HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
Youth: "I feel as if I were tread.. ing on air."
Girl: "Here's father-you'di better step on the gas!"
Father (proudly): Yes, my daughter is now getting a man's
wages.
Visitor "Oh, when did she marry"
George: "If I'd known that, the tanel was going to be so long. I'd have Rissed you."
She: Good henvens! Wasn't that you
Lady: "Afe"you sure that this orchild will kioon every 100 years.1"
Florist: "Yes, but if it doesn't do so. I will take it back without conditions.
When the tourist arrived home he fell on his face and kissed the pavement of his native city."
**Emotion 7"
No, banana skin."
"Waiter, I've been waiting half an hour for that steak."
"Yes,air: I know you have. If
everyone were as patients you lif. would be worth living."
"
never
Boss: "Sam. you
get your work done: guess I'll look for another man."
Sam: Ah's glad to hear da. sir. Dar's' 'nough wuk for both of
19
Wife: How do you like this dreas I bought it on the deferred payment system."
And It looks ns if you have only pat on the first instal- ment."
Do you ever work in the gar den inquired, a friend of a finan- viern
Well." remarked the latter, re- fectively, I sometimes water my stocks.
Chatty Pedestrian: Se your 1241274 is Shakespeare? A well- known name, inderd.”
William:
reckon it ought to e. I been shepherding here nigh on 70 year."
Returning American Tourist (at) port of entry): "What Four handred and fifty-seven dollars duty for some American gowns and a few other things I bought in Paris Oh, what an outrage!"
Customs Offers: "Just an old United States "custom."
19
72
Waitress: "Haven't they given you a menu yet, mister
Famished Customer: Yes, but I finished that half an hour ago,
Elderly lady (at the obserra- tory): Is that Mars
Astronomer: "No, that is Venus,"
Lady: Fancy knowing that at such a distance.
"What did you think of the on- tertainers who did that, duet
Ideal He played the piano so loud in plures you couldn't hear her sing: and she sang so loud at times you couldn't hear his playing."
Customer: Can you rouch for this table as coining from the fifteenth century
12
Antique Dealer: ** certainly can-why, it was so old that I had to put four new legs on it and a new top."
Ray: Papa, what kind of berries are the
Father: Bliteberries, my boy." Roy: Bladerris Why, Papa, they're red."
Father: Yes, but only white
they're green.""
Now, then, come on! What's your name
Speed Fiend: *Demetrius Aloysius Hepplewnite."
Polireman • Nône o' that now, It's your name I want not the Family matter.
"How becomingly slender you have grown." exclaimed a friend to a lecturer returning home after an extended trip. How did you do it?"
"The mote" grace," - he replied, "the less grease,"
יי
The Aberdoalan walked sadly at the end of the funeral procession.
"Are you one of the mourners?" asked the undertaker.
"Am I yis of the
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS SATURDAY, AUGUST 3, 1929.
DIFFICULT DECISIONS
GLUYAS WILLIAMS
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
AWKWARD PREDICAMENT OF A BOY WHO, ON RETURNING FROM THE STORE WITH ICE CREAM, FINDS THAT CALLERS HAVE COME". IF HE TAKES IT IN NOW-
THERE WONT BE ENOUGH FOR FULL-SIZE HELPINGS
AND IF HE HANGS AROUND AND WAITS TILL THEY'VE GONE, IT WILL ALL MELT IN THE SUN
SPORT
A DRAMATIC FIGHT,
(Copyright. 1919, by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.)
AND
ATHLETICS.
CENTURY FOR WARWICK MISSED.
Without question what was the best women's lawn tennis of the Glamorgan experienced a trying season, was seen at Beckenham, when day in the field at Edgbaston, when Great Britain met South Africa a some splendid batting by Wyatt, a two-days international match. At Parsons, and Smith helped Warwick the close of play each side had won shire to finish the day in happy two matches. The most dramatic circumstances. They had 442 on the mour-rr-fighs of the afternoon was the vic-1 board fer the loss of four men.
Wyatt's innings provided the He brightest cricket of the day. and Parsons added 189 in an boar and fifty minutes, and never found. the slightest difficulty. Wyatt made the majority of his 133 runs of the straight drove with much power, and found the boundary fifteen times.
rners ?" soibed Angus, "Mon, he tory-gained only at the post-of
Mias owed me twa poonds."
Betty Nuthall over Miss Bobbie Heine, the champion of South Africa.
It was clear that Miss Heine has improved immensely since she was
B
7-9
UNORTHODOX METHODS.
Riches, of Fulham, who acted) na substitute for John Sheehan of Deptford, in the chief Afteen-rounds contest at The Ring-recently, gave Tom Daly, of Bermondsey, a lot of trouble owing to his unorthodox methods. He stood with his right foot slightly in advance, and con- sequently was able to shoot out either hand so unexpectedly that) he often sent Daly reeling.
