HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
Garage Man (to driver of baby! car): Sorry, air, We don't keep milk."
4
Later Grant best the one mile motor-paced standing start record of 1 min. 34 1-8 sec. by: 4 9-3 sec.
Now rural life has lost its charm, The Bivver, mournful to relate, Has turned what was a happy, farm
Into suburban real estate.
Passer-by (auspiciously): "Why i are you begging with two hats,
Beggar:Trade is so brisk that! I've had to enlarge my premises."
J/
"Peter is growing a mustache on the installment plan,"
Don't be ridiculous!' Yes, really; a little down' per
week."
**Auntie, kin I have some straw berries
"Strawberries are out of season."
"
He hesitated for a moment, nad
产生
then added: Is cookies 7"
Are you going to put in an oil burner for your furnace next winter, as you expected ?"
No. I get so many automobile and other circulars in the mail now that I believe I can heat the house with them."
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, THURSDAY, OCTOBER 17, 1929.
Willie: Pa, what is a gras5% hopper 1"
Pa: That'dull fawn mower' of i ours!"!
And you can't tell by the nose elevation in the back seat how much the little man in the front seat owes the grocer.
Reporter: What are your views on naval disarmament d'
Movie Director: "I'd prefer to give them on pasal disarmament."
}
Mother: "Now, Tommie, you must wash your hands before you get rendy for the party."
So: Bac, Mainnile, you said it was informal."
Moturist: "Somebody had a big pienie here yesterday."
Companion: Why, how do you know that 7"
Motorist: The papers say so."
Fritz: "Ded. you are a lucky
*12345
Father: How is that "
Fritz: "You won't have to buy any school books this year. I have been left in the same "elasa.”
I
19 A
Customer: To what do you owe your extraordinary success house-Lo-house salesman 7
Salesman: To the first words A little boy, in a country store Luttered when a woman opens the with his mother, was given an ordoor -Miss, is your mother in l ange by the clerk. The mother turn- ed to the child and said, Now,
what do you say to the lady!" First Dad: "I am spending a
Holding the orange toward the lot of money for my daughter's child said, "Feel it."
vocal and instrumental music les KODS."
내
Second. Ditto: "That's foolish. Little Milton came home from ] A radio, is cheaper and 'you'enn Sunday school with a mite box. get just a bad stuff over it.'
Why do you call it a mite box, Mother?" asked Milton.
"Beenuse," chirped his brother, you night put something in it and you might not."
Cirocery butter is so unsatisfac tory, dear," said the young wife. I have decided to-day that wo would make our own.
"Oh, did you!" said her hus band.
Yes, I bought a churn and or dered buttermilk to be left bere regularly. Won't it be nice to have really fresh butter?"
]
THE FAMILY ALBUM-THE DESK DRAWER
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
5555
SAYS THE DESK DRAWER, IS IN A TERRIBLE MESS, "HE'S EDING TO STRAIGHTEN
IT CUT
ASHS HOW ABOUT THIS BILL FROM WISHMANS. AFTER LENGTHY ARGUING DECIPES IT HAD BETTER BE SAVED UNTIL HES SURE IT'S BEEN PAID
4.
FINDS LETTER AUNT EM ... COMES ON. AN ADDRESS WROTE FROM HONOLULU, LAYS IT ASIDE BECAUSE SHE MAY WANT IT SENT DE TO COUSIN ELLA
JUTTED ON BACK OF EN- VELOPE, TRIES TO RE- MEMBER WHAT ADDRESS IT IS. SAVES T
5455
FINALLY PLACES THREE CIRCULARS, AN OLD ..... BRIDGE SCORE, AND AN OUT-OF-DATE TIME TABLE ON PILE OF DISCARDS
STARTS TO DISCARD · THE LETTERS JUNIOR WROTE FROM CAMP,
BUT WIFE OBJECTS
Copyright, 1929, by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.}
SPORT
AND
HALF AN HOUR LATER FINDS HE HAS THE PILE OF DISCARDS AND PILE OF THINGS TO BE SAVED
ALL MIKED OP
FINISHES SORTING THEM OUT AS CALLERS! COME. SWEERS EVERY THING BACK INTO
DRAWER
WILLIAM HAINES
IN THE DUKE STEPS OUT.
