CAMPING OUT? HORRIBLE IDEA, SAYS THIS MEMBER
MANY people, I am sure, enjoy the pleasures
of camping out sleeping under the starry skies, gazing at the moon and listening to the peaceful quiet. This is a rather nice scene, but the one that happend to me wasn't quite so nice. Let me show you a record of the memorable occasion:
TOOM
can-opener.
lunch: (my house)
Rubberneck of the Animal Kingdom
THE tall and stately giraffe is the sky- scraper of the animal Monday 3rd April: School No
Result: No kingdom. No other ani- Holiday. Three chaps in the cold canned food. Dinner and mal grows quite as tall. sitting
Five apples, three Man himself is only one Tom, Fred and I. Tom sug- bananas, one packet of sweets
third as tall gests we
an all-night and chewing gum for dessert. go on
as the camp in the New Territories on
Sky darkening, clouds gather- giraffe. Tuesday. Wholehearted agree- ment from Fred and me. Paper, Anxious looks at the sky. All allows it browse on the choicest
ing. Low
The height of the giraffe pencils, rubber and sharpener things stored in tent. Three try of green leaves. Its 18-inch quickly produced-ready for the
to go into tent. Tent collapses. long tangue helps it to reach jotting of articles to be taken.
Kicks and yells. Casualty: Fred
even further. bruised knee.
Two hours later list of articles enough to wear the legs off an elephant wearing hob- nailed boots before it had gone the first mile-if it was carry- ing them.
Great statement of fact from Fred, "We'll never be able to carry all that."
rumbles
Misery
heard.
Hali
The giraffe also uses its height as a lookout tower. It easily peers over the lower bushes to see a lion or a cougar
Other approaching. animals feel safe when the small tall giraffe is on duty.
Difficult
All things brought out from under canvas-tent erected once Three fellows again more. squeeze in. Tent collapses the second time. More kicks and Clearing of furrows from the yells. Fred says his knee has brows of Tom and I and we been kicked in the same spot reply in unison, “Duh . By again. 'Erect' tent again.
The patchwork pattern on the George, you're right!" Feverish way through, rain falls. Frenzied giraffe's coat hides the animal
working and activity in slashing of the list.
ordering -all as it eats. It is very difficult stakes knocked down. Thunder to locate a giraffe that is even Another two hours later-list and lightning. All huddle under partially hidden among the of articles that would wear out canvas. Water seeping in from trees. It can remain quiet for legs of said elephant only if it the sides. General feeling of such a long time you almost carried the articles while bare- misery punctuated with thoughts think it has somehow managed footed and only after the first of bed at home. Hours and to slip away from you. five miles. Great success; Bottles hours drag on and on and on.. of lemonade opened.
Tom and Fred leave for home with cheerful remarks of the following day's camping.
Confusion
His ability to remain 50 perfectly still is one of his best defenses. If detected the giraffe can gallop away at 30 m.p.h.
Stretching his long neck and wearing an expression
curiosity, this giraffe eyes the cameraman.
Crack of dawn shapeless bundle seen on hill-side. One flap lifts a pair of bleary eyes -looks at the sun shining on
Only if cornered or if they are Wednesday morning. Other
protecting their babies win equally bleary eyes join the first pair and soon all three are slash
they become violent. Then they out with their strong up. Wash in the chilly stream. forefeet. Tuesday 4th April: Sunny
"Ah-choo"-Tom. I look at The one time a giraffe can't day-school holiday. Ten o'clock, him, "Ah-ah-choooo!"-me. "Ah-gallop
away is while it is The giraffe is a silent animal. Tom and Fred arrive with their choo, Ah-choo" Fred the drinking. A giraffe must spread It seldom if ever utters a cry. share of equipment. Look for 'genius'.
that the its feet far apart to get its Zoo keepers tell us midable. Door opens, emerging Breakfast: Wet chewing-gum. mouth down to the water. It little ones do give a small feeble into the street, three heavy- Packing up.
Three weary chaps cannot suddenly rear up and call, when searching for their laden individuals
on close tramp from the 'camp site' with gallop away. Instead the legs mothers. Adult giraffes though scrutiny, recognisable as Tom, almost the same amount of have to be pulled back slowly. Fred and me. Eleven-thirty am baggage as when they came. arrival at ferry pier. Trouble Cross the ferry. On the Hong- crossing the turnstile. Fred's kong side of the pier sneezy pack bursts-confusion galore, farewells are said and all go Quarter-past twelve, safely,on their own way. the other side of the harbour. Tom (a Scout for three months), shades his eyes and gazes ex- pertly at the distant hills. "We'll walk!" he says. We, Fred and I, look at him with great ad-
hours miration. Two
later- perspiration flowing freely. Ad- miration not so intense. Hills still look quite a distance away. Half an hour later-dead end, muddy fields.
