HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS. THURSDAY, OCTOBER 10, 1929.
"THE FAMILY ALBUM-SAVING PAPER -
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
A woman with a double chin doesn't necessarily talk twice as
uch as the others.
The triumph of space saving will come when someone invents a me thod of folding the room into the wall when it is not in use.
Harold Gladys entertaining? William--I should say so. I talk ed to her about myself all evening and she never interrupted me once.
Surse (to the newest victim); Have you pyjamas "
The Victim (wearily); Mebbe, niss, meble, but the doctor said it was dumoniu,"
The
Philips are celebrating their golden wedding anniversary.
**What
Yes. You see, they have each been married fifty times.
Friend: So ye son is in col.
lege. What is he preparing for
Father: Don't know; but from the way he works me kind of! think he's going to be a diplomat.
The grocer's daughter west to, a squerade bail and met her father there.
Hullo, dad!" she said. How do you like my costume? I'm a salad."
སྐ་
It's nice, my dear," replied her! father. But haven't you forgot" trn the dressing
Mrs. De Claphan: knew she had a good cook and was anxioua not 16 offend her.
Mary," she said to the house. maid, "I don't want you to say anything to cook: but could you manage to find out if any of the salmon was left last night? Don't say anything to her, as I shouldn't
like
to make her feel uncomfort Mary understood, and went about The niness tactfully. Twenty minutes later she returned to her mistress.
1
}
"If you please, ma'am," she re-i ported, the cook finished all the salon last night, and if you was to say anything to her you couldn't make her feel more uncomfortable than she does now."
Motorist (excusing himself for spreding) was hurrying up to town to see my lawyer,
Constable-Well, you'll have some more news for him now!
Mrs. Jones-The Smiths are an ideal couple. He thinks everything of his wife.
Mr. Junes-And I could think anything of you, too, dear.
+
A young man walked into a baker's shop and asked for two dozen loaves. The shopkeeper look- ed surprised.
"Have you a tea party on " he inquired.
21
No," said the man. "Im', work- ing at the menagerie, and the kan. garoo has kicked the elephant, so I want to make a brend poultice."
11
A little girl was put in an upper irth of a Pullman sleeping car for the first time. She kept crying till her mother told her not to be afraid, because God would watch over her
Mother, you there?" she cried. "Yes.
Father, you there?"
;:|
A fellow passenger lost all pa tience at this point and shouted:
we're all here: Your father and mother and brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and cousins. All here; now go to sleep.'
There was a pause; then, very hoftly: Mamma!
"Well "
Was that God !"
That born teller of funny stories, the iniraitable Harry Tate, claims to have discovered the champion mean wan.
He is (says Harry) a coster who one day recently was driving his donar inwly down the Mile End-read, when they were held up by the tralle right opposite a stew- ed eet shop.
"My eyes, Bill" exclaimed the girl, sniffing appreciatively, “ain't that nice
1312
SAYS IT SURE IS A GOOD IDEA SAVING PAPER NOW WHEN HE WANTS TO WRAP UP A BUNDLE HE CAN JUST GO TO THE PAPER
DRAWER
DIVES INTO DRAWER A- ASAIN (MUTTERING PETU
LANTLY THERE MUST BE A PIECE HERE
DIVES INTO MASS OF TISSUE PAPER AND PAPER OF ALL SORTS SIZES AND VARIETIES
AFTER SOME MINUTES SAYS HERE'S A GOOD STOUT PIECE, JUST WHAT
HE WANTS
FINDS A PIECE THAT IS ALL RIGHT IF IT WEREN'T TORN, A PIECE THAT ISNT HEAVY ENOUGH AND KEEPS FINDING THE PIECE THAT WAS TOO SMALL †(Copyright, 1979, by The Betl Syndicate, Inc.)
TRIES TO LOOK AT BACK OF DRAWER, PULLING IT OUT ON
HIS TOE
FINDS THAT NO MATTER WHICH WAY HE PUTS IT ROUND BUNDLE, IT'S STILL MUCH TOO SMALL
AND TWO DAYS LATER, FOLDS AND PUTS IN DRAWER A USELESS BIT) OF PAPER ON THE CHANCE IT WILL COME IN HANDY
SOME DAY
9-14-
SPORT AND ATHLETICS.
BRITISH BOXER OUT FOR HONOURS.
:
THE OFF SEASON...... -
3lary athletes believe that, when they have taken part in their last Jack (Kid) Berg, the Stepney race of the season, they can go light-weight, has already won some out of training and think no more sensational contests since he went. about running till the following to the States, and he scored an season. They are wrong. A great other convincing victory at Dexter deal depends on the way the athlete | Park, New York by stopping Harry Wallace, opponent, shapes his life during the off-sea
of Philadelphia, in the ninth round of a ten round contest.
YQIA.
