HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
"
She: "Just think, dear, we'voj Been married 24 hours.'
He: "Yes, it seems as if it were only yesterday."
་་
"Oh. Mamma: Is that one of those sandstorms like in the movies ?"
I
Shushishush, Junior. That's only Daddy getting out of a trap."
My son writes a good deal. His things are read with great in- terest by many people.".
"Does he write humorous arti- cles ??
"No-menu cards,"
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS. TUESDAY, OCTOBER 22, 1929.
Office Manager: "This firm has been doing business since 1900.
New Secretary: "So I judged by the appearance of the typewriter ribbens"
Husband: The bank in which I have all my money has gone bank- rupt."
Young Wife: What a good thing your cheque-book is in the house.
Don't you think Miss Brown is an excellent pianist?"
What did you say?"
"I said, don't you think Misa Brown an excellent pianist
Sorry, I can't hear a word,
such a din!"
Prospective Tenant: "I would That girl at the piano is making
like to see one of the bedrooms 1"
Owner: "Modern or comfor- table 1"
Mrs. Shopalot: "You any this material is the very latest in fashion ?"
Clerk: "Yes, madam, and it's shrink proof."
Mrs. Shopalot: "But will it fade in the sun ?"
Clerk:
No, madam-it's been in our window for two years.'
"That speech," said the secre tary, "will enable anybody to know exactly what you had in mind."
"Do you think so?” exclaimed the Senator. "In that case we'd better get to work immediately and rewrite it."
I
Teacher: "What did Juliet say when she met Romeo in the bal cony "
Flip Pupil Couin't you get seats in the orchestra ?*
Landlady (to boarder); You needn't polish your knife and fork so carefully, Mr. Snively. It isn't soil the napkin with it." necessary, and, besides, you only
She: "I
football team?
suppose you are on the
"Well, yes; I
do the aerial work."" He (produdly)
She: What is that?" He: I blow up the football,”
"Personally," said the young college girl, "I'm going to have a Elevator Operator: What go at literature, Mother. No non-
Aoor?"
Passenger: A Seven and
eighth,"
sense about artistic idealss. I'm go- aning to write for money.
My dear," said her mother, Elevator Operator: Trying toyou've been doing that for four be, comical ?”
Fears,"
Passenger: No; that's where
you stopped last time."
י
"No. Tommy, you can't have any cake. It's too heavy,"
"No, Mother, I can lift it."
I love the narrow, winding road That "leads through, farming
lands;
I love it for the sparkling streams!
That ripple o'er the sands. But most of all I love it for
Ity Incic of hot-dog stands.
#3
24
134
137
12
1-Insane.
"Everything is on the menu to- day, sir."
Yes, there is so much of every- thing that I can't read it. Bring me another.'
Willie: Pa, won't you buy me
drum !'
Pa: No. I'm afraid that you would disturb me with the noise."
Willie: "No, I won't, Paps. I'll only heat it while you're asleep?"
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
Horizontal,
6. Strength.
11.-Honour.
12
19
7 8 9 I
18.-High cards.
19,-Wild beasts. 30.-Smootha.
132 133
22.-Newly married person.
12-Old name for Nova Scotia. 23. To make up for.
15.-Backs of necks.
14.
To unclose.
17. Bone.
18.-To" offer.
18-Clear.
20.-Pronoun.
21.--Within.
92,-Waited.
23.----Surface.
24.-Africana
20-Tale.
27. Fruit akin.
28.-On.
-Small naila.
25.
To scize.
26.-To disburse.
28. To rise up suddenly. 29.-Pluit.
31.To season.
..
30.-Yellowish brown.
32-Became available,
33.-Flowers.
35.-Companion.
38.-Stockings.
41.-Container.
39.-Foundation.
42-To bind. 44.-Prefix: double.
31.-Author of "Faerie Queene." 46-By. 34.-Wile.
35. French river..
38.-Negative.
37.-Snake.
39.-Carry-all
40.Exists.
38.-Hauled.
