HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
What kind of a fellow is Smith!!!
Well, if you ever see one fellow trying to borrow money from an- ther, the fallow shaking his head is Smith,"
A young and nervous curate was announcing that the vicar would return on the following Sunday, He did so in the following wery but rather confusing words:-
"I am happy to announce that your shoving leopard will be with you next Sunday and will occupy the pulpit at both services."
J.
Ele: "Do you think you could grow to love me?"
Shem afraid not; you sec. I've finished growing."
Aren't you going to marry that pretty girl after all!
No; unfortunately, she has an
impediment, in her speech."
How sad! What is it? Sh can't say yes.'"
Liner Pässenger: What's the
untter!"
Steward:
"The
seasick."
Passenger:
captain is Nonsense!" Seward, Yes, one of the flug- per passengers has been teaching him the Charleston."
Helen I fear I have made a mistake."
Ruth: Why ?
"Jack puposed in a taxienb. The minute I accepted be paid the fare and we got out and walked."
Yes, sir. I always goes to church when you preaches."
I am glad to hear that, but why when I preach-why not every Sun- day T
A certain bishop was considerably upset when he received this pote from the vicar of a village in his diocese:-
My Lord, I regret to inform you of the death of my wife. Can you possibly send me a substitute for the week-end ?"
Central: "Number, please?" Freshman: Number? Woman," I put in my nickel and I want my chewing gum?".
A young man who had decided rather late in the season to take up lawn tennis went to buy racket.
7:1311.
Certainly, sir," said the sales What weight?" "Oh,"
said the young "about twelve stone."
man,
Aunt: "Tell me, Alice, what are you going to do when you grow up to be big woman like your Auntie ?"
Little Girl: "Try to be thin, I. suppose."
"That's my place you see over there the house and the garage close by.
"
"Which is the garage, old
But why, Mrs. Gregsou, do you call the house Marine View All the windows look out on a hiant wall."
Well, you see, my late husband
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS WEDNESDAY, JULY 31, 1929.
THE WORLD AT ITS WORST
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
WHEN, FOLLOWING THE CURRENT FAD -FOR COLLECTING PAPER MATCH-BOX COVERS, YOU PROUDLY BRING HOME, TWO PRIZES THAT YOU FOUND IN THE GUTER OUTSIDE THE
ELITE POOLROOM, AND YOUR MOTHER, FAILING TO
SHARE YOUR ENTHUSIASM, REQUESTS YOU TO THROW THE DIRTY THINGS AWAY AND WASH YOUR HANDS AT ONCE
(Copyright, 1929. by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.)
was in the Marines, and when he ROUND THE COURTS. retired he was very fond of looking out of these windows."
A certain small restaurant was kepp by a man who prided himself on his cooking. He was amazed to hear a young salesman criticize a
one day.
I'm sure of getting a good seatine when you preaches, sir!"
A small girl won a doll 18 A prize. and, when asked what abe intended to call it, said: "Sershi."
The child explained that she had got the idea from the song "I'm going a-salking, sir,' she said."
Pie, young teller? Why, I made pies before you were born.
"O. K. Bus why sell 'em now?"
Visitor: Is this a good place for rheumatism?"
Native: Oh, res, sir, I got nine here."
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
H
ត
13/
2
13
5
6
18. 19 10 13
12
13
15
116
19
22 23 24
26
128 129
31
32
133
34
136
08
190
મર
44
45 46
148
49 50 51
57
58
159
62
Horizontal.
1.-A serpent. 4.-Rogue.
9.-Foot of beast.
12-Mineral spring.
13.-Frame of canvas.
14. A dessert..
15.Method.
17-Tried out.
19. Part of eye. 21.-By.
Journey. 23. To petition. 97.-Mimics.
31.-Deep wheel track." 32-Associated by law. 34.-Part of "to be."
36. Companion." 26-Printing fluid. 37.-Masculine pronoun. 38.-Agreement. 41.-Conducted.
42.-A gait.
43.-Former French coin. 44.-Feminine pronoun. -45.-Toward..
