HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
Mrs. Dobins: "Rather!?
** Now, my son,” said the con- Mrs. Higgins: "Didn't your hus- acientious father, tell is why I band rave when he saw the dress- panished you."That's it," Blub-maker's bill." bered the boy, indignantly. "Firaz you pounded the life out of me, an' now don't know what you done
"My father and I know every. thing in the world," said a amail boy to his companion.
· Where's Asia 1”
"
Alf "right," said the latter. It was a stiff question, but the little fellow coolly answered. "That is one of the things my father knows"
#
Compositor (to editor); "Well, sir,” he said, "I have decided to enlist
1
Editor: Very good my, lad Although I am sorry to part with such a good man. I am glad "to see you have felt the call of duty." Compositor: "Oh, it isn't that; but I'd rather be shot than try to set any more of your copy.""
"You look worried, old man.
"Mrs. Higgins: "And how did you quieter him """
Mrs. Dobins: "Oh! I just show- cd him the milliner's account, and he became speechless."
Sister Smith was called upon for humily declined, in these words: testimony in a revival meeting. She
I have been a transgressar and a black sheep for a good many years, and have only recently seen the light. I believe that my place is in a dark corner behind the door."!
Brother Jones was next called upon. Following Sister Smith's meek example, he said: I too, bave been a sinner for more than 40 years, and I do not think I ought to stand before you as a mo del. I think my place is behind the door, in a dark corner, with Sister Smith."
It was customary in the village church for the parson to give out the hymn line by line, and as be What's the matter 7' "I called repeated each line the people sang on Miss Graban last night, and no it. One Sunday as the organist sooner had I entered the house than played the opening chords the par her mother appeared, and demand-
son discovered that he had not ed to know my intentions." "That brought his spectacles" (without must have been rather embarrass which he could not read) to church. ing."Yes, but that wasn't the So he said, sadly, "My eyes are worst. Just as the old lady finish-dim, I cannot ace.' ed speaking, Miss Graham shouted down' the stairs: Mother, that isn't the one!"
One day a Jew with two little children walked up to a conductor of a tram that had just stopped at the stopping-place and asked. "How much vill it be for me to ze railways?"
One penny-halfpenny,"
The rustic mind not being acute of perception the congregation took that to be the first line of a new hymn, and accordingly they sang lustily. My eyes are dim, I can- pot see.”
The aged parson waited till all was silent. Then, "I speak of my infirmity," he announced petulant-
"How much for mine little ed his toobedient flock. Villie ?"
How old is the boy
"He am two."
"Well, no charge for him." "How much for mine little Re- becca 1"
I speak of my infirmity," roar- "I only said, 'My eyes were dim,' quavered the old man through the noise, and against the people echo- ed his remonstrance in song.
By this time the parson had al- most collapsed. "I did not mean Oh, she can go for nothing, to sing a hymn," he murmured, too," said the conductor..
faintly, and the church-goers, noth Vell, up you get, children, anding daunted, concluded the most vill you put em out at ze railway, extraordinary hymn ever sung in and I vill valk.'
church
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
15
PO
121
222
32
106
48
(2)
1.-Enemy.
4.-Mother.
6.--Thus.
Horizontal,
8.A serpent.
11. Having wheel tracks.
13-To wrench in pain.
15.-Man's name.
16.-Welsh river.
18.-Place for defence.
19.-Muzical note.
20.-Sortz
22.-Musical note:
23.-Jumbled type.
24.-Seizes.
20,--Six.
28-To put in harmony.
30-Tallies
32.--Vasc. 33.--Beam.
34-A game. 17.-Calm. 40-Article. 41. Chooses. 43.-Upon.
44. Musical note. 40.-Wander.
47-Latin for and.
40.-Small:
50-To enclose.
-51.-Belo.
63. To agree.
65.--Undamaged.
37A vegetable. 48.-Bone. 58-Company (abbr.). €0.-Diocese.
1.-Away!
Vertical.
2To provide... a-Girl's name. 4.Pronoun.
