HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
Bertie: What do you do when a man tries to kiss you
Bessie: I tell every girl I know."
"Well, do you want a meal bad enough to work for it"
"I'm just hungry, madam, not desperate.
Tracher: " Willie, you got your home work 100 per cent correct; how did you do it ?"
Willie did it myself, this time
Priscilia: "Grandma doesn't look like an old woman now she's had an Eton crop, does she "
Perry: No: she looks like an
old man.'
¡'
"Now, Herbert. how many sen- sons are there ?"
"Two"!
"Only two Name them." "Cricket and football."
Officer: Now tell me what is your idea of strategy.
Private: It is when you don't let the enemy know that you're out of ammunition, but keep on firing.
Anutie May was congratulating her niece on her engagement,
Well, Patricia," she said, "I'm glad to see you've landed à inan at last.
Patricia was her father's daugh ter. and Patricia's father was a keen amateur, fisherman.
* Yes, Auntie,” she replied,."but "you ought to have seen the oze
that got away."
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS. TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 10,
Bill: "What makes you think ancient buildings are of so much better construction than the mo- dern homes?
Jim: Well, for one thing they've lasted longer."
**That was It weird cook you set me," complained the house- wife.
Perhaps so," replied the em ployent agent, sweetly, bat. you'll have to admit she wasn't un- "canny."
Why has this lobster a claw missing, waiter "
The lobsters we serve are so fresh, Sir, that we can't stop them fighting with each other in the kitchen."
Very well. Take this away, and bring me one of the winners.
Maid (who has left a note in the esapty bottle asking for a quar: instead of the usual pint): | “Didn't yọn get my note first thing
this morning?"
Young Milkman (who thought he had made an impression); "I did, miss, but I didn't like to read it till I got home."
1
The Aberdonian pulled a brother Scot from the water just before he went down for the third time.
I'll remember ye in ma wuli "for this," exclaimed the rescued
'But. mon," said the other, would ye no prefer to cut me off
shillin' hoa ?"`
A policeman on his best noticed two nights running that a certain house was illuminated in every room until early in the morning. The following is a brilliant enlly On the third night he knocked at ance heard during a debate in the the door and pointed out this, fact Glasgow University Union: Ito the householder. have all my brightest ideas in my "Oh, no." said the owner. "it'a bath," declared the speaker, who quite intentional, my dear chap. was holding "the floor but by no You see, my wife has been away the house. Immediately for a fortnight, and I've written means another gentleman arose and said to her to tell her of the lonely Mr. Speaker, sir, I propose that evenings I've spent. at home, and this house adjourn in order that now I'm just making sure that the gentleman may take a bath." the meter doesn't give me away
2
32
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
135 236
140
16
B
16 117
10 19
20 21
422
20
29
24
128
29
30
132
07
141
145
146
47
148
49
150
151
$2
€55
156 2057
61
+62
62
69
65 166
68
69
#7
36
A
59 60
FAMILY PARKING
SAYS THERE'S A 600D PLACE TO PARK, AND IT'S ONLY FOUR BLOCKS FROM THE MOVIE
AFTER ALTERCATION WITH DRIV- ER BEHIND WHO WANTS TO KNOW WHAT HE MEANS BY STOPPING WITHOUT SIGNALING,
BACKS UP
ARRIVES AT VACANT PLACE AND FINDS IT'S OCCUPIED BY A HYDRANT. DRIVES ON
FAMILY IN CHORUS IS SURE THAT IF THEY DRIVE ON THEY "CAN FIND A PLACE TO PARK NEARER THE MOVIE. DRIVES ON.
AFTER A GOOD DEAL OF BACK- ING AND FILLING AND FENDER TICKING, TINDS CAR IS JUST TOO LONG TO GET INTO SPACE
PARKS, AT LAST, IN FRONT OF APARTMENT HOUSE. DOOR- MAN COMES OUT TO SAY' NO PARKING HERE! PRIVES' ON
(Copyright, 1929. by The Bell Syndicate, inc.)
