HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
"This card you have hung in the kitchen, mum," the suburban cook,
is too much for me. I can't make out what my nights off are."
"And no wonder, Nora. That's a time-table of anburban trains."
Diner: "Look here, waitress, there isn't a particle of turtle in this turtle soup."
Waitress: Well, what of it? We have cabinet pudding, but you wouldn't expect to find Andrew
Mellon in it, would you 1”!
M
Sometimes
country editor has
to stretch his news:
Miss Gladys Wombat is going, to Pleasantville.
Has gone;
Is in Pleasantville;
Thinks of coming back;
Has returned;
Is home.
Hill: "I hear you quit golf." Gill: "Yes, I did it for the wife aud caddies
"You said," exclaimed the noisy eäller, that I had resigned from the town council and intended re-
life."
tiring from business into privato But." protested the editor, "all that is quite true...”
Quite. But what gets me is the fact that you printed it under the heading, of 'Public Improve
ments.
"It seems to me, my dear, that there is something wrong with this cake,"
gently complained the young husband.
That shows you know nothing about it, darling" answered his wife triumphantly. "The cookery book says it's perfectly delicious."
Writer: Here's the manuscript I offered you last year."
Editor: "Say, what's the idea of bringing this thing back when I rejected it once?"
Writer: You've had
experience since then."
Theatrical Manager:
W
year's
What's
your line, anyhow
Miss Tootes: "Anything in the line of tragedy."
Righto. Let's see what you can do-make me sob like a child."
14
22
26
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS. TUESDAY, OCTOBER 29, 1929.
"Need any more talent for your motion picture dramas 1
We might use you. Had any experience at acting without audí. ences?"
"Acting without audiences is what brought me here.'
سی
In the early hours of the morning there was an alarm in the hotel, "Get up quickly!" cried the mans- ger, as he knocked on the bedroom door. "The place is on fird!" "Then if I get ap may I take it that I pay for only half a night's lodging a voice from the other side of the door exclaimed.
The children were having a Na- ture lesson. "Who can tell me what a goldfish is?" asked the tea- cher. It's a sardine that has be come very rich," replied the bright boy of the class.
Magistrate: "And you had words with your wife about it?" Defen- dant: "No, sir. Not with 'er- from 'er."
Aberdeen was surprised to see his An Englishman travelling to companion leave the carrige at each of the stopping places between Eustou and Aberdeen, and come back in a hurry just as the train was ready to start. He asked his fellow passenger the reason, and the Aberdonian told him that he had alist, who informed him he had been to London to consult a speci heart trouble, and might die before, he reached Aberdeen. So," said the Aberdonisa, “I am only book- ing to the next stopping place to avoid needless expense."
A young curate, rushing quickly | ed to see his bishop walking on in for his train, was greatly perturb front. He tried to hurry past, but all to no purpose.
"No, hurry," remarked the so we'll travel down together." bishop, I'm going on that train, But when they arrived at the station the train had gone, and the bishop, pulling out his watch, said: "I can't understand it. I had great faith in my watch."
"Yes, my lord," answered the other," but faith alone is not suf- ficient; you must have good works."
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
12
15
19. 9-
14
20
127
15
24
16
16 17
12
28 29
19 10
X
52 53
30
38
42
43
146
47
50
51
54
Horizontal
After awhile.
6.-To express gratitude.
11.--To strip.. 12-Suffering
14. Plural ending.
15.-Shell fish.
17.-Comparative ending.
18. To pinch
20.-Name.
91. To observe.
22-Cleansing material. 24.-Protected ride. 25-Spanish pot. 98. Part of menu.
28-To withstand. 30. To haal 31.--To tear. 32. Newlyweds. 35Percolated. 38-Dregs. 39.To devour. 41-Advice. 42-A worm. 43--Valleys 45.-Margin
48. By.
47.-To víc.
49.-Prolix: twice.
50. To take up again.
62-Rebellion.
54.--Was fond. 55.-Lean.
1-Injury
2-Article. 3.-Basin.
Vertin
4. To rerise.
5. To vilify.
6-Higher.
7.-Home of beca
-Halt liquor. 9-Symbol for nickel. 10-Maken obeisance. 11-Thick 13,-Large.
