HUMOUR: ANCIENT "AND MODERN.
Alaelatosh-An when will ye; dine, w?' us again?
MacTavish-Now, if ye like.
www
"Can I speak to Min Smith, please
Mr. Smith, senior?" No, he hasn't yet?"
Sambo" Did Brudder Brown gib de bride away?”.
Rastus-"No, sah; he gwine let de groom fin' her out for hisself."
Stranger: Say, where can a fel- low get some gas in this town?
Prospector: Right over there, up one fight of stairs, in that 'real estate office.
My wife weighs in the neigh bourhood of three hundred pounds." "If she'd walk a few miles a day she'd soon get out of that neigh bourhood."
Wife (at top of stairs): "Ex. plain yourself. Where have you been till this hour!"
Husband: My dear--stop me if you've, heard this one."
She had waited werks for him to j propose, and had almost given up in despair. Then he revived her hopes by asking:-
Are your mother and father de cent old things to live with?"
The playwright, who was casting new show was discussing with ä
Doutor: "Name ?". Patient:
Brown."
"Brown,
With an e** No, sir, widow!".
sir-Mrs.
First Lady: If you ain't tellin' les, I'll eat meat!
Second Lady: "You be careful, dearic. The berries on them chenp
ats is gen'rally poisonous.'
Young Man: "Did I see you taking a tramp over the hill Inst Sunday!",
The Girl" How insulting! That was Unde Henry,"
Farmer: "I never saw such a sease. My corn isn't an inch high!"
Neighbour: "An inch? Why, the sparrows have to kneel down to car minc.
"I say,,, did “vậu have an neei- dent ?!
Not at all. Didn't you notlee? I turned the car upside down to what made the wheels go round."
300
Prospective Saitor (to proprietor of fried fish shop): Can I marry yon daughter
What
Suitor (feebly); "Two penny- worth of chips, please"
Daddy was having a round of
lady the difficulty of filling one par-golf with a friend, and little Joan
ticular part,
I want," he said, "a young man who looks like Lindbergh, who
is tall, blue-eyed, who has sex up- peal, a sense of humour, and an air of distinction,
"So I," sighed the lady,
J
An Englishman took ar. American friend to see his first cricket match at Lord's. The game was exceed- ingly dall, but the visitor" stuck it out without comment.
At the close of play the Londoner said: "What would you like to do
to-morrow"
i
came along with mummy to look oni, |
After watching the game for some time, Joan asked:
Mustn't the ball go into that little hole, raummy
"Sir!" said the woman to the proprietor of the shop, "Inst week you sold me a parrot and told me
it could speak seven languages. have had that parrót six days and he hasn't opened his mouth. What
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, TUESDAY, AUGUST 20, 1929.
THE FAMILY ALBUM-THE OPEN WINDOW
GETS. TAMBY INTO CAR AT LAST AND STARTS OUT ON PICNIC
MILDRED FINALLY REMEM- BERS SHE SHUT IT HERSELF. DRIVES ON
DRIVES ON UNTIL WIFE SPIES
A CLOUD ON THE HORIZON. WHICH SHE IS CONVINCED MEANS A RAIN STORM
SIX BLOCKS FROM HOME, WIFE CRIES, WAIT! SHE THINKS SHE LEFT HER WINDOW OPEN, AND HER THINGS ON THE CHAIR WILL BE RUINED IF IT RAINS
-d
TWO BLOCKS FARTHER WIFE REMEMBERS SHE OPENED) IT AGAIN TO SHAKE A MOP "OUT
SIGHS WHATS THE USE TURNS AROUND AND STARTS FOR HOME TO SATISFY WIFE
(Copyright, 1929, by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.)
SPORT AND
SMALL MAKES MERRY, Playing in the inter-oilfields match
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
· MANTS, RESIGNED, WHILE USUAL FAMILY ARGUMENT RAGES AS "TO WHETHER OR NOT SHE DID
LEAVE IT OPEN
POINTS OUT WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE, THE SUN IS SHINING AND THERE ISN'TA. SIGN OF RAIN
ONE BLOCK FROM HOME WIFE, REMEMBERS SHE SHUT IT AFTER SHAKING MOP, BECAUSE SHE PINCHED HER FINGER. PICNIC
IS RESUNED
ATHLETICS.
EASTERN VICTORIES.
WOOLLEY'S RECORDS.
