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TILTS AT ABERDONIANS.
LIRELS OF THE NORTH OF THE TWEED.
A COLLECTION OF JOKES.
A correspondent in a recent inuo of T.P. and Cassell's Weekly has the following tumorous article dealing with Aberdonians:'
The generosity of Aberdeen in the mat- ter of humorous anecdotes is proverbial, or deserves to be. Thus not long since
a Scottish firm püblished a little collec- tion of them, compiled by a gentleman confessing to the name of Allan Junior," and though not all the best stories of the Aberdonian are to be found there, a lew of them demand inclusion in this very eclectic selection. There are two belonging to the variety in which a Jew makes his appearance.
Jew and Scot,
There is the story of the Jew who arrived in Aberdeen to start business. On getting out of the station he saw carter feeding a hen, with the leavings of his borac's breakfast. It was too much for Ikey. He took the next train home. While journeying down the coast be" got into conversation with some stranger. "That
sbeamers's frde Aberdeen " remarked the
stranger, "How do you know?" asked Ikey. There's ane gulls following it," was the reply.
A TRANSFORMATION IN GERMANY.
"HATS OFF TO, FRANCE.
EVEN LUDENDORFF SYMPATHETIC.
BERLIN."
The leading Conservative paper, Kreuzzeitung, publishes an article headed Balance of Power, with a pro-French and anti-British tendency. "Whereas we in Germany have hitherto been of the opinion that it was mainly France who wasaverse to seeing Germany recuperate, we are cow made aware that our recupe ration is at least equally unwelcome to England. '''
The Kreuzzeitung argues that England has always tried to reserve her position as arbiter amongst the nations of Europe, and that she is now watching Franco-German reconciliation with grow. ing distrust; that she is "counteracting the German Orientation on the Con tinent "that she is binding Poland to herself by financial help to the exclusion of Germany; and trying to neutralise German influence in Hungary. Feeling in France, continues the Kreuzeitung, is not against an understanding with Germany, but if England succeeds in "driving a wedge between Berlin and Paris she will continue to be arbiter :on the Rhine, and therefore in Europe." In support of its thesis the Kreuzreitung relers incidentally to an article by the well-known foreign politician Augur" in the Fortnightly Review.
And of course there were two Aber- doniums and one Jew attending what they understood to be a free lecture in London. During the course of the meet- Der Jungdeutsche, the organ of the ing a collection was announced. The Jew Orden, quotes the Kreuzzeitung's article powerful patriotis league Jungdeutscher fainted, and the two Aberdonians carried with approval, and demands that the him out. But something of the irony of problem of Franco-German "understand- fate, the inevitability of destiny, hangsing be studied with the highest serious
Doss," over the business partnership of a Jew and an. Aberdenian... It was dissolved at the end of six months-they went blind watching each other. And there was the Jew who borrowed half a crown of a Scot and died of lead-poisoning.
Tuppence Under The Plate."
It is said that an Aberdonian in London wrote home: "I'm enjoying my holiday, especially the restaurants, whaur I often find tuppenes under the plate P.S.-If there is no stamp on the envelope, it fell off in the post." But, of course, reputations "van" be torn to shreds by hearsay, and one ought to con- sider well before accepting even the TO- port, that when a Alm entitled The Woman Pays appeared in "Aberdeen the attendances at the local cinema broke all recorils. Still, one can't help recalling that other story about the Aberdonian who was asked by a companion on the tram-car, "I thocht ye kent that Inssie
wait till she pays her fare."
Thus the symptoms multiply and re- veal a remarkable phenomenon-namely, amongst those who only a short while ago a general taking off of hats to France) exhausted the vocabulary of malice and antred, who organised or applauded the assassinations of French officers in the Hubr, who boycotted Frenchmen in shops and hotels, who rejoiced over the rise of Abdel Krim and 'mourned over his
tall, who dreamt of the day when Ger- man armies would sweep across the Rhine and dictate a new peace in Paris,
Even Ludendorf.
The change has gone so far that even Ludendorff has been affected. In an article recently contributed to the Dentsche Wochenschau he showed much fellow-feeling for the French in their financial troubles, which he thinks are reducing them to Germany's status of‘a Dawes Colony, Germany, he maintains, has no reason to rejoice over France's
German unemployed, whom he calls the Dawes Army.". He does not think the German people have awakened to realiss their situation yet, but believes they will some day. He makes kindly suggestion that perhaps they have not suffered enough or fong poough.
