HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
"What do you do behind the cage at the bank?
Oh, that's telling!'
Rector have much pleasure in announcing that Mr. Cackle will now amuse, us with some of his well- known funny stories."
+1
"They laughed when I walked to the piano, but their laughter turn ed to astonishment when I carried is out, remarked the installment collector.
I dislike those impromptu conr. plexions, don't you?"
"What do you mean?"
Those they make up as they ke along.
Do you think the children are making progress in singing?"
Rather At first only the peo- ple next door complained, but now it is the whole neighbourhood."
(! What's the name of that Rus- sian dance they are playing?"
I think it's Fox Trotsky."
There's one league that does its best work cn. wet grounds."..
Which one is that i "The Anti-Saloon League."
Mra Diggs Henry, the food at this hotel is awful!
Mr. Diggs: Yes, and just to think that we dined our for |change."
A
thoughtfully: Now, the girl that I marry must be in direct contrast to me.
She: Well, don't get discour- aged; there are still plenty of bright and intelligent girls around!"
Nickelpinch: "If you spend so much time at golf you won't have anything laid aside for a rainy day."
Stymis: Won't, ob 7. My desk ist
What kind of cars do you crowded with work that I've put
aside fer a rainy day."
fancy
Very slow ones."
"What kind have you got?"
I haven't got a85, I'm pedestrian."
Why is Mabel so wrought up? The papers gave a full account of her wedding.".
There was the usual charge of struggling humanity, when the hits [pulled up by the pavement. · But Fibe conductor was behind time, and I didn't want to lose any more.
Mrs. Stammer, just frum Pooke-
[ on-the-Puke, didn't know anything Yes they put "Miss Blackfield Labout that-and if she had it would was married to the well-known col-hare made no difference. With one lector of antiques.'"
A foreigner asked. “What is a slooper 2* He was bewildered by the following reply: "A sleeper is one who sleeps. A sleeper is the name of a earrings on the railway. in which a sleeper sleeps. A'sleeper is a block that holds the rails on which the sleeper runs while the Sleeper Jeeps. Therefore, while the sleeper sleeps in the sleeper, the sleeper carries the sleeper over the sleeper until the sleeper which carries the sleeper jumps the sleeper and wakens the sleeper in the sleeper by striking the sleeper un der the sleeper, and there is no lenger any sleep for the sleeper who was asleep in the sleeper over the sleeper."
{
foot on the step and the other one the pavement, she put the harried einductor through a sort of Cate- dhism.
Now, I don't want to go past my daughter's house. Will you stop when. I ring the hell?"
Yes, ma'am !"*
Do you go round by the free library?"
"Yes, ma'am !
How long will it take to get to Laurel Avenue ?!!
Twenty minutes, ma'am.""- Are you sure we shall get there exactly twenty minutes! "
No, ma'am!
in
"How much is the fare?"
Twopence, ma'am, and I'm not
· CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
13
15
24
8
10
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, SATURDAY, DECEMBER 14, 1929.
THE WORLD AT ITS WORST
181-19
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
WHEN YOU'RE FEELING PRETT: GOOD AT HAVING GOTTEN TWO TICKETS TO THE BIG GAME, EVEN IF THEY ARE
AT THE END OF THE FIELD, SOMEBODY WHO NEVER EVEN WENT TO YOUR COLLEGE IS SURE TO BLOW IN DISPLAYING SIX SEATS ON THE FORTY-YARD LINE.
(Copyright, 1920, by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.)
SPORT
OHADDERTON BEAT
1 BLACKPOOL.
The first meeting was held in Blackpool of an annual competition swimming clubs for a challenge between Blackpool and Chadderton shield presented, by Mr. Herbert formerly of Chaddertor; but now Wolstencroft, a county magistrate, living in Blackpool, and president for both clubs. The events were a six-aside race for women (two married. But the driver, who is rngths breast stroke and four free called Snip for short, as contest for men, and a water-pole style). a six-aside 50 yards free-style wife, three children, and a bicycle !!
match. Two points counted for the team races and three for the polo match. Chadderton won the wo men's race by a good margin, but the men's squadron was a more ex riting affair, the result being open until the last length, when Green resisted a strong challenge by Bush of Blackpool. and won by three yards. Attacking the deep end in the polo match Chadderton had to rontend against a stubbory defence, and it was not until rear balf-time that Henry Taylor, the old inter- national player cleverly tipped through a pass from Wynt. The second half started with one of the visiting team out of the water for being in the two-yard line, yet not withstanding this
disadvantage Hague scored with a smart back- hand effort, and with the teams in at full strength Batey hent Tattersall twice. Meek and Hay rock put in good shots for Black pool, but found Metcalfe in form. Wright added a fifth goal. and Marriott, the Blackpool captain, (Continued on neat Column.).