47.-Composition for three. 49.-Precious stone (plural). 53:-Purpose..
7. In the past.
38.-Father of Jacob's wives.
60.-Fish eggs. 01.-To cut short, 62.-Expressions of accord. 03.-Respect.
1.-Donkey.
Vertical.
2.--Scout." 3.-Dance step.
4.-Prognosticator. 5.-Undergarments.
0.-Like,
7-Encountered.
Eutreaty g
0.-Hole. 10-Aviator..
16.-Gratuity. 18.-Utter. 20-Prefix: above.
PE
60
53
37
55 56
-Religious pamphlet. 23-Unconfirmed report. 21.-Pronoun.
-Plosure-seeker. · 25.-Father. “
25.-Anesthetic.
30.-Sows.
--Vehicle.
33.-Singleton.
#.-Triviai.
-Exclamation.
4.-Negative.
1.-French article.
42.-Very warm.
45.-Wide-mouth jar." 49.-Taverns.
40.-Barbara to her friends. 50.-Self.
51. To steal from.
52.-Man's nickname. 54.Age.
55.-At once. 58.-Golfer's mound. 50. To exist.
This puzzle took 94 minutes to solve. See how long it will take you to solve it.
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
No 1414
BURIED AB VYOFIT PC
เย
EMATE
SOLDIERS SENTENCED.
Privates A Woodley and L. Seale of the Somerset Light Lafan try, who on Saturday last pleaded guilty before Mr. E. W. Hamilton
"WHITE SLAVERY" IN
HARBIN.
FORMER CAFE PROPRIETOR
AND WOMAN CHARGED..
at
75
NEW YEAR'S EVE."
TIMES AND SEASONS!
17
[UY OUR FILM CRITIC]
It has been said that Art
The arrest of B. Kerner, Harbin the former proprietor of the Elderado. Cafe. at Tientsin, has caused a sensation in Harbin circles. He is charged by the Chinese police authorities with to a charge of larceny of a silver in the White Slave" bowl and silver cup from No. traffic, together with a soman ac 37 Queen's Road Central, came up complice, a Russian, named Raufe
ter, who has also been arrested. for sentence yesterday.
the least, entertainment. Films It is stated that Kerner is a well-known figure in the under-are, considered from the stand. world of Tientsin, and had served point of art, much of a quéh. time in Shanghai for theft.
His Worship told the defendants that their action was all the more serious because of the reflection it chst on the white, men of the
them Colony. He sentenced three months' imprisonmeat.
"NEGLIGENT DRIVING."
to
selection" and, while that is not quite true, "selection does play a very important part in any art. painting, music, writing and, nor
His methods were to make friends ness," but a carefully made up pro- with poor families and induce the gramme, with due regard to time. most attractive of the daughters to and seasont, adds greatly to their sign an agreement with him to.
work in a cafe in Shanghai, Tien-appeal. The film showing to-day at tain, or Harbin, and they, being the Queen's for example which is of the illiterate class, were unaware called "New Year's Eve" and of the fate in store for them.
However, one of the mothers of deals principally with the disap- That there are many kinds of a girlevictim of Kerner's followed pointment of a sick child because negligent driving and that as solici- her daughter to Tientsin, and be Santa Claus has forgotten him, ing unable to trace her went to tor for the defence he was entitled the police, who had previously re- would.ge well at the Christmas een
Christmas is the festival of to particulare of the exact negli-ceived similar complaints against son. gence alleged was a submission the man.
children, when even the most hard He and his accomplice are now
headed business man is n prey to made by Mr. M. K. Lo at Central awaiting trial in a Harbin gaol,
unaccustomed erotions, and the sentimental theme would certainly appeal to the children and to their mothers.
magistracy, when a case was called in which Sir. Andrew Tse was sum moned for negligent driving on the Bench Road at Repulse Bay,
Inspector Nicols stated, that the defendant drove into a car driven by Mr. A. S. MacKichan and added that the negligence was that defen- dant was going rather fast ou the wrong side of the road.
The hearing of the case was fixed for Saturday morning.