RAILWAY sittin' at the front So I dae-but misfortunes. He is also sorry of the
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"Never Thocht o' Paying." The national beverage has by the natural course of things found its way into anecdotes about the North Briton There is, for example, among a great number of similar stories, that of the
His article is full of dark hints about Kiltie during the war who, having been the invisible powers that rule the world, entertained all the afternoon by an Aus- tralian without making any effort to
by which he means Wall Street and Lom bard Street. He, too, shares the growing observed to put his hand in his pocket. which seems
push the boat out himself, waa at last hostility towards England and America The Australian, slightly sarcastic, said,
to be accompanying. the changed attitude towards France. leave that to me." I never thocht o
All these emotions are "getting a certain amount of encouragement from France, paying; I was scratching me leg," ex- although somehow or other encourage- claimed the indignant Scot.
ment seems to remain, rather unsubstan-, Apropos of the assertion sometimes tial. The German Nationalist press does heard that cinema producers got the iden not tire of pointing out that German of slow motion pictures from watching visitors to Paris are much better treated two Aberdonians waiting to see who is than British or American visitors. Those going to pay for the drinks, there is Germans who are most assiduous" in curious confirmatory evidence in the story airing their French sympathies now are of Jock and Sandy who pulled up out-precisely those who used to preach hatred side an inn during their Sunday after- of France as a patriotic duty. The change: zoon walk After they bad stood several is, of course, ali to the good, for the minutes outside waiting for one of them evil of dangerous mass emotion seem to to lead the way in, Sandy said: "Weel, be vanishing from Germany. That the Jock, are we going tae hae a drop o change should be accompanied by symp. rain soon, think yaet"
toms of Anglophobia is a pity, but the symptoms are not acute. It would seem to be rather like the slightly hostile dis-
**D'ye No Smell A Bat↑ " But this slowness observed under cer tain circumstances may possibly be mistrust of a horse with blinkers towards leading, for it has often been said that any large objects they exclude from its
mental processes of the Aberdonian are direct line of vision.
naturally slow. Hence the legend that they tell their children: funny stories in
their youth so za to make them happy After a few minutes the chemist handed in their old age. The point of the joke him the mixture. "How much do you
has time to dawn on them. Here, again, want for that?" the customer asked, appearances may be deceptive, and the
slowness may be no more than a mistrust pulling a handful of money out of his of speech. There was an Aberdonina pocket. "That'll be two shillings and awain who trusted to the sense of smell. tuppence," replied the chemist. Placing He had decided to propose: I was here twopence on the counter, the customer on Monday nicht, wasn't I. Jeannie bolted with the cough mixture, and was "Ye wis that." "And I was here out of sight before the old chemist had "Ahi again on Tuesday nicht? That's so," reached the door of his shop. Jeannie replied. And I was back againly, it canna be helped. I hate the bet weel!" remarked the latter philosophical- on Wednesday nicht." "Yes, George.' "And this is Friday, and here: I am
ter of him by three ha pence.". again, Oh, Jeannie, d'ye no smell. &
Canny Ladies.
Financial Genius..
cat?
There is no denying the fact, however, that, try as we will find variety in the stories from north of the Tweed, the financial interest is difficult to avoid. Even the Aberdonian who was ruined in business (a rather big pill to swallow) and decided to commit suicide is not exempt from slander. It is said that be naked the chemist for four pennyworth of arsenic. "What for?" asked the chemist suspiciously, noting, the man's baggard look. For tuppence" was the prompt Treply.
A lady has appeared in only one of these anecdotes so far, and then in a secondary role. In the following amends
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"It's a gold outside, an'it'll are keep bonnie-like yersal, Jeannie. It'll jist need a dicht wi's cloot while, an? then it'll no tura yellow,”
Like masel-me turn yellow-an' need dicht wi' a cloot whiles! Is that a wey toe speak tae a lassiet A'll return yer praisn't the morn's mornin', Mr. McGregor-wifter I've let Jock Macpher son see't." But, of course, there was After that it seems only reasonable to also the boarding-house keeper. A tramp, introduce the chemist as the chief charse weary with travelling the streets of Aber- ter. He was a local worthy in Glha deen all day without any reward, at last gow. A man entered and asked to have climbed four flighta of stairs in the a cough mixtare made up. He refused boarding-house to beg "tuppence for a a patent because of the fancy price," | bed." "Bring the bed here and let me
(Continued on next Column) Bee it," she replied enutiously,.
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