HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
Housewife
suppose we have to pay for the sand in the spinach Grocer; "No, ma'am: that's
also.
thrown in
Father (teaching stall daughter to tell the time): These are the hours and, these are the minutes- and these the seconds."
Little Girl stili puzzledy: R. but where are the jiffies, Daily T1"
|
"You've already had leave, Fergussa, to see your wife off on a journey-for your mother-in- law's tuneral-for your little girl's imaste your buy's christening-
what is ill now ***
I'm goin' toʻget quarried, sir." My papa's'a bookkeeper," said Title Allert proudly,
Ye know it," rejoined small Dorothy, daughter of a minister. "He Horrowed a book from my
A fammer said to a land girl who į papa.". called in response to at advertise!
Secretary: You have an ap pointment with the photographer åt two.
at the a shepherd: No, no, by tassie; I advertised for a shop-; herd, nos a shepherdess."
| Land Lärl:
"I'm too bay to go. Excentive": I know that, but Surely there is no reason why the You'll have to attend as it." work should not be undertaken by? A woman'
Farmer Well, a woman once trind it and she made a mess of it." Land Girl: Who was she?!! Farmer: "Bo-Peep."
Teneker: And why did Soah take twa of each kind of animal in- to the Ark
זייג
Bri, Child:
he Bemuse didn't believe the story about the stork."
A little boy was a guest with his parents at a wedding. In a jovial way" was asked what kind of wedding he meant to have when he grew up.
The never going to get marri- ed, he replied, emphatically.
Why not?"
Because I've lived with married! people too long."
# Slow-Paying Custom-r: Ire, brought in that last pair of trousers to be reseated. You know I sit a it."
Tailor: "Yes, And perhaps you've brought a hill to be receipt.
You know I've stood a lot.
That'san cheats," said a "golfer. the entered the club-bust. "He Jost his hall without losing Se ruke.
+
↓
"How do you know he didn't find hi all naked a friend.
Beenuse I've "got it in my pocket."
i
Grandmother had finally yielded to the repeated arging of a grand- son to accompany him on a test fight. Up and up they went until the youthful pilot feaned back and shouted Do you realize that we are up 17,300 Feet !"
4
"Oh, I don's mind that," she said bravely, but don't you think it's cool enough so that you might turn off the Ean!"
Bride: There are a lot of mis- takes in this cookery book."
Husband: Yes. I have tasted them."
Willie, I'm going into the sub- division business.
Is it as bad as long division,
Dad
Shall I take you to the zon!" Np. If they want me they'll
come attri me'
--------
"These links are terrible, ciddy." "This ain't the links, sir. You got off them a long time ago,
A man we like is Thomas Finn: II's heard the joke but he laughs" agib.
I bought a new car and gave up my piano player as first pay 'ment.
"I didn't know they accepted plano players as first payment on
new cars.
They don't usually, but the sir,salemma is a neighbour, of mine."
Salesulan: "I'm afraid, that my firm will not be able to deliver this order until the last one has been paid for.'
Customer: "Well, cancel it. th-I can't wait all that time."
D
12
21 122
1.
"How on earth did you sell that
eld hattered. used ear of yours?"
I labeled the want ad strictly
privat
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
16
18
E
17
8
10
18
9
150
32
133
Зь
157
36
140
[41
44
148 149
55
58
11.-Snare.
Horizontal.
1.- Possesses.
4.-Metric measures.
-0.-Tavern."
12-Away.
13.-Set of links.
14. Billiard stick.
15. To obtain with difficulty.
10.-Combining form: air.
17 Inclination.
18.-Feeble minded person.
20-Musical note
er-Father.
23.-Feminine pronoun 24-Most prudent.
za-Conjunction.
30-To cut in half.
32. To peruse.
34.-Descendant.
35.-Portico.
30-Not having made a will.
39.-Knight's title.
40. Precipices.
43.--Age.
43.-Civil Service (abbr.).
44.-Possessive pronous.
45.-To be foolishly loquacious.
Flaps or appendages.
50.-Goddess of discord.
51. To cut.
54.-To be indebted to..
55.-Solitary.
58.-Anger. 57.-A number.
"
58.-Metallic dross (plural).
Perched.
Vertical.
1. Garden tool.
2-Arctic bird,
3.-Stalk
4.-Frightened.
-Those who speculate.
7-Spanish for river:
8.-Hall an em.
9. A dessert.
10 Hister of charity,
42
25 26 27
29
..
146
152 153
56
的
17Foundation. 1.Exclamation. 20.-Cover.
-European city.
Concerning.
24. Hibernating.
25.-Consumes.