AT THE
TO-DAY TO SATURDAY QUEEN'S At 2.80, 5.10, 7.15 & 9.20.
STAK
R
W
VORLA
JOHN GILBERT
IN
THE COSSACKS
TO-DAY TO SATURDAY
AT 5.30
TOM MOORE & BESSIE LOVE
IN
R "ANYBODY HERE SEEN KELLY?"
Continuous Performance
9-21
D
TO-DAY TO SATURDAY
From 1.15,70 11.15
ATHLETICS..
ACHILLES IN SOUTH AFRICA., YOUNG GIRL'S RECORD SWIM Į The Achilles team suffered the Jonn Brunton, a 12-year-old fourth defect of their South Afri- Dover schoolgirl recently swam It took the rescuers half an hour can tour at the Wanderers' ground from Dover to Ramagate. She en to clear away the mass of stones at Johnnesburg, when they compettered the water at 19.35 p.m. and from the unfortunate man on whomed in a triangular match against arrived at the mouth of Ramsgate the wall had fallen, and they had the Rest of South Africa and te harbour at 8.30 p.m. She landed no expectation of finding him other Combined South African Universi- on the sands at 5.50.
ties, The Rest won with 29 points, than crushed flat.
the Achilles coming next with 7 and the Universities last with 4. Two points were scored for a win and one for second place:
To their amazement, he rose to his feet and asked for a.clothes, brush.
"Aren't you crushed?" naked an onlooker.
"Not likely," said he, with a amile. "I go through worse every evening. I teach dancing at a night clab,"
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
14
819
10 HE
12
14
15
18
19
120
21
22
2014
25
26
27
23
134
迎
32
13:45
56
140
1412
୪
37 38
147
48
192
50
51
152
53
55
Horizontal.
1.-Modest in demeanor. 7.-Gleams.
15.-Musical dramas.
14.-Small tower.
15.-Toward.
10. Salt of nitric acid.
18.Prefix: again.
10.-Collection of facts.
#1--Appears.
29.-Through.
23.-Shackle."
5.-Colloquial for enthusiasm.
26.- Money.
-27.-Corrects.
-29.-Noises.
31.-Beam.
32,-Skill. 33.-Shipping boxes, 38.-Lower decks, 39Theatre box. 40.-Australian ostrich. 42.-Painful place.. 43.-Devoured. -44,--Nautical : stop!
46.-Negative.
7.-Pronoun..
48.-One who aids, 50.-Italian river. 51.-Profession. 53. Cheers up. 35.---Tangles.
.50. To withdraw.
Vertical.
1-Senility. 2-Name of founder, 3.--Pronoun.
4.-Yazo
6-To scold.
6.-Causes to cease. 7.-Imprints. 8.-Hovels, 9.-Before: 10,Comparative ending. 11-es nymph. 12.-Rears of vessels.
17.-Fish eggs. 20-Mean.
22-Part of floating bridge. 21-Growing out. 20-Locks of hair.
25.-To change colour. 30.--Paddle.
1.
33.Asserta rights to.
34.—Decayed.
33.---Parts,
38.-Act of dispossession.
37.-Correct.
35.--Bristly.
41.-Rug.
44.Son of Adam,
45.To allure.
48.Atmosphere.
48.-A rodent.
52.-Symbol for tantalum, 61.-Musical note (variant).
This puzzle took 22 minutes to solve. See how long it will take you to solve it.
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
-1467
P1018 DRILLE RASURE AT AD FILIB KEE
182023. DABOER
ZAIDB10 9201L AIR SPANG 13 DENZAIR DI ABANIL ERODED
DARIO 23760 |
The meeting established a new high-water mark in South African athletics. The quarter mile, in which the South African record was broken, was undoubtedly one of the greatest races ever seen in the country, R. Leigh-Wood cover- ing himself with glory. He was only beaten by W. Walters throw. ing himself at the tape, literally picking it off the Achilles man's chest, and falling full length. This was certainly Achilles' hardest match of the tour, as the Rest team is considered to be the strongest combination of athletes ever got to- gether at one time in South Africa. They carried off nine of the eleven events, the Achilles winning only the mile and the mile relay.
The 440 yards record brings the number of South African records broken during the tour to eleven. V. E. Morgan won the mile but did not attempt to break the re- cord set up by D. R. Jacobs three (Continued on next Oolumn).