41.-A for in the Philippines,
42.--Biblical weed.
43.—To lower.
45.--Lifts.
47.-Prongs.
48.-Horse.
Vertical.
1. To mourn. 2.-Imitated 3.-Biscuit, 4.-Fronoun. 5.-Stripped: 4.-Inane. 7.-Covered with ice. 8.- Combustible fluid. 9. Hypothetical force. 10-Disorderly person. JL-A bird. la-To test value.
This puzzle took 20 minutes to solve. -See how long it will take you to solve it.
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
10. 1472
JEN ZURT.ASCE NAUZEG DUE ED ****** DOG BEE GEE KELY JED ECZE OLD. BUA BOBO, PANDERZOWE EL
TURY ZUL EEL FIZI ZUEZ- UZBE TEBRATE, EVES OLAFIT ZOBEER
VAUHDIRAUTELL KES LACE ELE
THE LAST DRINK OF WATER
SETTLES FOR WELL-EARNED REST AFTER EXHAUSTING DAY WITH THE CHILDREN
FINDS SOMEONE HAS
COMES FAMILIAR CALL- FROM NURSERY. TINES TO PERSUADE JUNIOR HE ISNT REALLY THIRSTY, JUST 60 TO SLEEP
CARRIED THE BATH-ROOM GLASS DOWNSTAIRS
GOES DOWNSTAIRS TO KICHEN AND FILLS GLASO
(Cengright, 1929, by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.)
SPORT
HUNTER'S FATAL FALL. Mr. H. A Wadworth, aged seventy-seven, of Breiston Court, near Hereford, a prominent rider to hounds, was found lying uncon- scious in the road, with his pony grazing near He was taken home, and died without regaining con- sciousness. His daughter Alice was killed a few years ago by falling from her horse while hunting.
CYCLING RECORDS BROKEN.
F. H. Wyld, by winnng the N.C.U. five-miles national cham- pionship, át Herne Hill, holds the brophy for life, this being his third success in the event,,
The championship was the chief event in an interesting programme arranged by the Catford Cycling Club. At the start of the last lap, W: F. Burl (Marlboro' A.C.) was leading, but along the straight Wyld put in a long spurt, with 3. T. Cozena (Manchester Whe elers), the quarter-mile champion, on his wheel. They both passed Burl, and Wyld, maintaining his advantage, won by a foot.
AND
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
TREES UNSUCCESSFULLY TO PUT HER MIND ON BOOK AS DEMANDS FOR DRINK OF WATER CONTINUE
AFTER STOPPING TO MOP UP WHERE SHE SPILLED IN THE DARK HALL, PLODS UPSTAIRS WITH GLASS OF WATER
SIGHS WEARILY, PULLS HERSELF OUT OF CHAIR, AND GOES UPSTAIRS
JUNIOR TAKES HALF A SIP AND GOES TO
SLEEP
9-26
ATHLETICs.
NEWCASTLE SENSATION.
had made a request to the club se
TRACTION-ENGINE DRIVER'S
ORUSHING SUCCESS.
H. Gardner, a traction engine driver, from, Epsom, crushed all op- position in the senior meeting of Weatworth. the Artisan Colfers' Association at
A senation was created in New- castle football circles when it be came known that Hugh Gallacher, Newenstle United's famous Scot tish international centre forward, cretary, Mr. F. G. Watt, to be plac ed on the open-to-transfer list. Gardner and W. zoung (Can- Gallacher's request is to be puttelupe), a builder and decorator, before a meeting of the directors. tied for the gold medal and cham- Newcastle United have signed ao- pionship with returns of 148 for other centre forward in Duncan 36 holes, and in the play, off over Hutchinson, from Dundee United. three holes Gardner"won" with 12 Gallacher was secured by New-strokes to 13. He niso took the castle in 1925 from Airdrieonians courpetition under handicap, with nt fee of £3,500, and has proved handicap eight and aggregate 132. one of the most polished lenders in the game, besides being a prolife
scorer:
BOXER'S TECHNICAL KNOCK-
OUT..
