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HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
Good day, Mrs. Maguire. tell me your husband has bought a new horse."
They On Manly Beach the band was play-" Take a Pair of "Sparkling ing Eyes,"
Two flappers strolling along the promenade stopped to listen, one attempting a few jazz steps by way of filling in time. She soon gave up the attempt in disgust. Blowed if I know what the tune is," she said.
"Oh,
"Yes," said Mrs. Maguire, The old man is very pleased. It ought to last him the rest of his life.if it doesn't kill him."
Mrs. Clabb (after revoking). Dear me I'm getting so blind can scarcely see my face in the glass in the morning.'
Mrs. Spade (partner): "That's very lucky for you, my dear."
Mrs. Clubb: "Yes, my dear; but you are not so lucky,"
Her cumpanion shrugged. an old hymn or other," she said carelessly.
Old Alefander was dead against cousins marrying. Deep in his irascible mind he must have had the well-being of the race at heart, though such tremendous questions.
in are never tonebed en
remote He viewed, Highland villages. therefore, with dismay the growing intimacy between his son Jock and his Place Jean, and when she came that one day, saying coyly: sheerWhat would you say, uncle, if I told you Jock and I were going to get married He regarded her a moment with unconcealed dislike.
It always worried Josmith to know what he slwuld call his future mother-in-law, Some call her inther it to me that is a sacred word, and to apply that to my mother-in-law. would be hypocrisy," he said:
Why call her anything at all? we asked.
But, you see she is going to live with us when we get married."
Well," we answered " just say 'I say until the first daby urgjensi then you can call her Granny,"
"I'd say," he answered with con. viction, that your bairns would be eejits.
The barrister Dressed in a Bittle Brief authority!
The cricketer : What! Is be then so bold ! " -
The politician: "Such men whose barren brains.
Why, then,
The apiarist: To be or not to be that is the question."
The fish shop man: the world's mine oyster."
The land agent'; For what, then, wouldst thou this, thy lat. exchange?"
The money-leader: "She stands so upon the ecurity of her honour',"- The clergyman: He was the
Shall we then,
* I never did have much luck." said Dodger dolefully. AĒLAM trampin for nearly three months 1 got on at a sugar mill up north. It was the beginnin' of the crushin' season, an' with the crowd collected there the accommodation wasn't up to requirements: so, after samplin' some of the local rum, I get into an empty railway truck that 'ad been side-tracked at the mill. It was a windy night, an' she rocked an' rattled it but. But I was n goed sleeper. Near about get-up time, i sule companion." though, a heavy jolt woke me. Wind must be gettin' worse.' I rays to meself, an looks out to sen if she'd shifted. An' by eripes she hnd. The jiggin' truck 'nd been added to the train some time in. the sinal hours, and it adjust, pulled up about twenty miles down the line. I had to tramp back to the mill, ar when I gets there I'm not wanted. As I didn't turn up to work, the boss told me, he put
The lawyer: ruent such costs: "
The newspaper-render: news upon the Rialto saith this herald?"
"What "What
The artist: What. Tybalt, art thru drawn ?**
The stage-inanager: "He comes to prompt us to our several dutiel,
The printer: Let's put it to the proof."
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, THURSDAY, DECEMBER 5, 1929.
SUBURBAN NUMBERS
ANSWERS DOOR- BELL FINDS MESSEN. GER BOY WANTING TO KNOW WHERE* NO. 219 IS.
TELLS THEM ITS TWO HOUSES DOWN, AND IT HAS NUM- BERS BUT THEY'RE HIDDEN BY VINES,
GUYAS
SHOWS HIM THE HOUSE-THE FOURTH AFTER THE VACANT LOT-AND EXPLAINS THERE ISN'T ANY -NUMBER ON IT.
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
RETURNS INSIDE. MUTTERING TO ~ * WIFE THERE OUGHT TO BE A LAW COM- PELLING PEOPLE TO PUT UP NUMBERS.