Ain't what nice ?" asked Bill. Why, them ees, replied the
First, it is a big mistake to go girl. They do smell awful good."
out of training suddenly. A hard Yes, they do smell kind" of tasty.
race as your last meeting, followed "I'll jest edge like" agreed Bil the moke a bit nearer to the kerb an almost complete cessation of
so as you can get a better smell."
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
14
18
[19
22
26
129
31
[&*R & A
14
18
112
16
8
18
24
28
30
32
35
96
£37
க
147
49
144
45
Horizontal.
13.-To whirl.
1. ConverseR.
6.-Scorches.
11-Proportions. 13-Moral address.
14.-Symbol for argent.
15. To thrive. 17--Thus.
18.-Cleaning utensil
-A flower. $1-A bone..
22-Narrow opening. 34.-Evil net.. 23,--Dregs."
30.-Fated.
28.-A fruit. 20.-Refretted
30-To ring loudly.
-A plant.
12-Cencedes.
Foreman.
35.-Pastry
30. French monetary units.
38.-Set aflame.
30-Mislays,
41. To tear.
42-College degree (abbr.).
43.Associate.
43.-Toward.
46,--Flume. 43.-Navigator. 30,- Triex.
31.-Ta sting..
1.---Stuffs,
Vertical,
2-Saxon king defeated by
William the Conqueror.
3-By.
4.-Gratuity.
5.---Kind,
To pereclate.
7-To mistake.
6. Part of " to be."
9.-More hopeful.
10-Self-styled superiors. 12.--Pickled.
16.-Slipped.
19.-Most indigent.
21-Dealer in land.
27. - Trips.
25.-inclines.
27.-Chesa, picers"
-A vegetable.
30.-Smooths feathers.
Aerschal weakness.
32.-Pith.
04.--Lover.
34.-Explosion..
35.-Small skin opening, 37.-Fun.
-Hundred thousand rupees
(plural).
40.-Oceans.
13.-Hole.
44.-Margin. 47.--Pronoun.» 49.--Musical note.
This puzzle took 22 minutes Lo solve. See how long it will take you to solve it.
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
No.1461
P4303 DAKON
PLELOR ARISES
LEILK
ROD
司
EL LOBBB
KFURT RUZB BEADI PLACEH 3213 PLAN8 32
38 74101 341D
B2007 B7182
strenuous exercise, will tend to cause a fatty degeneration of the musele abres which have been deve- loped during your training.
Ideally a nad should always be is enough to turn out at any time and run a fairly strenuous race without fear of aver-strain. The rest he needs is from the nervous strain of competition rather than from physical exercise. This in fact, he must have if he is to keep himself fit. The more strenuous his training has been during the sum- mer the higher the standard of physical condition will be have set himself, and the greater the need for maintaining it by steady exer- cise throughout the winter.
|
A jog trot for mile or so on the fat of the feet at a speed of about six miles an hour, followed by a tepid or cold bath, is one of the finest recipes for physical fit
If this is not possible, slow skipping (about 60 to the minute) in the open air is a fair substituts. The vigour of this exercise will, of course, depend on the indivi-, dual.
PSH.
The great thing to avoid is any Jasting feeling of fatigue, while it should be energetic enough to open the pores.
Berg's lightning blows carried great power, and Wallace was hard pressed to defend himself from the start. He was floored early in the eighth round for a count of "nine" He was down again in the middle of the ninth round, and, when he rose a stiff kidney punch finished him, the referee stopping the bout when he had counted five." correspondent remarks in his com ment on the fight, "Berg's string of searational wing is carrying him inevitably towards Sammy Man- deil, the world's light-weight cham pign, who will, on present form, have a very formidable challenger in the London boy."
A
AMERICAN CUP CHALLENGER,
Sir Thomas Lipton, who was said to have spent nearly £500,000 in trying to lift the American Cup, has arranged with Messrs. Campler and Nicholson, of Gosport, to build his new challenger, Shamrock V. The keel will be laid shortly. Sir Inomas Lipton, who is 79, recently expressed his belief that the new Shamrock, which has been designed by Mr. Charles E. Nicholson, would bring the cup back to England in September, 1930. The challenger will be about 77 feet on the water line, and this measurement will bring the new Shamrock into the 23-metre eluss.
| MICKEY WALKER'S SUOCESS.
Mickey Walker, the world's mid-
dleweight champion, also made a hit on the same night when he won the decision clearly. over Leo Lomaki, popularly known as the
ip
I
ten
"Aberdeen Assassin." round contest in Philadelphia, be- fore 23,000 spectators.
Lomski, who had half a stone ad- 1964 h.to
vantage--he wes Walker's 1st 12 lb-out fought his opponent in the earlier rounds, but. after looking a certain loser Walker rallied strongly, and, outspeeding" and cutboxing his man, made the verdict certain. Walker has de signs on the "eruiser" title vaent- ed by Tommy Loughran, and in this fight fully established his claira as a contender, as Lomski, who is in the first fight of cruisere, was very hard pressed in the third, seventh, and ninth rounds, and only just pulled through.
SMART YOUNG, BUNNER.
