HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
An undergraduate who spends a good deal of his time attempting to epulate Major Segrave had a birthday recently, and his father asked him what he desired,
"Oh," said the young man, give me something suitable for a racing motorist."
Very well," said his father. Next day he presented his young hopeful with a will form.
Told that a schoolboy had doñn- ed a vacuum as a large empty space where the Pope lives." an old lady laughed, and said. Dear te, how funny. But why the Pope":
Vicar: Ah! Mrs. Maggs, I too have had to pinch all my life to make both ends mee
Mrs. Muggs: "Lor, sir,' ain't it luck you were never enught 20
"Come, come, you shouldn't re- Fuse to lend me incney. One'friend should always be willing to help another."
I know it, but on will insist on always being the other."
He: "Let's kiss and make up?"t She: If you'll be very careful I won't need to."
..
His fellow-clerks gathered round hin when the news of his engage ment became public property and extended congratulations. But," said one man. "I understand the girl you are engaged to is a twin. How do you tell the difference be tween her and her sister "Well, it's a jolly nice family," said the lucky man
and I don't bother very much."
Mr. Hooney (just back from his Honeymoon): "Ah, once, a man įs married he's at the end of his troubles! Mr. Mooney (thirty years married) and?"
Yes--the wrong
The literary girl was talking Think of it she said: "imagi. ne those Spanish, hidalgos going three thousand miles ou a galleon." Yes, dear," said Mrs. Newdibs.
But, really, can you believe all you
hear about those foreign
リ
"What! Ten dollars an hour for hire of a boat? Perhaps you've not considered that this girl is only my sister,"
"Here, doctor, is my latest pie ture Now what do you think of ine ?""
"I'm Are you addressing the man, or the medical practitioner "
She: Was Maud in a bright red frock at the hockey dance 7" BeSome of her, darling: some of her."
"Can you give a poor man three- peace for a cup of coffee, mister !! A cup of coffee costs only two- Yes, But I want mine pence
with cream."
Misa Green: Jack says he will be miserable unles: 1 marry him."
Mrs. Wyse: That's what my husband said, my drar but I found out later that it wasn't devotion:
he was simply cine of those people who can't be happy unless they are having their own way,"
The Husband: "I see that Press- y, who died the other day, left would you like to be his widow ?" his wife half a million. How
The Wife: "You know, dear, that i would rather be yours."
Teacher: Tummy, can you tell me one of the uses of a bullock's hide Tommy: Yesir. It keeps the beef together."
Bill Bricklayer met Ned Navvy, whóin he had not seen for months. Hello. Ned:" he cried. "What sort o'luck are you having "It's right out!" answered the other mondily. "I torstiny missus, I forst my canary, and I lost my dorg. Yus, an he was
good dorg!"
CROSSWORD PUZZLE,
15
.
17
16 97
18
19
22
23
32
18
37
C3
48
50
150
58
59
Horizontal.
1-Part of & play. 4.-Mother.
e-Boxing match.
--Cutting tool.
11.-Cloth seller.
13-External remedy.
14.-Prefix: half.
16.Automobile,·
18.-Horse feed.
19,--While.
20.-Object.
99.-Third note of scale,
93.--Pronoun.
24.-To affect.
24.-Half a dozen.
28.-Antenna.
· 30.-Blackened.
32. To talk.
33.-Large wave.
34. To cover with gilt again.
37.-Embarrassed.
40.-Part of "to be."
41-Kind of dog.
42.Tbus.
44-Italian river.
46. Substantial. 47.---French for and
48.-Arm Bone,
50.-Shelter,
51. Real estate map.
53.-Pertaining to society. *55.-Ghost.
57.-Organ of head.
68. Alongside.
53.-Compass point. 00.-Diocese.
Vertical
1. To find the sum.
2-To call into being. 3.-Scotch caps.
4.-Prongun.
5.-Bowman.
6.A jewel. 7.-Conjunction. 6-Asiatic country, D-Lively. 10.-Existed.
12-Jumbled type. 14.-Negative.
17.-Island
20.-sopranos.
1.-Clished teeth, 25.-Supposing that.
4-Braid, 31.-Gloomy.