· BELL RINGS AGAIN, FINDS A DELIVERY MAN LOOKING FOR NO. 238 WHICH IS HIS OWN HOUSE.
REITERATES TO WIFE IT'S GETTING TO BE A BLAMED NUISANCE, A MAN. CAN'T GET A MINUTES
PEACE.
VILLIAMS (Copyright, 1939. by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.)
SPORT AND
DERBYSHIRE'S SUCCESS.
At Blackwell, Derbyshire proved too good for Durham, whom they defeated by Ene goal and five tries to nothing. The home forwards played in great fashion in the opening half," and, though the Durham three-quarters were emart, faith." Derbyshire always held an advan tage. Before the interval tries
The card-player"A knave! A on somebody else. What made me very seatvs knave, wild, though," Dodger concluded, Ah, there's the rub!"
was the attitude of the railway The radio-fan: "Hear'st not these blokes. They wanted to charge me whisperings? Why, the very air for the joy ride."
bath tongues."
$14
18
22
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
16
ག
19 20420
26
30
32165
38
$42
46
123
27
B
16
8
12
28 29
31
135
136 137
45
47
198
199
50
151
52
54
155
སྨé
Horizontal,
1.Pertaining to the sun.
-Fertile spot.
11. To anger. 12-Long-legged birds.
14-To act."
16.-Consecrated.
17-Pronoun.
18-Sheep. 20.-Eals.
21.Metal fastener.
22-To repair, 24.--Tu permit,
Firearms.
94. To reach.
28-Heavy hammer.
30.--- Dessert.
31. Conclusion.
32. To scold. 35.-Offenses. 38.-River of Asin. 30.-Latin Hnil!
-Bench.
4-Range of knowledge,
43.--To grate.
45.-Scoret agent.
48.-French for and.
47-Cure-all.)
-Spanish for the.
50. To make thin. 52-Urge to repeat act. 54.-Summoned to court. 55-Colour changers.
Vertical 1-Fell as frozen rain. 2--Correlative of either. 3.-Boy.
1.-Old.
5. To villify.
6-Groups of eight.
7.--War god. 5.-Mournful..
0.-Within.
11.-Dropsy. 13. To perceive.
1-A number.
18
53
To surround,
21--Mud holes
23.-To rot.
►
In biology, a group.
27. To elear over expenses, 29.-Meadow.
32-Cooked in oven.
33.- medicine.
34-Won by labour. 35.--Contested with foils. 36.-Grows smaller toward and, 37.-Fashion. 10.-By way of. 43.-Opening. 44.-Refuse. 47-To place. 48High card.
51. Symbol for lithium. 53. Conjunction.
This puzzle took 23 minutes to solve. See how long it will take you to solve it.
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
1450 230 FA 22208 ANODAL AGICBO PA4ORGAYNO
ACSAID
TIETEC
AZ
EA
DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN, AND A COUPLE INQUIRES CAN HE DIRECT THEM TO NO 242,
REMEMBERS THAT THE NUMBER 8 DROPPED OFF SOME WEEKS AGO, AND
RETURNS SILENTLY INTO HOUSE,
ATHLETICS.
DRASTIC ITALIAN ACTION.
THE AMERICAN CUP.