134
39 140
#
31
41
45
148
52
153
55
10.-Consumed.
18-Small pastries. 21-Foot covering,
3.-Goads.
25,-Willow.
27-Mother sheep.
-Prior.
32.-To 'obscure. ' 33.-Reclined
34.-Wrinkled. 35.-Guides..
136 137
36.-Capable of being caten. 37.To release. 10.-High mountain. 43.-Rounded roof. 44.-Pase.
47. To chop.. 48.-Girl's name. 51.-Therefore. 33.-Conjunction."
This puzzle. took 24 minutes to solve See how long it will take you to solve it.
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
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** 3L PI91| CANDID EN8ZZR ODE FIRSE UZE ODO. GEODE · BED
THE WORLD AT ITS. WORST-ACCUMULATED MAGAZINES
By GLUTAS WILLIAMS
1378
DECIDES TO CARRY ALL THESE OLD MAG" AZINES AND PAPERS DOWN CELLAR-IT'S TERRIBLE HOW THEY ACCUMULATE.
HAS JUST GOT HOLD OF IT WHEN HE FEELS THE WHOLE PILE BEGIN TO SLIPE.
WILINIS
THINKS THAT BY PILING THEM CARE FULLY HE CAN TAKE THEM ALL IN ONE LOAD.
DROPS MAGAZINE AGAIN AND CLUTCHES AT PILE, MANAGES TO KEEP ABOUT HALF
OF IT FROM DROP- PING
SPORT AND
TENNIS.
The singles competition at the New Malden lawn tennis tourna ment was won by F. J. Perry, who in addition to now being champion of New Malden in the table tennis champion. And why should not table tennis have an affinity with lawn tennis-with real tennis, with rockets-in short, with any game that calls for that delicacy of touch and precision which table tennis exacts? The writer recalls that in the early days of table tennis (whisper
ping pong] he was so fascinated by the game as to have a standard table with special lighting, all other furniture remov
and thus, with the lists prepar- ed, many duels did he fight with E. M. Baerlein. It was characteri- stic of that great athlete (even now in his fiftieth year, champion at (real) tennis) that the ordinary wooden hats did not present enough difficulties, but, as a pleasant alter- native, Edgar Baerlein insisted on using table knives' instead. And doubtless had we played long en- ough he would have suggested knitting needles.
יז
BOXING.
Young Stribling, the Macon heavy-weight, beat George Cook, the Australian heavy-weight boxer, on a technical knock-out when Cook failed to answer the eighth bell. (Continued on next Column).
GETS BOTH ARMS FULL WHEN TOP MAG AZINE FROM ONE PILE SLIDES OFF.
STARTS PICKING THEM UP AGAIN, DROPPING ONE
·FOR EVERY TWO HE PICKS UP
LABORIOUSLY MOVES PILE FROM LEFT ARM ON TOP OF PILE IN RIGHT ARM AND STOOPS TO PICK UP THE MAGAZİNE.
STARTS DOWN CELLAR AS WIFE REMARKS HE HAS OVERLOOKED THESE ON THE PIANO. WHY DOESN'T HE TAKE THEM,TOO
(Copyright, 1928, by The Bell Syndicats, Inc.) #0-3
ATHLETICS.
WITH ROD AND LINE. Nice trout and grayling have been caught in the Test, Avon, Itchen, and Evenlode. Roach have given sport in the Ouse (Sussex), and these fish and dace and bream have been taken also in the Arap and Cuckmere. Bream and reach anglers have met with success in the Norfolk and Suffolk rivers and broads, a specimen rond of gbs, Tors, being reported from the Ant. Rudd of good size have been taken also a Broadland. The Hunting donshire Ouse has yielded bream up to 4lbs: Lozs.
Stribling's left-hand jabs and overhand rights opened & cat on Cook's month in the seventh round... The injury did not stop, the Aus tralian at the time, but he was unable to stay the flow of blood between the rounds and thus gave in.
NINE-HOUR BATTLE WITH
QURRENTS.
Harry Luscombe, a crippled Ex- eter swimmer, recently swam the Bristol Channel in Phrs. amins, 20secs., after a terrific battle with the currents
He had hoped to host Temme's record time of 6hrs, 35mins, and to compete for a cup which had been offered. The conditions made by the donors of the cup were that the swimmer should land between 'the old and new piers. To fulfil this Luscombe had to swim against the current for a distance of nearly one and a half miles.