Obviously Daly was puzzled, but gradually solved the problem and won on points. The loser would bave done better had he" not in- dulged in so much clinching.
Les Burns, of Bowes Park, out- Parsons, reaching his 50 within a pointed Charlie Thomas, of. Ham- hour, made forceful shots in all mersmith, but the decision was bad. upon Ryan, and including eight 4's well, beat Billy Mack, of Bethnal directions, being especially severely received. Johnny Clift, Clerken in his 75.
swerved across a suburban street A lady motorist whose car had and crashed through a plute glass window was being questioned by the last in England. Mise Nuthall re-leg side, though occasionally be local polige sergeant after the accently, too, returned to her best form. The young Nataliso display cident.
"Surely on such a wide strected beautifully accurate strokes and as this, said the interrogator, fine over hand service delivery. Her you could have done something Miss Nuthall opened with some backhand drive was specially clean. furious and none too-accurate hic
"Bobbie" Heine went! ting, so ahead to lead by four games to one. Here the English girl showed ser real mettle, and reeled off one game after another to capture the first set DI B
to prevent this accident?"
"I did," the delinquent assured him quite earnestly: "I screamed as loud as I could?"
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
4
6
12
17
21
93
28
22
9
13
16
10. 11
31
95
26
20
33
38
41
43
47
49
30
31
"
34
33
36
**
33
40
42
44
45 *46
49
50
·
52
Across.
1.-Foot-covering.
1.---Fraud.
12-Indian princesa. 13.-Custom. 14.-Wandering life. 13.-Dungbill 17.-Half of 1910. 18.Petition:
10.-Yield.
21.-Salisbury. 29.-Hall.
23.-Hidden, 27.-Pastime.
98.-Present occasion.
20-Painful.
30.-Poem. 31.---Dog. 32.-Globe, 33,-Headgear.
34.-Tear.
33.-Less. 38.-Feature, 39.--Craftsman. 41-Noise of bees. 42-Mercenary. 43-Repeated. 44.-Untic. 47-Spoil. 49.-Man lent to. 49—Washing.
Used in tennie.
B1-Xustic.
02.Help 33-Inclination.
;
51
63
Down,
"
1. Not poppy, nor 2-That which completes. 3.-Enger,
4-Holy man.
5. This month.
6.-Nobody minus 0. 8.-Unparalleled.
9.-Cornish town.
10.-Employs.
11-Not quite a gentleman. 15.-Merchants,
16.-Famous French novelist. 19.-Ill-feeling.
20.-One who tscapes. 21.-See 37 down. 23.-Amusing. 24.-Movement. 25.-Periods.
20. Sort of colony.
28-Man designated. 35-Kind of sofa.
"
37.-With 21 down a famous Ad.
miral.
35. Grows on bushes,
40.-Ailments
41-Royal official.
.43.-Bird.
41.-Part of arro.
45.--One side in Parliament.
46.-Animals.
47-Create,
49.-Many.
Miss Epine was by no means done with. In the second set the English girl led by 4 games to, and in creased this lead to 6-3. Here her opponent made a brillians stand, and ran out with the set at 8 games tö 6.
The third set also had dramatic fluctuations. Miss Nathall went!
Smith, who with Kilner made a first-wicket stand of #1 in ninety five minutes, put his leg in front of straight ball from Mercer when within three of the century. He batted confidently for two hours without giving " chance. Smith largely paved the way for the success of his fellows, and, though his boundary strokes were limited to nine, he batced in skilful style.
F.A. AND NEWCASTLE'S
TOUR.
Green.
All Simmons, the Hackney light weight, scored azather victory at Premier-land, where he beat Harry Jennings, of Bethnal Green, on points, in a Afteen-round contest.
George Brown, of St. George's, showed promise while beating Pte. Porter, of Birmanghaın, on points over twelve rounds, while in a ten- round bout Charlie East, of Car- ning Town, beat Tommy Morgan, cf Wales, on points.
LONDON BOXER WINS. Johnnie Mann, of St. George's; put up one of the best performances of his career when he beat Frank Carberry, of Liverpool, in twelve Premierland recently. rounds at
The Football Association state through to lead by 5-1. Once more that a reply to the allegations made the South African lengthened the in a report from the Hungarian rallies, and captured one game after Football Association regarding the another until she had reduced the tour of Newcastle United F.C. in margin to 5-4. Here Miss Nuthall, Hungary, bas serving, held two catch points at the club. 40-15.
Five-all was called; six-all; This reply will be communicated seven-all. It was still anybody's immediately to the Hungarian F.A. match. Whereupon Miss Nuthall, for their comments, and when these with another brilliant burst, won are received the matter will Ee the most dramatic victory of the further considered by the Football him midway through the twelfth year by 6-4, 6-8, 9-7.