Bright idea from Fred the genius, "Let's walk across, the mud's not deep."
mud
Twenty feet later ankle-deep, murderous ex- pressions on faces of Tom and L. Decide to turn back and find a better path.
turn
For this reason only one or two giraffes will drink at one time. The others all keep watch. Luckily the giraffe, like the camel, doesn't have Credit card to Majid Gafoor. to drink very often.
Reel Corner
XAT ERSOBRE LULY
DARBARA EDEN, young,
blonde, and a dazzler from any man's point of view, has just set
filmland new record in
Shouts from behind around
achievement. angry farmer waving
large stick. Olympic records broken by three boys running through fields.
Destination
tum-
Casualties: Fred-two bles. Tom-one tumble and a slide. Me One tumble and three slides. Result: Three muddy chaps. Three more hours of
walking, weary destination reached.
Clear stream nearby. Three shapes enter the stream-three clean boys emerge-stream not so clear.
Currently starring in
a
"All
Hands on Deck," with Pat Boone, and in "Flaming Star" with Elvis Presley, she be- comes the first actress ever to appear simultaneously with
two
of
America's most
popular singing stars.
As a stowaway girl reporter aboard a Navy LST, Barbara brings romance and out-of- bounds chaos to the sober manoeuvres of Pat Boone's ship, causing the young lieu- tenant not only to break out into amorous song but into fearful sweat as well.
Her
feminine wiles, coupled with her journalistic drive, finally bring the wrath of the entire Navy Department and of Congress itself down upon the upsuspecting head of the young lieutenant.
All things are unpacked. Decision: Erect the tent. Action: Fred, drive stakes- fingers almost driven in ground too. Me, spreading canvas over stakes covering myself and nothing else. Tom, supervising, -giving everything but right advice. Result: Forlom All looking tent with too many ropes and stakes and not enough room inside. Declaration by 'genius' Fred. "I'm hungry."
the
Decision: Cook food. Disillu- sion: No matches. Result: No cooked food. Decision: Eat canned food cold. Disillusion:
hands on deck are thrown into hilarious confusion which ends in the most delectable fashion, with special plaudits to the ship's mascot,
a bold and brilliant turkey, who first contributes to the pandemon- ium and then helps to save the day.
are very quiet most of the time However the girafe like all of God's creatures is beautikai and graceful in its sative habitat of Central Africa.
-Fine Hrebir
Another
RE
phobia
EADING an article in your paper on "hydro- phobia" written by agonised Ahmed, I was touched at a sore spot. To be more descriptive, this sore spot is a phobia of mine as unwarran- table as Mr Ahmed's.
Shake hands. sir, you have The book-keeper giares at me. found a comrade-in-suffering. I feel the glares. I tmn around, give him а sheepish gria The phobia itself?
then continue reading. I sti Allow me to begin from the feel the glare. My neck gets so red I hastily put down the book. beginning. After the usual heavy dinner, my digestive system de My neck cools. I look around mands that I should assist it in once more but dare not touch & the laborious task of breaking book or a magazine. up the lumps of foodstuff swal- I turn to go away to escape lowed: I comply to its wishes, of the embarrassment, but the course, for I have the deepest thought of the stifling crowd regard for my belly ever since I pulls me back. I dare not touch came into existence, a pheno- a book, I dare not go away and menon which some people think I don't want to buy a book (B¬ is most unfortunate.
nancial reasons).
A walk
I lumber down the stairs. to the streets, weighed down by the accumulation of edible odds and ends I have gulped. I take a walk.
:
:
At last I come to a decision. I take a deep breath and stride resolutely away towards home Just before I turn the comer I give the glaring book-keeper another sheepish grin.
At home I have nightmares of those books (at least Mr Ahmed The crowded-streets get too is not tormented by nightmares) much for me. Foul air issuing and in the morning I dread the from doorways, the dust, and evening to come. stinking, sweat compel me to
look for sanctuary. I spy a The same digestive demand, book-stall at the corner. I the same lumbering walk, the wriggle and worm myself same foul crowd, the same glare; through the crowd towards it, the same. sheepish grin.
the
I pick up a pocketbook at ran- same conflict, the same right- dom. I twirl the book around for mares and, lastly, the same bi- a while, then start to read the last page. The ends of books are always interesting.
bliophobia.
--Credit card to Peter Lee.