THE
SUNDAY DOG' RACES CANCELLED.
to
Strong opposition by religious bodies at Chelmsford to Sunday greyhound racing brought about the cancellation of a race recently The distance from Dover to arranged for that day. The Lord's Ramsgate is twenty miles, and sets Day Observance Society took action, tip new record. The previous best time was that of Frank Perks, and one of its organisers, Mr. Basil of Birmingham, who accomplished Brunning, telegraphed Mr. the swim in 6 hours 14 minutes. Ernest Palmer, the organiser of the Miss Brunton's trainer, Mr. Billy racing: You are wrong. Coun- Kelliagley, said that the child was remarkably cheerful all the way
sel's opinion Sunday, geryhound during her swim, and using a trud- | racing illegal. Penalty £200 pro- geon stroke made great progress moter, £50 each assistants. Act of throughout. Mrs. Huddleston, the American swimmer, who holds the world's long-distantchampion ship, and who accompanied Miss Brunton on her swim, expressed the opinion that in two or three years time Joan will have become the greatest long-distance swimmer the world has ever known.
daya previously. He is feeling the effects of recent severe races, and is leaving his final record-breaking attempts for for the coast, where the experts confidently predict be will get inside 4 min. 30 sec. J. M. Pamfrey had bruished his foot and was in great pain for most of the three miles race. The weather throughout was excellent, and the crack very fast.
Parliament passed 1780." In con- sequence of this, Mr. Palmer posted at the track a copy of this telegram, and added: Sunday rucing stop: ped by the Brunning Lord's Day."
The abandonment of the program. me was not known to many people, and racing men from places us far off as Southend arrived by motor with their dogs.
Some of the animals had a trial run, bas as no officials were in attendance there was no real racing.
Supporters of Sunday greyhound racing point out that Sunday meet- ings are, regularly conducted at West Ham and other places, and draw attention to uno prevalenco ou Sunday of golf, tennis, motoring, and other pastimes.
WOMAN'S CORNER.
SONS AND MOTHERS. ·
A STUDY IN SELFISHNESS— AND STUPIDITY.
I am on holiday. By the sea, in Devon,
A glorious place, where walking, fishing, boating, bathing are all of the de luxe order, And all day I lie on the sands and revel in the sunshine and in the spectacle of
English society, en famille, that these English sands present."
Here are signed young matrons, toning up after a strenuous London season. Complete with infants and Nannie, they descend to the leach and take their maternal duties in earnest. Some of the older children on holiday from school, having dispensed with the buffer-like Nani air, are getting to grips with female parents for the first time! in their lives.
"Beastly People,"
There was another long argument. Then a pause, during which I thought that conscience was work- ing, and that: the boy. would take his mother where she wanted. But I was wrong.
"Did you say. I was coming?"!
"Yes. I wrote, and said that you and Tony would take me over this afternoon."
· “Then you were a liar. I'm go- ing to play tennis."
So that was that. The boy walk-
Evidently she adored this laugh- ing, impudent boy who called her "Ethel" and treated her like his slave. And while it was amusing enough, still I was was sorry to think of the man this good-looking, spoilt boy would become. And of the difficulty that some girl would have when one day he became a husband.
Absent Fathers.
But when the fathers are in svi dence this wholesale spoiling of ed away, and the mother, pucker-sons does not go on. There is some "Peter" attempt at discipline. ing up her face to keep from laugh- and "Tony Are put through ing rolled over to a friend who, their paces, maade to duck whether brown as mahogany, was sun-bath they like the cold, water or not. ing by her sido ffGive me A made to fetch and carry, treated
darling," cigarette,
she said. leas like young gods and more like Aren't one's sons too amusing!"
young cubs who have to be licked Well, perhaps it is better to laugh into shape. than to howl when, even in sport, une's son calls one a liar. But it does jar.
And selfishness is rampant. Over there by the rocks another family party have finished bathing and
But the pity of it? Because there are scenes when they interfere, the fathers give up trying and go off shooting in Scotland or fishing or golfing somewhere. They leave the training to the mothers.
Their love, their pride and vanity get between. them and their duty. And they spoil, and smile when they should scold, giving way when they should stand firm.
STAR THEATRE
WARWICK REVUE Co.