B-Together. 6-Grows larger.
Conjunction. 8Small particlé. 9. To free from 10. To fondle. 12Toward 14.Supposing that
R
17. large deer. 20.-More careful.
21-Things concealed. 93-Father... 21.-Twists. 9.--Flies
27: Exists...
29.-Large tub.
31.-A grain.
34Symbol for tantalum, 35-To Jure. 36.-Inclines.
37.-Pertaining to scenery. 39.-To observe,
38.-Half an 49,-Girl's name.
45.-Peruvian ruler. 47.-Ager.
42.-Faucet.
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 2,
THE MINUTE THAT SEEMS A YEAR By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
t
WHEN YOU'RE PAYING A NEIGHBORHOOD CALL AND REALIZE THAT THE DOORBELL HAS WAKED
THE BABY UP AND THAT THE CALL IS GOING TO BE A STRAIN ALL ROUND
70-8
(Copyright, 1929, by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.)
SPORT AND
ATHLETICS.
The Gentlemen Cadets of the Royal Military Academy, Wool- wich, have completed their four events in the competition for 1920 for the Lafferty Cup, the trophy given by a resident of Canada for annual competition between the Gentlemen Cadets of the Royal Military College (Sandhurst), the Royal Military Academy, the Royal Military College of Australia Dunoon), and the Royal Military College of Canada (Kingston), and this rear, for the first time, the cadets of the Royal Air Force Col- lege (Cranwell).
The winners of the cup are decid"! ed on the best aggregate obtained in four events-a one-mile flat race, a high jump, a one-and-a-half mile relay race, and a 50 yards swimming race. For the first six years of the competition the cup was held by the Royal Military College (Bandhurst), and the win- ners during each of the last two years have been the Royal Military College of Australia.
The records of the Royal Mili- tary Academy for the four events this year are:-One Mile Aat race, 4min. 48 3-5secs.; High Jump, ft. 6fin.; One-and-a-half Mile relay rage, ̈ămin. 40sec; 50 Yards swim- ming race, 31sec. GIBRALTAR PLAYER GETS 239,
Gibraltar Cricket Club won their two-day match with a Garrison XI., at Gibraltar, by nine wicketa.
Gibraltar scored 415 for two wickets declared, and 56 for, one wicket, and the Garrison. 254 and
out in the Gibraltar first innings.
GWYAS
WILLIAMS
ATHLETICS.
13-YEAR-OLD BEATS TEE FAVOURITE.
2
England's youngest jockey, Ian Martia. dapper, round-faced little chap, who barely looks his thirteen years, staggered the Lewes crowd by landing a 50 to 1 chance in the chief handicap.
Mr. Victor Tabor, the Epsom trainer, bad only given the super- confident schoolboy the mount on Claudine because he is very friend- ly with lan's father, Mr. Teddy Martin, the trainer, for Claudine had never looked like winning any of her five previous races this ses
BQN.
Young Martin was first away, however, from the starting barrier, and, despite the challenge of the odds-on favourite," Golden Pain, made all the running, and won com fortably by three lengths...
His ordeal was not all over, how- ever, for F. Lane, who rode the favourite lodged an objection for boring The Lewes stewards over- ruled it, and young Ian promptly changed his riding cap for his school colours.
'ORIENT'S LATEST MOVE. Eventful happenings continue at Homerton: Clapton Orient, in their efforts to The latest move by
ensure efficiency, is the signing-oa of Rollo Jack from Bolton War- dorers, and this clever inside "for- ward should materially strenghten their team.
Jack is a brother of the famous David Jack, who recently joined the Arsenal, and à son of Robert Jack, now the Plymouth Argyle manager, who was a great favourite
one of the fastest of left-wingers.
1929.
20-MILE SWIM BY GIRL OF 1.