27. A fish.
99,-To urge, 31.-Sheep. 31.Egyptian god. 35.-To hire. 36.-Wittily. 37.-Tendons. 38.-Property.
3H.-To act.
42.-To regret. 45.-At one time. 47.-Greek island. 45.-Custom.
49.-A sloth.
51. Father.
52.-Articles.
3
5-1-Able-bodied seaman (abbr.); 66.-Prefix: again.
This puzzle took 23 minutes to solve. See how long it will take you to solve it.
SATURDAY'S SOLUTION.
20.1446
20303 0UZAB DEBIBEL URGE 40 PAEZIJE 230 101LB. VELE LEDS 7 KANORS OPZI
■ DUB AID ZBIRDS ARI 10284042 BERA RUN BELDISDAII: KR 017IJE JRZEPB
THE
HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 23. 1929.
SUBURBAN HEIGHTS-NIGHT HAZARDS
SAYS HE'S GOING TO RUN OVER TO FRED PERLEY'S FOR A SECOND TO SEE IF HE WANTS TO PLAY GOLF SAT-
URMAY
FORGETS ABOUT THE PERLEY CROQUET SET, CATCHING TOOT NEATLY IN A WICKET
ALMOST TRIPS ON THE LOOSE BOARD IN PORCH STEPS WHICH HE'S BEEN MEANING TO FIX FOR SEVERAL WEEKS
CONTINUES CAUTIOUSLY FEELING EACH STEP. REACHES PERLEY PORCH STEPS AT LAST
WILLAD (Copyright, 1929, by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.)
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
CONTINUES ACROSS LAWN MUTTERING HOW DARK IT I
DISCOVERS THAT ONE OF THE PERLEY CHILDREN HAD LEFT A PLAY-CART ON TOP STEP.
PICTURES AND
BARKS ANKLE ON LAWN-] NOWER WHICH HE THOUGHT HE HAD PUT AWAY
MUTTERS HANG TRED, HANG GOLF AND HEADS WEARILY FOR HOME VIA THE SIDE- WALK
8-28"
PLAYS.
Some very fins subjects Have been chosen in this country. The capture of the year is "Journey's End," to which All Quiet on the Western Froat" seems a less effective Ame- The Case of Sergeant Grischa," rican answer than would have been which many critics would like to sce directed by Griffith. "Atlantic," selected by Walter Mycroft for British International, should also be a picture on the grand scale, and very exceptional interest attaches to the Alpha picture to be based on Quida's Moths." In this story of a poor boy who becanes a great operatic tenor, Tom Burke will be: Why, for example, has no one yetumphed-as, for example, Joe the star, and excerpts from "announced the production in talk, | Quinney, Trovatore," Faust," and, "Pag-ing picture form of Murder on linci, which are necessary to the the Second Floor," the new play at action of the plot, will be sung by the Lyrie! This play, written by début as a dramatic or straight the Carl Rosa Opera Company Frank Vosper, is iden talking This is an undertaking of real picture material, and all the play merit, but generally our story-ers at the Lyric speak so excellently buyers are woefully lacking in and act with such spirit and pre-presented at the Arts Theatre. Club imagination.
cision that Murder on the Second in London. Miss Gich, who might Floor could be transported bodily well be labelled "Little Golden- from the Lyric to a talking-picture locks," both acted and articulated studio.
seldom seem to choose a story. It his long-awaited reappearance on usually appears that stories have the London stage recently after two been thrust upon them. And the years' absence therefrom by reason explanation of this pitiful situa-of severe illness. This happy return tion, which is paralysing produc-occurred at the Haymarket, where pany employing a student of drama tion, is that we have only one com- the popular Harry achieved so many successes aforetime. Although, to buy stories, and only one com apparently, somewhat startled by pany in which a student of drama his long and overwhelming recep- would not he submerged by sales- tion, Mr. Ainley soon proved him- mea, who prate about entertain-self to be in fine form. Happily, ment value," which is merely a too, the play in which he returned, catch word, the meaning of which to these classic boards provided his they have not begun to comprehend. with one of those big character parts in which this still ringing-voiced tragicomedian has so often tri..