OPIUM RUNNERS CAUGHT.
Alertness on the part of the Re venue Departinent led to the arrest of three men who appeared before Jr. E. Hamilton yesterday on a charge of possession of illicit man who had 120 opium. One tals of the contraband concealed in the false bottom of a black box was fined 83,000 or in default, twelve mouths' hard labour.
Fines of 81,200 and $1,300 with the alternative of twelve months' hard labour in both cases were the sentences imposed by the Magis trate on two other Chinese who had possession of 40 and 45 taels of the drug respectively.
PENINSULA HOTEL CROCKERY.
*
But not in July! With Christ. mas far away on the horizon we mature. ask for something more
A Chinese amah was charged be- fore Mr. T S. Whyte Smith at Kowloon Magistracy.yesterday with receiving two cups and saucers, a something a little newer than the plate and two ice cream dishes, the heroine who sacrifices herself to a property of the Peninsula Hotel wealthy rufian in order to buy Kowloon. Defendant pleaded
is not a
guilty and said that they had been toys for her little brother,
wboy " at the "New Year's Eve" given to her by Hotel when she was employed by badly made film and it has pretty Mr. E. M. Field, of the Kowloon Mary Astor for beroine but it is entirely artificial-Edgar Wallace Hotel.
Mr. E. A. Arregger, sub-manager with a dash of Florence Barclay. of the Peninsula Hotel said that Your youngsters will enjoy it, and about 8200 worth of crockery was those of you who have easily touch- damaged every month and that ited emotions, but I am afraid it will was impossible to say how much leave most people cold. was stolen as the major portion of the loss was due to breakage. The employees were required to pay two
thirds of the cost of any damage CHAOS IN GERMAN FILM they did and the Company paid the other third.
His Worship imposed a fine of 830 or one months' imprisonment.
It was indicated in the course of A BLACK EYE IN PAYMENT. these cases that the men were
operating on behalf of a big opium
fessional smugglers.
THRILLING ACTION, LOVE INTEREST
PRESENTED BY WILLIAM
FOX
-and comedy merged
"into a delightful
story of the adven- tures of a certain $100 доте!
From the story by
RICHARD CONNELL
New
Year's
Eve
ELE
MARY ASTOR CHARLES MORTON
KARLE FORE
FLORENCE LAKE
DRAMA ON THE FRINGES OF THE UNDERWORLD!
AT THE
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY
QUEEN'S At 2.30, 5.10, 7.15 & 9.20.
NO
CINEMA
IN THE EAST SHOWS
A WIDER RANGE OF PICTURES THAN THE QUEEN'S THEATRE,
AT THE
WORLD
WHAT
The world's greatest comedian in his funniest fil!
CHARLIE
CHAPLIN
"IN
THE CIRCUS
A PICTURE TO SEE AGAIN, AND AGAIN
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY
At 230, 5.15, 7.15 & 9,20.
HAPPENED AT MIDNIGHT! "An empty house "-so they thought. Yet Inside there were five people strange lights and weird shadows
fear chilled the bones of the deacon !
AN EXCITING MYSTERY STORY!
13
AT
THE
WASHINGTON SQUARE
with JEAN HERSHOLT, ALICE · JOYCE,
STAR
WOMAN'S £20,000 GOLD HOARD..
JJ
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY
TREASURE TROVE HIDDEN IN A HOUSE:
!
HISTORIC LETTERS.
Twenty thousand pounds in golden sovereigns, with tea letters written by King Charles II. te Bir George Cartaret," are among the treasure trove discovered by sear
At 5.30 & 9.20.
AIR MAIL LINE.
CHANGE IN SCHEDULE BEING CONSII RED.
The Nanking-bound irplane of ervice will the Wu Yung Air voi leave the Hungiao a odrome at 7 o'clock.every mornine if the pro- posal submitted by Mr. K. I. Nien Director of the Wu Yung Air Mail Service, is approved by the Minis- try of Communications.
i CIRCLES:
DISPUTE OVER PATENT RIGHTS.