14
a
22
26
29
31
32
30
38
140
142
43
144
445
146
47
148
149
150
Horizontal,
1. Promised solemnly.
8. To lift.
1. Followed orders,
13. Prohibited.
14.-Pronoun.
15. Drunkenness.
17.-Pronoun. '
13.
Part of to be.
16. A flower,
10. Sending, by post,
21.--Engaged superficially. 23.--Intended.
25.-Globular roofs. 27-Spanish hero..
28. To regret.
18.-Obstrution.
30.
20.-Biblical weeds.
21.-Obscure.
22.-Asiatiq country.
24.--To transfix.
25-Collection of facts.
26-Relatives.
25.-Garment.
29.-Deposited.
30.- Silent.
31.-A deer.
32-Fish baskets.
34.-Custom..
35.-Part of loot.
36.-Places.
38.-Unit of energy.
33-Tapestry.
41-Female deer. 42-Half an em. 43.-Slim. 45-Musical note. 46-To contaminate.
46.-Went by water. 50.-Tale, 61-Capricious states of mind.
3-Annuls.
-To get. 3.--Pronoun. 4.-Optic,
Vertical.
5.-Obligation.
6. Rodents
7.--One indefinitely. 8.-Within,
9.-Descendant, of Bhem. 10.-Dropsy. 12-Adorneil.
Fears.
31-A stinging insect. 32.-Grain.
33.-Packed away.
34.-Noxious plants.
25-Woody plant.
37.--Sows.
30.--Associate.
40.-Wrinkle.
37
43.-Address of respect. 44.-Spanish for river. 47-Foreign office (abbr.). 10.--Behold.
This puzzle took 10 minutes to solve: See how long it will take you to solve it.
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
NO. 1517 20938" CI-REN (PERT BO2020 AZE AZ20
IN SPELIGRAD 970229· STADİDİS
ABG ZIZNI
2172018 LE DISTING JUNTSLED HOPE
AND
GWYAS! WILLIAMTS
ATHLETICS.
LAWN TENNIS,
Jean Borotra won the title of covered courts lawn tennis cham- pion for the third time when he de Club' by 7-5, 6-2, 6-2. The result feated Nigel Sharpe at Queen's was regarded as a foregone con clusion, but there was a sweepstake
да
REFEREE ESCORTED OFF GROUND.
In the second half of a Rugby
Pontypool and Aberavon, blows were football match at Pontypool between
exchanged between the players, and,
to how many games Sharpe section of the crowd invaded the would get. He captured nine inground while the game was stopped all-one more than any other op- to allow of attendance to. an in- ponent had done. What is more,jured player. The referee, Dr. W. be deserved them, for he played ex-
he has ever done. In fact, he was international forward, was booed, ceedingly well-as well, indeed, as J. Roche, the old Newport and Irish much better than when he met and the police had some difficulty Borotra the week before in the in- ternational match on the same
in clearing the ground. There was court. Borotra opened each set A deconstration at the close, when with a service game. He took the both teams had to force their way to and driving with unerring skill to escort the referee off the ground. first to love, crashing a fine kill the dressing-room, and police had to the side lines. Sharpe cams i to the picture in the second game by putting over two beautiful passing shots Games went to the server up to four all Sharpe's long drive ing was beautifully controlled through this period. Then, at the ninth game, the Englishman broke through service to lead B. But he could not follow up the success by holding his own service game and Borotra returned the compli- ment, ranking the games five all.
TITLE FIGHT FOR SCOTT..
New York State Athletic Com mission have paved the way to a world title match for Phil Scott, British champion heavy-weight boxer, against Jack Sharkey. It is clear that a reference they make to the prospective fight" implies that the match is not far off. The question was brought to a head by the British Boxing Board of Con- trol, who pointed out that Sharkey is, in its opinion, the American reduced the deficit, but Wright get champion, and Scott, having beaten. through again. Marriott sent in Vittorio Campolo and been side- another shot well out of the reach stepped by Schmeling, the German, of Metcalfe, and the result was is the leading challenger. Chadderton six goals, Blackpool New York Commission, it is be two goals. Chadderton, with fulllieved, recognise the logic of this points, thus won the shield.
argument.
MAINLY FOR THE MEN.
has a chill or is fevered" is an
#cre It should not be difficult to
th
The
counter
reasonable, Clothing, be thought, was too dear to-day.