Their irresolution which faced with the necessity of making a de- cision is pathetic. It is the rule rather than the exception for film companies, in England, which is the cradle of modern drama, to offer na an excuse for their pictures the untenable alibi that there is a famine in story material. They
***
Dorothy Gish made a successful actress in the American comedy" calle "Young Lore," written by Samson Raphaelson and privately
with marked effect. When she has checked a mannerism of shoulder- Welcomed by hundreds of wires, shrugging and censes to stoop so letters, and other messages, and as to foreshorten her delightful above all by the enthusiastic and figure she should do good work and affectionate plaudits of as many be much in demand for the once- true playgoers as could be crowded again-said-ta-be-doomed "regular into the theatre, Henry Ainley made · drams.
THE WOMAN'S CORNER.
CAN WOMEN OF TO-DAY MAKE, LOVE?
[BY MURRAY LESLIE.]
"The chief shortcoming of the girl of to-day is an inability, none the less profound because artfully concealed, to make love."
tings, close-fitting felt bats, lip. stick; her very appearance is stand- Ardised.
Machine Made Articles, "Her mind if divided into small, water-tight compartments, and only thoughts of a size and nature to be pigeonholed therein and a place.
“The ingdera girl, and I speak of the rule and not the exception, like other machine aade "articles, ia without artistry."" The speaker ended upon a faintly cynical note. Women and whisky are not what they were before the war. Both are under proof,"
a previous chance conversation with! This last remark called to mind
a young man.
You know," be had said, "the average girl bores Talk had turned to the younger day that my closest women friends me to tears. I realised the other
generation and the characteristics are all women over thirty. of the self-styled "modern" girl "They have a sophistication that had come under discussion. The isn't confined to knowing the newest point had not arisen previously and night club or the more intimate the speaker was asked to expand his views. "It is aimply this," he
Laid.
"details of divorce cases.
They are good listeners, though they themselves can speak to the point, and above all, they don't judge upon men by the money- standard."
DO
YOU KNOW?
When the corkscrew has gone astray at the critical moment, a very good substitute can be made with an ordinary screw and a piece of string, Attach the string to the
screw, and use in the same manner as a corkscrew.
A screw which has become tightly embedded in woodwork. con be loosened by applying paraffin round the head and allowing to stand for a time.
"TO ENJOY SEA-BATHING.
Kemember that:-
You thould not bathe after a "heavy meal.
Bathing before breakfast should only be indulged in by the robust.
"
It is not wire to go into the water when you are feeling very:
tired.
You will have an excellent op portunity for a sunbath after your dip, but be careful not to overdo it, for the pain from a acorched and inflamed akin may spoil an borrow the
otherwise enjoyable holiday,
QUEEN'S
"NO CONTROL!"
Anexciting farce comedy packed with laugh provoking situations, infections humour and fast action-
*
TO-DAY at 2.30, 5.10, 7.15 & 9.20.
KARL DANE & GEORGE K. ARTHUR
IN
BROTHERLY LOVE
AT THE
STAR
ONE SHOWING at 5.30 Only.
• DOUBLE ATTRACTION
HAROLD LLOYD in
GRANDMA'S BOY
TIM MCCOY in "THE ADVENTURER
AT THE
WORLD
.
Continuous Performance
Frox 1.15 TO 11.15.
STAR
FORBES RUSSELL COMEDY COMPANY
with
APRIL VIVIAN
Farewell
TWO
Performances
UGHTS ONLY
TO-NIGHT, At 9.19.
TO-MORROW,
At 9.15.
$3,
"BY CANDLE LIGHT” Now packing the Prince's Theatre.
* HER CARDBOARD LOVER"
A comedy adapted by P. G. Wodehouse.
SL
$2,
Booking at Moutrie's and the Star.
"WOMEN'S PLACE IN THE
GOSPELS.
CHARACTER STUDIES IN A NEW BOOK,
LATEST MARTYR TO. SCIENCE.
FRENCH SPECIALIST'S TERRIBLE DEATH..