28-One indifferent to pain,
21-Rips
23.-Tropical fruit.
31.-Extinct New Zealand bird..
33.-fudges.
37-Secret scout.
33.--Rubs out.
42.--By,
45.-South Sea canoe.
46.-Ancient country in Greece. 47.-Also.
48.-Beard of grain.
43. An insect.
50-Old measure of length, 52.-Openings (Latin plural). oa.-Fit of petulance. 55.-Like.
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
NO. 1401
BELLED BOLAD[0] ZI07UB KNURED VED: MAD อปยอ US BUDAR 80 AU CHRUDIC TO OIBRAS, TOLLED DEF BEE DANERA DENTEE 03 D393827 LE 90 DIALB KA LIVE DYE AVENGE, DADDER PEROS EN ODE
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, TUESDAY, JULY 16, 1929.
DIFFICULT DECISIONS
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
IF YOU LET THE CHILDREN WALK AHEAD, THEY KEEP STOPPING AND TRIPPING
YOU UP; IF YOU LET THEM WALK BEHIND YOU HAVE TO KEEP WAITING FOR THEM TO CATCH UP; AND
IF YOU TAKE HOLD OF HANDS THEY DRAG
BACK AND PULL YOUR ARMS OUT (Copyright, 1929, by The Bell Svidicate, Inc.)
SPORT
FAMOUS JOCKEY CLUB STARTER.
every
Gu
6-44 WILLIARS
AND ATHLETICS.
"OHTA IN PROPER
"PERSPECTIVE, ..
G
GOLFER-YACHTSMAN TO THE
RESCUE.
The il-fuck which attended John Dawson, the most dangerous American challenger for the Britisà Amateur Golf Championship, cor- tinued at Sandwich when his op- ponent, G. C. Whigham, of Adding- ton, failed to turn up. The Ameri- walk- can, accordingly, received
needed practice, over. Dawson and a yachtsman who is also a
golfer came to the rescue by agree-
bying to play a friendly round there and then. The obliging substitute was John de Forest, who combines as hobbies golf and cruising, and had his steam yacht anchored at the time off Deul Pier.
The defeat of Ohta, the Japanese Colonel the Hon. Charles John Coventry, known on
race Davis Cup player, by Brugnon at course in the country as the official Highbury will serve to put Ohta in starter to the Jockey Club, died re- the place where he surely belongs. rently at his Worcestershire home, The fact that he had won a long Earl's Croome Court, Upton-on-series of English tournaments had Severn, in the sixty-third year of a induced some writers to acclaim life which had been erowded with Ohta as one of the world's greatest adventure. He was the second son players. Such is not Ohta's proper the Earl of Coventry, who rele ranking. He is a fine player, but not one of the truly great, and on brated his ninety-first birthday some weeks ago. He was educated at the Riviera he was beater Eton, joined the Worcestershire Stefani and Morpurgo. Regiment, and then went to South Africa th serve with the Bechaua naland Border Police. The Jameson Raid nearly ended his career. He was one of the adventurous 500 who joined in the famous dash towards Johannesburg, and was shot in the spine and left for denck He was immensely popular on the race course. A wonderfully quick eye and an abundance of patience with the most restless horses combined "to make him one of the best starters on the Tari. He had one unhappy experience last year, however, when he was savagely attacked by a gang of racecourse roughs and so knocked about that eleven stitches had to be put in bis head. The attack pro- voked a storm of indignation all over the country.
Ohta is a baseliner with a power- ful and accurate drive, but not such a drive as was that of 8. H. Smith, for example, or of J. C. Parke, while on the backhand the Japanese is distinctly vulnerable to a good length ball. On the volley and overhead he is by no means brilliant, and although his forehand drive is good it is not good enough to atone for these other weaknesses, as was the case with S. H. Smith. Brugnon nowadays does not shine so much in singlea; it is in doubles, with Cochet, that be is so admirable a player. That backhand of Brug non's, taken with both hands, off the wrong leg. and invested with much cut, was not the sort of re tarn thas Ohta would have chosen (Continued on next Column).
w
Dawson and de Forest played a reind together. followed by a large gallery. Many people thought that it was the real battle, that de Forest was Whigham, and they were thrilled when the American
stood three down at the tura.
It was so little a blood feud, how- ever, that at the fifth hole Dawson appeared deliberately to pitch his ball into a bunker in onder that he might have practice at pitching out.
for his foreband drive, as he was forced to admit on so many oc casions.
THE WOMAN'S CORNER.
A Modern Woman Speaks Her Mind.
TIME TO READ.