SPORT AND
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
STOPS SUDDENLY ON SHOUT FROM. REAR SEAT "THAT HE JUST PASSED A 600D PLACE
DRIVES ON, VERY ELDOMY, UN- TIL WIFE CAUS OUT BRIGHTLY, HURRAH, SHE SEES A VACANT PLACE IN THE NEXT BLOCK)
HEADS BACK FOR PLACE FIRST FOUND WHICH IS NOW OCCUPIER PARKS, AT LAST, SIX BLOCKS FROM MOVIE..
ATHLETICS.
AUSTRALIAN LEAGUE TEAM,
REFEREE STOPS CONTEST.
Gorman by ten pounds at The Ring, tre three-quarter, hae been select- "Billy Adair outweighed Chris T. Gorman, the Queensland cen
Gorman
1929.
A STORY THAT REVEALS GANGLAND'S ETHICS AS TO SQUEALING [**.
ROMANCE
THE
OF
UNDERWORLD!
PRESENTED by
WILLIAM
THE LIFE OF THE SHADY SIDE OF A "GREAT OLIY GRAPHICALLY PICTURED!
AT THE
QUEEN'S TO-DAY & TO-MORROW
BEN'S
A LAVISH
GLOUCESTERSHIRE'S WILL TO
WIN,
A splendid example of the will, nnd won in the ninth round of aed to captain the Australian Rugby to vin found expression at Glou fifteen-round contest, on the inter-League football team to tour Engcaster, where Gloucestershire, re-
land. His selection Was vention of the referee.
antici- peating their victory against Mid- pated, as for some years now, he must have been unduly impressed bas heca ene of the outstanding dlesex earlier in the season, won by by Adair's éxcessive poundage since personalities in the Rugby League eight wickets. he showed a woeful lack of enter football world. This season his form Their remarkable triumph appear- prise and resource. This, in spite has not been quite as high as ined very unlikely at the beginning of the fact that he split Adair's lip previous years, but there is no mi of the day, but the sagacity and and ear early in the fight. Gorman taking his tactical knowledge of the courage of B. H. Lyon, whe, follow- wasted much time exhibiting a game, and he should prove a fineing a great innnings by Hammond, negative form of cleverness by captain. The duties of vice-captain retreating to the ropes and stand will fall upon P. Maher, of South declared when his side obtained u ing with his back to them while he Sydney and New South Walee. He first innings lead of one ran with ducked and dodged many blows first came into prominence by lendeix wickets down, found magnificent Adair aimed at him. Finally he was ing the combined country team to support in a characteristic bowling caught by one of these blows in the victory against the city last season, feat by Parker, the climax to ninth round, and Adair, quick to and his form was so impressive that great day's cricket being furnished press home his advantage, rained he not only gained inclusion, but by the home county hitting of the punches on his rival and forced him eventually led the State
Decessary 11 rons for victory in to the ground. The referee wisely successfully against Queensland, stopped a fight which had become His appointment will give general wearisome.
satisfaction. He is
One of the soundest as well as most popalur players in Australia,
COTTERELL UNLUCKY,
Sergt. W. M. Cotterell, who has won the Army three miles cham- pionship eight times, had bad luck when this event was decided at the opening of the army individual championships. He ran with an in- jured heel tenden, and was chal- lenging the leader, Private Elwin (2nd Royal Tank Corps), during the last lap when he crocked and had to retire leaving Elwin to win easily in 15mins. 18secs.
The high jump championship was completed and won by Lieut. H. R. Norman (2nd Coldstream Guards) (Continued on nezi Column),
tedm
for the third year. He cleared ft. loina., nearly two inches better than when he won twelve months ago. Lieut. T. P. Saunders (Cameron Highlanders), the 1997 champion, was second,
Sergt. F. A. Foley (1st Scote Guards), had the best time in the qualifying heats of the 120 yards burdles, doing 15 secs., but Lord Burghley (2nd Grenadier Guards), the A.A.A. champion, who won the title last year, will again be in the final, his best time being 16.3-5sEĽA.
eighty-five minutes.