The Hawker Club held their an- nual sports at Kingston-on-Thames. A. W. Adams, a young member of the club, was the outstanding com- petitor, being successful in the 100 yards (under eighteen), 440 yards, and 880 yards handicap events. Adams also assisted his depart inent to win the interdepartmental relay race.
G. Kent, another club member, gained a cycling double, winning the mile off 80 yards, and the ten laps contest off 180 yards. H. Pat-, rick also accomplished a double, winning the 100 yards open handi eap and the championship races,
THE WOMAN'S CORNER.
DON'T QUARREL IN FRONT
OF THE CHILDREN..
{EY HESTER WALLACE.]
Mildred's mother makes no se cret of being puzzled and hurt by her children's persistent .refusal to come home for the holidays now they are grown up and have abodes· of their own. And her bewilder. ment is as genuine as her distress,
"It's not as if we had ever been
oppressive parents to them," she so when we were young," she said, "Mum and Dad used to quarrel says, or even the horribly intru-
and that's why I feel on edge all sive good pals that some of the the time I spend at home. modern sort insist on being, to the
"It's unreasonable, because I ultimate revulsion of their young.
know now that their quarrels were "Compared with most of our ac just summer lightning. They'd for, quaintance, we seem to have been
gotten all about them an hour quite outstandingly sensible, toler- later. ant, and jolly. Right from the he. go easy our binning we made watchword, because that seemed the
But I hadn't, especially when I was tiny. Then each one seemed like the end of the world to Jack only way to ensure a perfect rela; and me. I used to be crying my tionship. Is it possible that we self to sleep or waking up from were wrong?"
a nightmare about it, just when they were probably making a joke of it to some intimate friend.
"Feeling On Edge."
Are
"OFFICE-SMART."
you "office-smart ?? The head of a great London office em- ploying hundreds of women coin- plained recently that woman's biggest handicap in the business world was her lack of judgment in dressing for work.
What sort of frock do you wear at your office?
It is the kind that will not at- tract attention! That is the best kind. Fluffy and Ascot-like dresses in an office are not only inappro priate, but arouse comment from your employers, who hate to be dise tracted during working hours. Don't be so unwise! The girl who dresses nestly and quietly not only gets the reputation for being eff cient,, but actually helps herself to efficiency by the knowledge that she is correctly dressed.
And that is how it is with a good many other people I know. Some of the jolliest and sunniest natures are most given to these thunder- storms.
Sometimes just like grown-up children, they even rather like them. I have beard more than ora couple I know well openly rugging one another about displays of tem per us if they were the best joke in the world.
I think that she and her very
Like Grown-Ups, charming husband were perfectly; right. But they overlooked one "And, of course, when. I came to thing which has outweighed all understand that these outbursts their wise resolutions. Mildred, didn't mean anything at all, I felt
And I thought they were, too, who tells me most things since I contemptuous of my fears, and I backed her up on moving out to a am afraid of my parents as well. till I heard Mildred's point of home of her own, let me into the And now-well, that's how it is." view and wondered what it seemed
(Continued at foot of next column). I like to the children.
secret.
The Picture of a Thousand
Thrills
Carl Laemmle presents
The LAST WARNING
starring LAURA LA PLANTE
The startling and
י,
thrilling story of a
group of actors who
dared the unknown.
TT THE
STAR
The
THE
THURSDAY
ΤΟ
SATURDAY
AT
2.30
5.10
7.15
9.20
LOPAARU
COUNTRY DOCTOR
WO
S
At 5.30 ONLY
DOUBLE ATTRACTIONS
SYDNEY CHAPLIN in "SKIRTS
1IM McCOY in "MORGAN'S LAST RAID"
AT THE
WORLD
THURSDAY TO SATURDAY
Continuous Performance FROM 1.15 to 11.15.
STAR THEATRE Commencing TO-DAY EDGAR WARWICK Presents the
WARWICK REVUE Co.
1.
IN REVIEWS OF THE REVUES.
TO-DAY &TO-MORROW
OCT. 10th & 11th
SATURDAY & SUNDAY
OCT. 12th & 13th
MONDAY & TUESDAY
OCT. 14th & 15th
WEDNESDAY & THURSDAY
OCT. 16th & 17th --
CLEVER COMEDY! DELICIOUS DANCING! ELEGANT SETTING!
“THE PEEP SHOW
IN INNUMERABLE PREPS
"HIGH LIGHTS"
A FUN BURST
THE MERRY-GO-ROUND
A JOYOUS MISCELLANY
'AIRY NOTHINGS
*
JUST FOR FUN BOOKING AT MOUTRIE'A AND THE STAR THEATRE
PRICES: 83, 82, $1.
ST. PETER'S GARDEN FETE
is being held in the grounds of St. Peter's Church Young Men's Club At 86, BONHAM, ROAD,
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 12th, at 2.30
"Attractive Stalls, Side-Shows, A Grand Minstrel Concert and
many other attractions.
BRING YOUR FRIENDS.