Y. Ohta, the cupholder, M. E.; A great stand by Woolley and ido you mean by selling me a big for the "Rogers Trophy" in South Wong,, and R. Kash all gained vic-Hardinge, realising 230 runs in three like that! Do you realize I paid Trinidad, in which some of the tories in the men's singles obam hours, helped Kent to establish a you good money for a parrot that cricket "stars" of the colony and pionship of Hertfordshire at Wat strong position a: Tonbridge against could talk? And do you realize he few first-class cricketers from ford. Ohta, after winning the firet Yorkshire, the home county at the asn't opened his mouth yet and-"Sot, mail, the West Indies and all his own way againstters close of play having 421 on the A.. J. four wickets, interrupted the pro-Trinidad medium swing bowler, who Farmer, for the latter was only The Yorkshire attack was so com "give the poor bird
toured England with the 1023 and beaten by 6-0, 4-6, 6-3. Wong depletely mastered that runs came 1928 West Indies team, was in great icated Lilley in the third sat, with effortless care. form with the ball and could easily and Kash disposed of R. B. Wyatt. be termed unplayable." His bowl Smith by 63, 86. ing analysis speaks for itself:-
Oh," said the American, polite. | hasn't ly, I'd like to do just whatever would suit you best, How about
nice rollickin' funeral?"
· CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
Horizontal. 1.-False pretense,
5. Among
0.-Timid.
12-.French river,
13.To mislay.
14.-Mound.
15.-Toward a higher place.
18. To incline.
18-What person.
22-Implement.
27-Released for money.
20-Father.
24.-Bong.
29.--Tidy.
31.-Conclusion.
32-To worship,
11
34,-Bodies of water.
36. To depart.
37.-Visions.
30-Part of bureau.
41.-To perform. 42-Fish's breathing organ. 44.-To accuse. 45.-Type units.
47.-Playthings.
40.-Girl's name.
30.-Paper measure.
32.-Stilly.
64.-Half an eñ,
35.-Furniture vehicle.
57. Separate entry.
By.
•
61.-Consumed.
63,-At one time. 63.-Prefix: before.
67.-To bow.
8.-To throw,
69.--Feat.
Vertical. 1-French monetary unit,
-Race-course. 3-Like
4.Went into session."
-To apportion.
Engines:
-Exists.
.8.---Moisture.
D.-Shop. 10-Masculine pronoun. 11.-Biblical pronoun,
38
17.-Pronoun, 19.-Exclamation. 21.-Medicinal plant. 93. Prevaricated.
25. To re-double. 26.-Loved greatly. 27.--More sorrowful. 28. To haul. 30.-Attire. .33-To give out. 35.-Transaction. 35. To spill. 40.-To grow less 43.-Poems. 46.-Rescued,
48-Locations,
||
51.-Mother. 63.—Objective of I. 56.-Negative. 58-Angry. 60.--To spread for drying. 61.-Article.
62.-Toward. 64.--Negative. 66.-Compass point.
This puzzle took 24 minutes to Bolve. See how long it will take you to solve it.
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
01332 30843
1001 ORRIED DANBD TIRED HACEN D027 LED DOVES PIED AI741 ROPES PAZARIDA 22452BLUE BEL PAL NOUA BRAZ 31 II 1073 LEGBID,000523 DORED REED!
J
0. M. R. W
10 2.28 D.
Remarkable resistance was offer- ed to J. D. Morrie--who won the Class B singles at Chiswick Park and Beckenban-by the veterans the Rev. E. Wella. The latter lost in the eighteenth game of the final set.
Small is regarded as a dangerous bowler on matting wickets by emin ent English critics, and was held in high esteem in this direction by W. H. A. Dut, makowa Lord Harris during the M.C.C. visit quantity from the United States, to the West Indies a few years ago chopping with great accuracy and with Lord Harris as a spectator volleying crisply, beat a good play Another performance that came iner is 1. H. Wheatcroft by 6-1, 6-3. for much praise was the great 'form shown with the ball by Ray Main- gat, who was opposed to Small's team, and whose figures read
Q. .M. R. W 10 5
Woolley enjoyed a most successful day, far, in addition to making his ' 131 in sparkling style, he accom. plished for the first time in his career the fent of making three acparate hundreds in successive innings. Only once did be experi- ence any trouble, skying a ball to mid-off when 43. He made the majority of his runs in the early part of his long stay by powerful to leg with Sne precision. drives, but later he cut and placed
Hardlinge, never quite so free as Among those successful in the his partner, played flawless cricket, women's singles championship of relying upon neat cuts for most of Hertfordshire were Mrs. H. Edging his 137 runs, sending the ball to the tan (holder), Miss D, Gordon, Miss I boundary twelve times during a stay C. Hardie, Mrs. H. G. Broad-of four hours and tea. minutes. bridge, and Miss Jenny Sandison, Ames and Ashdown later put on 9
of: India.
in an hour and twenty minutes. Ames took many chances, and be hit seven 4's in his 50. Ashdown reached 5s before stumps were drawn.