Mr. Benjamin Ostling, of Marshall to encourage the safety-first be "Wear wool and keep well." He field, Oregon, who is president attitude towards existence. On the did not think that as long as wool of The Tall Men's Association of contrary, one of those familiar cam- was sold at a reasonable price it America," has been giving to the paigns against kissing has just been had anything to fear in competi press some details of the peculiar launched in those regions. But it tion with artificial and vegetable objects for which this unique so- is interesting to note that the fibres. As to clothing for men, he viety exists." He repudiates any Kansas health experts are not root thought that not many would care suggestion that the association is and-branch opponents of oscula-
to be seen on ""Change" with some- merely another freak society for tion; they only request that certain thing resembling the diversion of its members or precautions shall be taken. Don't costume.
bathing others. On the contrary, its aims kiss in crowded places or in badly their wool and worsted suitings, Men would still prefer sentilated rooms are severely practical-namely, to
is one of their provided that the prices for the secure greater comfort for men of axitas; Don't kiss a person who clothing put across the more than average height, In a word, bigger beds and bigger baths other. are what its members have deter carry out instructions like those mined to secure. It is urged that clinical thermometer and to take It is always possible to carry a steamer berths, hotel beds, and your own temperature as well as
"Consulich," the largest Italian baths are all too small for any six-
shipping firm, has the increase of that of the person whom you intend foot man, and that an increase in.
its capital to 400,000,000 lire (about length is neccesary. The worst auf closer acquaintance.
to kiss before settling down to a
£1,300,000) guaranteed by the ferer from short beds is the tall
And as for Banca Commercial Italiana," the not kissing" in crowded places," Commercial Bank of Trieste, and surely a little decent privacy is the essence of any earnest and well- considered contacts of this kind.nouncement that the increase of an "important national armamente
It is noted in the an group.' The sort of perfunctory pecks that capital will fully cover the deficits are performed in public are hardly of Consulich, which since the spring worth the attention of serious has been subsidised by the Govern students of either hygiene or high. románce.
hospital patient, and the associa tion has already succeeded in in ducing several hospitals on the west coast to provide some specially long heda, while one institution has even installed an operating table for long men. Mr. Ostling de elares that America has twenty mil. lion six-footers, and that the as- sociation, which was founded in In his presidential address to the 1025 and has a thousand members, Bradford Textile will not abate its efforts until these Charles Raper said he thought Society Mr twenty million secure due consi-there were strong reasons why the deration. We note that the associa wool season should be extended. It tion proceeds without respect of was not an easy matter to finance persons, Boeing that one of its the season's clip, which was sold Bowed objects is to secure for big over four or five months, and he criminals larger gnol cells. suggested that the growers and wool men should get together with the idea of lengthening the season and It would be a great mistake, to thus steadying the prices. Refer fancy that in Kansas, where wives ring to the warmth of wool as shoot their husbands for playing clothing, Mr. Raper suggested that had bridge there is no attempt at La good slogan for the trade would
iment.
Nearly 400 wounded ex-service
recently at the Not Forgotten men were the guests of the King and Queen at Buckingham Palace Association's" last garden party of the season.. The men spent a happy afternoon on the lawns play- ing cricket and football, and listen- ing to a Guards band. They were entertained at ten in the Royal riding school, and cigarettes, the gift of Princess Mary, were dia tributed. A telegram from the King and Queen wishing them an enjoyable time was read, and a re- plynt on their behalf
QUEEN'S
with
WORLD
FINAL
SHOWINGS
TO-DAY
SOUND
accompaniment
AT
2.30
5.15
7.15
9.20"
GLENN TRYON
The
GATE CRASHER
STAR
The SIN SISTER
WILLIAM
FINAL
SHOWINGS TO-DAY At 2.30, 5.30 & 9.20.
FLANNEL
MONTE BLUE
AND
RAQUEL TORRES
IN
WHITE SHADOWS
IN THE
SOUTH SEAS FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY At 2.30, 5.10. 7.15 & 9.20.
DON'T LEAVE HONG KONG
without giving aa Order for the Weekly Press to
be sent to your Address for
THREE MONTHS
SIX MONTES
$3.75
$7.50
TWELVE MONTHS
.$15.00
11. Ice House Street.
TROUSERS
READY FOR WEAR
In Groys or Sandetons Shades-Thoroughly Shrank-Strap and Buckle at Waist. Front Plesta. Loosely but Smartly Out. Stocked in Different Leg Measurements to Each Bize of Waist.
Grey Flannels *$18.50 to 822.30.
Sandstone
J
$19.50. to 880.00.
LANE, CRAWFORD, LTD.
MEN'S WEAR STYLISTS.