Hammond laid the foundation for' the success by his fine batting early in the day, for he faced the keen and accurate Middlesex attack with confidence, combining sure defence. with some vigorous driving that brought him four 6's and five 4's during his stay of three and a half
hours.
Middlesex had 117 on the board for the loss of five wickets, but the were helpless remaining batsmen against Parker and Goddard, the other five men being dismissed for an addition of 4 runs.
Parker signalised his return to the Gloucestershire team by achiev- ing his best performance of the sea- son in taking seven wickets at a cost, of five runs apiece,
At 2.80, 5.10, 7.15 & 9.20.
GERMAN PRODUCTION:
ROSENKAVALIER
With HUGUETTE DUFLOS & PAUL HARTMANN.
AT THE
WORLD
TO-DAY & TO-MORROW
At 5.15 & 9.20,
At 2.30 & 7.15
CHINESE PICTURE "THE UNCONQUERABLE"*'
TIM MCCOY:
*IN
MORGAN'S
LAST RAID
AT THE
STAR
TO-DAY
AND
TO-MORROW
At 5.30 & 9.20.
Horisontal.
1.-Goddess of discord.
5.-Pertaining to the car.
0. Public vehicle.
12.-To repose.
13. Negligible quantity.
14. To bastun. 18.-Like.
16. To hollor. 18.-A digit. 30.-Pronoun. 22.-To relate. 24. To confront. 27.-Hastened. 29.--To judge. 31.-By,
32.-Rows.
34.-Beloved.
38.-Behold!
37.-Pertaining to South Ameri-
enn mountains.
39.-Packed away,
41.-Symbol for tantalum, 12-Cloak.
44. To soak.
45.--Possessive pronoun. 47.-Clock face.
40.-Suits
30.-Gael.
32-Falsified.
84.--Symbol for nickel.
-Great age."
57.-Shower.
59.-Part of to be.
81-A number.
63.-Greek war god.
65-Spanish cooking pot 47.-Negative.
€8.--Commanded.
80.A file.
1.--Age.
Vertical.
-Appearing to be upside down.
3.-Exista.
4.-Pen.
5.---Lubricated.
3.-Rang slowly.
7-Pronoun.
9.-A feline, D.Inoxpensive. 10,--A sloth.
11.--To exist.
17-French for and,
19.- From.
21-To sow.
23.--Drugs.
93.-inhabitants of China. 26-Wears away.
-Pertaining to electricity at
rest.
23-Hauled.
30-Rugs.
33-Carnelian.
35-Covering.
39.-Spike.
40.-To wreck. 43.-Coupled.
46.Rain and hail:
:48-To rent.
51. Toward.
5.-Prefix: through. 56. To saiza.
58-Conjunction. 60.-Chart. 61.-Upon 62.-Negative.
64. Ancestor of Pharaohs. C6.-Musical note.
This puzzle took 94 minutes to! solve. See how long it will take you to solve it.
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
No.1436
243 OZOT DET IRE DINE ZEME ECHOED MOD ·DO
OTYABOR ZIE BALT ZAR FELL
ERG ODDELI TO BELVERY
ALL FON DIE ORD. DAB ZZZD UK VOE 872
PDE: APRENJ [107ABET RIO AIDAKED CER
THE WOMAN'S CORNER.
FURNITURE AS A FOIL
TO LIFE...
Those who have analysed the modern trend in furnishing will have discovered in it a marked tendency toward the simple and the severe, towards elimination and reduction- and this in an age when life appears steadily to grow in complexity and complication.
At all costs we must have an
| THE BEAUTY OF FLOWERS,
There is an art in picking flowers and another in arranging them. For instance, an odd number of li fairly large aingle blooms such as roses are arranged easier than an even number, and have better effect.
A mistake many people make is to overcrowd their vases, and so the full beauty of each individual bloom is lost.