5 1
ALL-ENGLAND WOMEN'S
HOCKEY ASSOCIATION. retirement from office. Miss. C. J. Gaskell was elected president, and The 34th annual general meeting the other officials, Miss Y Cox of the All-England Women's Hockey vice-president), Miss H. Botham- Association was held at Caxtonley (hon..treasurer), and Misa W. A.
SWANSEA LOSS. Hall, Westminster, recently. Miss Baumann (hon. secretary), together Degor Rees, the Swansea Rugby Edith Thompson, who did not stand with the auditors, were re-elected, i wing three-quarter, has secured an for re-election as president, was pre- It was stated that the association appointment at Ramsgate and will sented with a number of gifts on her had presented over £1,000 to the not be available for Swansea next
(Continued on next Column.) National Playing Fields Association. season.
+
THE WOMAN'S CORNER.
CHOCOLATE IS SO NOURISHING.
Chocolate as a beverage is rather neglected. This is a pity, for it is extremely nourishing and delicious.
chocolate, To prepare French allow one tablet of chocolate and half a pint of milk for each cupful required. Measure half a pint of! milk into an enamelled saucepan, and add the amount of chocolate re- quired, broken into small pieces.
TEN RULES FOR WOMEN WHO DRIVE.
[BY BETTY ASHMORE]
Every day countless new women drivers are setting out to try their
new cara,
*
is more disorganising to traffic- and dangerous-than a driver whol hovers about the road like a wound- ed bird.
5. Do learn enough about your car to be able to dispense with extraneous help. You may look very romantic and alluring sitting on bank with spotless bands and a care- fully-powdered nose till a kind-heart. ed young man comes along, but you are unlikely to send up the stock of women drivers.
8-On no account imagine that because of your sex you are entitled to more courtesy and consideration than a man. It is this" My-place- attitude is-the-centre-of-the-road " which is responsible for so much masculine raucour.
Trust Hobody.
Heat the chocolate very gently, stirring all the time, and when it has entirely melted, add the remain- der of the milk, which should pre- viously be brought to boiling point in another pan. Mix well, boil for three minutes, and serve.
To them these few hints are ad- Should this chocolato be found
7. Do wear sensible clothes for too rich, water may be used for dressed from a hardened sinner: melting purposes instead of milk. 1-Always make clear-and orthomotoring, Floppy hate and trailing scarves look as out of place in a Spanish chocolate is very good, dox-signals when you want to stop car as brogues in a bailroom, Be- but rather richer than that made a turn, but do not encourage your sides, they are very likely to cause in Franco. Four tablete of chocolate passengers to give their own version
an accident. must be used for each cupful re-at the same time. Nothing is so
8. Never go out without spare quired. The melting process is confusing as a car that appears to
tine of all and petrol, a bottle of similar to that used in the previous have as its sole occupant a starfish distilled water, and a spare plug as recipe, but instead of stirring with in distress.
2. Do not chose a block in a busy be very glad of them some day.
well as your ordinary tools; you may a spoon, B. whisk is used.
Boiling milk is added as before, thoroughfare to pour out the whole The carburetter is the car's but the boiling-up process should be story of your life to sympathetic most frequent offender, but it is also repeated several times.
girl friend; you will probably be the easiest thing to manage, lynched. A
learn to take it down and clean it And Don'ts,
yourself; it will take you five 3-Do not allow your eyes-and minutes and save you hours. your mind-to become riveted by a One golden rule. Trust nobody particularly fascinating model in on the road except yoursell. If you your favourite, dress shop, or your expect every driver to be mentally next new garment is likely to be a deficient, every child to cross the shroud..
road, every bicycle to swerve into
The chocolate is then poured into a heated jug, and the whisk is once more briskly used, until the bever- age is actually poured, deliciously frothing, into the waiting cup.
Unsweetened chocolate, in tableta, suitable for cooking, may be ob tained, but ordinary plain eating chocolate answers the purpose quité well.
do
Do not hesitate or change your you, and every dog to be bent on mind at the last minute. Nothing suicide, you will not go far wrong,
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Crooks
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To Save Her Brother"
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More Trouble In The North.
Tank and Machine
Guns In Action; Local Trade In Children; are topics discussed in the Current issue of the "Weekly Press."
Foreign
"Guests
in
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Sun's" Captain; American Journalist's Debts;
other features.
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