind che_re ple wh fidence."
་་
(Continued at foot of next column).
QUEEN'S
PART TALKING
WITH SOUND ACCOMPANIMENT
VILMA
BANKY
IN
"THIS IS HEAVEN"
with JAMES HALL
UNITED ARTISTS PICTURE
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY
AT
2.30, 5.10, 7.15, & 9.20.
WORLD
Milo-4-
Minute
Melo-
desma
of
New
York
Night
Life!
WARNER BROS, present
DOLORES-COSTELLO
"TENDERLOIN
IN
with CONRAD NAGEL MITCHELL LEWIS - DAN WOLNEMN JOHN MILJAN - • GEDAGIZ STONE Sugatan she may by tucan now
up
Ducted by MICHAEL CURTIZ A WARNER BROS PRODUCTION
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY
AT
2.30, 5.15, 7.15 & 9.20.
MERRY MEXICO!
22.-
30
Mexico City, December Police and military are holding 20 alleged - anarchists and also others, including both men and wo men, in connection with an alleged plot against the life of former: President Plutarco Elias Calles, it was learned to-day.
Muck mystery has surrounded this "plot
which was first reveal-. ́ed by a local newspaper and later
denied officially.
At that I shouted with laughter.
We are very careful. You see, a man will trust a girl to shave him: for the first time, if she saya aho- really has not been shaving very long; but that she will be awfully. careful and terribly gentle. He thinks, "Poor little thing; she couldn't hurt a fly.' And. we never do. But he gets rather restive ot the sight of a blase young thing who handles her razor and brush like a man."
That was paychology.
"Do you like your customers to talk? I asked.
Yea. Men always like talking. That is why I made you talk."
"Made me?"
oman-cap--always-
Paychology again: a man barber,” could not do that to me.