HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
Mrs. Miggs: Every time you see a pretty girl you forget you're married," Miggs (sorrowfully): "You're wrong, my dear. Nothing drives home the fact with so much force."
Haven't I made you what you are" asked the wife proudly Darling he answered, have I ever reproached you for it?"
"What was all that noise in the kitchen, Mary " "The postmen tried to kiss me, ma'am," I see Naturally, you objected." "Er-no, ma'am. But cook did "
An did lady of 70, returning after 60 years' absence to her na- tive Scottish village, called on a friend of her youth, now 90. Said she," Though I've been lang away, an' I have na written yo, I've never forgotten ye. I've looked regular- ly to see your death in the pa- pers."
"My dear sir," said the pom pous speaker, after the banquet, speaking is nothing to me. Why, As a boy I used to talk fluently in my sleep." "And now,'
," said his bored friend.. you talk in
Ours
Mrs. Simpkins: "I see that our new neighbour has bought a hand- some umbrella stand for her hall." Mr. Simpkina: "And now the makes her husband enter the house through the kitchen and leave his umbrella in the siak.'
A young coloured man asked per- mission of his employer to use the telephone: he wished to speak to a coloured girl employed at another residence. Upon receiving consent he explained. "You see, it's dis
THE HONG
way. I loves dat girl an' wants to ask her to marry me, but, 'fore de prophet I. I ain't got de grit to ask her word out of mouth;" an' so
wants to use 'de 'phone. "I'll jest call her up. Hello! Is dat Dinah Not I will call her." "Hallo! Dat you, Dinah!" "Ye- as Dinah, you knows I thinks a heap of you." "Ye-as."
"An' I bin tryin to make you think- a heep of me. "Ye-as." "I more den thinks a heap of you. I loves you. Dinah," "Ye-as
now, Dinah I-er--wants to ask you if you will marry me "Ye-a, in- deedly! Who is talking to me?"
A newly-rich Jew, buying a planu, was concerned over the size of the instrument. Ho impressed upon the salesman that it must be full-sized-the largest, in fact, that It's for a they manufactured. young and growing girl," he ex- "and I don't want to plained, have to buy her another in a year or two."
!!
The teacher was new. and WBA calling the register after the din
ner hour.
"Sarah Gunn " **Here, miss."
"Jeanic Thomson ?"
There was no answer.
where
Does anyone know Jeanie Thomson lives the teacher asked the class.
A very shy little girl put up her band, then stood up,
Please, yes, miss," she wishper-
ed.,
The shy little girl was sent off to bring the dallying scholar back with her, and duly returned, but alone.
Did you not find Jeanic Thom-. sen7"
The ahy little girl opened -her mouth to speak, hesitated, and then with great difficulty managed to say, "Please, I'm Jeanic Thom son.
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
18 19. 10
12
14
18
116
19
20
22
24.
26
127
128
29
30
31
52
133
134
35
156
197
38
39
41
+
•
142
43
144
45
46
147
49
149
50
151
Horizontal,
མཚེ
1.-Custom.
6. "Grade.
11.-Old name for Spain.
33-Damp and cold.
14.-Negative.
15.-"Saintly.
17. Symbol for oleum. 18.--Basin,
20.-To pry. 21-Colloquial: dance. 29-High-hatter.
24--Conjunction.
25.-Associates.
23.--Questions.
58-Respiration of sorrow. 20.-Sad (colloquial).
30. Sudden pain. 31.-Omen
22.-Mud hole.
34.On the sheltered side..
33.-To scrub.
36.-Russian peasant.
38-Existed.
39.-Toys
41.-The sun.
42.-Alongside
43.-To collect.
45. To perform.
48.-Distant.
48.-Go to bed signál., 50.-Prepares for print. 51-Peruses.
Vertical,
1. Innuendoes.
2.--To tecm.
3-To exist.
4.-Man's name. 5.-Cans.
6--To cat.
7-Hundred thousand rupees, B-Part of “to be” 3. To level
10.Slender. girl.
19-Related on father's side.
13.-Lout.
16.-Aġcs.
19. Ignoramuses,
21.-Argued over.price. 23-To protrude,
Varieties..
27.-Biscuit.
28.-Mournful. 30.Open to all "
31.-Covered with slate. 32-Soft mass of matter. 33-Ate away. 34.-Cognizant. 3-European city. 37.--Runs, 39.-Spots. 40.-Diaparaging remark. 43.-Bed.