Association.
WHICH
TYPE
DO
MEN
MARRY?
A Woman of experience, a girl reared strictly, a jazz mad flapper
which type do men marry? See the answer, startling, daring in this magnificent picture of modern youth !
JOAN CRAWFORD
IN
OUR DANCING DAUGHTERS
with JOHN MACK BROWN, GWEN LEE.
AT THE
QUEEN'S
::
3
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY
At 2.80, 5.10, 7.15 ± 9.20.
SPECIAL M. G. M, NEWS REEL Including interesting scenes of Vesuvius in eruption, The Derby, and Paulino in training.
A SURPRISE COMEDY
With a terrific tornado for its smashing, tearing climax!
BUSTER KEATON
IN
STEAMBOAT BILL, JR.
AT THE
with
ERNEST TORRENCE
WORLD
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAYİ
At 2.30, 5.15, 7.15 & 9.20.
RIN-TIN-TIN, the Canine Marvel, in a splendid adventure story.
WARNER BROS. PRESENT
RINTIN-TIN
AM
IN
TRACKED BY POLICE
#2
WARNER BROS. PRODUCTION,
STAR FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY
AT THE been received from The Liverpool boxer proved remark. ably game in the face of terrific right-hand punches to the chin, but even when he was knocked through the ropes he came back fighting. His seconds threw in the towel for
round.
MAINLY FOR THE MEN.
21
In view of the controversy be- compared with 65,042 in 1897. The The Pax Romana was great, but tween the gipsies and the Epson number of registered marriages was possibly centuries hence historians Dowan Association it is interesting 339,014 in 1928 and 327,884 in 1927. may agree that through the peculiar ito note how few gipsies in the Last year 745,310 infants were born schooling and character of the southern counties still really speak alive, compared with 741,708 in the British officer and soldier, the Pax. Romany. A generation or two ago preceding year. Deaths numbered Romana was eclipsed by the Pex exery gipsy spoke the language 675,110, in 1928, and 878,666 in 1927. Britannica.' more or less fluently, although Although these figures show an im- among those who moved about the provement over those of 1997, the South of England the grammar was total population of the country, is far more impure than in Wales.or stili less than before the War. In the northern counties, English con- 1913 it was 47,085,000, structions being used while the
words themselves were pare Ro many. Now-a-days, however, few
A tale of a lost toll-bar gate is causing amusement in Southamp ton and district. At a cost of near- ly £80,000 the Southampton Car- poration bought a stretch of road extending from Southampton to
Sir Jobo Forstescue, deliver. Hedge End, a distance of about
of the younger gipsies even speaking the annual Romunes lecture four miles, and so freed three old the language in this way. Certainly at Oxford
The Vicissitudes toll-gates.
1
Romany words are still introduced of Organized Power," paid Recently an elaborate programme into their English, but they are quite remarkable tribute to world peace. was arranged, in which it was in- unable to carry on a conversation in There never had, he said, been a teaded that the three gates should Romany. The same thing has hap- serious mutiny in the British Army. be spectacularly and actually lifted pened in a lesser degree in the There have been troubles among off their hinges by the Mayor, with North of England, and it is only in isolated regiments but never any assistance.
Two gates, one at Southampton Wales that the language is still grave revolt since the days of Crom- spoken properly. The Welsh gipsies well. This state of affairs he attri and the other midway, ware duly pride themselves greatly on the way buted to "the loyal patience of the put aside, but when the Mayoral then speak the language, and even officers and the trust of the men, party arrived at Hedge End no hold friendly competitions among not in the state, but in the officers. gate could be found. It had been themselves as to who can speak the
The British soldier has stolen during the night, and all best Romany. They still also con- the extraordinary gift of making that could be done was to cart one sider themselves the aristocrats of himself intelligible to all peoples of the other gates along the road, the English gipsies, and never nations and languages and though put it into position, and solemnly dream of mixing with tribes from he has entered many countries as lift it off again. other parts of the country,
***
a conqueror, there are few he has Now the stolen gate has been not quitted as a friend. Offrers found reposing in the Recreation and Bergeants have gone forth, as Ground, only a short distance from Vital statistics which have been it were, as missionaries to preach its original position, and tied to it issued by the Minister of Labour to scores of races-Christian and with string was a laurel wreath show that the population of France heathen-the gospel of their own with a card bearing the words," Io. increased in 1928 to 41,020,000, sects-service, obedience, sacrifice. Memory of Ye Old Toll Bar. Gone, compared with 40,020,000 in 1927. We take it as a matter of course, but not forgotten. Please do not Births, exceeded deaths by 70,208, but it is a very great achievement. touch
At 230, 5.30 & ̈9.20.
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AT THE
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ON
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