Four boats are being constructed
cates of New York Yacht Club mem ters headed respectively by Mr. George Nicholes, Ar. Winthrop, W. Aldrich, and jointly by Mr. George
Pynchon and Mr. Paul Ham-
mond, will each build craft and a Boston syndicate consisting of Mr. designer, Mr. Chandler Horey, and Frank C. Paine, who will act, as
Mr. John S. Lawrence, will build
At the request of its president and Grand Council, the Italian to defend the America Cup next Rugby. Federation has been sup- September against Sir Thomas pressed in consequence of the un-Lipton's Shamrock V. Two syndi- sporting attitude of certain players and the lack of energy among the correspondent of the Paris Auto directors of clubs, says the Rome The suggestion that the federation. should be suppressed was made to were registered by Fisher. Owen, al of the National Fascist party Signor Turati, the secretary, gener-
And Oldnall.. '- Williams and He immediately agreed and order. Thompson were prominent. For Der.ed Signor Cortesi, the general sea fourth. Mr. Nichols will sail cretary of the federation, to li- byshire, while Aarvold did many quidate its affairs and dissolve the good things for Durham. In the organisation. The facts have been secondi period Derbyshire were made public in a communique is again the better side, and they obsued by the general secretary of the tained three more tries through Italian National Olympie Com Glossop, Keith, and Richardson, one of which was converted by Bloom. The chief strength of the winners throughout a finely fought gane lay in their forwards, who nearly always got the ball.
C.U.B.C. MEETING.
A meeting of the Cambridge Laiversity boat captains took place
mittee.
ANOTHER CHAMPIONSHIP FOR
MITCHELL.
his own syndicate's boat, and. Mr. Harold S. Vanderbilt will skipper Mr. Winthrop Aldrich's boat. The Boston syndicate's boat will, it is estimated, cost about £100,000 when fully fitted out.
CONCENTRATES ON ATTACK,
There has been a good deal of favourable comitent on the attrac tive Rugby played at Kersal dur- ing the past few weeks, and. fine it
Mun. hoped that the chester team will continue their endeavours to keep the game open. When a side concentrates on at- tack, keeping the ball in play at all costs, it naturally increases the but, having defeated in succession risk of their opponents scoring.
Headingley, Bradford, Moseley, Lansdowne, and Waterloo, the po liey of the Manchester, club would appear to be quite succesful.
Abe Mitchell won the Herts open golf championship at Moor Park. Rickmansworth, with two rounds of 71 each. Sandy Herd, who was playing over his own at Cambridge when Sir Henry Hoourse, had in the morning, but ward, the Lady Margaret conch, in- he took 74 in the afternoon and dicated that he wished to retire finished second.
from the offer of honorary treaE, COTTON KEEPS KENT TITLE: gurer, which was accordingly given
to T., R, B. Sanders, the old "bine." Henry Cotton, of Langley Bark. February 10 to 22 were dates pro won the Kent professional golf visionally decided upon for the championship at West Kent, for Lent races.
the fourth time in succession.
is
THE WOMAN'S CORNER.
PERSONALITY IN HATS.
[SUBTLE, LINES.Į
To-day our hats are both useful and orgamental. The front, brim- lees and worn well off the brow, gives a youthful air to its wearer, while the long coal-heaver back cunningly hides all the straying ends of our half-grown hair. This is very subtle.
Eyebrows, being very much in evidence with the new hat, have to be very carefully groomed and kept in shape. The beauty of the eyes bas its full significance; we can both see and be seen.
Not all women can wear the close- tting hat, particularly the, oval-, shaped type of face, but happily elothes that suit these women call for a hat with a brim, and varia- tions of depth of brim and the angle of the hit itself give these hats their own. individuality.
An irregular line across the hips and the scarf collar give character to this novel pull-aner.
DO YOU KNOW? The colour of a hat Black, "and Ink spilled on a carpet or a when the ensemble is in a definite velvet tablecloth can be removed by colour, the hat should exactly sprinkling salt over the stain im- match, that the sole decoration mediately. As the salt soaks up should be its own felt appliqued, the ink, brush it off and spread
It is as necessary to fit a hat as over a fresh lot.
it is to fit a dress these days. A Repeat the process until all the floppy felt capeline becomes a real ink is absorbed; then if a mark hat, under that deft fingers of the still remains rub it with a strong hat expert, as if by magic. The solution of warm water and salt, hits are draped to suit the face. working from the outside of the Entir tree carriles
stringwater is not left.
of its owner's personality.
ng
COUNTESS' TRIBUTE TO
HER COACHMAN." Forty-three years coachman to Mary Countess of Lovelace, was the record of Mr. William Cross, seventy-one, who died at Ockram, Surrey, of heart failure soon after descending from his' driving-sent.