44.-Before.
47.-Musical note,
49. Another musical note.
This puzzle took 90 minutes to Bolve. See how long it will take you to solve it..
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
HONLAT ZUZANA GOLBLE
OLTA JO-DBRNA · BIC 13 PREIDED IN 708ZJA ZARRAD
MOCHOD BEANED ABERTZA · DO 20 30000 371 JEVA ZEE: 2BAJ HOTUAL.ZDANJA 37397 BE DEE
DAILY PRESS. TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 1929.
READING ALOUD TO JUNIOR
GLUTAS
JUNIOR ASKS DADDY WILL HE READ ALOUD
READING RESUMES, WITH STOPS EVERY TEN SECONDS WHEN JUNIOR PULLS BOOK DOWN TO SEE THE PICTURES
DECIDES HE CAN SEE BETTER. BY CLIMBING ON DADDY'S SHOULDER
DADDY SUPPRESSES SIGH, PUTS DOWN GOOD MYSTERY BOOK, AND BEANS READING ALOUD ABOUT THE HAPPY FARM ANIMALS
SWIFTS JUNIOR 50 HE CAN SEE, THE PICTURES. BY DODGING
·BACK AND FORTH ROUND JUNIORS HEAD MANAGES TO READ A PAGE
DADDY AFTER HIS SHOULDER- BLADE HAS BEEN GROUND UN- DER JUNIOR'S KNEE, TEUS HIM TO SIT ÎN SEPARATE CHAIR.
Copyright, 1929, by The Bali Syndicate, Indi
SPORT
TILDEN TO RETIRE, The American lawn tennis team, which just failed to wrest the Davis Cup from France, were interviewed before sailing for home from Southampton. W. T. Tilden stated that he has now played his last game as a member of an offi cial American team. Tilden agre-
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
STOPS TO ASSIST JUNIOR WHO HAS DECIDED HE'D RATHER BE IN DADDY'S LAP
JUNIOR BEGINS TO FIDGET AND TICKLE DADDY'S EAR
WADES ON TO END OF HAPPY FARM ANIMALS AND FINDS
THAT JUNIOR LEFT ROOM SOME TIME AGO
8-29
AND ATHLETICS.
year.
"Austin is a great player now," he said, "but the secret of his not quite getting there is that he lacks confidence in himself. If he had the confidence of Cochet he would be the greatest player.
The English women players are on the average better than any in the world," added Tilden. 1
Wightman Cup. but I believe that if you took a bundred English wo men and a similar number of American woman, your players would win seventy-five of the mat.
ches."
+
DIVING CHAMPION.
ed that he might be in England | do not think that they will be able Į about the time of the Wimbledon to overcome the two Helens in the Infoeting next year, but as yet he had made no decision whether he would take part in the champion- ships then. Tilden paid a compli- ment to the championship meeting nt Wimbledon, expressing the opinion that," It is the only lawn tennis tournament in the world won the all-England diving cham
A E. Dickin (Polytechnic 8.0). that can stand on its own feet ir-pionship at Leighton Buzzard with respective of the entrics. If total of 75 points. A. R. Knight Cochet, Lacoste, Borotra, and I (Otter S.C.was second with 74 points, and W. G, T. Burne did not enter for the championships (Otter S.C.), the holder and T. next year, it would not make a Mather (Amateur S.C.), who each shilling difference to the gate. The scored 73 points, were equal third. centre court at Wimbledon, would be packed, no matter who were in the final."
J
LOED BURGHLEY AND FOLEY.
(1st
feet, improved on the record, made seven years ago, by three inches, while Sergt. J. McGowan King's Own Scottish Borderers) created a now Army record by throwing the discus 119ft. 7ins. McGowan completeti a treble by throwing the bammer 194ft. 3ins. and the javelin 159ft. Gina.
Lieutenant Lord Burghley (2nd 'Grenadier Guards), the A.ALA. champion at the distance, won the inches from Sergt. F. Foley (1st. 190 yards burdes championship by Scots Guards) in 15 1-10 secs, both men beating the Army record of 13 2-3 secs, set up by Lieutenant Blackesey, in 1912 and equalled by Lord Burghley when, winning last year, athletes whe
The versatility of these two demonstrated, for Foley had previously won the put- ting the weight championship with 33ft. 10ins, while less than half an hour after his win in the turdles, Lord Burghley ran second in the quarter-mile to Pte. R. Dolar (1st King's Own Scottish Borderers),
who won in 50 7-10 secs., to beat the previous best time, returned by three-tenths of a second.