"I don't ace how you
·18 much B you
do."
me
read said
re
CHARM:
IT'S THERE-IN US ALL.
There have been many things written about charm. It has been called elusive, rare, and-if one does not happer to have been born with it unattainable, but in any ease, only possessed by strong per
sonalities.
Some of this is undoubtedly true, but what people do not realisa is that all normal human beings are potential charmers. They have the seed in their hearts, but neglect the necessary cultivation,
If we are convinced, then, that we haye within us the power to please, we will want to know how to act
friend of mine to cently in a rather querulous shopping for things that could manner. Heaven knows I never quickly and easily be ordered over have time to sit down with a book the telephone.
about it, and to find this out we cannot do better than study how mature works.
Consider a cherry tree. It' pré duces seeds. These seeds will not grow unless they fall to the ground. encnsed in Therefore they are beautifully coloured, luscious pulp. The bright colour attracts the birds. The birds taste, eat (as fruit grow- ers know to their cost), incidentally drop the stones, and the tree has attained its objects,
Roses and Wallflowers. Then there is the wallflower. If it is going to fulfil its destiny, it must attract becs, for they carry about with them the coveted pollen. cannot compete The wallflowers with, say, the rose in beauty of colouring and formation of petals, but it makes the most of what it does possesses, and gives out a strong fragrance, which inevitably attracts bees and other pollen carry. ing species.
wish If, then, we
our little "charm seed to germinate, grow, and develop, we must do as nature does.
First of all, we must face the world with as attractive an exterior
as we can manage.
and manner,
any more now that I have a house After all, reading for some people and two children to look after." is anything but simulating or rest There was a certain air of self-con-ful, as the case may be. To such, scious virtue about her last sen- the perusal of a book is the most tence. Obviously, she thought I laborious kind of work and much must be pretty shiftless and care- to be dreaded. less to allow books to take me away I've always contended that such By that I mean that our appeur- conversation from more important" things and an attitude is usually the result of ance, could not help congratulate herself required" reading in preparatory should always be our best. Second- that she was too good a housewife schools and colleges. Boys and land this is most important-we and mother to neglect her home and girls aren't allow to discover books should try to be really what we family.
for themselves-they have them pretend to be. There is no harm No one
can convince me that forced upon them as duties and, as in pretending at first, so long as they simply can't hnd time." to a result, they soon learn to regard de, profitable things. So much time the reading of anything but the
is wasted, by everyone-and a few lightest of fiction as dull and bor-! of these precious hours could being.
devoted to things that count.
Some tenchera ID
we are determined that our pretence
is going to become reality.
Third, we must not ape the rose,
if it is clear that our particular at literature traction lies in being a wallower. For instance, I know for a fact courses have learned the wisdom of We can be as fragrant a one as we that this friend of
whom I've suggesting books rather than order- cao, and console ourselves by re- spoken, spends at least an hour ing that they be read. For, after membering that some people prefer every morning chatting on the all, what is more stupid than to be the simpler flowera., phone That time could surgir, he told you must read such and used to better advantage.
We must not stop growing or we
I wore parent why we ended we dec
not pick it up again soon it will all |
too, there are these countless hours. piece" or a "classic" and then she, and many other women, spend write a 500-word resume of it to depart, leaving us attractive as a
(Continued on next Qolumn). prove that you haven't skipped dead lower or a cabbage.
WILLIAM FOX
presents
THIEF
MYSTERY, THRILLS, SUSPENSE AND LAUGHS IN AN ABSORBING STORY OF THE TRAIL OF A HOARD OF JEWELS!
IN THE
DARK
with
GEORGE MEEKER, MARJORIE BEEBE.
AT TEE
QUEEN'S
TO-DAY & TO-MORROW
At 2.80, 5.10, 7.15 & 9.20,
Beautiful colour scenes in a sumptuously produced story of a nation-wide search for the modern proto- type of the Venus de Milo!
ESTHER RALSTON
IN
THE
AMERICAN VENUS
AT THE
WORLD
TO-DAY & TO-MORROW
at 2.80, 5.15, 7.15 & 8.20.
A-LARGE CAST OF BRITISH SCREEN FAVOURITES IN A THRILLING STORY OF ADVENTURE IN CAIRO !
LILLIAN HALL-DAVIS
IN
ADVENTURE MAD
with NILS ÄSTHER. ERIC BARCLAY.
TO-DAY & TO-MORROW
AT THE
STAR
At 5.80 & 9.20.
DIRECTORY
OF
THE FAR EAST
1929
Classified List of Manufacturers. and Merchants in Japan, China, Straits, Etc.
Hong Kong Daily Press Office.