IN
REVIEWS OF THE REVUES
LAST THREE NIGHTS
'AIRY NOTHINGS
TO NIGHT
AT
9.15 P.M.
-FRIDAY & SATURDAY
OCT. 18th & 19th
· JUST FOR FUN
“N'EVERYTHING'
A POPULAR POT-POURRI
STAR THEATRE
ONE PERFORMANCE ONLY TUESDAY, OCTOBER 22nd at 9,15 P.M.
AMERICA'S PREMIER DANSEUSE
RUTA
VAN VA LEY
(LATE CAPITOL THEATRE, N.Y.) -
AND
ROSE LEE
MACK SENNETT
BATHING BEAUTY
KAY SCOTT Pianist. Supreme
ESTHER VAN VALEY
Colomtar Soprano
THE FORMER PARTNER OF
CHARLIE CHAPLIN
REX STOREY
*DE. FOSTER
"Smiling" Jack Hedford in Song The Juggling Juster
JEANNINE ELLIOTT
WORLD-FAMOUS MARIONETTES
Violinist
MANTELL'S MANIKINS
GREATEST OF ALL POPPET SHOWS
TELLMAN
Magician
PLANS AT MOUTRIE'S
AND THE STAR.
CINEMA. FIRE PANIC.
WILD RUSH AFTER A WOMAN'S ORY
LEN AYRES Talkative Trickster
PRIORS -33, $2 & $1,
Door Smashed.
The majority made for the main antraave, smashed a dour, "amu poured into the street. The fre brigade was rushed to the scone, and the police misted every one to safety. The stage, was in flames, but the fire was quickly subdued.
A woman seated near the front of the hall with her two children narrowly escaped being crushed to denth
And the conversations that go on, the amused tolerance and scant re- are going home for lunch. The And few mothers do train. verenos with which the younger boy was beautiful, a fair-haired, generation treat the older!
golden-skinned young giant of fifteen; but while his sisters col- lected the towels, cameras," maga- "But, mother," says a good-look-zines, and the paraphernaila that ing boy of seventeen, who, having turns a sandy beach into a tem Mothers of sons make them what Five persons were injured in a bathed, has put on fannels and porary home from home, Michael they are. And though the sons' wild rush for safety following a blazer that proclaims his public strode on unencumbered.
wives bear the brunt, the boys, too, shout of "Fire" at the Rialto school," why were you such an “Come back you lazy beast and suffer. For the youth whose home Picture House in Airdrie (Lanark ass as to say I'd drive you over to carry some of the stuff,” his sisters, training has allowed his selfish-hire). Totnes this afternoon? I'm play shouted.
ness and egotism to run riot is bad- ing tennis. You can't expect me
Six hundred people, including "I had the baby in my arms and "Michael," called his mother in-ly equipped for life. to cut about with you every day." dulgently, "your towel is lying Out in the raw world he will soon
many women and children, were the little one by
my side," she said "But," indignantly says the mo- here."
get the self-importance knocked out enjoying the entertainment in the to a reporter. I saw a sheet of ther, it's five days since you went! "Oh, don't be an absolute rotter, of him. The rudeness and pert theatre-which was opened for the flame rending across the top of anywhere with me."
Ethel," he shouted back to his mo- self-assurance at which his mother first time when a wire at the top the stage. The lights immediately Well--I don't know these bether." Buck up. Carry my staff indulgeatly smiled (considering it of the stage fused, and the cinema went out, plunging the whole bull astly people." A pause. „** And if for me." And he strode on, hands a sign of leadership") will gain was plunged in darkness. Sudden into darkonces I did go I wouldn't dress up. I'd in pocket.
him enemies instead of adherents. ly a sheet of flame shot from the go just as I am,"
And his mother did. Probably And the woman who repels her Oh, surely you'd brush your that woman would not have picked husband's attempts at discipline is hair "
up a handkerchief for her husband, doing her son incalculable harm. It takes two, a mother and a father, But she lugged home her son's shoes, towels, and bathing suit.
to make a boy into a Man.
"I shouldn't. It'a holidaya. And I've promised to play tennis.
19
the screen.
**My God: We are trapped! The place is on fire!" shouted a womari in the front row, and people rushed wildly in the dark toward the exits,
I sanght both children in my arins and was almost rushed off my 'fect. People were shouting and screaming" "on every ride, and I hardly remember anything more until I found myself in the street?!