The last moments were tho most dramatic of the whole swim. He struggled to pass under the pier, but so great was the force of the water that he was beaten against the piles. At last he managed to swim through and effect a landing at 4.1 p.m.
יני
In a contest organized by the In- ternational Boxing Union describ- cd as for the heavy-weight cham pionship of Europe, Pierre Char- lek, of Belgium, knocked out Frana Diener, Germany, in the 11th round. Charles was the holder of the title, which, of course, will not be recognized in Great Britain, Phil Scott has a much more logical claim to it than either of the boxers concerned as he has beaten both their representatives were not in- Charles and Diener.
vited.
The swim will not be officially recognised by either, the English or Welsh Swimming Associations, as
THE WOMAN'S CORNER.
DO YOU KNOW?
The best cleaner for tarnished silver is precipitated whitening and ammonia I is quite a simple matter to precipitate the whitening | yourself. Tie it in a piece of mus lin and suspend it inside a jug on a knitting weedle or skewer. Pour boiling water through it until the water reaches up to the bag. Leave overnight, then pour-off the water very carefully and spread the sediment at the bottom of the jug on paper to dry.
This can be used dampened with water, but for very dirty silver
THE JOY OF CHRISTMAS.
"Oh, Jackie, what are you going to give your father for Christmas I heard one little boy call out to another two or three weeks” ago.
"I don't know," answered the second boy listlessly, Mother al ways buys my presents for other people."
PALETTE OF THE NURSERY.
The nursery should always sug- gest light and sunshine.
To ac quire this charming effect most strikingly the clothes-colours of the nursery inhabitants should be the first consideration.
Flowers-beloved by children- constitute the basis of nursery
colour schemes. Line
TALKIES HERE!
Commencing Shortly
AL JOLSON
IN
THE SINGING FOOL"
A GAY, ROLLICK
COMEDY OF A
LOVE-NEST AND A MOTHER-IN-LAW
HONEYMOON
FLATS
with
GEORGE
LEWIS, DOROTHY GULLIVER;"
BRYANT WASHBURN and KATHLYN WILLIAMS.
AT THE
QUEEN'S
B
·TO-DAY & TO-MORROW
At 280, 5.10, 7.15 & 9.20
STAR
RAMON NOVARRO
IN
.
"LOVERS"
TUESDAY & WEDNESDAY AT 5.30 9.20.
WORLD
MARY PHILBIN & NORMAN KERRY.
IN
"LOVE ME AND THE WORLD IS MINE"
Continuous Performance TUESDAY & WEDNESDAY FROM 1.15 ro 11.15."
STAR THEATRE
COMMENCING NOV. 4th.
AMERICA'S PREMIER DANSEUSE RUTH
VAN VALEY
(LATE CAPITOL THEATRE, N.Y.)
AND
ROSE LEE
MACK SENNETT
KAY SCOTT Pianist Supreme
BATHING BEAUTY
ESTHER VAN VALEY
Coloratura Soprano
THE FORMER PARTNER OF
CHARLIE CHAPLIN
REX STOREY
“Smiling” Jack Medford in Song
Dr. Foster
Jeannine Killott.
The Juggling Jester
Violinist
WORLD-FAMOUS MARIONETTES
MANTELL'S MANIKINS
GREATEST OF ALL PUPPET SHOWS -
TELLMAN
Magician
Plans at Moutrie's and The Star.
HONG KONG POLICE RESERVES.
ACTING CAPTAIN SUPERINTEN-
Poor little boy! He was losing half the thrill of Christmas. For few people on earth can recapture fabrics the foyous thrill of the boy or girl should be disarmingly simple. [onozas BY THE HON. ME. T. H. KING, who has been secretly planning
Something to 'prise Mother. Tone should be puro. Harmonic Maghe it is a pair of book-ends or contrasts should be as peaceful as a door-stop that has been sawed
possible and sand-papered and hammered time can be made as follows: b. handkerchief case that little girl the mysterious blue of English sum- together. Maybe it is a needle or Begin with blue; for preference, precipitated whitening, 2015. shred-Angers have painstakingly strug- ded yellow soap, gill ammonia, gled with.
moisten" with a little dilute am- monia. A good silver cleaner that cleans and polishes at the same
DENT OF POLICE }··
Chinese Company.