Billy Bird, of Chelsen, defeated Harry Benton, of Lambeth, by a technical knock-out in the eighth round of a twelve-rounds contest at The Ring.
Benton, substituted for Chris. Gorman and boxed as well as could be expected in view of his compara- tively untrained condition. He forecd quite a lot during the first Two of Wyld's records were bea-i four rounds, chiefly because Bird ten during the pleeting by Harry seemed that Bird was inclined to did not exert himself unduly. It Grant (Imperial Wheelers). He attacked successfully the mile re-
take things easy, and he failed to cord from a dying start, doing put forth his best until the fears Imin. 17 3-5aees, against the pre-something" stirred him to box as of the crowd inviting him to "do vious best time of 1min. 20 1-5sees, he can when he likes. and covered the same distance fron a standing start in Imin, 29 4-5secs., the previous record being Imin, 24
1-5 cca.
An invitation scratch race over 1,000 yards was won by J. E. Sibbit (Manchester Wheelers), the 25 miles champion, who beat Cozens by a wheel.
He came out to do things at the start of the eighth round and put Bentos down with a powerful left kook to the jaw. Benton rose and tottered towards Bird, who held his hand while he looked appealingly at the referee, whereupon one of Benton's seconds entered the ring and the fight was over.
!
W. A Elms (Bristol) (0) was BC- con with 143, and W. Young (2) and H. S. Lawford (Broadstone) (7) tied for third place with 144. Gardner gained yet another success with a score of 83 net for single round, which gave him the 18 holes handicap award.
:::
Two of the entrants, A. E. Honeysett, a one-legged player, and E. Bond had bad fuck while on their way from Eastbourne to the course, the motor-cycle combination in which they were travelling over- turning near Lewes. Though shak- en and,eut they were able to pro seed, and Bond took out his card, badly that he was compelled to but Honeysett had hurt an arm so
scratch.
WELSH GOLF TITLE. Henry R. Howell; Glamorgans- hire, who is only twenty-nine years old, has created a record in Welsh championship golf by winning the amateur title for the fifth time since 1920. In the thirty-six holes final at Southerndown he defeated Roger Chapman, the twenty-three- year-old Newport player, who was taking part, in his Srst nations! championship, by four and three.
THE WOMAN'S CORNER.
FUR AND LEATHER.
Beautiful furs are the most be coming things a woman can wear. Almost any woman will look attrae tivu in a really good fur coat; but there is nothing more depressingly dowdy than a badly made heap
fur coat,
Imitation fur, used as trimming to clothes, and imitation fur coats
are a spare and a delusion to wo- men with limited incomes.
You can buy an inferior fur coat for one to two hundred dollars You can also buy the best leather coat for exactly the same price; the skins of the bargain far coat track, the fur rubs off, leaving bald patches, and the coat will get out of shape in a few months.
+
Travelling, motoring, racing, and rainy weather are all disastrous to fur, especially cheap fur. So this kind of coat is not even practical. The best leather coats are so soft and supple that they neither crense nor crack. They are perfect for travelling, motoring, racing, and. country wear, because they are rain- proof, windproof, light, and warm, there is nothing to get out of con- dition, and they are extremely
amart.
Skirts of leather and tweed mix- ed can be made in almost any shape, but as leather cannot be pleat (Continued at foot of next column).
HOUSEHOLD HINTS,
Houso teria should have their leaves sponged weekly with, luke- warm water, to which a little milk has been added, then stand the pot just high enough to cover it en- in lukewarm water for two hours tirely."
I have met quite a lot of people who are puzzled to know a satis plaster busts and statuettes that factory way of cleaning those little are so popular just now, Water and soap,, while removing the grime, are apt to soften them, and A little castor oil dropped on the
leave them with bleached, blotchy then soaked in a pail of water all roots of drooping ferns, which are surfaces in place of their first
mooth, faintly gleaming surfaces.aight, will work wonders.