He was a real gentleman of the old-school," Lady Lovelace said. "Cross was a trusted servant, but first and foremost he was a valued friend and counsellor.
"One of the most memorable drives he took me was to the Jubilee Service at Westminster Abbey in 1987 I remember vividly the dif ficulty of penetrating the immense crowds on the return from the Ab- .bey to my house in Chelsea."
TOMATO KETCHUP. Tomato ketchup is popular with practically everybody, and the re- eipe given here is a very good one. Halve or quarter-according to size-3 pounds tomatoes and lay them on a dish with a sprinkling of salt. After they have stood for. twenty-four hours. let them simmer in a pan until they are soft, then on through a sieve.
Add-to the liquid three small chopped onions a quarter onnee ground ginger, a little allspice, and one gill vinegar. Allow these to boil until fairly thick and when cool, strain through a colander and then bottle. Cork at once,
STAR
FAREWELL PERFORMANCE
OF
THE SAMOAN DANCERS
2
FULL HOURS
OF
SONGS that haunt the ear.
2.
DANCES that get under the skin
"Somehow they give one the feeling of glorious
and
an acute desire to intoxication throw oneself into the rythm and simply go mad."--`
“PEKING & TIENTSIN TIMES,"
POSITIVELY YOUR LAST CHANCE OF SEEING THIS UNIQUE TROUPE.
TO-DAY at 9.15 PM.
ENTIRELY NEW MUSIC.
Booking at Moutrie's and the Star. Popular Prices: $3, $2, $1..
QUEEN'S
Hear
MARY PICKFORD
on the screen First
in
Her
100%
Talking
C
Film
E
T
T
E
Mary Pickford
in
her most modern triumph sweeps you from captivating romance to gripping drama.
ADDED ATTRACTION
LOIS
MORAN
IN AND AS
“BELLE of
SAMOA."
THURSDAY TO SATURDAY At 2.30, 5.10. 7.15 & 9.20.
Speakers,
Singers,
Athletes
TRY
VALDA
PASTILLES
tha patult will delight you
On Sale et ill Chemists & Druggian. INSIST on the boxes bearing the name VALDA.
NOTICE.
DRIDGE AND MAHJONG DRIVE BRIDECEMBER 10rif so the ELENA MAY INSTITUTE, in Aid the BONG KONG BENEVOLENT BOCIETY From 3.30 to 6 P.M. CHARGE 32 For Player. Any Lady willing to be Responsible for a Table Great care should be taken when should please communicato with Mas, adding spices to preserves, as some H. G. SHELDON, 25, PEAK MANSIONS, palates prefer a hot mixture and Before DECEMBER GTB.
the free die weis O TU ESTERNA be added...
TEAS Provided FREE Please Coine,
STAR
mary
Pickford
LOVE
in "MY
BEST
THRILLS GIRL
SIGHS-
LOTS OF
LAUGHTER
KATHLEEN
NORRIS;
THURSDAY TOSATURDAY
At 5.30 & 9.20.
at 9.15
TO-NIGHT SAMOAN DANCERS
WORLD
THE RETURN
OF A
GREAT FILM !
DOUGLAS FAIRBANKS
IN
THE MARK OF ZORRO
THURSDAY TO SATURDAY
At 2.30 & 7.15 - Interpreter... At 5.15 & 9.15.-Fall Orchestra.
THE TIME FOR BLANKETS
18 HERE, BUT WHAT SHALL" BE DONE FOR THOSE WHO CANNOT AFFORD THEMP
MEMBERS of the Committee at
tead at the Society's Room, CITY HALL, EVERY MONDAY and THURSDAY, at 10.30 to recsity GIFTS of BLANKETS, Part-wera Olothing, etc.
HONG KONG BENEVOLENT
(EST. 1889)