Tittle Joan twelve-year-old Dover girl swimmer, Brunton. the broke all records for the twenty- mile swim from Dover to Ramsgate by doing the swim in 6hrs 2mins 12mina, less than that taken by Frank Perks, champion..
the Birmingham
to
She swam past Ramsgate Pier have finished by just entering the the sands, while other swimmers harbour mouth. She laughed and joked with people in the attendant boats and waved to them. When she had covered fifteen miles she shouted: Is every one happy and all right: I am."
GHT FOR OVER THE RING. The New South Wales Cricket Association decided had not to il ter the 1.b.w,, rule for competitions under their jurisdiction during the coming season.
They decided that eight runs should be scored for a hit which cleared the boundary.
4:
HELPING SOUTH AFRICA. Sir Harry McGown, in making a contribution of £250 to the South Africa Cricket Association, said:-
"I hope this lead will enable you to get other individuals to rub- scribe in the same manner, and thus help to continue, the sending of South African teams here and elsewhere, as the results of such visits cannot be over-valued from the point of view of Empire."
The honorary managers of the South African team, in acknowledg ing the gift, any it will be a wel come relief to the practically empty
Association.
COMMENCING WEDNESDAY.
AL JOLSON
BOOK YOUR SEATS EARLY,
SINGING I
IN
"THE SINGING FOOL'
1 TALKING!
An unusual story of
a man without a con-
science about
regenerated at last by
a pure love.
WOMED,
JOHN
GILBERT
IN "THE MASKS OF THE DEVIL"
AT THE
QUEEN'S
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY At 2.80, 5.10, 7.15 & 9.20
MONTE BLUE
STAK
WORLD
ONE
IN
HOGAN
ROUND
-FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY "AT 2.30, 5.30 & 9.20,
LIONEL BARRYMORE
IN
THE BELLS "
Continuous Performance.
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY FROM 1.15 TO 11.15.
STAR THEATRE
BOOK YOUR SEATS
RUTH VAN VALEY REVUE
for
THE SHOW OF SHOWS
215. Hayward hit up 230 not in his playing days when he was coffers of the South African Cricket COMMENCING" MON. NOV. 4TH.
MAINLY FOR THE MEN.
favoured the movement.
FNOTE-MISS RUTH VAN VALEY WILL POSITIVELY APPEAR
Booking at Moatrie's and Star. Prices: $3, $2, $1.
'GHOST INHABITANTS WHO DISLIKE CIGARETTES.
The veil of centuries of oblivion at last to be torn from the an
There is a dress reform move up to get pat quickly out of pain. fit als now considered heretical. It -ment in Switzerland,
and the
declares that Vatican methods of peasantry take it very serious- Sir Sefton Branker, Director af writing history to-day are to the ly William Tell, they ar Civil Aviation, recently went by credit neither of good faith nor gue, and all the Swiss heroes air to the International Seaplane of the knowledge of these entrusted CITY BURIED IN A JUNGLE. wore loose knickerbockers, while Rally at La Baule, France. He with the duty of acquainting the the long trousers now generally was flown over by her owner, Mr. highest spirtual authority in the worn were only introduced with the J. T. Pitt, in the Cutty Sark, a world with the progress of events French revolution in imitation of flying yacht built by Saunders Roe, in France. The fight of ' Levn the pantaloons. Now they want of Southampton. The Cutty Sark Daudet to Brussels to escape serv knickerbockera
bare and
knees is of the flying-boat type, with a ing a sentence for libel, and the again, and whilst at work in the seaworthy, winged hull which reats first ban upon the Action Fran- open air they are beginning to wear upon the water (ns distinct from caire by the Church has already the minimum of clothing.
the seaplane type made so familiar weakened the influence of vari The summer's heat has greatly by the Schneider Race). Classed ous anti-Republican organisations cient city of Gedi, which for 300
At many as a flying yacht becauss of the working with the Action Fruncatie, schools the boys have worn noth- unusual luxury and comfort of her The letter of Bin Hulice years has lain crambling to ruin ing but light white knickerbockers fittings and accommodation, the, dinal Dubois is further evidence of in the dense African jungle only at gymnastics, and the girls also roomy cabin for four of the Cutty an increasing desire on the part fifty miles from modern Mombass were barelegged and wore costumes Sark has glass or Callon roof, sides of the Vatican to work in amity resembling bathing suits, There and front, giving an unusually was some opposition against these wide and unrestricted view. The dresses, especially from the Catho special arrangement of all petrol This puzzle took 3 minutes to lie clergy, but without much sue tanks and connecting pipes elimi- cess. The custom of abolishing bates all risk of fire, and the pas stockings has made much progress sengers smoke in her cabin in per- this summer.