The Army individual athletica
· IKTER VARSITY MATOH. championship meeting ended at "Cochet is the best player in the Aldershot when Army records ware' Princeton and Cornell beat Ox- men's game to-day," added Tilden, brokon in flat and field events, and ford and Cambridge by nine evente He knows when to do a thing, a sprint double was accomplished to three in the athletic meeting, at and just does it. The French ap- by 2nd-Lieut. A. D. Ward (2nd the Stadium, Travers Island, The preciate the value of every stroke, Dorsetshire Regt), who won the English visitors only won the 100 and that is why they are suprema 100 yards in 10-1-56ccs, and the 220 yards, quarter-mile, and half-mile, in lawn tennis to-day.”
yards in 22 1-5secs., the latter time | Cambridge men won the first two, The American said that he was equalling record. In the pole T. Hampson (Oxford), secured the much impressed by the improve jump Sergt. Toone (1st York and balf-mile in the record time for ment in English lawn tennis this | Lancaster Regt.), by clearing 11these meetings of Imin, 56secs:
Maria Alba, Warren Burke and Lionel Barrymore in a colourful picture of jazz-mad youth !
WILLAM FOX
CALLENTI
ROAD HOUSE
"An exciting-thrilling-thought-provoking story'!
AT THE
QUEEN'S
TO-DAY & TO-MORROW At 2.80, 5.10, 7.159.20,
MARGARET LIVINGSTON & EARLE FOX
IN
SLAVES of BEAUTY
AT THE
STAR
HAROLD
TO-DAY AT 5.30. TO-MORROW± 5.30 & 9.20.
DOUBLE ATTRACTION
LE
LLOYD in GRANDMA'S BOY
TIM MCCOY in "THE ADVENTURER'
AT THE
WORLD
Continuous Performance
FROM 1:15 TO 11.15.
STAR
FORBES RUSSELL COMEDY COMPANY
with
APRIL VIVIAN
Farewell Performance
LAST NIGHT
TO-NIGHT,
At 9.15:
$3,
HER CARDBOARD LOVER"
A comedy adapted by P. G. Wodehouse,
$2,
$1.
Booking at Moutrie's and the Star.
CAUSES OF AIR CRASHES.
PILOTS LACK OF EXPERIENCE.
["D.P." Special Service.]
IMPERIAL CHEMICALS.
BROWN COAL EXPERIMENTS.
IN AUSTRALIA, .........
Sydney-Important experiments are being undertaken by Imperial Chemicals, in conjunction with the Victorian Electricity Commission, Washington. The pilot's lack of on the extraction of oil from brown training is the greatest single coal deposits, of which the Con- factor contributing to the inéreas mission has immense reserves. In ing number of airplane crashes, connection with this co-operative Edward P. Howard, chief of the arrangement, a company has been air regulations bureau of the formed in Melbourne, with Department of "Commerce said,' capital of £50,000, entitled "Syn- recently. Mr. Howard pointed out, thetic Coal and Oil Products," The however, that in spite of the fre directors include Sir, W. Lennon quency of crashes recently the rate-Raws, the Australian representative of plane accidents in proportion to of Imperial Chemicals; Mr. B..E. the number of hours flown is de Todhunter, also representing Im- creasing,
perial Chemicals; Mr. "Essington Not only are more planes in Lewis, general manager of the Instead of bread and butter operation, to-day, he said, but each Broken Hill Proprietary Company; provide
plane is averaging more hours in Mr. Colin Fraser, chairman of They are so quickly made. Tako the air than a year ago. Therefore Broken Hill South, and other lead- Dr. Herman, the technical expert
THE WOMAN'S CORNER.
SIMPLE HARD WEARING CLOTHES THE BEST.
*
A smart ensemble consist of a
DO YOU KNOW?
FOR VERANDAH TEAS.
fresh buttered
scones,
eight ounces flour, s teaspoonful he continued, what seems to be an ing business men cream of tartar, half an gunce increase in accidents actually re
Я
sugar, half-teaspoonful salt, quas presente & decreased rate and in-of the Electricity Commission, ter-pint milk, hall-teaspoonful, bicar. creased safety. The latest figures states that the present steps are the
available show that slightly more most important action that has been.. bonate soda, an ounce margarine.