Be sure if you are mixing the quar-
Paradoxical as this phenomenon may at first seem to be, it is never- antidote to our motoring, our danc flowers that they will not theless nothing more than a case of ing, our discussions, our careera.rol." This results in a quick death cruse and effect. Intolerable it We have arrived at the stage when would be to find within one's home decoration and ornament, as such, for one kind or the other! Red" no antidote to the incessant strain are no longer defausible. All must put in water with others of another roses, for instance, die if they are of latter-day existence.
be cut out that is essential or that
colour. cannot justify itself in use.
We have tried in the past the shrill flamboyance of Poiret, the crude colour and angularity of the Futurists, the Cubists and a host of their followers and we have turned from these to what?
In Search of Rapos. To stark white walls that might belong to a monastic retreat, to furniture that might have been made by a Bavarian peasant in the winter. evenings, to woollen hangings that might have been spun, dyed and woven by a medieval housewife, to sparsely covered floors, to the irre- ducible minimum in accessories.
Why? Because only ao can we find quietude, reposc. Suddenly we have found the panelling of the Stuarts, the sophisticated contours of Queen Anne, and the elegance of the Georges 'too exacting in the de- mands upon our admiration, our at- tention, our eyes, our brains,
Outlets of Victorianiam,
N
On the whole, it is advisable to arrange each kind of flower separ- The woman of the seventeenth and ately, but a "garden pony" is de- eighteenth centuries, despite her lightful, especially if it is arranged still-room and her embroideries, was in a large bowl a quaint old jug probably glad of the occupation of for the centre of a dining-table. dusting the complex mouldings and In a garden posy ench flower carvings of chairs and cabinets, of should be different and a perfect cleaning mirror and picture frames, combination of colour can be achiev- and keeping brassea and silver in ed. The old-fashioned flowers seem perfection of surface...
to lend themselves the beat of this Not so the twentieth century purpose. Sweet Williams, corn- pinks, snap-dragons, woman, with her profession, her flowers, car, her club, and her manifold in- mignonette, poppies, honeysuckle, terests.
delphiniums, and La France roses | If her home is still to something are all charming massed together.
more than a place to sleep in, it. must yet learn not to make undue Always, it will be found, the softer demando. It must be a place within hucs blend delightfully with glass→→→ which she may recuperate and they add an ethereal touch that the gather fresh energy for her tasks eruder colours cannot give. and her life.
That is just what the simplified furnishings of to-day are enabling it to do.
#
Buy your flowers to suit your rooms. Visualise what you want. and where you are going to put them.
HP
Hamburg-Amerika Linie,
COMBINED FREIGHT AND PASSENGER SEEVIOR. QABIN CLASS ACCĦMMODATION FOR 50 PASSENGERS. FARE FROM HONG KONG TO GENOA-270, 0o, 01, OUTWARD
Ballings from Europe for B'hai, Japan & Northern Ports:-
M.V." VOGTLAND " M.V."DUISBURG" M.V. "SAUERLAND" M.V." KULMERLAND" 8.8. "SAARLAND”.
HOMEWARD,
due here on or about the 78th Sept. dus here on or about the 27th Sept. dae here on or abort the 15th Oct. due bere on or about the 31st Oct. due here on or about the 12th Nov.
Sailings for Genoa, Rotterdam and Hamburg via Manila, Singapore, Colombó & Port Said:
+M.V. "BURGENLAND". sailing from here on or about the 21st Sept. AB "PREUSSEN" andling from here on or about the 85 Oot M.V.VOGTLAND "* sailing from here on or about the 18th Dot, M.V. DUISBURG" Bailing from here on or about the 90th Oct. M.Y. "BAUERLAND" sailing from here on or about the 14th Nov, M.V. "KULMERLAND" mailing from here on or about the 28th Nov. + Calling also at Oran.
For Freight, Passage and further Particulars, please apply to
JEBSEN & CO.
12, Folder Btreet. 61]
ACENTA.
Tòl, Ú. 4754.