Try cleaning them with a soft
*
·
rag smeared with the very purest It is not always an easy matter and rub very gently. Then wipe best of glass. That dull, misty up- lard. Do not use too much grease, to get a high polish on even the off, and use an old silk handker, pearance is often due to some chief to give a final polish. You greasy element in the water that will find the lard removes the dirt gets in no matter how careful you and gives a creamy, glossy finish,
Not many people can rear palms and other ferns until they reach a good ripe, age, but if a few simple precautions are taken right from the start, healthy plants can be maintained for years.
Leaves can be prevented from fading by wiping quite dry after they have been watered.
(Continued on next Column).
ed, skirts made entirely of leather have to be of the wrap-over type or else flared. The smartest kind have basques that fit neatly over the hips. The coats are made as plainly as possible.
.are.
To make sure that your glass will come up quite bright, add a little ammonia to the washing water. This disperaes the grease. Then rinse the glass in warm water to which a little white vinegar has been added. Dry with a non-linty cloth-linen is the best-and po- lish with another perfectly dry one, Or the glass can be given a special polish before sending to the table.
Glasses that have been used for milk should be filled with · cold water immediately after use. Then wash in the above way.
If boiling liquids are to be pour- ed in a glass, put a spoon in first to absorb some of the heat, so the glass will not crack.
BEYOND QUESTION the most magnificent out-of-doors pieture ever produced!
AT THE
RENEE ADOREE CONRAD NAGEL
The MICHIGAN KID
A REX BEACH
QUEEN'S
STAR GLORIA
SWANSON
IN
SADIE THOMPSON
TO-DAY AT 5,30, TO-MORROW
5.30 & 9.20.
TO-DAY & TO-MORROW
At 280, 5.10, 7.15 & 9.20
WORLD
BOHEMIAN LOVE
Adapted from the famous French Forel
"LA FEMME NUE"
TO-DAY & TO-MORROW
Continuous Performance :
FROK 1.15 TO 11.15.
STAR THEATRE
ONE PERFORMANCE ONLY
TO-NIGHT at 9,15 P.M.
AMERICA'S PREMIER DANSEUSE. RUTH
VAN VALEY
(LATE CAPITOL THEATRE, N.Y.)
AND
ROSE LEE
MACK
KAY
SENNETT
BATHING BEAUTY
SCOTT
Pianist Supreme
ESTHER VAN VALEY
Coloratus Soprano.
THE FORMER PARTNER OF
CHARLIE CHAPLIN
**Smiling" Jack
REX STOREY
'Dr.' FOSTER
Medford in Song The Juggling Juster
JEANNINE ELLIOTT
WORLD-FAMOUS MARIONETTES
-Violinist
MANTELL'S MANIKINS
GREATEST OF ALL PUPPET SHOWS
TELLMAN
Magician
PLANS AT MOUTRIE'S
AND THE STAR.
LEN AYRES
Talkative Trickster
PRICES:-33, 82 & $1.
THEATRE ROYAL
Commencing WEDNESDAY NEXT FOR FOUR NIGHTS ONLY THE
WARWICK REVUE Co.
WED., Oct. 23RD
THURS., Oct. 24TH
FRI., OCT. 25TH
SAT., OCT. 26TH
BOOKING AT MOUTRIE'S
THERE'S A "LONG, LONG TRAIL
Bags, Flens, Flies, Beetles, Mosquitoes,
etc..
all killed 65
THE PEEP SHOW
HIGH LIGHTS
THE MERRY GO ROUND
AIRY NOTHING PRICES: 83, 82, $1.
THE
TIME FOR BLANKETS
"18 HERE, BUT WHAT SHALL BE DONE FOR THOSE WHO CANNOT AFFORD THEM?
MEMBERS of the Committee at- tend at the Society's Room. OMY HALL, EVERY MONDAY and THURSDAY, at 10.30 to rOCOITD GIFTE of BLANKETS, Fart-wors
KEATING'S thing, etc.
MADR
HONG KONG BENEVOLENT
SOCIETY...
(Ear. 1889.)
8433