Rub the fat into the flour and add than 50 per cent of airplane ac taken to establish the production all dry ingredients. Mix stifly with idents are attributable to the of oil from brown coal. Technical- "human " rather than the me-ly, oil undoubtedly can be so pro- duced, but further, investigations must be made to ascertain if the
under Australian conditions., processes can be used commercially
the milk and knead until smooth on
1
Butter is one of the many entables Plain Coloured linen is fashion- able: this season for both dresses which will not keep during the hot and three-piece suits; but it creases weather, and the first thing to do so easily that it only looks smart when purchasing is to see that it for a few minutes after it is put on, and is more bother than it is worth. has a fresh, pleasant smell. If this The women who choose simple, is not so, it may be assumed that hard wearing clothes, that will con all the buttermilk has not been tinue to look tidy in spite of ill-washed out, treatment, and that can be easily packed and washed, are the women water has been left. in its keeping an inch thickness and cut into
Butter should be quite dry; if a foured board. Roll out to half chanical" factors involved.
Structural Failure, who will look the smartest and qualities are impaired. The colour triangular pieces or into round
"The structural failure of planes enjoy the summer the most.
should be the same throughout, and pieces with a pastry cutter. Brush which are properly handled has
It is known that various grades not present a mottled appearance. over with milk and bake on a been largely eliminated," he said. of light and heavy oil, including When butter has turned rancid it floured, tin in a hot oven until Also revised designs and new petrol, can be produced from brown white crepella dress made as plana be sweetened by washing and brown. This quantity makes eight engineering systems practically con] by carbonisation and a special ly as possible and worn under kneading in now milk, and after scones.
haye eliminated accidents due to short plain coloured linen double wards washing in cold water.
of hydrogeneration. Large You can sprinkle in a few seed- the instability of planes, which quantities of brown coal have heen breasted coat made like a man's,
less raisins to give variety if you formerly resulted in tendencies to sent to England for testing. with collar, rovers and slit pockets.
spin.
Improvement along these The company proposes to acquire. A linen belt to match the cost
Queen Cakes.
lines has been worked out by the brown coal leases at Gellianade, warn on the dress and a linen hat
In the way of small cakes, Queen | department in co-operation with South Gippsland, and the Govern both add to the smart effect of the thin patterned materials with an
ment Mines Department has bored uneven hem-line, while the other cakes are usually favourites. For manufacturers of planes. whole suit.
This left the personnel factor by in that district, on behalf of the A three-quarter length cost of has an even hem-line, and is much the Queen enkes take 4028, butter,
contributing to company, ". 6oza. flour, 4oza, sugar, two eggs, far the greatest printed linen is extremely useful, more simple.
3028, currants, 1oz. peel, i-tenspoon- aircraft accidenta Accidents re- because it can be worn over sleeve-
The materials used for the plain-ful baking powder, pinch sait, aulting from bumaa failures are less washing dresses or used as a ed:frocks are crêpe de chine, either
not always the result of improper tablespoonful milk. beach coat over a beach suit. plain or with pin dots, and geor
Sift the flour and baking powder training. Statistics show, however, struction of pilots Some schools. Cretonne makes
quite-pretty gette in small patterns or spots, and add the salt. Cream the batter that nearly one-third of all ar are turning out pilots to fly, alone dresses, but it is not nearly so quod crêpe antra, plajn or with pin dote, and sugar together and add the eggs cidents result from poor technique' long before they have bad enough for chain at the printed linen, which and georgette in a very small check and flour gradually.
on the part of the pilot... 2 experience. Most of the crashes has more body to it, so hangs better pattern."
Beat in the fruit and add the Poor technique." he went on, involving poor techrie, he pointed and looks smarter,
Organdie neckbands or collar and milk Less than a tablespoonfulointe, to poor training and to out, occurred during the early cuffs make the dress look fresh and may be required. The mixture poor dying schools. The depart periods of flying. smart, and small frills of the same should be of a thick creamy consist ment's efforts to eliminate the per- Mr. Howard cited for proof of material as the frocks, abirring, or ency Grease Queen cake tins, and sonnel factor in plane crashes has his statements the smaller number bands in win tucks inset, are used fill them two-thirds full. Bake in a been directed at improving the inel accidents on regularly tablish to break the long line of the bodice, moderate oven fifteen minutes. (Continued at foot of next column), ed air lines.
There are two distinct types of afternoon dresses this summer One is the very elaborate dress in (Continued at foot of next column),
N
like.