Berlin.-Chaos has, been created Two Chinese were before Mr. in Alra circles throughout Germany syndicate and that they were pro Whrte Smith with behaving in a by the sudden and complete cessa- chers in the house at St. Ouens, plains that the airman cannot disorderly manner by fighting in sion of the exhibition of sound Jersey, of the late Mrs. M. A Kowloon City Road. It was stat films, by which some of the lead- Habert
The letters of King Charles were ed that the quarrel arose over 2 ing cinema houses have been forced loan. One man owed the other 830 to close their doors, whilst others found in the secret drawer of a and had paid $15. When he was attempt to show these films as mute desk Sir George was at that time
Governor of Jersey. asked for the remainder the debtor Bims. Two men and two women were punched him in the eye. brought before Mr. E. W. Hamil-
Both defendants were bound over con yesterday in connection within a sum of 850 for good behaviour the burglary at Sincere's on Fri for six months. day last when jewellery to the valve of 88,000 was stolen.
THE SINCERE COMPANY BURGLARY.
The first defendant was charged with the actual burglary, the others being brought up on various counte of receiving.
One the women was defended by Mr. F. H. Loseby, who, described his client as a charming young lady and asked his Worship to consider bail, arguing that she had a good deal of property in Hong Kong and that it was a hardship to keep her in custody until the next hearing.
His Worship remanded the defen QFEST TSWIA dants for a week, but allowed Mr. Loseby to make his application for BE AROKERDI-bail on Thursday, when it was
andhyaksha Palice could 11 ERRAGE
quaint the Bench with more details. BA DORBB (Continued on neat Column.)
HEAVY SENTENCE FOR ATTEMPTED THEFT.
This action is the climax of a
Mrs. Hubert, who was somewhat long and bitter struggle over pateat eccentric, was known to have an rights between the Western Electric income of £2,000 a year. She never Co. of America and German clec banked her money, and after her death it was decided to search the tric firms.
Both sides have attacked each bouse. other with icjunctions and coun- Thousands of sovereigns were ter-injunctions and appeals, till found heaped up in an old disused the German firms attained a final cupboard. Further search revealed Western Electric Co.'s apparatus s number of bark notes. In order ed with stealing clothing from a shop in Woosung Street told his on the ground that it constitutes to remove it to a place of anfety a Worship that she was about to an infringement of German pi- small barrel, used for packing wrap the clothes in a piece of patents. per but had not actually taken them away.
In recommending the change of the flying schedule, Mr. Nien ex-
the flight at noon" and "that the stand the sweltering heat during cylinders of the machine may ex- The proposal is being considered ploda owing to overbeating. by Mr. Wang Peh Chun, Minister Communications. Newspaper of aboard the morning plane, should ad ordinary mail will be carried the scheme materialize
A Chinese woman who was charg-injunction against the use of the snother great hoard of gold, with MHB 388. LTD., and the HONG
His Worship: You became a thief immediately you took hold of
them.
potatoes, was requisitioned.
Mrs. Hubert, although more than The Americans retaliate by refus- ing to permit the use of German ninety years of age, would trast patented apparatus, even going to nobody with the handling of ber. the length of stopping the exhibi- cash. She lived with the utmost tion with them of American made economy.
King Charles' letters were officizi- films. Defendant said that she had two
the Jersey ly handed over to children in the country and want-
Museum authorities. ed money to go back to them.
Other papers discovered dated Woman, with & withering glance Adivising her that she must find
heguita detém of great, salue to historians of the some other way of raising money, at a man at Marylebone: His wife back to the year 1320, and will he bis Worship imposed & sontellce br
not surprised. four months' imprisonment.
island:
-SERVICE TO READERS.
HONG KONG DAILY KONG WEEKLY PRESS, through their London Office, at 21, Barne LANE, FLEET STREET, E.C. 4, are pre pared to give Bubscribers and Visitors advice regarding soc modation available, motoring faci itles, suitable shopping centres,
etc.
It, when at home, they will call' or telephone to the above address.. they will receive the utmost assist ance and the latest available infor mation on all subjects of enquiry- be placed at their di posal,