fect safety, a boon denied to the craft. She is twin-engined, and occupants of any other make of air the all-out speed is about 100 mp.h, with a normal cruising or economi- cal speed of 85 m.p.h.
40. Old pronoun.
51. By.
52.--Devoured.
61.To act
50.-Negative.
solve. See how long it will take you to solve it.
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION,
No 1488
BATE EROS
B
ISP
- ZOCH ZADA
RAVE ZE30) 337 FUE CO328 TE SHAKE RUB8% SERIAL.BIIDID
DARTS SHOES
A modern Pied Pier has been found at the Clyde const though it isn't rodents that he fures out of their dens, but fish.
with that Republic.
the dentist makes the false · teeth
Commencing Wednesday AL JOLSON
IN
THE SINGING FOOL”
(BOOK-YOUR SEATS EARLY)
Professor Fleure, of the Univers ity College of Wales, who has been members of the British Association, To the Publishers visiting Kenya Colony with the
believes that Gedi, known in Kenya as the buried city," is of Per- sian origin and at least 600 years old. The ruins disclose a fine Ar- abie writing, especially in the nos ques and tombs.
those provided by nature is the Artificial teeth as firmly fixed as
latest achievement of dental science. It is called transplanting teeth, and is done very much as a gar- dener transplants trees, except that and plants them in the old sockets. The work has been speci- alised in America, where women The Pied Pipe is our old friend
worried their dentists so much for Professor Fleure thinks that Gedi the Scots bagpipe player, one of The Papal letter congratulating false teeth to look more natural than would well repay investigations by whom has been engaged by a Port Cardinal Dubois on his sacerdotal natural ones. Only a few London archaeological and ethnological ex Bannatyne (Buteshire) boat-hirer jublice contained another direct men have followed the system, and perts. He does not believe these to accompany his fishing expedí- blow by the Vatican against the most of those who have are either would be difficult in view of the tions. The boat-hirer avers that Royalist and Nationalist Action Continental or Americans with profusion of evidence provided by the "music" of the bagpipe attracts Francaise movement, which His practices in this country. There is the ruins. The town was known the fish, and as proof of this as Holiness declares must now be no doubt about the success of to the tribes on the coast for many sertion he states that one of his treated as horesy, says a message "transplanting as it affects looks, years, but it was shunned by them fishing parties, composed of 20 peo from Paris. The Action Fran A woman whose face was too thin because they regarded it as being ple, caught 1,000 fish in one even caite protests and calls for ex- and long for aesthetic standard haunted by the spirits of the dead, ing on hand-lines If all the planations of the charges. The pa was ordered by a doctor to have who wreak special vengeance ou stories about the deadly effects of per so far only figures on the Pa her teeth extracted and decided to intruders. The lighting of a fire Scotland's national instrument are pal Indez for the publication have the new set transplanted. The in the precints of the ruins was true, the pipes are an attraction of articles against the Apostolic operation rounded her face and im considered particularly dangerous a fatal one-and the unfortunate See and the Pope himself, and it proved her looks, and the new teeth by the negroes, even if the fire was fish have possibly given themselves asks upon what point of doctrine, looked like a natural growth, only a cigarette.
*HONG KONG WEEKLY
PRESS"
11, Ice House STREET, HONG KON Please send me the
:
"Horo Koso WeguY. PRESS "
from
1923 La
addressed as follow:-
SUBSCRIPTION FAID IN ADVANCE. $13.00 per annum for delivery în" Hong Kong $15.00 per annum to any part of the world (including postage).