Dr. Pierre Marie, of the Pai- Character studies of wamen whose
teur Institute laboratory in Paris, stories are related in the four
has died a martyr to 'science from Gospels have been made by Miss A.
botulism, the deadly food-poison- Christitch in a comprehensive book
ing disense which claimed a num- she has compiled (The Women of
ber of victims in Great Britain the Gospel," Burns, Oates, and
some years ago and which for years' Washbourne, Ltd., (Pa. ed.).
he had been trying to combat. "Throughout the pages of the Dr. Marie for two weeks suffer- four Gospels," states Miss Chrised untold agony as the deadly. titch, there is no record of a disease, which causes. a slow and woman's rejecting the word of painful death by, gradual paraly- we told of any sis of the organs, while leaving the Christ, nor are woman taking part in the moral intelligence intact, continued its and physical tortures inflicted upon ravages hours by hour, until death Him during His Passion.
released him.
Dangerous Power, The scientist, who
only thirty-eight years old, had been ex- perimenting with the object of dis- covering a serum which would act as an antidote to botulismi. A fortnight ago, while he was crush- ing in his laboratory the danger- sus toxic powder which he hoped. would serve the purpose, a minute particle lodged in his left eye. Two days later he realised he was in- fected with the disease.
"There can be no doubt that women were included in the crowds mentioned by the tour Evangelists ux following the Divine Master dur ing His ministry. Matthew (xiv., 21) tells us that the multitude which had eaten of the five loaves and two | fishes, miraculously multiplied in the desert, numbered 5,000 men 'besides women and children.'
"In Chapter XI., Verse 27, Luke speaks of a certain woman from the crowd lifting up her voice,' and the various accounts of the cures
His eyes became infamed, and effected by the Redeemer reveal that the lids closed. Then the mouth women were usual among His fol- and throat became paralysed, and lowing.
in turn the arms, shoulders, and Again, who but the mothers in the opened, nourishment had to be the legs. As the mouth could not the crowd would have brought given through the nose. children that He might bless them 1 Tho
Thus we see that women ever sought to be in His viripity and to listen to His teaching.”
victim retained all his mental lacidity throughout this terrible ordeal, and followed the "The modern girl can flirt, but
course of the deadly disease, evcu Miss Christitch delineates the commenting on its tragic progress. of the real art of lovemaking sho
Women to-day, to knows nothing. She has no tech-clubman's simile, fall broadly into
various figures she has drawn with- Once he asked to have his eyelids in her book with delicacy and a opened in order that he could soo nique and, of a consequence, no two classes-pre-and post-war.
notierable economy of words. his nails. "They are turning charm. Pre-conceived and cheaply-
Finally the writes:
blue," he managed to articulate; The former carned their freedom
Jesus did not actually pro- "then I am done for." cynical theories, picked up for the from many of the trammelling bonda the door to freedom for a youngergounce on the position of women. most part in talk from others of her voluntarily and in the main efficient
of Victorianism. They stepped generation, which, blinded by the He did far more: He acted. Thus
prospect of an economic independ- He counted women among His age, are applied to each and every ly into the gapa that the war made
Woman: at Tottenham: She called ence, has cheerfully relegated love friends; He discussed theology with me the scum of the earth," and I in Britain's personnel..
und marriage to a position secondary them; He marked them out for called her a "fat thing." to what is known as'n' "' carcer," All manner of jobs—most of them
specie apostleships; He selected Willesden magistrate: Where did Love has thus itsell become more rough, few of them pleasant-were
them to be the instruments of com- you catch the prisoner 7. Police of a diversion than an art- thingmunicating the fundamental truths man: In the back of his neck, «ir, tackled in very heroic fashion,
permissible now and then in the of His mission; and, above all, it Then came the Armistice after-
Mr. J. A. R. Cairna, Thames to admit it, is a typical product of math. Those women had opened which must go to the wall when
ecurse of a mild affair," but one was upon the fiat of a woman that magistrate: I cannot have this He made the salvation of the human court made a wringing machine for a faachine-made age,, Nudo stock-1 (Continued at foot of next column), 1 business calle
race dependent."
wringing guineas out of husbands.
man.
די
It
To her mind, men are stand- ardised articles, for to-day's young woman, though she would be loth