SQUAD BRILL.
LEN AYRES
Talkative. Trickster
Prices: $3, $2, 31.
will parada at Police Headquarters on Tuesday, November 6, for drill under, P/Bergeant B. J. Hunt. Fall in at 5.30 p.m. sharp. Dress: Whits uniform, belt, and cap with white covers. No members may be absent from this parade without leave from the Company Comman- dar.
Flying Squad. STRENGTH
All recruits of the Chinese Com
Special Constablo R. C. Wilkinson mer skies.
pany will attend at Central Police has been transferred to the strength These blues are essentially late Station on Thursday, October 31 afternoon and early evening shades. at 5.30 p.m. sharp fox, squad drill of the Flying Squad, as from Octo During the day, no colours provoke under P/Sergeant R. J. Hunter, and posted to the Hong Kong
Dress: Mufti. healthy loveliness more than mari- gold yellow or primrose yellow. All yellows bring the illusion of spring
1 pints boiling water, two penny Of course, if the same rude ar- worth jewellers' rouge..
Mix whitening smoothly with half ticle were displayed in a shop you a pint of boiling water; boil up would never dream of buying 1. soap in remainder of water. Add At the same time, there is'nt enough other ingredients to soap and stir money in the world to buy the lov until smooth. Store in a bottle and ing kindness that your youngster shake well before using....
has worked into his present for you to child-minds, and no mother
If Christmas last year meant to Do you know that beer is the best thing you can use for polishing old oak . This wood should never be given a high polish, but the beer brings up its dull, deep glow.. Some people just wash the oak in the warm beer, and then rub it
over with beeswax and a soft cloth. For an extra special clean the fol lowing mixture will be found ex- cellent.MAN
Shred an ounce of beeswax and mix with it half an ounce of browni sugar, add a very little water and dissolve the beeswax and sugar over a gentle beat. Then add a quart of beer, mix well, and bring to (Dontinued at foot of nezi column),
Indian Company.
STRENGTH, Constables R225 Kadar and R257
your boys and girls just a time for needs reminding how whole-hearted Hassan Khan have been struck off receiving all the good things Bania 17 her children romp in the invi- the strength of the Indian Company has to bring, give them a chance gorating colour-scheme of springs from October 17, 1929. this year to play Santa themselves. Green! What a wenderful nut
Constable R213 Ujagar Singh bas The child who has had an oppor-sery colour! No nursery wardrobe been permitted to resign having tunity to earn money or the ones complete without its green suit completed one full year's service, who has saved from his allowance or dress Green is the colour with effect from October 22, 1929.
symbolises the visible will take a deep-seated prids and which satisfaction in distributing the strength of Mother Earth. Christmas present for which he himu- self has paid.
boiling point. Apply the mixture hot, cleaning a small surface at a time, and polish with warm dus teri na you go along,
- •. -- SQUAD DRILL.
Green walls, blue ceilings, brown All recruits of the Indian Com furniture, yellow curtains should pany are reminded of the parade flourish in a riot of laughter and to be held at Police Headquarters on Tuesday, October 28, at 5.30 p.m. Do not be afraid of not being sharp, under P/Sergeant
Hunt Dress: Jíufti. able to harmonise the contrasts, Boft and lively hues are always sympathetic
PARADE.
Bection."
All ranks are hereby notified that future instructional patrols of both of the Hong Kong and the Kowloon Sections will be held weekly instead of fortnightly, as from November 1, 1929,
The next weekly instructional patrol of the Kowloon Section will take place on Tuesday, November 5. Fall in at the Teimteatosi Fire Brigade Station at 5.30 pm sharp. Drew: Khaki uniform
The next weekly instructional patrol of the Hong Kong Section will take place on Thursday, Nov. Fall in at the Central Polico Station at 5.15 p.m. sharp. Dress Khaki uniform day to
Adjutant
W KEST. AS.P.
All ranks of the Indian Company Hong Kong, October 28, 1929.